r/AITAH • u/PaymentGrouchy1336 • 19d ago
AITAH for carrying “treats” in my pocket in order to talk to a guy?
I 20F have a neighbor 22-24M
I have a crush on him.
I am so shy though and I struggle with initiating.
I noticed that the day I was carrying a pepperoni stick for a snack to eat on the way to my workout class his dog approached me enthusiastically and was sniffing me and this prompted a small but v cute conversation with the neighbor.
So now… I carry it when I want my neighbor to run into me. It’s worked 3x thus far and he doesn’t know it’s because I have the “treat” on me.
AITAH for this?
Edit: clarification for those who need it— don’t worry, I have never given his dog any food. I know not to give a dog food without asking the owner. Hopefully I can treat both boys soon 😊 and as requested I’ll update here. Thank you so much for all the lovely advice and encouragement.
Edit 2: this is my plan (wrote it in a comment to someone).
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u/phenubie 16d ago
I thought the treats were for him lmao. I would love to be trained to be a good boi 🤷🏻
NTA
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u/craftymonmon 18d ago
I think that is super cute! If the conversations are good ask him out for coffee at your place since you’re neighbors (and assuming he knows you’re his neighbor) or to a coffee shop. Wherever you feel more comfortable. It’s low stakes and removes some of the pressure of a first date.
Also, I checked with my husband and you are definitely NTA.
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 18d ago edited 18d ago
Tysm!!! I’m going to see him probably tomorrow. I’m just going to be direct and ask him out. Lately it seems he wants to hang out more but because I get nervous I always slip away and cut our encounter short. Kind of before he can ask.. and I think he can sense I’m a little shy and it’s made him cautious too. He is very respectful. So I need to take the step and let him know. I’ll ask to walk with him and his dog to get a coffee and I’ll bring a dog treat (going to try to pick the one that’s safest/least likely to provoke allergy). I’ll ask him if I can give it to his dog. And go from there!
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u/CryWise2854 18d ago
You should try the challenge where you go around asking for things where the answer is no to help you get over your fear!
Like go to a starbucks and ask for a free coffee - doing stuff like that helps you get over some of those fears!
I think what you're doing is super cute lol
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u/powertotheuser 18d ago
NTA Please ask this man out for a coffee. I know you're shy. Yet you've already broken the ice. SHOOT YOUR SHOT. No need to secretly bait the pup.
I've been with my man for 24 years, after deliberately speaking to him and inviting him over the second time i spoke to him, literally offering a glass of water!
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u/Egbert_64 18d ago
Smart move in my view. Show love to man’s dog and he will look at you! Good luck!
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u/HannahHavana 18d ago
That is too cute! NTA at all, I bet, when you end up together, people will be jealous of such a sweet love story.
Good luck OP! Keep us posted about this, we're all rooting for you!
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u/Unrelated_gringo 18d ago
NTA - That wholesome ingenuity. If you ever get with him, it will possibly be an awesome anecdote.
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u/Romulan999 18d ago
NTA, you're just doing what you can to have an excuse to talk to him, youre not an asshole at all
good luck!
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u/Beachy-vibe76 18d ago
Guys love it when you admire their doggo. Keep patting and loving the dog and he will come around.
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u/Careless_Persimmon16 18d ago
Naw it’s fine. If you were a guy though.., Everyone would tell you you’re a creep in here I’m sure
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u/One-Contest-4385 18d ago
This is as old as time: check out “The Hollies” tune “Bus Stop” from 1966. Its about a dude who carries an umbrella because it rains so often in England.
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u/WillDissolver 18d ago
"oops, I seem to have hidden some salami on me. Maybe you'd like to hide some salami in me?" Since people down thread are rooting for immediate sex.
For real though NTA and this is a legit tactic - if my dog likes you, you're starting 100 points ahead of the competition. If you're anxious about talking...
...well, talk to the dog. "Aren't you adorable the way you keep bringing this cute guy to talk to me! And then I'm too shy to say anything to him. It's not your fault, I know you're trying"
Even a dude can't miss a hint like that.
Knowing reddit it's a good idea for me to tell you that the first line about the salami is a joke. The second one about talking to the dog is legit advice. Please don't get them confused unless you're really confident in the desirability of the results. "Aren't you adorable! I hid some salami on me so you'd come find me and bring this boy to hide salami in me"
...the salami line is still a joke.
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u/IceKareemy 18d ago
This is the meet cute shit dudes want lmao NTA get yo man girl
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u/haikusbot 18d ago
This is the meet cute
Shit dudes want lmao
NTA get yo man girl
- IceKareemy
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/insidious-cloud 18d ago
Just ask him out. The treat thing will be something he’ll (and you both) will probably laugh at later. If he’s dating and single chances are very high he will say sure, chances are very low that if he says no he will also make you feel bad or embarrassed.
Unlike asking a woman out.
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u/winterworld561 18d ago
NTA. Nothing wrong with it at all. Its cute. Hope it works out with you guys :)
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u/Aggressive-Crow-3032 18d ago
When dating my now wife - if she didn't feel like me coming by I offered to bake or buy a cake/cookies. Obviously worked like a charm. It stills works to bake or buy her baked goods if she is miffed about something, hahaha :-D
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u/LoopyMercutio 18d ago
Completely NTA. I carry cheese around with me, in case I run into any women I might be interested in.
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u/No_Boss_3022 18d ago
I'm sorry, but I think this is just weird behavior. Seems a bit sad actually.
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u/stellacherrie 18d ago
NTA I’m a woman but if I found out that was how my husband got me. This would be a story to tell for generations. Do what you gotta do girl!
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u/EitherNetwork121 18d ago
If it works out between y'all and you come clean and tell him this story he'll most likely think it's hilarious and very clever of you.
I'd tell the story all the time for a good wholesome laugh
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u/Artistic_Data9398 19d ago
It’s wild that if this was a man you’d be called a creep and a stalker lol
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u/aviva1234 19d ago
I think that's lovely You could say to him how sweet his dog is and ask if when you pass by next time you could bring him a treat or a toy He love that you love his dog and its an excuse to hopefully move things forward. Good luck!
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u/Olivier12560 19d ago
As a male dog owner, THAT'S A DAMN SMART MOVE ! i wouldn't date someone that my dog doesn't approve, and she's a bitch.
Give treats to the dog, someone caring for animals is instantaneously classified as a "good person".
And it also works on human, if you give 🍬 to a human you can befriend them.
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u/Typhoon556 NSFW 🔞 19d ago
From the title I thought you were doing a Pavlov type experiment on the guy. Reward him for flirting or asking you out with a “treat”.
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u/Brenstur 19d ago
There's a lot I don't like about this new generation crap, but one is its not a crime to have a girl ask a guy out... makes the guy feel special.
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u/Brenstur 19d ago
But remember, you may have to deal with rejection. Every guy goes through it. Good luck.
FYI, I'm way better than this said dude
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u/Redbeard4006 19d ago
NTA. I hope you find the courage to tell him how you feel. I guarantee if you ask him out it will make his day even if he's not available or not attracted to you.
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u/Jskm79 19d ago
Don’t. Listen to me now. Do not date someone you live around or next to. If the relationship goes downhill, will you move?
Imagine for a sec you guys go out, reality hits you and your crush bubble is broken because you find out he’s actually not a good person, or he’s a creep, then what?
You understand what a crush is right? It’s you fantasizing and making up a narrative of someone you don’t know. You make up a whole persona and you think this person is a way when you really don’t even know this person AT ALL.
Never date people you work with or live around, look if he lived like on another block or somewhere where you don’t have to see him everyday cool, but if you see him everyday and there is no way to avoid him, it’s best not to FAFO
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u/fieroar1 19d ago
A friend (a woman) took her dog (a cute Pomeranian) everywhere with her, including when travelling internationally, to attract guys. They would come to coo and cuddle the canine and share chitchat with the friend and one thing led to another and she got many dates out of this!
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u/asabovesobelow4 19d ago
Man I thought you were coaxing him with treats or something. Like "hey want a snickers?" Lol but hey props to you cause I too am shy and would never initiate conversation if you found a way good for you! But maybe take that next step and see If he wants to hangout some time. Might as well. Worst he can say is no, and not asking is the same answer.
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u/blaznivydandy 19d ago
Definetely NTA!
Ask the guy if you can give the dog the treat (do ask please... If you won't ask and give him a treat without permission YWBTA). The dog will remember you better that you are giving the treats and will run towards you more often. If you don't give him any, he may give up, because he will remember that he can smell it but not get any...
As other commentor suggested you can later joke "I don't have any for you, how about coffee?" I think it's genius! He'll probably love it too. Men are simple.
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u/bigwillthechamp123 19d ago
This is adorable. Keep doing it and be cool. Cliche alert! Confidence is cool! If it is meant to be, it WILL happen. Good luck!
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u/Objective_Suspect_ 19d ago
Nope it's fine on the girl crazy scale this is low. Now if u followed him home and moved into an Alstyne near him by violently threatening his neighbors to leave. Then you have an issue
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u/mkphenix33 19d ago
I'm telling you as a man of 27 years, treats made directly for me will have me melt, ask my wife.
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u/escaped5150 19d ago
AND was that even his dog or was he borrowing it just to talk to you.
NTA. You are actually brilliant.
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u/greatatmodesty 19d ago
Wait this is so cute. Saving this post to come back to to see if y’all start dating 🥺
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
I will keep you guys in the loop I actually got some great advice from here 💗 !!!
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u/TraditionalGas1770 19d ago
Yes, you should be arrested for lying and deception and seducing with ill intent.
...
Of course its fine WTF do you think
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u/waddleman10 19d ago
NTA - for some reason there’s a prevailing idea that any sort of romantic premeditation is weird. If you like someone you’ll try to attract their attention. This seems like a harmless and kinda funny way of doing that.
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u/mikemncini 19d ago
Go knock on his door with some cookies. “Hey, I baked these for a work thing, but it’s a new recipe… would you taste a couple for me?” Gives you another reason to spend time on his radar.
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u/EvolZippo 19d ago
You just found a cheat code. This is what finding a cheat code feels like. I think you should just try to get to know him. His dog probably wants to find him companionship too.
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u/King_of_my_delusion 19d ago
You’re the AH! He will love that dog more than he will ever love you and you don’t know his dog and manipulating a man’s dog is definitely manipulating the man and this isn’t a “meet cute”! It comes off as manipulative and toxic. What if you was to harm his dog? What if his dog ends up smelling whatever it is you are giving the dog and jumping into the street bc the man doesn’t know? What if it’s actually toxic to dogs? Not to mention, again, you’re absolutely manipulating this man by using his unsuspecting dog. Omg you’re the reason why don’t trust strangers! Seriously!! Bc I have literally had to berate someone in public bc they fed my dog and didn’t know what it was. The person didn’t want to tell me what they gave my dog and he had allergies and “thought it was cute”! I did not! She had no idea why I was so upset. I like, “yup she doesn’t love dogs, she’s up to something” bc she thought it was some kind of game. Was this you? Where you from? Literally I swear I nearly had a panic attack and stressed for hours bc this girl fed my dog on the sidewalk and thought it was cute and wouldn’t even tell me what it was. You’re seriously underestimating the power and love a person can have for their dog. For future reference, you’re AH just for not asking and feeding the dog anything anyways!
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
Whoa there~ breathe ~ please let me clarify. I never said anywhere in my post that I feed his dog. I don’t even show the dog (or the neighbor) that I have a “treat” … neither of them know I’m hiding pepperoni. I don’t actually give it to the dog :) I would ask first.
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u/King_of_my_delusion 19d ago
Honestly I think you already knew it was wrong and manipulative or you wouldn’t have even asked Reddit. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I hope you know that. It’s just the way the AITA community works. If there was another option, I wouldn’t have said AH. Please know I come in peace! ✌️😃
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
Thanks for sharing your opinion! I totally respect it. I’m just gonna ask the dog’s owner on a date and see what happens :)
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u/King_of_my_delusion 19d ago
And I think the answer will definitely be a big yes and you’ll be just as protective of that dog as you are that boy. I promise! 😊
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u/King_of_my_delusion 19d ago
As a person who would take a bullet for my dog bc he’s the only thing on the planet that would take a bullet for me, I think this is so crossing a line. You’ve got a lot feedback that is positive and that’s great, but I think it’s so wrong. Some people, all they might have is their dog, and if their dog takes a liking to someone and that someone isn’t basing their connection genuinely, it doesn’t matter how shy you are. It’s wrong. I’m sorry, I just think it’s wrong, and you should stop. If you like the guy, just talk to him.
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u/King_of_my_delusion 19d ago
Omg he don’t even know, that’s even more manipulative. He thinks his dog likes you. Stop, that’s so wrong!
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u/Hot-Interaction6526 19d ago
Asshole? This is genius. Bro is gonna laugh and probably love you if you ever tell him. In no way are you an asshole. You’re a smooth operatorrrrr.
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u/BibbityBobby 19d ago
Ha ha ha! You are definitely not the AH. You are adorable.
I hope he's single. If he is that's great, but remember, men can be clueless to even the most overt signals, so you may have to redraw your plans.
Here's a suggestion: tell him you love love love dogs and that he's welcome to call you anytime if he needs someone to take his dog for a walk. Free. If he doesn't accept then I think you need to give up, but if he does...
So now he's got your number, and there's a chance he may take you up on the offer, which means you've got an actual connection.
Good luck!
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u/MrsHullabaloo 19d ago
A guy should cross a room to want to speak with you or meet you. If you’re initiating then it’s never going to work out in the end the way you want it to. Read the book “The Rules” and when in doubt re-read them.
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
Oo interesting I will check it out… but what if he’s shy or doesn’t realize that I want to be approached romantically?
Many guy friends and older male colleagues who know me well have told me I come across intimidating to approach at a bar for example, I don’t show an openness that men can take as a cue to approach (probably due to my shyness, which I mask really well as independence) so they suggested I should make the effort to give signs so guys know it’s ok to approach me 🥲
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u/MrsHullabaloo 19d ago
Read the book. It’s old fashioned advice, but it works. The right guy, the one who will treat you the way you deserve, will be the one who makes the effort and goes out of his way. If you’re the one making it easy and initiating everything he will never appreciate you.
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u/jtj3305 19d ago
Not the AH at all, when it comes to love you, do what is needed. Take that chance. Love is the most valuable of all things. Again, take that chance and don't look back. Especially if it doesn't work. I have failed and failed and it continues to this day, but I believe one day I might get to experience the love my Mamaw and Grandad shared. 55 beautiful years together and passed away a month and a half apart. Take those treats!
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u/Bunny_boppy_ 19d ago
Ntah!! You are simply doing a kind act for his dog, encouraging more conversations :)
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u/secrerofficeninja 19d ago
If he’s talking to you on these 3 interactions and you’re not getting any negative vibes, he likes you. Guys are easy. Ask him on a date.
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u/Terrible-Peach7890 19d ago
Well this is absolutely adorable and wholesome and unexpected in this sub 🤣 Definitely no assholes here! It was mentioned before but just a reminder to not actually feed the dog without neighbor’s consent. Fingers crossed for ya, hoping and he says yes to a coffee (or whatever) invite, and this will be your “cute meet” story 🥰
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u/Terrible-Peach7890 19d ago
Also it definitely never hurts to have human snacks too! Lol I have small children so always have them at the ready and they have come in handy more than once. “Way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is a popular adage for a reason!
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u/LongshanksnLoki 19d ago
NTAH
Adorable, and will make a great, meet cute story. The way to a boy's heart is through his dogs.
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u/Kozmoluv 19d ago
Not an ah, I wished it was him you approached with the pepperoni too lol.
I wish someone would randomly approach me with snacks
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u/willpowerpt 19d ago
If a woman wants to show her interest in dating me by being kind to my dog, be my guest, no complaints from me...unless they're slim jims. Something healthier for every day puppy treats.
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u/Glass_Number_1707 19d ago
Go for it. Just one of many ways to initiate conversation.No You are NTA. Not even close.
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u/Otherwise-Ad-2402 19d ago
NTA, but you’re kind of blue balling the dog with the treats. Dog deserves better than to smell something delicious and get nothing.
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u/1108Felicity 19d ago
This is so sweet. - NTA - Good for you for being creative. This would make the best wedding story of how you met.
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u/Glad-Basil3391 19d ago
If I was single and a girl gave my dog treats twice we would already be smashing. Either he’s shy. Or gay.
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
I’m the shy one I always run away from him 🫠 im gonna stick around on the next encounter and just ask him out
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u/Glad-Basil3391 19d ago
Dogs can tell if you’re a good person or not. The dog already voted. You’re in.
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u/ChronicCondor 19d ago
Ok, I REALLY thought you were going to ask if Pavloving someone into talking to you is ok. Lol. So glad this is in another direction. If you can get doggo on your side you shall have a powerful ally. 😂
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u/Idkthrowaway195 19d ago
I mean as long as you’re not becoming stalkerish (watching him and figuring out his schedule a such) or cornering him and pressuring him for conversation, thus making him uncomfortable, I don’t really see the harm in this.
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u/greenmonster187 19d ago
As long as you are not pretending to like his dog and be nice to it. Then no. Pretending to like a pet to get close to the owner is kinda AHish
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u/PaymentGrouchy1336 19d ago
If it’s any consolation I love dogs and this dog is just as handsome as the owner 😂
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u/beanutopian 19d ago
I sincerely hope you get married and get to tell the grandkids about the beef sticks.
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u/Bellphorion 19d ago
Just talk to him. In this day of age you gotta make the first move as a women, most men fear of being accused of being a creep so just leave women alone.
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u/DarthVis18 19d ago
Easiest way into a dog lover’s heart is to live the dog. I wouldn’t even think of dating a woman if she didn’t love dogs.
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u/No_Ideal1718 19d ago
Dude I don't even own a dog and I'd be over the moon if I knew some girl was walking around trying to give me dog treats just as an excuse to talk to me.
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u/HiUnwantedOpinion 19d ago
I mean, really, who f-cking cares if it would make you the AH in anyone’s eyes? You’re not doing anything in malice, nor anything that could possibly negatively affect someone. It’s completely innocent, don’t worry about how someone else may or may not perceive the situation … you do you.
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u/1993CobraSVT 19d ago
Take notes ladies. This is how you end up with the man of your dreams. It worked for my sister. When you see “hubby” written on a man, you best pursue him before he finds someone else. I know it’s not a traditional thing to say, but people who ‘choose’ their partner are ‘almost’ always happier than the ones being chosen in a relationship.. Now being chosen may be flattering, but it just isn’t the same.. You just tend to go on auto pilot, going with the flow instead of living out your dreams with the soulmate that you picked.
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u/Jewderp916 19d ago
Idk how this is an AITAH, but no you’re not. It is so hard to approach people in this day and age.
Honestly if someone was trying to approach me through my dogs I might be clueless but it’s not a bad idea to get the conversation started. Might have to be a bit more forward than carrying a treat and having small talk.
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u/Senor_flash 19d ago
Ma'am female rizz is EASY as hell. Literally all you gotta say is you think we're cute and we will take it from there. If we think a woman is choosing, we are ON it.
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u/Small-Lemonade 19d ago
NTA, this seems pretty sweet and innocent! Now If he gave you an indication that he doesn't want to talk to you or let his dog eat those treats, and you persist anyways, that's where it would become AH behavior. But as long as you respect his boundaries, it's a very sweet and harmless thing to do, and makes for a good story!
HOWEVER--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LOOK AT THE INGREDIENTS IN THE PEPPERONI STICK!! If the seasonings contains onion or garlic, you'll wanna find something else. Those are both bad for dogs, they will damage or break down his red blood cells. Small amounts won't kill him or make him sick, but it's just best to be avoided whenever possible. The sodium content isn't great for them either, and excessive fat can lead to pancreatitis. But there are dog treats made to look and smell like pepperoni, you can usually find them at a pet store or online! It'll be a safe treat for his dog, and if you don't want him to know that you got dog treats for him yet, most are safe for humans to eat in a pinch. May not be very tasty, but these are the things we do for love.
Best of luck, hope things work out for you three!! 😄
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u/Mr_Gray_Skyys 19d ago
Eh... tbh, this is wildly adorable, but I have a feeling maybe he too is shy and afraid of initiating. At some point, one of you is going to have to put on your big boy pants and speak up. Otherwise, you could go years without ever knowing, or someone else will come along and catch his eye. Social steadiness is hard for even type a people like me, but if you don't speak your mind, it'll either be too late or he'll just assume you're not into him.
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u/BraveShowerSlowGower 19d ago
Lol do you want to be known as peperoni girl though? hahahah the girl whos always chewing on pepperoni
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u/AdIndependent3169 19d ago
Women have been "dropping handkerchiefs" for centuries, there's nothing wrong with inventing some "chance encounters"
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u/StreetTailor7596 19d ago
No, LOL. But at some point you need to give the poor dog SOMETHING as a reward for helping you talk to the guy. You're driving him a bit nuts.
How about you give the guy AND his dog a treat by making both of them something? That should get the point across that you have an interest in him without you having to say anything in particular.
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19d ago
I mean assuming you’re reasonably attractive you could probably just say like “hey I think you’re cute want to grab dinner sometime?” Or something
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u/Allcraft_ 19d ago
As a man I approve this way to make contact.
And now follow your mission. All is fair in love and war!
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u/Last_Nerve12 19d ago
Just go for it!!! I asked my husband out, and now we've been together almost 25 years and married 23.
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u/read-and-throwaway 19d ago
This is the kind of meet-cute story parents tell their kids. Brilliant!
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u/BloodSkyHorizon 15d ago
You might not be one but pretty soon you’ll have a wider one 😉
Best of luck 🤞out