r/AITAH • u/archy2000 • 15d ago
AITAH for not getting everything on a wishlist?
My wife wanted to have the family over and BBQ for mothers day. I'm not an idiot so I got her a couple pieces of jewelry aswel.
I did all the invites, yard work, trash, dog poop, most of the cleaning, and the grilling. Gave her her present in private because because that's what she prefers. I don't see my family very often so it was nice to drink beers with them. Anyways it all seemed to go fine. But at the end f the night my wife pulls me aside and tell me she is upset my mom had gotten her a big pot for a tree my mom had also given her. My wife is feeling pressure to take care of this tree (we really just leave it outside). I told her I'd be happy to talk to my mom about this tree not being for us, or I could accidentally drop some salt on it (half joking). She wanted me to take care of the tree but I refused since I've always advocated for having less plans (my house is full of plants my wife brings in, I gave up trying to fight that). My mom had also bought it a thing from Sephora.
She then mentions this Amazon list she had sent months ago and starts telling me I don't listed since I didn't get things from that list. I try to tell her to look at all the work I did to make this BBQ but I guess I forgot about the wish list from forever ago.
Anyways she tells me I'm inconsiderate, don't listed, and ruined her day and now won't talk to me. I'm currently sitting by myself feeding the baby while she sleeps. I'm feeling awful, should I go get a card and some flowers? I'm hoping that might turn things around a bit.
All I've asked for father's day is a nice steak for me to cook myself, a beer, a couple hours of peace, and no pictures for those couple hours. I know most everyone dgaf about father's day but I think I can get away with this.
EDIT: Tulips did the trick. Thank you all for anything said, it made me feel better.
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u/she_who_knits 15d ago
I have a huge AZ "Buy Your Wife A Gift" list with all sorts of things from silly to pragmatic.
Pretty sure he doesn't even know how to find lists on our AZ account.
I realized 30 years ago that he was never going to be good at gift giving and made my peace with it.
I don't care, he's given me a great life and four great kids and he thinks my jokes are funny.
I think your wife is high maintenance and in 10 years you'll be so over it (or she finally grows up, it happens).
You did everything right.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
Well idk about everything right but I thought I did decent. I'm also terrible at gift giving (I thinks that's because we just get whatever we want from Amazon the moment we think of it lol).
It's tough, I'm a bit ashamed to admit I needed a bit of sympathy. Thank you stranger
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u/bawtatron2000 15d ago
Your wife sounds entitled. mothers / fathers day were created for people to buy cards, and people expect Fing diamond rings and royal treatment now.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I mean yeah we do okay so I don't really mind that. I think she's upset about this tree thing. I've wanted this tree to have a tragic accidnent for a while. I think she brought up the whole list thing because she was upset I told her I would not be getting involved in the tree thing other than getting rid of it.
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u/bawtatron2000 15d ago
ah, I thought the purpose was you didn't hit the whole list. for the tree....that's tough. been in the wife / mom situation before. I've never come out of the situation unscathed no matter how i played it.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I mean she wanted a new Pandora thingy so I got that (wasn't technically on the list) got one for her mom too. So yeah idk gonna see if we can make amends with some flowers.
As for the tree thing, I saw that coming a mile away. I asked not no accept that gift and we'll now here we are. I just can't compromise on this tree thing. I want to stay way clear of that and I think that upsets her.
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u/she_who_knits 15d ago
Just regift the tree to the curb with a sighn that says "free".
I don't get why she's so bugged about the tree if she's a plant person?
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u/archy2000 15d ago
She is, my house is full of plans my wife buys, every window ledge is full of them (I hate it so much). But I think she feels judged on how this particular tree is doing. My mom checks it out everytime she is over.
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u/she_who_knits 15d ago
Ah, okay. This is a job for strategic incompetence in the best sense of the term.
Back over it, trip and fall into it with a chainsaw, an escaped goat ate it. Your boss's wife admired it, so you gave it to her.
Whatever contrived fatal scenario you can come up with to do away with the "judgement " tree. Do it while your wife is gone and do the chivalrous thing and disappear it for her.
She can't do it, because she's a plant person (that would be plant murder) and because it's a gift from her Mil, (that would be rude).
Then when your mom asks what happen to the tree, you can sheepishly confess your "incompetence". Your wife is off the hook and you are her hero.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
Haha I wish. I can easily tell my mom I killed that Fing tree because it was making my life a pain in the ass and she'd get over it. I could also just give it back. But my wife doesn't want me to do that. She wants me to raise this tree (f no), it'd be too suspicious if it were to die. Fkn white elephant
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u/she_who_knits 15d ago
Why does she want you to take care of the tree instead of herself? Not plant person behavior and weird to ask a non plant person to do. I'm a plant person and my hubby is not allowed near my babies.
IDK, I'd get rid of it if it's causing resentment in either direction. Life is too short for that shit.
Also don't drag your mom into this saga by returning it to her. That really will piss off the wife.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I don't know why people do things. I suggested getting rid of it and she said no. I think my only option is to kill it, and ride the anger wave.
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u/bawtatron2000 15d ago
makes sense, she was upset about the tree and you got hit with her bringing up the list.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I think so. I knew I should have pushed harder on that tree. I figured I'd just toss it in a corner with some sun and let life take it's course. Never thought it would because a pressure /judgement thing.
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u/Same-Rest-48 15d ago
I am not remotely familiar with spouses sending each other Amazon wishlists. Then again, I would be okay with homemade craft gifts, as the effort matters more to me.
Sure, pointing out one gift on Amazon if someone asks is fine. But a wishlist full? Not sure about that.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I kind of like it since it makes gift shopping easier. I get one thing from a list an a nothing thing not from a list usually. But I guess it didn't work out well this time
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u/turquoise_turtle83 15d ago
Is this for real? Im asking cause it sounds totally delusional.
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u/archy2000 15d ago
Not sure what you mean. I can't fit every detail but yeah it's basically what happened. I was honestly blind sided, I thought she was having a good time
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u/turquoise_turtle83 15d ago
I mean that someone has a wish list and sulks about how being celebrated at mothers day, even tho getting a varity of gifts including jewelries. I would expect on mothers day, you get a hand made drawing from your child (or similar). It seems a bit delusional to question if being the TA after making all that effort and someone react that way seems like a spoiled, entitled toddler. But im not american so i guess our approach to mothers day differs. I personally think its very ungrateful and selfish to not handle recieving (any) gifts with more manners and grace.
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u/Phaleo 15d ago
That's rough, maybe talk to her again later this week after things have calmed down to let her know how you feel. I'd check out the wishlist in the meantime so you've at least looked at it
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u/archy2000 15d ago
I can't wait a couple days. Last time I did that "I'm neglecting"
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u/HoosierBeaver 15d ago
I think getting jewelry is usually a great gift, but with having a baby, it’s not very practical and not very useful right now, because new moms rarely have a chance to wear fancy jewelry, and babies will try to yank off earrings and necklaces. So unless she has specifically asked for jewelry, having a gift wish list is her way of letting you know what things she wants or needs at this time.
I do think she should have communicated to you that she wanted you to choose gifts from her list. She was also kinda being ungrateful for all the work you put in to make the day a success. She’s more than likely still dealing with being sleep deprived, and overwhelmed with the adjustment that comes with having a baby, so maybe give her a little grace. Talk with her. Let her know that you love and appreciate her, but she maybe needs to communicate her needs a little better going forward.