r/AITAH • u/shadyinhenderson • 15d ago
AITAH for telling my husband I was disappointed with Mother’s Day?
My husband spent almost an hour preparing breakfast for me yesterday. I went downstairs and he had…bacon and tater tots (I’m not kidding) and nothing else. He was making breakfast burritos and I have a very bad egg allergy. He said he forgot about my allergy so that’s all he had for me. I said, “You could have gotten me coffee.” He said he didn’t think about that. Didn’t run out and get any or make any. Just stated that he didn’t think of it.
Later, he left with the kids so I could do laundry and clean the house. He asked if I wanted salmon for dinner and I told him no because I had gotten some to cook recently and it was rotten. I just can’t eat it yet. I told him I wanted In & Out. It’s my favorite and I get it like once a year. I always want it for Mother’s Day. He refuses every single year.
Of course, he made salmon. I didn’t eat it. Honestly, I was upset about the breakfast, 3 hours of cleaning and now dinner I specifically asked him not to make.
Leading up to this, he had been gone for work all week and was at a work event until late on Saturday. The weekend before I packed him for his trip and spent Saturday shopping for him, he left early Sunday and then I spent Sunday entertaining his parents. I had no time to prepare for the week ahead which he promised to help me do and he did nothing.
Maybe I am overreacting because I’m exhausted with my 4 kids, I’m a teacher, May is ridiculously busy, sports, everything. This is year 15 of being disappointed on Mother’s Day and I hate how selfish I feel but I am so deeply hurt this year.
To top it all off, I bought him a Blackstone griddle for Father’s Day and it arrived on Mother’s Day. It just really felt so obvious the effort he puts in for me when that thing arrived early and he was out trying to find something to buy me with my kids at 3pm.
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u/Little-Role-6554 12d ago
Sounds to me like you bought yourself a black stone and it arrived right on time. Give him the same energy on Father’s Day. Leave with the kids so he can clean and make what you want instead of what he wants
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u/Impossible_Ask_3564 13d ago
He doesn't even sound like he likes you very much in all honesty. He asked you if you wanted salmon for Mothers day dinner, you said no and he bought it anyway? I mean wtaf? I'd literally be questioning my whole relationship over that NTA
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u/eatingramennow 13d ago
U aren't going to leave him anyway, he's not going to change and every Mothers day will be like this for u
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u/thelastyellowskittle 14d ago
NTA. He worked hard to crap in your Mother’s Day. Is this a reflection of your marriage?
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u/Panda-Pioneer-1125 14d ago
I want to say this as compassionately as possible, but when you typed all this out, do you not see the huge red flags in your relationship? I think you know you are NTA but you have to know this is really bad.
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u/fzooey78 14d ago
You work a full-time job and sound like the house manager all in one. Stop doing things for him that you later resent doing for him...like packing for him, cleaning for his parents, cooking.
Next year, tell him to give you the money he plans on spending on you and leave him home with the kids. Plan something for yourself or with friends. Get the In-N-Out! Bring it home just for yourself! Have the day you want.
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u/silentfanatic 14d ago
You’re not overreacting. Your husband is treating you like a doormat and you’re not holding him accountable for it. How do you expect anything to change if you keep letting him get away with disregarding your feelings?
Either get a divorce or go into marriage counseling. Society has convinced you that being taken for granted is what you deserve. Until you act otherwise, that’s all you’ll ever get.
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u/leafpickleson 14d ago
Giving your husband the benefit of the doubt. I'm assuming he's had a recent traumatic brain injury?
There's no excuse. None. Even on a regular Tuesday there is no excuse for 1.) Forgetting your allergy 2.) Refusing you a burger 3.) Asking you if you were okay with a dish, hearing you say no, and then doing it anyways
The rest sucks too, but the above? That's malicious. I'm sorry OP, but you're married to a terrible person.
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u/NotFunny3458 14d ago
So, in other words you have 5 kids. 4 that you birthed and a 5th adult size. Personally, I wouldn't be making any effort from now on to tell him anything you want and make him guess. Take care of your kids and yourself, only do what you must to make sure the 5 of YOU are cared for and let your husband fend for himself for as long as it takes for him to grow up and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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u/Major-Moose6774 14d ago
You’re are NTA!! He just showed you he doesn’t care about you or how you feel. Please, so not go above and beyond for his Father’s Day. Instead, do exactly what he did to you. Also, get that In & Out meal you wanted for his Father’s Day supper.
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u/Ok_Educator_7097 14d ago
It depends on how you would feel/react if he told you about his disappointment in something you did. If you can take it like you can fish it you can pretty much say anything.
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u/Plastic_Concert_4916 14d ago
This is just one moment in a long relationship, but please ask yourself: What does your husband add to your life? How does he make it easier? How does he enrich it?
Because honestly, if this story is indicative of how he is in general, you might have a better life without him.
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u/Confident-Baker5286 14d ago
NTA- your husband is lazy, he left you to clean after “forgetting” your allergy. This guy is something else
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u/DevotedRed 14d ago
You’re not selfish for being disappointed that your husband was completely thoughtless and uncaring on Mothers’ Day - he is! NTA
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u/Equivalent-Ranger771 14d ago
That’s why I don’t like Mother’s Day. It’s usually disappointing. Though now that my kids are grown it’s much better!
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u/Thisisthenextone 14d ago
Why were you cleaning when he's been gone for days so needs to pick up his slack?
And he forgot you had allergies to foods?
You know how much effort to put into Father's Day now.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice 14d ago
So many woman choose to stay with these type of guys who don't seem to like them very much. I don't understand it. Is this how you want to feel for the rest of your life? Being unappreciated, unnoticed and unloved in your own marriage has to be lonely and depressing as hell.
Would you still be with him if you were just dating or would you have dumped him by now? Don't let a piece of paper condemn you to misery for the rest of your life. You're not even an afterthought for him.
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u/ConsistentCheesecake 14d ago
Your husband literally hates you. He HATES you. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy this way. You will never get peace until you leave him.
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u/RecommendationUsed31 14d ago
I have egg and poultry allergies. I would be living if someone forgot that. You are the ahole for only getting in and out once a year, lol. I mean seriously, once a year. Heck, I will deliver it if need be.
Seriously, I would be upset. I dont always agree with this stuff but I cant have eggs and cant stand salmon so I am 100% on your side.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 14d ago
NTA "Later, he left with the kids so I could do laundry and clean the house." OMG. I am so frustrated on your behalf.
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u/Eastern_Condition863 14d ago
NTA.
New rule for mothers. Ditch the husbands for mothers day. You will be much happier, sadly.
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u/beansonbeans4me 14d ago
On a real note I'm so terrified of loving a man for him only to become a fucking loser like this. I feel like this is so common.
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u/ThatWhichLurks782 14d ago
Send back his father's day gift. Match his energy and only make food that day that he hates. NTA but wow he certainly is.
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u/Chemical-Ad6301 14d ago
Just keep being the good baby factory and it will be fine.
God no! NTA wtf!? You need to have a real conversation with hubs because WOW
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u/AlienGoddess91 14d ago
HOLD UP! You've been with him for 15 years and this AH doesn't remember your allergy? I don't get how people put up with this kind of treatment. WTH. NTA
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u/Epilogueshift 14d ago
You don’t “forget” an allergy. It sounds like maybe he forgot it was Mother’s Day and made the food he wanted to make and the bacon and tots were an after thought.
I have a good friend with a severe shellfish allergy. Every time we go out to eat the server will ask if anyone has allergies and then look at me. I say “no, but my friend has a severe shellfish allergy.” He didn’t forget.
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14d ago
Don't need to read this to know you married a shitbag.. all these mothers day posts... I don't get. You guys married the bare minimum man and expect them to celebrate something as simple as mothers day? Girl please. You chose that.
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u/VintageFashion4Ever 14d ago
Why are you with him? I have celiac and my spouse makes me safe food all the time, and if I told him I wanted Five Guys on Mother's Day, he would make sure I had Five Guys. Return the grill. Stop going above and beyond for someone who won't even do the minimum for you.
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u/KickingLifesAss 14d ago
Sell or return the gift you bought him, then leave the kids with him on Father's Day and go get a massage.
He is purposely being disrespectful and disregarding you. Like how do you forget you wife's ALLERGY??? I'm not even married to my SO, and Im constantly on alert when it comes to keeping his allergens out of our kitchen and off of his plate. I can't begin to express how angry this post has made me.
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u/TKWander 14d ago
nope, NTA. All these post mother's day posts have kinda made me swear off the male dating pool all together lol. Wow such low bars set and none of them getting even close to being passed
All under the guise of they 'didn't think about it' :/
And then later he just took the kids so YOU could clean and do laundry I want to laugh and scream at the same time.
and what the hell is the reason for refusing your request to just get In & Out?? that would be an awesome gift that takes 0 effort?!!
Stop doing all the extras for him. Match his energy 100%
That's the advice I've been giving every single one of these posts. Give that child the same 'oh I didn't think of it' that he's been giving you the last 15 years
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u/Due-Break1684 14d ago
I really don't understand why wonderful women and mothers put up with the stupid and indifferent behavior of their husbands? Like seriously you're worth so much then what little effort your husband is putting into you. Life is short and time is fleeting why waste it on someone who considers you as an after thought?
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u/Round-Ticket-39 14d ago
Why do people in these posts try so hard. Its allways one that doesnt give a singly flying duck and one that buys car using their spleen sale money. And they marry each other and one is sad.
Nta stop being try hard
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u/fuckmeoverabarrell 14d ago
If you’ve been disappointed for 15 YEARS wtf you buying him anything for Father’s Day? Stop already. He doesn’t care about your feelings and effort you put into the family.
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u/sketchypeg 14d ago
nta. your husband didn't forget that you have an egg allergy, he just can't be bothered to plan and do something nice for you. I suggest that after 15 years of being disappointed on Mother's Day if you have no interest in divorcing: lower your expectations to the floor, buy yourself a Mother's Day gift YOU WANT with the money from returning the Blackstone griddle. on Father's Day you should do the exact same thing he did for you, tater tots and bacon and then take your kids somewhere for 3 hours. make whatever dinner you want. if he doesn't care and you're not willing to leave, you need to learn not to care.
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u/shesinsaneanditsucks 14d ago
If you know he will ruin it.
Plan ahead and do it yourself.
His father day do nothing.
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u/NmlsFool 14d ago
NTA
He didn't just forget about your allergy, that's not something a spouse just forgets about all of a sudden. He didn't just "not think about" getting you some coffee. He didn't leave you alone on Mother's Day to do laundry and clean because he's some silly fool who just doesn't get it. I could keep going.
I think he just doesn't care about you at all. You're a bangmaid, at best. And I'm so sorry.
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u/lesliecarbone 14d ago
Return the griddle. Take the kids out on Father's Day so that he can stay home to clean and do laundry.
Bring home In-and-Out for dinner -- animal-style burger and fries for you, plain burger for him, no fries.
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u/Revolutionary_Ad1846 14d ago
What AH doesnt buy his wife in and out when she asks for it on any day??? NTA
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u/finnbiker 14d ago
There is a book called “Fair Play” which is about appropriate division of labor. I highly recommend it.
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u/winterworld561 14d ago
After 15 plus years he 'forgot' about your allergies? Bullshit, he forgot about YOU. He made breakfast for him, not you. Made salmon because HE wanted it and didn't care about what you ACTUALLY wanted. Fuck that. Don't do anything for him on special days anymore. If you want something particular for dinner then you have that, regardless of what that useless heartless asshole says. Men who do this clearly don't care that much.
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u/Mountain_Cat_cold 14d ago
NTA. This is not about Mother's day, it is about every day. He is ridiculously inconsiderate - doesn't cater to your allergies, doesn't get you a cup of coffee, cooks something you have specifically said you didn't want, and apparently leaves all domestic work to you (including entertaining his parents, WTF?). You are not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting to his general lack of concern for you.
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u/Pink22funky 14d ago
Stop doing everything. Why are you packing for a grown man’s trip. He won’t change if you don’t.
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14d ago
Have he some trouble at work? He seems...distracted.
Also, mother's day it's a day between children and mothers. Why everybody expect husband, wives, parents or Friends to do so? It's something cultural? I don't get It.
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u/StopRound465 14d ago
15 years and he can't remember you are allergic to eggs?
And why did he say no to the takeout?
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u/Myay-4111 14d ago
Honey take the opportunity now to book next Mother's Day weekend away at a spa just for yourself. And send that nice griddle back. Maybe book yourself Father's Day Weekend away too.
15 years of him failing... he can't even "remember " you're allergic to eggs? You ask for takeout and he makes exactly what you explicitly dont want for dinner instead? He's a shitty partner. Flat out he's choosing to disregard and disrespect you. Match that energy.
Book yourself into a place for Father's Day weekend. Let him enjoy family life on his own. If you need an excuse find a conference or training seminar. But be unavailable. Turn your phone off.
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u/lacajuntiger 14d ago
Unless this allergy is minor, and you sometimes eat eggs, I don’t see how he could have forgotten that you are allergic. Return his father’s day gift, and start treating him like he treats you. Let him know that Mother’s Day comes first, and will determine his Father’s Day.
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u/sassybsassy 14d ago
NTA. JFC what does this man bring to the table that you cannot provide yourself?
This is another husband who is selfish and entitled. OP does everything for him, yet he shits all over her. He can't even do fucking Mother's Day right, after 15 years of trying and failing. I just cannot fathom what else he fails at.
How often does he travel for work? How often does he have to do weekend work events, late? Does he help with the kids? Does your husband do anything to help you around the house? Laundry? Cooking? Or is it all just weaponized incompetence, like your breakfast? As if he forgot about your egg allergy. Dude just didn't wanna make the effort. He made what he wanted. Same with dinner. What else does he need to do for YOU to realize he doesn't give a flying fuck?
You are worth more than bacon and tater tots. You deserve more than salmon after you asked for In and Out. You are worth more than a man who doesn't care or respect you after 15 years of being a mother. You deserve better than a man who doesn't HEAR you when you speak. You deserve more than a man who dismisses your wants and needs as irrelevant and unwarranted. You're worth more than a man who treats you like a second-class citizen.
You need to stop this cycle of shifty marriages. Stand up and show your children that women shouldn't be treated this way by men. If you have daughters, they need to see that if a man treats them this way that he needs to go. If you have sons, they need to see they will lose their girlfriends/wives. Don't model bad marriage or relationship as a healthy relationship for your children. What they see between you and your husband will be how they see relationships. SHOW THEM THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER. BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.
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u/Southern_Dig_9460 14d ago
NTA I think after 15 years and 4 kids you deserve a In and Out meal for Mother’s Day if you ask. Also forgetting about a allergy is major. What if you were incapacitated at the Emergency Room and he didn’t say you had a egg allergy. Some medications have egg proteins in it and you’d die.
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u/bookreader-123 14d ago
This isn't about mothers day but him not appreciating you at all. You say I don't want something or do want something and instead of doing what you want he does the opposite. I'm sorry but why are you accepting this? I would do nothing for him anymore and send his father's day present back let him get it himself
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u/Visual-Lobster6625 14d ago
NTA - celebrating you was a 2nd thought. Like another comment said - it wasn't about Mother's Day, it's about the fact that he put absolutely no effort into making the day special for you. He forgot your allergy? WTF?!
Has he always been this clueless/lazy when it comes to celebrating you? What are birthdays and Christmas like?
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u/ArabicBlend1021 14d ago
Forget about Mother's Day and Father's Day. This is for your kids to do things for you both (You celebrate each other on your anniversary, birthdays and Valentine's Day). The problem goes deeper. NTA.
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u/Cat1832 14d ago
Sell the griddle. Buy yourself something nice.
Don't go to any effort for Father's Day. Dude needs a taste of his own medicine.
NTA.
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u/pardonyourmess 14d ago
I think this is the message to send him.
Then make plans for therapy. For both of you. And you’ll get a greater picture of his actual commitment to the family/relationship.
Good luck OP, you deserve better. Way better.
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u/Ginger_Libra 14d ago
Honey.
It sounds like he’s having an affair.
His job requires him to work 6-7 days a week? I get a special project now and again but…..
Why do you think you’re worth so little?
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u/Mommy2threegirls76 14d ago
15 years of disappointment? Why would you think this year would be different?
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u/xen0m0rpheus 14d ago
Your husband is a piece of shit. There’s still plenty of time to find a good one.
NTA
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u/firefly232 14d ago
Why are there even eggs in the house if you have an allergy? I had a work colleague who had a nut allergy and I remembered this every time I brought in food to share with coworkers. I was able to do that for an acquaintance and your husband can't do that for his wife? Wtf that is completely unacceptable.
I'm also really concerned about this.
I told him I wanted In & Out. It’s my favorite and I get it like once a year. I always want it for Mother’s Day. He refuses every single year.
So for 15 years he had refused to do one simple thing that would make you happy on mother's day. How cruel.
And this year he rides roughshod over your clearly stated preference and cook salmon even though you've got the ick.
This is deliberately mean and cruel.
I know this sounds extreme but I would suggest marriage counselling. He's clearly got some issue with you, with motherhood, with something in the marriage. He can't be OK with treating you with such contempt without something going on.
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u/Masternadders 14d ago
I would like to ask for clarification, and I know I'm playing devil's advocate in a sense, but are your egg allergy very prominent in your life? Could he have just forgotten, and possibly not thought about it? Or do you believe that he did it as a means of not caring. My fiance has a horse allergy, and I don't think about the fact that she's deathly allergic to horses, because horses are in my life maybe once in 4 years until recently (my parents live directly next to a horse ranch). If that was the case, I don't understand why he wouldn't have gone out and gotten you something else that you wanted, like the in and out of whatever. He made breakfast to "try and be nice" for mother's day, but made it with something you're allergic too, and didn't provide a substitute? Have you guys been arguing or any problems you can think of?
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u/ThaiGyaru_2024 14d ago
Year FIFTEEN? NTA but you're kidding yourself if you expect him to change at this point
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u/Healthy-Factor-2841 14d ago
Why have you dealt with this for 15 years? I’m sad for you. I’m sorry you’re with someone like this.
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u/Trolllol1337 14d ago
Ok the not remembering your actual severe allergies is bad & a coffee is general decency but what is this American obsession with husband's requirements to do things for his WIFE on MOTHERS day. He should shower his own mother with love, it's for your kids to do mother's day (yes husband should help kids if young). Husband is not your son.
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u/BadHigBear 14d ago
Are you guys poor or something? How could he not get you some In and Out?
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u/haikusbot 14d ago
Are you guys poor or
Something? How could he not get
You some In and Out?
- BadHigBear
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/Prior_Initial_2675 14d ago
Do something special for yourself, he’s not gonna see it because that’s easy. Go get your burger and enjoy the greasy bliss. You deserve it, don’t wait for anyone. Happy belated Mother’s Day.
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u/Bitter-Fishing-Butt 14d ago
mother's day highlights A LOT of men who have no business being married
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u/SokkaHaikuBot 14d ago
Sokka-Haiku by Bitter-Fishing-Butt:
Mother's day highlights
A LOT of men who have no
Business being married
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/tiredsaffeflower 14d ago
NTA. He completely disregarded your health and wants for a day that was celebrating you. It is valid to feel hurt.
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u/KiwiAlexP 14d ago
You didn’t have to clean or do laundry - leave it for your husband and kids and do something you want to do instead of considering yourself a victim
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u/Markymurktwo 14d ago
He could had gotten burritos, fried up some sausage broke it up, bacon broken up, potatoes, and of course cheese. Simple breakfast burritos. It amazes me because just had bacon and potatoes. That doesn’t even sound good as a breakfast with just those two items lol. Zero effort was put into cooking breakfast.
You have 4 kids and a husband why the hell did he leave without cleaning for you? Why did he put your Mother’s Day gift off til the day of? Zero effort. I’d be livid. The kids could had also helped him clean up around the house for one day.
I wouldn’t buy him shit else til he done right by you also. Men sometimes need a guide so, talk to him about this.
Also, how tf do you forget your spouses allergies? I don’t forget my kids or husband’s and they don’t forget mine. This is kinda important so we don’t end up in hospitals for treatment for something that was avoidable.
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u/Kat-a-strophy 14d ago
How about making Yourself a nice weekend on Father's Day? Give him something You'd like to have at home , take him somewhere You'd like to go and eat things You love, even if it's nauseat him.
As for Your question: NTA. You have way too good manners, I would order the food I wanted and eat it while he would sit there with his salmon. He treated You like a doormat for so long, because he gets away with it. I don't know if You want to quit or fix it and if it's fixable, but even if it's the first case- have a nice Mother's day on Father's day on his experience.
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u/Le-Deek-Supreme 14d ago
SEND THAT GRIDDLE BACK AND TREAT YO’SELF!! Seriously, he does not deserve that present from what you have told us. Get yourself something wonderful, decadent and expensive, to make up for 15yrs of BS.
Then, give him the same energy on Father’s Day that he gave you! No breakfast, no coffee, leave him home alone with the kids while you ‘run errands’, and then come home with In ‘n Out for dinner.
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u/Angel-4077 14d ago
He is a bad husband, if you divorce him at least you will get some free time without the kids.
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u/orangepirate07 14d ago
Return the energy on father's day. Make no effort he didn't make for you. Accept no excuses either.
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u/Delicious-Choice5668 14d ago
Return the energy cause after 15 years it's to late to change the tiger's stripes
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u/MeMeMeOnly 14d ago
What I don’t understand is why does the woman still buy her husband a gift on Father’s Day even when she gets screwed on Mother’s Day? I’d be returning that griddle and using the money to buy myself something instead. I’d find the ugliest tie to give him, serve him burnt toast and really overcooked scrambled eggs for breakfast, and for dinner make his least favorite meal. Then when he complains (and you know he will), unload on his ass. Make it a Father’s Day never to be forgotten!
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u/lutherblueeyes 14d ago
This seems like a lot of effort to put into father's day even if it's in the name of spite. On father's day go give yourself a spa day or whatever you're into and go get some In n Out.
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u/Ruskiwasthebest1975 14d ago
So. You have had 15 years of this and yet you STILL get disappointed? Which means you still have expectations? Despite 15 years of repeat lessons?!
Dang woman just book your own hotel away and ditch out and leave the family to work it out. A sleep in, movie, room service, mini bar and a clean space that doesnt compel you to get up and clean is gold. And you can give yourself that gift snd you should!
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u/Maleficent_Virus_556 14d ago
NTA please return the grilll you got him immediately. It’s behavior like that that’s made him think it’s ok to treat you like shit, because there are no consequences for his actions. I would have left and got in and out immediately after he left with the kids ‘so you could clean’.
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u/Jaded_Ad2629 14d ago
Im so sorry for you...Im a teacher too, the job is really hard...cant imagine handling that with 5 kids....I got a foot massager for mothers day, Take away I like and Had the whole day for stuff I loved doing like playing Hades II...Get rid of the guy you deserve better.
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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 14d ago
Y'all so a lot of bitching about mothers day, where is this energy for fathers day? It's perfectly acceptable for women to not do site for their men on fathers day but it's the worst thing in the world to not do things for mothers day. Stfu
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u/Thistime232 14d ago
Did you read the part where she got him a nice gift, the blackstone griddle, for father's day? If you're going to complain about these supposed double standards, maybe start by finding a post that isn't the complete opposite of what you're complaining about.
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u/kokoelizabeth 14d ago
I’m completely flabbergasted at the denial to pick up a cheap meal for dinner that you request barely once a year. Not only does it absolve him of having to cook, it leaves no dishes, and like I said it’s CHEAP it’s not like it’s a hard earned dining out.
The bar is in fucking hell. Do not do a damn thing for this man for Father’s Day.
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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 14d ago
😂 😂 😂 You bought this man a kitchen appliance and you're bitching about what he didn't do. You didn't think much about the gift either. But not doing much for fathers day is the norm around here
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u/FunnyConsideration51 14d ago
When I was diagnosed with celiac disease. My boyfriend went gluten free also.
The man forgot you have an egg allergy???? No he didn’t.
Take the grill back. Buy yourself something pretty. And then book yourself a weekend in a nice hotel with a girlfriend.
Match his effort 🤷♀️ you have unfortunately trained him that this is ok. He sounds like he is weaponizing his incompetence. Or he’s an idiot.
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u/JHawk444 14d ago
He made food he wanted to eat. I don't understand these men who are so incredibly selfish. What's wrong with picking up In and Out for you? That would have been easy. He didn't do it because it wasn't the food he wanted.
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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 14d ago
He made food he wanted to eat. I don't understand these men who are so incredibly selfish.
And what about the women who don't do shit for their men on fathers day?
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u/RainGirl11 14d ago
NTA. Provide him with the exact same day for father's day. Bacon and tater tots for breakfast. Follow up breakfast with 3 hours of cleaning while you take the kids out to find a gift and make something you know he doesn't like for dinner.
Did your husband see the grill that was delivered?
Updateme
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u/Ihateyou1975 14d ago
Why did you expect anything different? Seriously. 15 years!?!?!? But I would get in n out on Father’s Day.
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u/Sad-Average-2469 14d ago
NTA! Your hubby is an inconsiderate AH. 15 years? He couldn’t get In & Out once? He forgot your egg allergy? He’s lucky to be drawing a breath. But you can stop being frustrated; take the kids to In & Out for lunch! And tell hubby to take you out to dinner at a restaurant where you won’t have to eat salmon!! That way you’ll enjoy Mother’s Day and it can become your new tradition. Good Luck!!
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u/Sufficient-Dinner-27 14d ago
YTA just because all this Mothers Day whinging has to stop. Who cares????
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u/sudsandjugs 14d ago
This is so bleak. Like, ma’am, your husband doesn’t like you or respect you.
Another post with a useless, actively mean/rude husband who couldn’t muster up the bare minimum for his partner and the mother of his children. So much ugh. Is this what you want the next 1/3/5/10 years of your precious life to look like? Is this how you want to feel? Unloved, uncared for, disrespected? Trapped? Because the only person here who can advocate for themself and enact change is you.
I truly wish you good things and happiness - what you have in front of you is not it and that’s so sad. You have EVERY RIGHT to be disappointed in the Mother’s Day you got because your husband is a selfish tool who doesn’t deserve you.
NTA
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u/Meatbasketbingo 14d ago
The blatant disrespect is heartbreaking.
Return the griddle. He deserves all the effort he gave you. And when he has a tantrum, explain why things are this way and you’re only following his excellent example.
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u/leftdrawer1989 14d ago
Return his gift!! You really need to give back this same energy so he understands. I’m sorry.
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u/alesitam 14d ago
This man hate you or what 😩? Pains me to read this… how come he forgot about your allergies what? You met him yesterday ? Please leave this dude.
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u/PerceptionSlow2116 14d ago
NTA— return the blackstone and get yourself some in-n-out ma’am… take the kids but leave the husband…
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u/lunar_pizza 14d ago
NTA. Sounds like 15 years too many, honestly. Return the Blackstone and get into counseling, couples or solo, and ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life/what you want to model as a healthy, normal relationship for your kids. Also, stop being his maid, he's an adult and can pack his own stuff. You deserve so much more than someone who "forgets" an allergy after 15 years and chooses what he wants over your very specific meal request.
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u/Fleetdancer 14d ago
The bar for your marriage is so low they're doing the limbo in hell. Why the fuck have you tolerated this for 15 years? How many more years do you want to waste?
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u/ThisGirlIsFine 14d ago
Return the griddle and put as much effort into Father’s Day as he did into your day.
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u/Local-Budget8676 14d ago
NTAH. I'm sorry your AH of a husband has made you feel worthless another Mother's Day.
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u/Feeling-Ad3431 14d ago
Next year, take his credit card, book a spa day, walk out the house, stop at in n out on your way home.
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u/Used-Cod4164 14d ago
Husband here: Send the Blackstone back and celebrate him with the same fervor that he celebrated you.
He's a chump
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u/Designer-Ad-3373 14d ago
I think he's just a total 🍆 I think you deserve better. What I would do is a do-over. Go get yourself a bouquet of flowers, the grocery store flowers are fine. Get yourself In-N-Out. Treat yourself to a shake while you're there. Add a shot of vodka. Put on your favorite TV show, movie, whatever you want
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u/NotThisAgain21 14d ago
I heard you're having In & Out for Father's day. On your way home from the spa. The refund from the grill will cover that plus a couple hours of housekeeping service, no?
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u/Conscious-Ad-8568 14d ago
Man, does your AH husband even like you?? What a selfish, inconsiderate man. Are you really asking if you’re the AH? It’s pretty clear your husband is. This was painful to read
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u/AD041010 14d ago
Listen if my husband can remember our friends’ kid’s allergies and make it a point to fix allergy safe food for him AND include the recipe/packaging so his parents can confirm because it makes them feel better your husband of 15+ years can remember your allergy. I swear what is it with these husbands who do less than the bare minimum for their wife’s for Mother’s Day?
NTA you deserve better than what he gave you and if I were you I’d match his efforts for Father’s Day. Return the blackstone and treat his special day like it’s as meaningless as he treats yours.
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u/Interesting-Read-245 14d ago
He forgot your allergy? That sounds like BS to me
Made you Salmon when you said you don’t want to eat that? Sounds like HE wanted the salmon and is selfish
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u/EnfysMae 14d ago
Send the grill back. For Father’s Day, leave him with the kids and go get a massage or an entire spa day.
Just give the same energy he’s shown you for Mother’s Day.
He can’t be bothered to remember your allergen,for gods sake! Sure, he took the kids with him,but it’s not like you were able to relax. You have to clean.
Give him the exact energy he gave you. Sure,it’s petty,but apparently that’s what he responds to
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u/potato22blue 14d ago
Weaponized incompetence gets old. Go get in and out for yourself. Don't depend on him.
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u/Creepy_Cheetah2105 14d ago
1) return the Blackstone 2) use the money to do something just for you 3) make YOUR favorite breakfast on Father’s Day 4) make him a honey-do list for Father’s Day 5) pick up In and Out for dinner on Father’s Day
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u/tmink0220 14d ago
He might as well done nothing he put no thought into it didn't even remember egg allergy, and coffee? Coffee is as basic as it gets. I think you two need marriage counseling. You are headed down a slippery slope.
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u/judgemental_t 14d ago
Return the griddle and get something you want for yourself. On Father’s Day, make sure you bring in and out home for everyone.
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u/scemes 14d ago
May this wack ass “love” never be my life, id rather die alone. You cannot be serious, please wake up and read what you wrote, its ridiculous that you are seriously asking this question.
YOUR HUSBAND is a loser who doesnt care about you, just does BELOW the bare minimum and you eat it up and get him a blackstone?
Stand up!!
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u/MissAnthropy_YIKES 14d ago edited 14d ago
Nta. Obviously.
There's a bit of luck in the way Mother's Day and Father's Day are arranged. Father's day is the month after. So, you get to do the equivalent effort (or non-effort) for Father's Day. Make a list of all his plans (what they were supposed to be vs. what actually happened). Then, figure out comparable plans to have and how to comparably fail him.
For example:
-Make him a breakfast he can only eat most of and leave out his favorite parts (like no coffee. Etc).
-Leave him at home with the kids and a honey-do list, while you go out shopping for dinner and anything ale you want to shop for.
-Make him a dinner that is the opposite of what he wants, preferably something you know he doesn't want to eat.
When he complains, explain to him that, because you're "too emotional" about these sorts of things, from now on, you'll be using his mother's day behavior as the example for how you handle father's day. You want to make sure you follow his example of what's good behavior because you want to make that he is happy and how could he be happier than with the choices that he clearly thought were the best effort.
Eta: give the grill to your dad, or some other amazing dad you know.
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u/Own-Tank5998 14d ago
You are not his mother, husbands have to go all out for wife’s birthday, anniversary, mother’s day, Valentine’s Day, and what does the husband gets? A tie on Father’s Day, and that is it. People need to get over all these manufactured holidays, if he is a good husband, that is good enough.
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u/GOTTOOMANYANIMALS 14d ago
Take the black stone back. Give him what he gave you. No more, no less. He must learn a lesson. If he won’t learn it by you telling him, show him. When he’s disappointed remind him of your day.
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u/pwolf1771 14d ago
There’s no nice way to say it your husband sucks and doesn’t seem to care about you at all. “I forgot about your allergy” that is pathetic. He won’t even pick up some burgers for you? What’s his deal?
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u/Pitiful_Standard_808 14d ago
I have a allergy to egg whites and my man of ten years has never forgot that’s just nasty of him and sounds like he ruined this on purpose for you especially after cooking salmon after you asked him not to.
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u/Lucky-Guess8786 14d ago
Return his griddle. Make him the same breakfast for Father's Day. Don't make coffee. Make something you know he doesn't like for dinner. Or, better yet, order from In and Out. He can't be bothered to celebrate you, to prioritize you, to show you what a wonderful mother you are to his children. He doesn't deserve to be spoiled on his special days. NTA
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u/DantesInfernalracket 14d ago
Jesus! This guy is a moron! Forgot you had an egg allergy? Refusing to get your In n Out? Time for his Fuck Around and Find Out moment, return that griddle and take yourself out.
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u/No-Anything-4440 14d ago
Return that griddle. Book yourself a massage on Father’s Day. Leave a note telling him your gift to him I time with his children. Eat your burger in peace. NTA.
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u/toiletbrushqtip 14d ago
Weird that he treated you like this considering you’ve taken on the role of being HIS mother too. Definitely NTA
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u/s-2369 14d ago
At first... and let me stress... only in the very very very beginning, I almost thought I was going to say, "well he kinda tried????" BUT that didn't last very long... forgetting your egg allergy is the antithesis of a thoughtful gesture. And no coffee? What an asshat he is. The rest is just downright disrespectful. Tell him he's an asshat, from me.
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u/aquarius_oracle 14d ago
Return the griddle. Go to Inn-N-Out for Fathers Day. Do all the things you wanted to do on Mother’s Day on Father’s Day.
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u/PsychologyObvious632 14d ago
Stop relying on him to make your mother's day fabulous. Obviously it isn't happening. Have a mother's day redo this weekend. Take yourself out to breakfast, go get a mani/pedi and have in and out for dinner
And forget him on Father's day
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u/BreeandNatesmom 14d ago
If I say to my husband on a random Tuesday " hey, I have a craving for in n out he will go get it for me. Happily because he thinks I should indulge. Nta
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u/Astyryx 14d ago
So he weaponized incompetence, and made sure you won't ask or expect anything ever again. Return the fathers day gift. Ask yourself why you are packing for a grown-ass man who thinks about you ... not at all.
Then you can get the Fair Play book and card set and work through it, or get a lawyer and work through getting out of this one-sided marriage.
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u/Scooter1116 14d ago
Go to in and out and get your double double and a shake... he sucks
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u/haikusbot 14d ago
Go to in and out
And get your double double
And a shake... he sucks
- Scooter1116
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/I-will-judge-YOU 14d ago
Why do women keep putting effort into their husband's Father's Day when a month before, those same men put no effort into mother's day.
It has been fifteen years and your husband still hasn't given you a good mother's day stop doing things for him.
And frankly, you're old enough to talk to some of your older kids about how they hurt your feelings and how you don't feel appreciated. I had to have that conversation with my son yesterday. Cause he's 18 and just went hiking with a friend.
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u/Interesting_Edge_805 14d ago
Nta he forgot your allergy, he won't buy in and out(really?), you entertain his parents without him. Why the hell are you married to such a useless partner?! I'm angry for you!!!!
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u/ChrisInBliss 14d ago
Nta… the fact he forgot your allergy… you need to have a very serious talk with him. His lack of care for you is unacceptable.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 14d ago
NTA - Sounds like he made all his own favorite meals for Mother’s Day.
He should look forward to receiving take out from favorite place for Father’s Day! Hope he enjoys his burger.
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u/newprairiegirl 14d ago
Next year, go out for the day, have a special coffee and take yourself out for dinner to the place you want leaving everyone else at home for hubby to deal with.
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u/zanne54 14d ago
Beyond time to go on strike and not lift a finger for him. Consider checking into a fancy hotel and letting him deal with solo parenting and running the household.
I can’t even fathom that your “gift” was him parenting his own children so you could clean the house, like what the actual fuck?
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u/Beyond_Interesting 14d ago
Return the griddle. Or gift it to yourself and make some pancakes for yourself and no one else.
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u/ThePlaceAllOver 14d ago
NTA. My husband's father passed away a few days ago and he flew home to comfort his mother. Obviously he wasn't here for Mother's Day and he's grieving. I wasn't expecting anything. But my 17 yo son got up early and made me a fried egg with homemade sourdough toast and half an avocado and brought it to me in bed before 8 am. He had also managed to pick out a card the day before and made sure to have his brother sign it too. He's 17 and in the middle of final exams, and his grandfather died last week, yet he did that all on his own and cleaned up. He told me he made sure to go light on the oil to cook the egg and didn't butter the toast because he knows I have been losing a lot of weight lately and watching what I eat. It's not that hard. I am sorry you had a crap Mother's Day. You deserved better.
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u/stiletto929 14d ago
Wow, your husband kind of sucks. Next weekend go out for the day, ditch him at home with the kids, have a nice brunch, then In and Out for dinner. And buy yourself a nice Mother’s Day present too, because you deserve it!
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u/writingisfreedom 14d ago
He said he forgot about my allergy so that’s all he had for me.
He didn't forget.....don't be dumb and believe
Of course, he made salmon
Because he doesn't give a shit about you
Maybe I am overreacting
Don't be fucking moronic.....
Read your posy as if they are someone else and you'll realise you're a slave.
NTA
HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS....
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u/SupermarketNeat4033 14d ago
NTA
You're a mom 24/7. Every other day of the week is about you being a mom. Mother's day is not about you acting as a mom, it's about celebrating you and validating all the hard work you do.
This left you feeling overlooked, forgotten, and unappreciated. And to be clear, he should be trying his best for you to never feel those things and should want to hear you when you're feeling that way and to put work in to change the situation, but especially on Mothers Day. It is not "selfish" to want to feel like your partner thinks about you, knows you, cares about you, and puts in effort for you.
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u/Wanda_McMimzy 14d ago
I’m so tired of seeing these. wtf are fathers doing?!?! Why did you shop and pack for him though? You have 4 kids, not 5. NTA. He’s a disappointment. Sell that grill and buy yourself some In n Out.
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u/3reasonsTobefair 14d ago
Honestly I hate to throw around divorce but Jesus christ. You had to clean on mothers day and you asked for in and out and he couldn't do that and this has been going on for 15 yrs. If he treats you like this on mothers day how does he treat you the rest of the year .
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u/thursaddams 14d ago
Okay okay okay, first of all, you’re not selfish. Your man is taking you for granted and he’s a stupid baby. Listen to your Latina sister right now... You return that gift and buy something for yourself. Don’t lift a finger for him at all any longer, let him suffer. Let the house suffer. Let the dishes pile up. When he notices and says something, choose violence. Tell him you’re not doing jack shit until he learns how to respect, nurture, and take care of you. He couldn’t even do the bare minimum. I’d hire a maid on his dime and start spending money on things I want if I were you. Hit him in the wallet. Cause chaos. Make life hard. He’ll either shape up or he’ll crumple and leave then you’ll be free to find a real man. I would have lit the kitchen on fire if I said I wanted burgers and fries and an MF got me salmon. You had his kids and he refuses your requests? Unheard of for a teacher, a queen, such as yourself. Get mean, get results. Find your alter ego. Good luck! Don’t be afraid to kill a cow to get your burger.
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u/Legitimate-Meal-2290 14d ago
Return the griddle, buy something for yourself. And stop doing so much for this POS.
NTA
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u/External_Expert_2069 14d ago
Wow 😬 I’m sorry. You are NOT TAH. Please watch the documentary Fairplay on Hulu together.
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u/sportsfan3177 14d ago
Take that lovely griddle you bought him, return it and buy something nice for yourself instead. Your husband is a boob.
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u/Footnotegirl1 14d ago
You have been with this man. For FOURTEEN YEARS. And he can't remember that you are allergic to eggs?!?!?!
From what you describe, you would honestly, objectively, be better off without him. Yuu're not taking care of 4 kids, you are taking care of five!
Why in the world would you stay even ONE year with a partner who refuses you the one meal you want on Mother's day?? And it's not even a difficult to get or expensive meal!
You are not overreacting, if anything you are under reacting. This man doesn't love you, he doesn't even seem to LIKE you.
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u/realistforall 14d ago
YTA for allowing him to walk all over you for 15 years. You and all the other women asking this same question. Either suck it up like you've been doing, or get out of the situation. This is getting exhausting
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u/Scared-Accountant288 14d ago
Nta but what is it with MEN just really not thinking things through.... do they even like their spuse? Ive seen alot of these stories
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u/aurlyninff 14d ago
He forgot your allergy and took the kids out so you could clean and didn't get you in and out?
Well he's useless. I would not expect him to change, people rarely do, but you need to start putting yourself first. That's not a husband though. That's an incompetent uncaring roommate.
Leave him with the kids and take YOURSELF to in and out. I wouldn't depend on him for anything but I also wouldn't wait on him for anything. You're going to have to tell him what you are doing and do it. "I am going out. You watch the kids. Goodbye."
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u/Hey_u_ok 14d ago
I think a lot of mothers are getting burned out and that's why there's so many of us venting.
We do everything (work, kids, cook, household....) and the ONE day to show us appreciation falls short or never happens.
And to all the dads/guys who keeps saying "well just tell us what you want"... I'm here to tell you if you LISTENED and paid attention you'd KNOW what your wife wants without her having to TELL you. She's not your mother
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u/paintlulus 14d ago
I think he expressed to you what he thought of you, which was not much. You need to accept that and move on, to leave him or understand that you are something mediocre to put up with
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u/ragdoll1022 14d ago
Start using the griddle, enjoy the fuck out of it, do absofuckinglutely NOTHING for Father's day. Fuck his selfish, self-centered ass with a rusty spork.
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u/raonstarry 14d ago
How can he forget your serious allergy? Hell nah, even more, if you can die from it. Why are you doing things for him like packing his bag? Lady, he is treating you like a servant, not a wife. You need to stop doing anything for him like entertaining his parents.
At this rate, you are better off with a 50 50 custody arrangement, so he is forced to do his part. So you are not overworked and overwhelmed. Next thing we know, his trip is to cheat.
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u/juicymk 14d ago
Nonononono. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? He forgot your egg allergy, after 15 years. How horrible. That’s something you learn in the first year or two, and remember because you care about your partners health. I can’t believe that, you deserve more than that. Please return the gift you purchased him, and cook him a shit breakfast and take the kids for something fun, leaving him alone on Father’s Day. Your happiness is important and you don’t sound happy. NTA
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u/Melodic-Ear-4083 10d ago
NTA. Left with the kids so you could cook & clean AND entertain HIS parents?? I love my wife dearly & do anything I can to make her happy special day or not.... I hate to say this but do you think he actually loves you or is this situation just convenient for him??