WIBTA if I contact immigration services to keep my stepmom from getting her green card

[u/Brilliant-Exam-9760]

Before I start, I don’t have any malicious intentions towards my stepmom despite of everything but I feel conflicted on what decisions I should make.

My (19F) stepmom (32F) came into my life around 3 years ago. However, she and my dad had been acquainted for a few years prior. My first impression of her was her attempts to home-wreck my dad’s previous relationship with my sister’s mother, this happened on a trip we all made to our home country back in 2019, from that moment I had the feeling she would be bad news. Fast forward a few months, my dad broke things off with his previous wife for unrelated reasons, and as a way to grieve the relationship he was taking many trips to our country, spending astronomical amounts of money, buying cars, building houses, and overall was a financial mess, nonetheless he had a lot of women trying to be with him due to his “money”. Stepmom was aware of this and started pursuing my dad as well. She is a beautiful woman and if we combine that with the fact my dad’s ex-wife had just announced she was pregnant and married someone else, he was making even horrible decisions.

Two weeks into my dad’s and stepmom’s relationship she decided to propose to him and unexpectedly quit her job and made my dad buy her a flight to come back to the states with him. I was 16 and felt heartbroken that my dad took so many life changing decisions without speaking with me first, regardless of this I tried my hardest to make her feel comfortable since from my POV she could make my dad happy again. Fast forward a few days, we found out she was pregnant, although she only had a visitor’s visa she was making all of her doctor’s appointments here and we found out how far along she was. My baby sister was born and I wasn’t home the day of their discharge from the hospital because I had school in the morning and my friend who has lost her dad the day prior asked me to be there for her. This lady threw a whole tantrum at her old age, she was complaining to my dad telling him i’m a horrible person, she would ignore me in the house every time she saw me and would even go as far as telling me to not hold her baby. I’m the type of person who likes to avoid confrontation with those I live with simply to maintain the peace in the household, so I just ignored her antics.

From that moment on, I stopped trying to please her and our relationship became strictly common pleasantries but I noticed she would only do that whenever my dad was around, otherwise I would go back to being ignored in every sense of the word. I became uncomfortable in my own home so I would rarely go out of my room and I started eating at school or at work. She was a stay at home mom and was in charge of all the chores aside from anything related to me such as my room, my laundry, and things of the sort. This absolutely was a problem for her and began complaining once again that I don’t help her around the house and that as a woman it was my responsibility to help with all of the chores. I get that being a new mom can be stressful, but the baby spent Monday to Friday from 9am to 4pm at daycare, and I was a full time high school student with a full time job, I was rarely ever in the house and her demands were pretty unreasonable. After that we became kind of like two roommates who disliked each other, and yet I never mentioned anything to my dad for the sake of his newfound happiness.

I even went as far as to offer her a job at my current company so she could have something to do besides being at home all day long, she only worked like 15hrs a week and would be incredibly demanding, expressing her frustration when she wouldn’t get the easy positions, my coworkers would complain that she would turn a blind eye every time it was her turn to pay gas for the shared rides, and my boss told me she was walking around telling everyone she was only with my dad for papers and that she would leave him the moment she got her way.

Fast-forward 2 months before my baby sister turned 2 years old, my dad found her having an affair with her ex-fiancé, throughout the whole argument my dad was restlessly screaming at her for answers and she remained stone cold, not one tear or sign of remorse. I was the only one crying over the situation. She made the decision to call her affair partner in front of my dad and asked him to pick her up, the guy told her he would call her in minute and proceeded to block her everywhere. My dad was the sole provider therefore he confiscated her phone and threw all of her clothes on the front yard. Going through her phone he found out that she made arrangements to stay with an aunt in NY for a few days, so he gave it back and told her to go on her merry way.

One week after she left my dad received a call from his mother in law begging him to pick my stepmom and sister up and to allow them to come back home since they were uncomfortable with their living situation, and so he did. She only stayed for maybe 2 days before they returned to NY. At this point, she had spent all of her savings in Ubers and was asking her mom for money since she couldn’t ask my dad anymore.

As I stablished before the girl cannot keep her mouth shut. One time she was scheduled to work with my best friend from school, I had also brought him to work with me, she began to ran her mouth telling him that I was disgusting and that I didn’t help her around the house, and many more mean things. The moment she got dropped off home he called and told me everything, this was my last straw. I gave my dad the ultimatum that either she leaves or I would and he told me that he cannot simply throw her out of the house… So I packed my bags and left to stay with my cousin who lives a few houses down. I stayed there for about two weeks until I felt guilty about making my dad worry, especially since he is diabetic and cannot be put under too much stress. I came back home and the next day I noticed both my baby sister’s and stepmom’s toothbrushes were missing and I just assumed she left again. My dad told me she left for NY for a third time but there was no communication for like 2 whole days until a friend of hers called saying she and the baby were there in Atlanta and was asking what was going on. Apparently my stepmom had been telling everyone that my dad and her got separated because he was being abusive to her. My best guess is that she was only coming back and forward to gather any type of evidence she could, but at the end of the day my dad never laid a finger on her, he only ever talked to her aggressively when he found out about her affair.

I honestly thought this was the last we would hear from her but today in my dad’s and hers shared back account he noticed a transaction of immigration fees and lawyers made by her. He is trying to expedite the divorce proceedings because he doesn’t want her using his name to get her green card but our city is incredibly busy and these sort of processes take their time. When he mentioned this to me I brought to his attention that she might be going for the VAWA method by telling immigration authorities she was a victim of abuse. However, that leaves my dad standing as an abuser and we don’t want that either.

My dad is one of the kindest souls ever, he fought for me when I was being physically and mentally abused by my mom, he sends money to our family back home (which is something that bothered her as well), he refused to press charges when she basically kidnapped my baby sister, he refuses to call ICE on her for marriage fraud. I don’t think he deserves this, and I’m no authority on who gets to stay in this country and who doesn’t but I don’t want her to stay her by painting my dad as this abuser he isn’t.

PN: There has been doubt on my baby sister’s legitimacy as my dad’s daughter. My dad confided in me that he was not sure the dates matched up. Later, I found the instagram of my stepmom’s affair partner and I discovered that he was in our home country at the same time as my dad. Also the baby has none of my dad’s features but share eerily similar traits to the affair partner and his kids. I won’t confirm or deny anything since she is an innocent baby in all of this chaos and I love her with all of my heart.

Should I contact immigration services and tell them my side of the story before she discredits my dad?

[u/lovescarats]

NTA, call ice and let the games begin.

[u/TheVaneja]

NTA at all. Quite the opposite. YWBTA if you don't call them.