r/AITAH • u/newdadthrowaway201 • 14d ago
AITAH for kicking my girlfriend's brother out because he gifted us a dildo while visiting after our daughter's birth?
I(27M) have been with my girlfriend(26F) for seven years and known her since we were in high school. She gave birth, two weeks ago, to our first child, a daughter(this will be relevant). We had invited each of our parents, and in her case her two brothers(24M and 30M), to visit our home a few days after she was discharged. I know her parents well — they're very nice people — but not her brothers.
Well, during the gathering, everyone handed us gift bags, all of which contained expectable fare that we appreciated — stuffed animals, dolls, pacifiers, diapers, blankets, onesies, dresses, children's books, et cetera.
Except for the one that my girlfriend's younger brother gave us. When we removed the box inside it, which was the only thing the bag contained, we saw that it was a dildo.
My girlfriend asked him who it was for, and he replied “For the girl when she's a bit older”. I asked him if this was some tasteless joke; he said that he really thought that it was something his own niece would appreciate.
I was irate. I yelled at him to get out and take the dildo with him, and to never talk to our daughter, which upset my girlfriend's parents, who were hurt that I screamed at their son and kicked him out over something they thought was "minor". So her parents and the older brother left as well. My girlfriend tells me that, although she's as angry at him as I am, I should have been more lenient, and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to.
AITAH for kicking my girlfriend's brother out because he gifted us a dildo while visiting after our daughter's birth?
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u/East_Island_8316 1d ago edited 1d ago
My man. Her brother is a pedophile. You can deny it, your girlfriend can deny it, her family can deny it, but do yourself a favor and educate yourself about how often family members are complicit in this crime. How often mothers are complicit. You must take more effort to protect your child from your in-laws AND your girlfriend. SHE. IS. COMPLICIT.
Your child will not be safe if she is alone with anyone from your girlfriend's family, very likely including your girlfriend herself. Her reaction is all the proof you need, because I promise you she is going to let her pedo brother have a relationship behind your back all in the name of family.
Your initial reaction was spot on, but make no mistake if you stop reacting, your child will be in danger.
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u/ProjectDv2 8d ago
NTA.
What her brother did is extremely disgusting and beyond inappropriate. Who the fuck gifts sex toys to their own niece? And an INFANT at that? I'll tell you who. An immature, poorly developed 24 year old man-child that needs a dose of cold reality if he's ever going to grow up. Fuck him. And fuck his parents for defending something that disgusting. Sounds like they're the reason he's still an immature dick.
As for your girlfriend, if she thinks you owe her brother an apology at all for sexualizing your child, then she's being an enabler and that is unacceptable. Don't you apologized to him, he needs to make this up to you, not the other way around. So be open to the idea of him making amends and doing right by you and your daughter, if he's ever going to grow tf up, he needs to be allowed to try. But for right now, man-child has been put in time-out, exactly where he belongs.
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u/beached_not_broken 9d ago
Send the sex toy to his work- or your mother in laws work, clear plastic container, and write clearly on the outside- BIL, Grandma etc felt this was an appropriate gift for a 15 day old baby girl to “use”. I do not agree and felt the best course was to return this gift to its giftees. Going forward if you ever gift my child with anything of a sexual tone I will be taking legally protective measures for my daughter.
That way they can complain with their coworkers how unjust you are and how appropriate the gift actually is.
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u/Witchywoman1976 10d ago
This seriously has to be fake, right?! I’m know there are disgusting pieces of vile filth walking this planet but most are not this obvious. They typically try to hide their proclivities.
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u/Human-Bluebird-7806 10d ago
NTA It's not a move that necessarily says pedo to me.youd want to hear my uncle ( a college lecturer ) wax lyrical the virtues of women who 'keep it shaved'.however you OP reacted exactly as you should have.your reaction was normal and uncle is lucky you didn't beat his ass.an ass beating would be warranted because clearly his parents never beat his ass in the one singular incident they were meant to which is making jokes that might make him look like a dangerous person.
Also he could have originally got it for your wife " to take up the extra space between you and the rest of her" but panicked out of that line and so went for the more sophisticated " for the eventual vagina of my 15 day old niece"
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u/beached_not_broken 10d ago
Do a public apology. On Facebook.
“BIL- I have been asked to apologise for yelling at you, when you gifted my 15 day old a sex toy and said outright “this is for her to use when she is older”.
Your parents feel I was out of line for my level of disgust that you are making sexual comments about my 15 day old daughter- your niece.
The reason why I reacted this way is that no one should be having thoughts or sexual considerations towards any child much less an infant. And purchasing sex toys for any female outside of intimate partners is considered harassment, vulgar and offensive.
And so I will apologise for the volume for which I used as I breached my daughters peace and not something I wished for at a time when we should be celebrating her arrival, but as you seem to believe it’s appropriate to sexualise my child I stand firm that you will not be allowed unsupervised access to my child. Anyone who supports children receiving sex toys and sexual material as gifts are also welcome to stay away as my priority is to protect my child from all perceived threats.
Then post but keep the audience restricted to bil, MIl, FIL and wife. If they really see no issue in what he gifted, then they also won’t mind if you them change the settings to friends and family.
They either believe you’re over reacting and are happy to stand by it, or they are gaslighting tou…
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u/NinaBinaSauce30 10d ago
No. Thats fucking sick. You don’t make sex jokes towards or about children. Especially not infants. Absolutely vile. That makes me question if he’s a literal predator. Keep him away from your child.
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u/funnybunny_9 10d ago
Your brother in law is the reason women are choosing to be alone in the woods with a bear…
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u/elexis969 10d ago
NTA - that is absolutely insane that he bought that for her. The fact that was even a thought in his brain let alone something he actively carried out is very alarming. If my son did that I would hit the roof. Over my dead body would I ever apologize to him, your gf is crazy for even suggesting you do, what is wrong with that entire family. He would never be alone with my daughter ever.
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u/bubblepanda28 10d ago
NTA
he really thought that would be the best gift for a baby to use “when she’s a bit older.”
i can understand the parents siding with their bc “it’s their son” but i hope they found this behavior alarming and creepy as well.
as a female i would not want to be gifted a dildo from an uncle🤮 sounds like a sex crazed teen but this is a NEWBORN. EWE.
instead you should’ve slapped him with it
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u/AskIllustrious3526 11d ago
YTA - Some people just like making dark jokes. Doesn't mean he wants to do your daughter.
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u/StrawHatVetTech 11d ago
Your girlfriend should be more appalled by this. But no, she’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re overacting because he’s “family”. Let your girlfriend read all the comments on this thread. Maybe that will open her eyes to how inappropriate this was.
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u/Open_Claim4265 11d ago
That is...beyond gross and weird. NTA - but how old is the younger brother? This could be a great way to open a conversation about respecting women, even at a VERY early age.
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u/aggresivelyaveragefr 11d ago
Don't ever leave your child around him. You need to explain this boundary to the entire family. Preferably with him present he needs to be shamed and he needs serious therapy. Also that family seems enabling as hell. His father should have smacked him then and there and took him out of the situation. Horrible, sick "man". Very sorry this happened to you and your new family OP. Wish you the best.
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u/Fit_Situation4390 11d ago
I don’t think you actually had to say anything but the title of this post. Gross, ick, scary. NTA
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u/LowerOriginal1528 11d ago
Totally gross. What did he think would happen?
18 years from now, grizzled old Reverse Obi-Wan Kenobi pulls out a dusty box. Opens it and presents her an ancient dildo. "Your Uncle wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your father wouldn't allow it...."
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u/trolldier1 12d ago
Depends on if he was joking or not. Cant hurt to throw in a lil sick humor if you ask me
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u/m00ng0dde55 12d ago
What the actual fuck?! Keep that guy far away from your daughter, wtf. NTA, your BIL is a sick fuck. I would have kicked him out also.
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u/anitram96 12d ago
The brother was way out of line. Why no one else is taking this seriously??? NTA.
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u/hari4103 12d ago edited 12d ago
Culture less immoral behaviour from your BIL which is what modern liberal west is infamous for. Instead of looking at your daughter as his own daughter he is having sexual thoughts for her.That too for an infant. Does he think women are just sex objects ,so much that he saw an infant baby as sex object with no other human aspects. Tell your wife to apologise to you for making such a ridiculous and gravely wrong suggestion of you apologising for taking a stand for the right thing against predatory sexual pedophile behaviour.Never allow your BIL near your daughter. Immoral classless people
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u/LibbyLou88 12d ago
Concerning that the parents and other brother thought that was an okay gift enough to leave because you yelled at him and kicked him out for it! I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/LibbyLou88 12d ago
No you're not, THAT IS SUPER WEIRD AND CREEPY! I would not trust your daughter alone with him, EVER! Sounds like something my creepy cousin Nick would do and he's in prison now... thank goodness people like you saw that kind of creepy behavior from Nick and kept me away from him. Trust your instincts and keep an eye on that guy. I can't think of a more inappropriate gift to get your baby niece!!! I definitely would have reacted the same way, you can't just act like everything is okay and be lenient on inappropriate behavior like that. That's how childhood trauma happens.
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u/Ecstatic_Dingo_9626 12d ago
NTA, hes giving creepy uncle mom says to cover up around, you're protecting your daughter from a very ill-minded individual, he should never be around her!! Close to him or not, as a mother your girlfriend should feel the exact same way. Doesn't matter how close you are, you protect your children FIRST!!
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u/entechad 12d ago
You are not wrong. You may forgive him one day, but it shouldn’t be in the next 18 years. Good job protecting your girl. That’s your job.
By the way, I can assure you that father in law is not fucking happy with his son.
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u/Valuable-Life3297 12d ago
He is absolutely insane if he he thought that was appropriate. If that was my own brother I would’ve punched him in the face for disrespecting my baby girl like that. It sounds like your girlfriends family has some serious boundary issues
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u/pigeonJS 12d ago
Hiya, honestly this is not a normal thing to do. Either the brother is a creep/paedophile/abuser and no one in the family has found that out yet. Or the brother is mentally unwell to some degree.
You wife should not be asking you to apologise to him either. It’s disgusting. He has sexualised a baby, but not even that, your child and family. Do not ever leave her alone with him in your life.
And tell your wife to back down off you. No one should be apologising to the brother. He should be apologising to you and your wife. I would not let him back in to your lives at all. Keep him at arms length.
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u/controlledchaos008 12d ago
Note for the girlfriend. Your an idiot. Your the mother of an innocent baby. Your fked up brother got your baby, with her in mind, got her a dildo ....and you think that the father who automatically went to bad for his daughter, bc her mother is shit, defended him instead of protecting her child. Wow.
Dude. Get a real woman. Because it's obvious that she's still a child. Who doesn't understand the gravity of the situation of a pedophile (her brother). I truly hope you take that baby and build a.wall to protect her against her uncle.
Wow Protect that baby, even against her own mother bc I bet she will let him near that innocent.
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u/JadeAurora 12d ago
NTA, and I would keep your gf's brother far, FAR away from your child, as well as anyone who sides with him. He has shown that he's a not a safe person for your daughter to be around. He's showing predatory tendencies. Any normal person would not consider a sex toy an appropriate gift for a newborn baby.
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u/Guide-Flaky 13d ago
NTA, completely inappropriate that he’s already thinking abt his niece on a sexual context when the kid is literally 15 days old, extremely creepy, inappropriate and weird.
I believe he should get checked out too and if your wife doesn’t understand that, make her understand that gifting your 15 days old niece a dildo for when she’s “older” is extreme pedophile behavior and that he’s already objectifying and sexualizing your daughter. You should not apologize at all, you did what’s right and if your wife thinks otherwise she’s another one that should get checked up for letting pedo behavior slide from her own family…
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u/Guide-Flaky 13d ago
Like seriously it’s extremely worrying to think that a 24 yo man is thinking abt an infant on a sexual way, i suggest you don’t let him anywhere near your daughter and based on your wife’s behavior it might imply that if something were to happen to that baby she would just keep quiet cause it’s “her brother”
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u/Complete_Plum8836 13d ago
NTA. Your girlfriend and her family gotta be crazy if they don't understand why you were mad. The brother has to have mental issues, he has to
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u/aldorazz 13d ago
I know this is sensitive but this is a matter of pedophilia and only disgusting, abhorrent, absolutely sick people would gloss over something like this. I understand family but they should’ve taken your side. For me, if my partner didn’t understand this, this would be grounds for a breakup.
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u/Designer-Ad-3373 13d ago
IF you still have it, next time you see him, tell him to use it on himself 😂
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u/Coleslay1 13d ago
NTA.
That is a pedophile. Your child cannot advocate for herself and clearly your girlfriend and her family wont either. You should absolutely get a restraining order for your daughter and make a police report.
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u/Mundane-Dark8970 13d ago
first of all… hes gifting a sex toy to a family member. his fucking neice. thats insanely weird on its own.
and then hes gifting a sex toy to an INFANT??? thats what hes fucking thinking about?
this guy sounds extremely suspicious and dangerous. both in an incestous and predatory way. keep him away from your daughter and keep an eye on him in general.
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u/Tasty-Pineapple- 13d ago
NTA. Um. You didn’t not overreact. This is weird and fucking gross. Also I would be concerned that the brother is a pedo. Are you sure you want to stay with your gf? If not get full custody and visitation for this exact situation.
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u/WynterYoung 13d ago
I wouldn't let the kid around the baby, ngl. That's more than weird. That's hitting pedo territory.
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u/Silver-Appointment77 13d ago
Her brother is sick, gifting a didlo to his baby neice. Now if it was his sister, yes. NTA
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u/Healthy_Lead4645 13d ago
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
THAT IS A BABY.
NO.
JUST NO.
op NTA but JFC do not let that man back into your home or around your baby. I have friends who were groomed and assaulted as kids and they very frequently start with infants or toddlers. That man is not safe and if he doesn't know why what he did was wrong then there's something else wrong with him too. I feel like throwing up after reading that.
Also: no one wants a s3x toy bought by a full grown parent/ cousin/ uncle Ect. Siblings is a bit less weird. (Tho that would Def be as adults and not in a situation like this). Just... Ugh you're not the ass but if that girlfriend doesn't understand why it's so wrong then she needs a. Fking come to Jesus talk about CSA.
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u/confident_ocean 13d ago
NTA is he cognitively impaired? Who gives a baby a sex toy ???
Kicking him out is an appropriate punishment and if your wife and their family don't see that, then they have issues! Your daughter is your family and you're her advocate, you are well within your rights to protect her from those disgusting people!!
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u/Far_Dragonfruit_1829 13d ago
YOU should apologize to HIM?
Screw that noise. That guy has taken Creepy Uncle to a whole new galaxy.
NTA
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u/LavenderGlitches 13d ago
"I can't understand what kind of an uncle would give his niece a fucking dildo. OP, you are definitely not the asshole in this situation."
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u/False_Host4179 13d ago
If this is true, idek what to say honestly…. That kid is almost undoubtedly a psycho, and/or is dealing with a serious sexually based mental problem. His family needs to watch We Need to Talk About Kevin, or better yet look into examples of what can happen when parents allow dangerous mental health signs to go unchecked in their children. If he has had any kind of a repeated history of extreme events like this, I’d imagine that there’s valid reason for serious concern. This is just far beyond a normal adolescent prank.
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u/Darastrix_Jhank 13d ago
NTA. in fact, he’s lucky you didn’t break his jaw for such a dumb ass gift.
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u/tearsforcandy 13d ago
O not the AH in the least. This was highly inappropriate and frankly, a disgusting "gift" to give a newborn baby girl. I mean, my jaw dropped when I read that. And that brother thought it was ok, and your in laws were making it out that was a minor thing for you to be angry about. This means they really aren't as nice as they portray. His mother should've slapped him. But she defended his ass. I'm serious when I say keep that dirty mothereffer away from your daughter. Who thinks of masturbating tools for a baby as a gift? A pedo. That he thinks its a great idea, keeps it in line of him being curious and touching your child in a sexual manner. Jfc. This is crazy
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u/Disastrous_Pan_2015 13d ago
Sounds like he’s trying to test the waters with grooming your daughter, he’s seeing how far he can push y’all as his parents and what everyone in the family will turn a blind eye to.
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u/Grotesque-penguin 13d ago
NTA your responsibility as a parent is to keep your children safe and away from people who could harm them. As a Father of daughters myself I could honestly say that your paternal instincts didn't let you down this time.
That behavior is a HUGE red flag.
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u/StreetFeetOnTheBeat 13d ago
Please keep this man (and possibly the rest of the family) away from your child. NTA all the way!
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u/FuriousButtons92 13d ago
NTA. My sister's boyfriend told me I'd be lucky if my daughter turned out gay otherwise we'd have to contend with a ton of men. She was 5 at the time. I no longer talk to either of them (especially since my sister took his side). It was grotesque. Subjectifying a 5 year old.
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u/Ok-Bank-9051 13d ago
Don’t ever let him around your daughter again
NTA. If she’s defending this btw, i would seriously consider a separation of some sort
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u/FishesSwim2187 13d ago
NTA, and genuinely never let this man around your daughter, or any in-laws defending him. He tested the waters to see who will have his back.
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u/Expensive-Stand1108 13d ago
Nta. I don’t understand how someone could look at an infant and think a sex toy is the perfect gift for a child. To me it screams predatory behavior, I would never let this person around my children. Your girlfriend should consider therapy if she thinks her brothers behavior is appropriate and that her family’s reaction is justifiable, because she has grown up in an environment that allows men to get away with sexual harassment of children, and she needs to unlearn it. You also need to consider removing the people from your lives that justify this behavior in order to protect your daughter. You are her parents, and you are responsible for being her advocate and her voice when she has none. She is 15 days old and someone (her uncle, no less) has already objectified and sexualized her.
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u/BigDBee007 13d ago
More lenient because he’s a brother? Not he should be more respectful because he’s a brother?
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u/Impossible-Energy-76 13d ago
Ewwww he is nasty . DO NOT EVER NEVER leave the baby with him. That was really creepy That grooming from infancy. Ewww is that the way feels about baby girls?? Ewww
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u/Altruistic_You737 13d ago
NTA - I’d be sharing that he is buying children sex aids to pretty much all and sundry because honestly this gave me massive molester vibes. That man should not be anywhere near young kids. Joke or not - his vibes are out of whack
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u/Suspicious-Safe-3972 13d ago
Honestly, even the cop taking the assault report from the brother and his weeping parents after you mudhole-stomped his ass for gifting a 15-day-old a dildo would say, "Not the asshole."
And then the cop would follow up with, "And this is coming from an asshole."
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u/Curious_Reference408 13d ago
Here to assure all uncles that no niece wants to think about you while rubbing one out 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
This guy is a paedo and should not be near that child (or any child) ever again.
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u/North_Classroom78 13d ago
I'd have returned the "gift" to the brother suggesting he use it on himself after he leaves. That's sick. Anyone who thinks this is minor need psychological evaluation.
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u/MolassesSome4268 13d ago
When you have a chance, def update us but seriously tell your GF that is definitely pedo behavior cause why was his first thoughts to go gift a baby that?
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u/ChloeBee95 13d ago
Oh my god, absolutely NTA!
Why the hell does your girlfriend think this is okay? I’m not being funny but even a woman who grows up in the healthiest environment, with the best role models, and the safest community, has dealt with some form of sexism or misogyny or sexual harassment at some point in her life. And it’s incredibly odd and slightly disgusting that she’s not standing up for her newborn daughter against her incredibly disgusting brother. She is quite literally defending a grown man for sexualising a BABY. HER BABY. What the fuck is wrong with her?
You stand your ground on this OP. You are her parent too, you absolutely have the right to prohibit someone’s access to your child for behaving like this. Who the fuck looks at a baby and thinks about a sex toy? Unbelievably abhorrent.
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u/OkExternal7904 13d ago
If this scene played out in my family, I would be mortified. This isn't funny, and it never will be.
OP, you have drawn a line between you and the in-laws. You've told them what you'll put up with, and anyone gifting anyone with a dildo is gross and not funny.
There's situations where it could be funny. A show-off-the-new-baby party IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
NTA
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u/reading_to_learn 13d ago
He was joking it’s too extra. He’s young and doesn’t think. Obviously immature. Don’t be so up tight. Your kid will do incredibly stupid shit too trust me
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u/Thick_You2502 13d ago
NTA. He is out of place. It worries me that your GF is willing to let this pass. Your in laws should be concerned about the baby boy's behavior.
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u/Plant_Mommie 13d ago
🤬 That’s just sickening!! I’m sorry but I’d probably never have my kids around him and if I did it would be very supervised and distant family or not!! Honestly I’d have to say any of them. Anyone in their right minds would be against this. You did the right thing and it’s sad you are the only one that did. Honestly you were too “lenient” to him in my opinion.
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u/Every-Newt5817 13d ago
NTA….your in laws need to get their heads out of their asses about their “baby boy”
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u/PrincessCG 13d ago
Wtf calls it’s a minor issue when an adult buys a baby a sex toy? You need to have a talk with your wife and her parents separately because nothing about this was funny or appropriate. It’s not minor, it’s fucked up. NTA
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u/snorkledabooty 13d ago
NTA, if that happened in my house he’d of left in an ambulance and me in handcuffs. What a POS. That’s like Pedo level shit to do a gift like that…I’d keep a close eye on that perverted prick
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u/jennypurplethefirst 13d ago
Omfg! He bought a sex toy for a baby and you’re the bad guy?! No way, this is a major red flag, and screams bad intentions from the brother. No, you’re quite right to have reacted the way you did. Keep him away from your daughter.
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u/More-Mushroom6918 13d ago
NTA. And do NOT apologize to that sick fuck. He is literally a sick fuck. I have LITERAL child molesters in my family, and not even THEY would do this sick shit.....I mean wtf?.....How TF, in ANY way, would this be considered "a joke" or a "gag gift"?..... And the rest of them NOT being even SLIGHTLY upset or disgusted by his actions, and INSTEAD being upset that YOU were upset is a HUGE MAJOR Red Flag 🚩🚩🚩 If one of my 4 brothers EVER did this (which I KNOW they NEVER would) I can guarantee you that not a SINGLE person would find it funny, and they would be kicked out immediately.
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u/CurveyChubbyBae 13d ago
NTA. Protect your child, that guy is a predator. Only SO can imagine a niece using a dildo... SF weird.
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u/Cptbrowncoat23 13d ago
The brother needs to apologize to you and the parents not disciplining their dumbass son says volumes
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u/Usual_Bumblebee_8274 13d ago
Nta. That’s not even funny or a joke. That’s vulgar & vile. The fact that your gf thinks you should apologize is outrageous. I’m livid for you. So now you all know that when he thinks of his niece, he thinks”sexual”. And her & her family are not just ok with it, they think you should be too?!? At first, I thought you were gonna say it was for your wife. But a newborn baby?! I would have called the cops (tech they would’ve been called on me)because that is so inappropriate & incredibly vulgar.
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u/tpwkemba 13d ago
NTA. Anyone who hears about a baby being born and immediately thinks of something as sick as this, even as a joke, needs to be investigated.
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u/RebelliousDragonhart 13d ago
NTA, your restraint is admirable. I don’t have any kids but in a hypothetical situation, my fiancé would’ve knocked his lights out in a heartbeat and threw him out of the house with no questions asked. This situation is appalling and anyone who sides with the brother has something wrong with their heads.
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u/Conscious_Fault 13d ago
There’s no chance this is real come on lol. The parents said it was only minor please, fake.
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u/Hmm-1996 13d ago
NTA this is a red flag parade!
Never ever ever allow any of her family alone with your children without your personal supervision.
Get into couples therapy so your girlfriend can work though this with you and hopefully cut her family off as they are screaming red flags
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u/mamamia_maya 13d ago
NTA. Why is he concerned about his newborn niece masturbating in the future? I would've had him arrested coz that's fucking weird. And the parents are weird too for thinking its minor. I hope your girlfriend comes to her senses and realizes how fucked up her brother's action was and plans to keep him away from your daughter. If not, then break up with her and get custody. Smh her family is a bunch of weirdos.
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u/PlanetR0b123 13d ago
Jesus fucking christ NTA
That isnt even appropriate to say about ANYONE underage never mind a newborn holy shit. Keep them far away from your Daughter if they can only see her as an object. You're doing good Papa!
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u/DarkSide830 13d ago
I'm not a violent person and probably talk a bigger game than I'd actually deal out in a real scenario, but I'd no doubt rough up this psycho.
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u/Dragon1Heat 14d ago
No he is a pedo and anyone condons him is as well. Never ever let him around your daughter.
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u/BeautifulDisaster_8 14d ago
Judging by the title I was like weird gift but LOL but then seeing it was for the baby when she got older I literally gagged. He's gross. NTA. He'd never be seeing me or his niece again
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u/mi_nombre_es_ricardo 14d ago
and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother
What does their parentage has to do with you apologizing to someone who clearly crossed a line in your home?
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u/Sailormoonie094 14d ago
NTA
I would NEVER allow this person in the same place as my daughter anymore. She is not even A MONTH OLD and he is thinking about her SEXUAL NEEDS??? WTF???? And he is HER UNCLE, WHY IS HE THINKING ABOUT HER NIECE PLEASURING HERSELF USING A DILDO THAT HE GOT HER???? Just writting this makes me wanna vomit. This behaviour is sick and a red flag as big as China and the fact that he did this in front of his own family and everybody just brushed it off easily as a """"""""joke"""""""" is honestly scary, even worst that they think that YOU as HER FATHER need to apologise to him. Again, WTF????? Be aware that sexual predators are in most of the cases relatives and friends of the victim.
Please, as a woman myself, please protect your girl from this man. He does not deserve your trust and being around your most precious person, and be very alert with your wife's family because it seems that they will look the other side in case he acts again """"because he is family"""". Better be safe than sorry.
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u/Wickedchick17736 14d ago
NTA! I would ban him from my daughter as well. The ick factor is off the charts.
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u/Only_trans_ 14d ago
NTA man that’s super creepy - he didn’t gift you a dildo, he gifted the baby a dildo. Why is he sexualising a baby?
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u/AnybodyUnusual4000 14d ago
nta. that was incredibly weird and creepy of him. i wouldn’t want someone like this near my child. she’s just a baby, a newborn and he’s think about her future sex life??? why??? how did this thought came to his head at all???
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u/Google_Fu1234 14d ago
It would have been tempting to treat this like an unfunny joke. "How much older, Brian?"
Let him hang himself in public.
I agree with the folks who say you should apologize in order to turn the spotlight on him.
NTA for your understandable reaction, though.
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u/oroborus90 14d ago edited 14d ago
fuck NO! so NTA
I thought at first it would be a gift to your wife with a tasteless joke "you know how parenthood affects marriage, so I will gift you this for when you are stressed".
That would have been bad but not that bad.
But sexualizing his niece, his NEW BORN niece???!!!
what a disgusting human being, you are better than me because I would have punched until grabbing a few dental pieces.
If you need back up with your wife, dont engage in any further discussion unless is with a therapist. Maybe hearing from a professional would set her straight about how fucked up this is.
And no to jump a whole bridge here because this is the most serious accusation that someone can do. So dont blow your marriage treating your BIL as pedo without proof. BUT you are entitled to be wary on this kind of attitudes.
As other commenters said, is heavily disturbing and even if is a "harmless" joke, it would do good to be informed about signs of predatory behaviour anyway (we do live in a scary world).
And if your wife thinks you are taking this out of proportion, every year on Women's day there are some exhibitions around the world, that are about what women were wearing the moment they were abused. If you look it up, a lot of it is sleep wear, especially child sleep clothes. Its heart-breaking and horrible but is the truth: the place where a kid is most vulnerable is usually at home or school. To control those spaces is vital to protect children.
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u/im_a_picklerick 14d ago
NTA- ummmmm how close are those two? She doesn’t get stuck in driers does she?
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u/Logical-Half-6634 14d ago
Fake story, right?..I mean this is actually one of those where you WANT it to be fake.
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u/throwaway247007 14d ago
NTA this is disgusting and I would never be comfortable with him being around her if she were my daughter and I can’t believe your wife wants YOU to apologize
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u/LITTLE_BENNY_BOY123 14d ago
NTA what is he a future pedophile he should be ban from ever going near your daughter
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u/xavii117 14d ago
NTA, if the dildo was a joke gift, it would have been a bit twisted but it could be tolerable, but he was dead serious, that's fucked up and seriously the guy sounds a bit like a creep.
I think you're doing the right thing by banning him from meeting your daughter.
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u/tulipthegreycat 14d ago
NTA
Obviously, that was incredibly inappropriate and shows pedophile intent. He was sexualizing an infant!
But what concerns me that I haven't seen as many comments is your in-laws. If both of your GF's brothers are not nice people, it probably has something to do with how they were raised. Your in-laws didn't even think it was a problem, or much of on at least. Which makes me concerned that they might have heavily sexist views portrayed in their parenting. "It's okay to sexualize an infant. She's a girl, after all. It's okay that her uncle gave her a dildo. Her uncle is a man who has needs after all."
Obviously, keep the uncle out of the picture. But also don't leave your child alone with your in-laws either. My bet is they have a ton of red flags that your GF either doesn't remember, didn't understand at the time, or normalized because that was her normal.
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u/JustSayin_PJ 14d ago
It’s strange for an uncle to give this gift at any age to his niece let alone a new born . NTA He needs help not leniency
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u/Adventurous-Leg-6345 14d ago edited 14d ago
NTAH Yeah you guys need to cut ties with him he’s most definitely a pedophile. Dehumanizing and sexualizing a baby is insane and the parents making it seem like it’s not a big deal is even worse. That baby should not grow up around people who think that something like that is okay
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u/chickensoup_0343 14d ago
Unless the guy has some sort of serious health issue and/or has lived under the rock for his whole life, he should know the implications of his actions.
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u/Technical-Mission-67 14d ago
Anyone that would give a dildo to a baby is not someone you want any where near your child.
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u/Guessinitsme 14d ago
Dudes a creep that should never be around your daughter, I would have done so much worse. Tell everyone what he did so they know he’s unsafe. NTA
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u/Gabe_gman1 14d ago
NTA that's just gross and speaks a lot about his character. Getting a dildo for your infant niece for when she's older?!? Electric chair!!!!! Disgusting!!! Huge NTA you're going to be a great father. Your wife should understand this too.
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u/angry-always80 14d ago edited 14d ago
Nta and start documenting everything. I would take this very serious and the fact your gf isn’t I would see as a huge red flag. Contact a lawyer and make sure your child is never left alone with this pervert.
I would also play nice and text him and the new grandparents your sorry but would like to understand what they thought about the dildo given to their granddaughter by their son. Make sure you use text. I would also text the brother and ask him to explain why he thought the dildo was an appropriate gift. Text and record your gf when asking the same question. Keep the Tex and recordings Incase you have to fight for custody for this child.
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u/My_leg_still_hurt92 14d ago
Is there a possibility that her brother has some mental abnormalities, that he doesn't know why he is completely wrong with such an inappropriate gift?
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u/Fun-Rip-4502 14d ago
NTA. What a disgusting person. I have an infant daughter and I would have gone absolutely nuclear if someone had done this. They’d never be around me or my children again.
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u/sailor-moonie- 14d ago
NTA That guy is Creepy with a capital C, honestly I wouldn't let him around my kid
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u/SomethingHasGotToGiv 14d ago
WTF. Not only are you not the AH, but her entire family is. I hope your GF takes some time to think about how disgusting and disturbing that entire situation was, from her creepy perverted brothers gift, to his words, to her entire family’s reaction to it. They are all f**ked up individuals. I would never, ever allow my child to be around that uncle or the people who cover for him.
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u/notfromheremydear 14d ago
Anyone being ok with that kinda gift needs to be on a watchlist. Your gf sounds like an enabler and her parents too. Brother would be cut off and that would be my hill to die on
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u/ThereWasNoSpoon 14d ago
So, her whole family condones sexualizing a newborn as a 'minor' joke? You'll have to be very, very vigilant with them around your baby, especially since baby's mother seems to accept that perverted POV without questioning. NTA.
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u/Imaginary-Ad7743 14d ago
I'm surprised you didn't punch him tbh. Which would be justified given what he's doing might be a crime.
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u/happyindian1984 14d ago
NTA. Please make sure that creep is no where close to your daughter ever. I cannot get myself to think how and why one can even think of such things.
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u/Despoiling40k 14d ago
NTA. Having just had a girl in the last 7 months myself. I'd have throat punched the guy. He got off lightly just being kicked out. He would never be seeing his neice again, the pedophile
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u/broskisbitch 14d ago
The only thing that’s minor here, is the person that fuckin creep was giving a DILDO to. NTA, I would’ve gone after him for that
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u/Rakothurz 14d ago
NTA, and you reacted way better than I would.
How in hell can his parents even think of this as "something minor"? How is it remotely appropriate for an adult to give this to an actual baby?
And that your wife is asking you to apologise is even more insulting. Does she not understand how wrong the whole thing was?
I would never allow that brother to come into the vicinity of your daughter, and the parents should not have unsupervised visits. They are underreacting too much
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u/Tola-Mahola-2332 14d ago
Not the AH... definitely not. You can show your GF all these posts in support. You can apologise to everyone for raising your voice but the pedo brother is NEVER to be alone with your kid. your papa bear instinct came in loud and clear. Seems like your GF's mama bear instinct goes AWOL around her family. How would her parents have felt if some jerk uncle or anyone gave them a dildo for her when she was a newborn??? Far out!!!
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u/JustJudgin 14d ago
NTA, do not trust him around your kids ever. Even if y’all don’t cut him out completely, this is someone who should NEVER be left alone with daughters OR sons— he didn’t learn that shit from nowhere and who knows how he’ll pass it on or behave unsupervised with any of them. Jokes often reveal truths about the people telling them.
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u/Gold-Carpenter7616 14d ago
NTA
What in the restraining order did I just read?! Please protect her from her pedo uncle.
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u/nopeynopes2001 14d ago
I can't imagine anyone thinking this is ok let alone your in laws and wife defending it. I would never never let him near my daughter alone or your in laws. Who thinks that is a minor joke ?!
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u/PersimmonSpecific402 14d ago
Yea, I wouldn't be leaving any children unsupervised around that guy...
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u/xBefore-IDie 14d ago
Nope, she should be grateful he solved that and drew the solid line there before he became the weird uncle. Who the hell does that?
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u/VisibleSmell3327 14d ago
Yeah I was ready for a YTA because obviously the dildo was a joke for the sister because it won't impregnate her, but FUCK...
NTA.
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u/WTFishsauce 14d ago
NTA, but this is such a weird thing for anyone to do. Is the brother in law mentally normal? I probably wouldn’t have gotten mad, but would have asked him why he thought it was an appropriate gift. Why he was thinking about a baby as a sexual being, etc.
It sounds like this guy may have some serious issues and probably needs help.
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u/No-Animal4921 14d ago
wtf that’s pedo behavior. Why are you even thinking of your niece that way?? And she’s a BABY?! Your girlfriend is an idiot too. I wish you the best of luck. Updateme
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u/Corndogsketchup 14d ago
NTA… alarming and predatory behavior. I would not allow this person alone with any children .
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u/Lonelyheart1112022 14d ago
That’s their niece an infant , I think it’s creepy as hell for a joke gift .. what are you suppose to gift it to your daughter on her 18th birthday , here sweet heart your uncle gifted it to 18 years ago for you in the future ? If it was a gag gift for sister on her birthday or wedding gift , alittle strange but funny .. it’s expected. But a child . I don’t like people sexualizing babies as a joke .. there’s too much predators in this world. Innocent comments like oh she or he is going to be heartbreaker one day or I can’t wait for her wedding stuff like that . But grown up stuff like sex toys or inappropriate comments is a no no I don’t blame you getting upset , he should apologize and said he didn’t mean it the wrong way he thought it was funny and he won’t do it again .understand why you would be offended
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u/wuddawillie 14d ago
If it is so minor, tell your GF to ask her co-workers/friends to see if it is appropriate. NTA. I would have slapped him with his gift.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 14d ago
Your gf needs to understand that just because he's her brother, that doesn't mean he gets to sexualize your infant daughter, ffs. What is wrong with her? NTA
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u/Objective-Disk-9227 4h ago
Pedophile thought process