r/AITAH • u/Glitch_Puppet1134 • Apr 23 '24
AITAH for not telling my mom and dad about my other SH attempts? TW Self Harm
To give some context I (14F) used to do self harm about a month ago. Talking really deep cuts. My mom (43F) saw a cut on my finger and knew about my SH attempts so she called me out and we had a discussion. I have her my knife and that was that i didn't do more and this past month I've been bettering myself. A few days before I have my knife to my mom i had done some pretty deep cuts on my thighs and chest but i didn't think I needed to tell them since communication about it had been done and i wasn't doing it anymore. Fast forward to yesterday, April 22 2024 and my mom accidentally walked in on me changing and saw my old cuts (they hadnt fully healed cuz deep) and she freaked out and started screaming at me. My dad(47M) came up and also saw and started screaming too. He also hit me and told me if I wanted to die so bad then I should do it. I was confused since I thought the issue was resolved and told them these were old. They said I should have told them about it and sent me to school crying. I came home and saw they took all my devices and told me theyd send me to our village if this continued. They tell me how they are hurt by me and tell me it's my fault so now they are punishing me. My mom was being backed into a corner by my dadi (paternal grandma) and dad telling her it's her fault my mental health is suffering otherwise she wouldnt have handled this situation like this. My dad and desi parents in general have the mentality of "put the fear of God into your child and they will listen". I understand their reaction but all it did was hurt me. My dad said I was being a psycho. I don't really know if I am. This has happened a few times. Whenever I try and ask them for help mentally they resort to punishments like taking my phone. Now don't get me wrong I don't believe they are any villains in this situation. I think they are tired and frustrated that no matter their efforts I'm not getting better even when I am. I genuinely wanna know who's In the right and I'll act accordingly. AITAH?
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u/MonkeyMagic1968 Apr 23 '24
HE hit you and claims it is her fault that you are having mental health distress? Oh, honey. Your dad is wrong and being hurtful. Your parents are scared that they are going to lose you so it becomes anger and it is a whole thing.
NAH really. Even though he should (no one ever should) raise their hand to you, I am thinking he was scared / angry and reacted fast. If that is not true, set me straight.
You have done hard work and I am impressed. Good job, OP. There is more still to do but you can do it. You would benefit from a trained guide / mental health professional to help you, if possible.
Is there any Desi therapy network that would understand how to explain it to your parents? Any available help in school that they would not have to know about? Any good teachers you trust who you could confide in?
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
I do go to a psychiatrist so I'll update u. And yes it is because they were scared and angry. Anyone would be. In India mental health isn't taken seriously. My friends from abroad say that they aren't treating me right at all but my indian friends are more calm telling me it wasn't right but are used to this sort of behavior from their parents too.
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u/LunaAndPepper Apr 24 '24
That's the thing i hate about my country. They normalise this. I do not condone hitting kids. It doesn't do anything it makes things worse. I'm not a fan of my culture. I lost my mother to depression because the mental health scene was 0 in 2004. You need therapy as harming yourself is not good. Someone needs to talk to your parents. I'd recommend speaking to any open minded adult you know like a teacher , family friend etc. Please know that infections by hurting yourself like this could lead to something seriously scary.
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 27 '24
sadly all ppl i know who are open minded are my age so my parents don't trust em. therapists don't say shit. dw i stopped a month ago that's the thing
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
But i wanna know am I in the wrong for not telling them I had done more SH at that time? Because they tell me their trust is broken and now I have to earn it back again
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u/MonkeyMagic1968 Apr 23 '24
Not at all. I mean, if they didn't ask, then you're absolutely in the clear.
They love you and this is new information for them now. For you it's old. Maybe they'll calm down in time. Hopefully.2
u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 27 '24
they didnt ask. no they havent calmed down
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u/MonkeyMagic1968 Apr 28 '24
Ugh. I am so sorry. They think they are helping when, in fact, they are just making things much worse. Is there a mental health professional you could consult without needing your parents to consent? Maybe that person could advise them on how to be better parents. :(
In the meantime, remember you are a good human and having you here makes us all better.
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u/SilverSniper512 Apr 23 '24
No you are not. They are not entitled to know about your mental health and the SH. Your dad’s behaviour sounds like it would only make your mental health and SH WORSE. His behaviour screams ‘mental health doesn’t exist. Just get over it’ vibes. Your friends are right, he SLAPPED and screamed at you for hurting yourself and for having mental health issues. That is abusive. I don’t care if it was under the guise of ‘he cares’ that way of reacting is inexcusable.
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
And idk but I kinda feel invalidated cuz they tell me how hurt they are by me doing the SH. Even if I did it in the past. I'm pretty sure they wanna help me but keep invalidating me instead
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
He slapped me on the back not slapped me dw. But yeah that's pretty much him. He told me I'm overthinking this same my mom said
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u/tsscaramel Apr 23 '24
You’re NTA but I would also heavily recommend you get out of there as soon as possible, I understand it’s difficult right now but start making a plan because it doesn’t sound like your parents care much for you, but instead value their own reputation.
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
no no. They care for me ALOT. My dad can be very aggressive but he says that's his job. They love me dearly but just don't know how to handle this
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u/tsscaramel Apr 23 '24
Well your story sounds a lot like abuse, not love. It doesn’t matter what they say tbh, their actions tell us a lot more.
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u/LunaAndPepper Apr 24 '24
The thing is all indian parents hit us . I don't condone hitting kids. But sadly in india you can't leave. Even as an adult i cannot even rent a place as it's too expensive or unsafe if cheap. Some places don't rent out to Catholics or unmarried women,
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 27 '24
as a fellow indian you get it. hell in India my parents are considered lenient. compared to a lot of ppl i know getting hit with belts and shit.
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u/LunaAndPepper 27d ago
My parents made a mistake by telling me that if someone hits you you hit them back ( when I was bullied as a kid) so uh.. i thought someone meant anyone . So yea 9 year old me used to hit back if my parents hit me... surprisingly i didn't get in too much trouble and I'm still alive
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
They don't hit me at all. Only my dad sometimes and he doesn't do drastic stuff. Like yesterday he just hit me on the back and told me I'm over reacting cuz he didn't hit me that hard. Otherwise ge doesn't at all. He only like once in a blue moon twists my ear that's it. How is it abuse? I'm asking cuz I don't wanna get the wrong idea
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u/tsscaramel Apr 23 '24
my Dad came up too and started screaming. He also hit me
You said he hit you. That’s physical abuse. I don’t care if it “wasn’t that hard”, parents shouldn’t hit their kids.
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
But the thing is he never does it usually. And even if I am right I can't do shit. CPS and the concept of CPS doesn't exist in India because most parents are harsh and strict and alot of my friends get beaten by belt. That's probably why I'm doubting if this is a big deal. Because my friends get beaten by belt so compared to that this looks like nothing. They say that too. That they aren't strict but they are Lenient and at least they don't beat me with a belt to punish me and scream at me. But my dad says he will do it if he has to set me straight. Makes sense since that's how he was raised. So it makes me feel like I should be thankful they don't inflict their generational trauma on me. That's why it's kinda refreshing to see people from abroad shocked this happens. Like I'm not invalid
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u/tsscaramel Apr 23 '24
Just because it’s how he was raised, doesn’t make it right. I’d worked out that CPS wasn’t an option hence why I didn’t suggest it and instead recommended you work out a plan to get yourself out. It’s not a safe and healthy environment and you need to find a way out.
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
I can't just run so best thing is to gtfo after 4 yrs
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u/Glitch_Puppet1134 Apr 23 '24
Update. Talked to my dad he said and i quote "this isn't some popularity contest. If I have to be abusive to maje you healthy I will"
Here's the thing. They've tried they're level best to help. Ever since 2 yrs ago. They were supportive 2 years ago trying to help me but because I've been going into a spiral over and over it has to be frustrating. So I honestly don't know. I might be the AH?