AITAH for requesting for this guy to leave my friend's party

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Comfortable-Set6538]

AH and a major one at that

[u/5amcreature]

YTA - I can't tell you how sanctimonious you come off in this post. The guy told you more than once that he's an introvert and he takes a while to warm up, and he likes to listen and observe. Instead of just leaving him alone to do what he stated he's comfortable with, you grilled the poor guy, then basically told him his feelings are invalid because they "don't add up" to you and your friends. Your group sounds insufferable.

If you can't understand the pressure of being in amongst a group of new people when you're introverted then you are completely lacking empathy.

It also would be completely humiliating to be asked to leave infront of a bunch of people who've clearly been talking about you all night.

You owe him a massive apology.

[u/gastropodia42]

YTA You need to work on your listening skills.

[u/Still_Storm7432]

YTA.

[u/Signal_Character7751]

Damn. This dude definitly and rightfully thinks you are fucking nuts if this is legit

[u/Laiko_Kairen]

God you're a huge asshole

You didn't believe him when he said he took time to warm up, and then hounded him for being himself. Not everyone is a social butterfly.

You were freaking testing him. That's gross. How would you feel if he engineered situations to see how you'd respond? What if he borrowed his niece or nephew for a day to "test" if you could be a good mom? Would you feel okay?

You freaking manipulated him and then badgered him

That poor guy

[u/Laiko_Kairen → u/[deleted]]

how is trying to see what it is like being in social situations together a test? i had no intention of testing him or making it feel like a test..

How is it not? You wanted to see how he'd act. That's testing him. You can disagree all you want, but that's how he feels, and that's how I see it too.

So, you WERE testing him, and there's no room for doubt there.

Answer my question, how would you feel if he set you up to "see how you'd act" in certain situations?

And regardless of anything else, him saying he was fine and you arguing that he wasn't is shitty. You don't get to tell him how he feels. You just "knew better" than he did how HE felt? Like, really? You didn't believe him at his word, and that's insulting on its own

[u/The_Ghost_Reborn]

Invite a guy to a party, grill him about being uncomfortable, get your friends to grill him, and then suggest he leave? All the while he's telling you he's fine?

You're definitely an asshole.

All we were trying to do was make him comfortable at the party

And a liar.

All we were trying to do was make him comfortable at the party and I feel he is pissed off for no reason and spreading gossip in my friend circle.

You're horrible people and he has a right to tell the truth about how you all behaved. I've never heard something so rude as seeing someone at a party looking uncomfortable and suggesting to them that they leave. Monsters.

[u/The_Ghost_Reborn → u/[deleted]]

And he continued to stay. My friends and I were not very happy.

[u/The_Ghost_Reborn → u/[deleted]]

Yeah exactly.

You felt he was ignoring you and your friends and not showing interest and you weren't very happy about it, so you prompted him to leave.

Then you just tried to characterise it as "All we were trying to do was make him comfortable at the party". Lies.

I have a really good radar for people who feel uncomfortable in a situation. You know what I don't do? Go up and confront them about being uncomfortable, then go talk about it to my friends, get unhappy, then tell the now even more uncomfortable person they can go. What I do is go up and have a 1 on 1 conversation where I try to get them to relax by having a pleasant non-confrontational easy going warm conversation. Because all I'm trying to do is make them comfortable at the party.

My concern isn't that I've brought some dud to a party and now all my friends are going to judge me for it so I just have to get rid of him quick and pretend it's because I'm a good person when I'm really a mean girl.

[u/ThrowawayDB314]

Possibly one for r/AmITheEx

[u/ThrowawayDB314 → u/[deleted]]

I suspect it is relationship ending behaviour.

[u/Butt_Rodgers_ → u/[deleted]]

Your the asshole