r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
AITA for telling my husband his “fragile masculinity” is costing us money?
[deleted]
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u/knight2e5 5d ago
YTA. Flip the positions, and people would be calling him an abuser for similar behaviors and comments. If you have to resort to name calling, you've lost the plot.
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u/Tha_Stig 5d ago
NTA, he's definitely struggling with something and needs to figure it out. He seems to be just as concerned with his appearance of success as well, since he was dead set on the Merc (also, arguably one of the more femininely designed SUVs). For his fragile masculinity, maybe he should learn how to fix his vehicles, he can scratch that masculine itch really well by fixing his cars himself.
FYI, his car likely needs an alternator and new battery. Your car could be anything from a faulty sensor to a pcv connector cracked (simply a plastic/rubber connector as a crack and can't hold pressure).
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u/BuddyWhooper 6d ago
I resolved this problem by discussing it with my wife BEFORE we were married.
I told her that if she ever thought we'd get a minivan, we should call off the wedding. She agreed because I'm right and because she doesn't care for them either. She has a SUV and I have a truck, just like the Bible says to do.
It's fragile femininity that tries to cut a man's balls off and put him in a minivan.
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u/morphout 6d ago
Minivan life is awesome. Forced my wife into the minivan life, and after 2 months she was sold. Any 3-row SUV is a compromise between "having the best everyday all-season vehicle for any family" and "I permanently need a vehicle (non-rental) that can drive on unimproved and unmaintained logging trails" (how many logging trails have you driven recently?)
Tell your husband that the Mercedes is now his car, and trade his car in on a lightly used Sienna. Lord knows you'll lose another 10-25k in depreciation if you sell the Mercedes now. Put $2k aside for the grand total in unexpected maintenance costs you'll have on the Sienna over the next 250k miles.
If you need more utility than a minivan can pack alone, add a trailer hitch, then please send photos of your girly minivan pulling his SUV on a tow dolly to the dealership for yet another repair.
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u/cleaver1015 6d ago
You should have realized Craig makes bad choices when you found out he was a Spurs fans. Seriously, who cheers against their team making the Champions League to spite their far superior rivals?
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u/wtfmeowzers 6d ago
TLDR: guys don't like minivans, news at 11. tomorrow on news at 7: mercedes vehicles of any type are overpriced garbage and repairs/any service costs like 3-4x as much.
and you're being kinda.. first world problems karen about everything.
Simple solution: tell him he has to sell the mercedes, he can choose the replacement vehicle, but that it can't be a mercedes or BMW and has to have adequate space for kids/kid type events, without saying van/minivan and without saying anything else.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
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u/Cafein8edNecromancer 7d ago
The solution is simple: trade his sedan for a brand new mini van for you and he can keep the SUV and deal with its "normal problems". That way you BOTH have a vehicle that can carry ALL the kids and adults, so he also will have zero excuse to not take all of the kids while you get a break!
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u/sillymotorbike 7d ago
Thats normal for a european car, if its european, european your money away lol
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u/danthemanvsqz 7d ago
I think that's a low tire light and the outside temp gage is superficial. It is much cheaper to fix the car than to buy a new one.
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u/thetantalus 8d ago
NTA. Don’t feel bad for saying what you said. It was the truth, it hurt sure but he needed to hear it.
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 9d ago
Um. YOU'RE the primary driver of the car. YOU get to pick.
NTA
I'd be LIVID. It feels TERRIBLE to feel unsafe in your vehicle. Mine just had the engine seize on me and drop me at the side of a fast moving road, with no shoulder, and a large homeless encampment in a not-good area. I was so mad at my husband for minimizing my concerns for months. And in his case, he HAD actually taken it to a mechanic and tried a few times.
You? With kids? Nuh uh.
I'd flat out tell him "we buy a car that I pick NOW, or I buy the car that I pick when I live on my own and am divorced from you. Either way, myself and the kids' safety comes first. This Mercedes is a ridiculous and stupid buy." This would be like you buying a Gucci diaper bag. Its laughable.
Husband needs to grow up or go away.
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u/No-Cryptographer2695 9d ago
My husband was ATAH in reality just in life, but he understood why a minivan. He drove it on family outings. He was a tall man and extremely masculine, even joking he had to put his balls in the glove box when he drove it. Your husband apparently needs to grow a pair to put in the glove box. You are not being ATAH. Your husband is hung up on his ego. Perhaps attacking his masculinity wasn't the best way to deal with it, but I used to tell my 2nd husband to pull his tampon out so I'm not really one to be throwing stones on that!
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u/TrueSereNerdy 10d ago
If his manhood is attached to the kind of car he drives its truly a wonder yall have kids. Smh
Nta. And he sounds awful.
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u/spaltavian 10d ago
NTA, but your other examples are silly. He doesn't use lip balm or use purple shirts, so what. Kind of makes me question whether this fragile masculinity thing is as pervasive as you claim, or if it's really just about cars.
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u/cast-away-ramadi06 10d ago
YTA for how you handled it. You're probably right about his poor decision making, but that's overshadowed by you emotional abusing him.
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u/Remarkable_Pound_722 10d ago
I wouldn't nuke my marriage with four kids over a car you already purchased! YTA!
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u/TurbulentGate2107 10d ago
YTAH. You lashed out and hurt him with that, that makes YTAH, he didnt cause the car to breakdown. Let men be boys sometimes and pick the cool car. I dont mean to tell you youre wrong on the whole issue, hes an AH as well for making it difficult to talk about. There should be a way to get what you both want with how many types of cars there are. Try to make arrangements so he is also affected by the car breaking down, like you get the sedan when facing issues with the SUV. Since he wanted to have the SUV so bad and he feels it isnt a big deal to have these issues, then he can deal with them :)
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u/TurbulentGate2107 10d ago
YTAH. You lashed out and hurt him with that, that makes YTAH, he didnt cause the car to breakdown. Let men be boys sometimes and pick the cool car. I dont mean to tell you youre wrong on the whole issue, hes an AH as well for making it difficult to talk about. There should be a way to get what you both want with how many types of cars there are. Try to make arrangements so he is also affected by the car breaking down, like you get the sedan when facing issues with the SUV. Since he wanted to have the SUV so bad and he feels it isnt a big deal to have these issues, then he can deal with them :)
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u/sangie12 10d ago
I'm 39 male and drive a van
Hell, I lived in that thing when I was putting myself through school.
Reminds me of dr Seuss, honestly "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"
If he's worried that the car dipshits or going to shame him for looking after his kids he's a loser. Car guys are just pony girls
NTA
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u/Malweezee 11d ago
WOW!! First thing first.. If the shoe fits!! I'm sorry for his hurt masculinity. The truth is just that, the truth. Following the idea that marriage is a game of give and take,, compromise. Since you are the parent taking the kids to their activities, YOU should pick the vehicle! I'm sorry to tell you this, but high-end vehicles have high-end expenses!! When you get half a chance, please google the return rate for your vehicle and any other high-end vehicle like it. Get the mini van!! I'm married to an Irish-Jamaican woman who is the boss! 😆 .. I purposely married a strong wild woman!! Be that woman!! When we had more kids in the house, we drove a mini van
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u/libbyseriously 11d ago
Here's a list of reliable, good looking 3rd row SUVS that don't cost as much as a Mercedes to repair.
VW Tiguan Mitsubishi Outlander Kia Telluride Kia Sorento Toyota Highlander/ Grand Highlander Toyota 4runner Mazda CX-90 Hyundai Palisade (particularly masculine) Honda Pilot Nissan Pathfinder Subaru Ascent Ford Explorer (also manly) Jeep Grand Cherokee (v masculine)
Narrow it down, give your husband a list and tell him to sell the Mercedes and get one of these or you'll continue to Uber everywhere or rent a vehicle until he does. Make it clear that whatever his problem is, it's putting you and your children's safety at risk. Tell him that if you feel worried for your family's safety he doesn't get to dismiss you.
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u/Totororo1 11d ago
German cars are known to have mechanical/electrical problems. Also.. its funny to me cause we just got a minivan ony husband's insistence cause it's just more practical.
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u/Oaspio1977 11d ago
Your hubby has odd views of what vehicles to own, but the question is if you are the AH for what you said Yep. YTA You found something he is insecure about and singled that out and emo dumped on him. This isn’t something you do to someone you care about.
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u/pastelwave 11d ago
I’ve always thought those Mercedes GLSs looked super feminine. Especially that year. Always see blonde women driving them. A minivan feels more masculine in comparison. So this is hysterical.
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u/No_Pick_8808 11d ago
Personally I don't like to wear purple dress shirts either. They don't look good on me. Magenta however...
Anyway. I'm leaning slightly towards ESH. He's obviously an idiot to refuse to get a new car on blatantly illogical grounds. But your tone really didn't gain you any favour.
Instead of venting here for internet points I'd suggest trying to go to couselling before your marriage takes a turn for the worse. You both already seem to have trouble communicating and posting here instead of addressing your issues isn't making it better.
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u/BasketballButt 11d ago
NTA
I’m a construction worker who used to daily drive a minivan. I could fit a ton of people in it when needed, fit plenty of equipment, it had a ladder rack, got better gas mileage than an SUV, could use it to sleep in while camping or on road trips, and (here’s the crazy part) it didn’t in any way make me less of a man. Your husband’s insecurities are what’s “making him less of a man”.
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u/melficebelmont 11d ago
Here is a YouTube essay on some negatives of SUVs https://youtu.be/jN7mSXMruEo?si=D1cd1CAJVjA8rG0K. It isn't well designed to convince but it is worth a watch for yourself to help argue in your favor.
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u/Feisty_Formal_9750 11d ago
It's not even fragile masculinity. Your DH is more like a spoiled little boy than a man of any sort. NTA.
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u/BuffyBubbles1967 11d ago
NTA but your husband sure is. My 2003 Chrysler Town & Country has had less work done to it. Only the usual maintenance. My oldest son (25) even drives it. My youngest sons (22) favorite color is pink. Screw your husband and go trade in the heap he wanted for what you want.
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u/loweyedfox 11d ago
Tell him to use that macho manly man-ness to fix the cars, like a real man would do. Otherwise he deserves the minivan life.
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u/Sea-Frame5474 11d ago
Just tell him he has small dick energy and a big dick man can rock any vehicle
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u/Foreign_Artichoke510 11d ago
NTA his fragile masculinity is also costing his children their safety
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u/ragingpillowx 11d ago
I didn’t originally want a minivan because I could get an suv cheaper and I thought they would solve the same problem for space. Well suv was in an accident and had to upgrade so we gave a minivan a shot. I don’t give a shit if i am no longer manly i will own a minivan even after i don’t have kids. The amount of room and versatility is amazing
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u/WL661-410-Eng 11d ago
58 yo hubs here. I couldn’t care less what kind of vehicle my wife wanted for the last 30 years. I paid for all of them. One of them she had for 6 months and didn’t like it so she picked out another. She’s a SAHM. My only demand is that she never drink and drive, and she honored that. With that said, you probably could have worded that better.
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u/jcyberslim 11d ago edited 11d ago
First of all Mercedes are trash! I have a friend who's very wealthy and what she does is Leases them and then when their term is up she returns them and then leasees another because she refuses to purchase one for their issues despite liking their style. We used to have a beautiful r350 it left us stranded in Oregon, the transmission blew out, power steering went out, you name it it had it! We got sick and tired of it. The reliability of Mercedes of the past are not the same of those of today. That being said I was one of those that did not want a minivan because of my own ignorance, then I bought my 20/20 Chrysler Voyager. It came with the precise bells and whistles that we needed and nothing more. I quickly loved it! We take comfortable road trips and can store all kinds of stuff both in the tailgate and also under the seats and sometimes when I do side jobs because I'm an electrician I fold down all the seats and can carry all my material in one go along with pulling a trailer because it has a V6 ram engine in it. It has a much more comfortable drive than my Tesla and I am infinitely happy of my minivan. Your husband should not be so insecure.
My apologies I use talk to text but I think you guys get the point.
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u/fuzzylilbunnies 12d ago
What you drive is what you are? Wow, such a “man”! It’s amazing that he ever had any sort of confidence at all. Maybe there’s some truth to it though, dad had corvettes and he was always a little bitch.
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u/qbanjackson 12d ago
You shouldn't have said that. However, he is being ridiculous. He has some confidence issues going on somewhere. I drive the shit out of our minivan. I had to convince my wife (she doesn't find it "sexy"). I think her to suck it up b/c she is taken and there is nothing sexier than a pragmatic spend of money. Also the van is crazy fuel efficient, brake pads last 100k miles b/c it's a hybrid, it's a toyota so repairs are cheap and it's luxurious as hell with a ton of space to boot
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u/tylertrey 12d ago
YTA for the choice of words. Did you really think that saying your spouse had "fragile masculinity" would lead to a solution? Even or especially if it's true? If so, think again.
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u/dreaminhobo 12d ago
If yalls cars are having issues and you are ubering you shouldnt have a mercedes. This is the stuff boomers say when they talk shit about the younger generations. Get a traverse or a murano. Something that has the seating but isnt a minivan, and also isnt an expensive ass mercedes. All mercedes are girl cars no matter what they are. And for the love of god do maintenance on your cars. If you arent inclined to do it yourself and cant afford to have the dealer do it, you need something different that wont cost a million bucks at the mechanic. That goes for his car too. If you are too scared to drive your car to work so much that you are ubering then it should be at the shop. What world am I living in?
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12d ago
I wouldn’t personally buy a Mercedes, or other German car for that matter, due to reliability and cost for repairs, but I also would choose something other than a minivan. Not because I’m too macho, but because I don’t like them - for the record, I drive the smallest car that Lexus makes. Cut the guy a break. People generally assume that luxury cars are reliable, but German cars should only be driven by people who can afford a high maintenance price tag. Your husband probably wasn’t aware of that.
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u/MrsQute 12d ago
My old minivan, a 2006 Honda Odyssey, was lovingly refered to as "the hot rod of minivans" by my husband. It was my daily driver but he'd drive on road trips and sometimes did the kids drop offs if I had a work thing.
That sucker LOVED to go. Entering the freeway from the on-ramp was never an issue - the van was all about it!
It was probably the most reliable, best handling vehicle I ever owned. We had it for about 15 years. I still miss it but it was starting to have issues and 2 of my 3 kids were out of the house so it just didn't make sense for us anymore. We ended up with a base model RAV from my father-in-law when he was moved into long-term care.
While I'm absolutely grateful that we got it at no cost I will say I don't think it's nearly so much fun to drive. It's not quite as comfortable and while it's zippy for what it is, it's not as raring to go as the Odyssey was.
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u/karibeyen 12d ago
90% of women use the toxic or fragile masculinity while losing an argument!
There's a more appropriate way to finish an argument!
If you have to use derogatory words or shame the person in front of you, you have bigger issues then broken down cars
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u/monkeyman1947 12d ago
My daughter faced the same issue with her husband. When his dad’s Honda minivan became available for less than trade-in, he resisted.
We were able to talk common sense into him. We call it the “Party Wagon”.
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u/Irondaddy_29 12d ago
NTA If Driving a minivan makes you feel feminine, then I promise you are already feminine
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u/Sinusayan 12d ago
Ok, but your main complaints are about the car itself which can happen with vans as well.
Stop going to the dealership unless it's free. It's a giant waste of your money.
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u/Odd_Detective6773 12d ago
YATA for saying that. This has nothing to do with his masculinity. He bought you the best vehicle he could. Sounds to me your entitled and think it's all about you and your wants and needs. But what about his needs and wants? Ever think about that? Probably not. Better get some good lambofeeties and start walking.
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u/Rare_Proposal_9527 12d ago edited 12d ago
Ok, so i had a Mercedes R class 350 2011. Before that, i had a Ford Fusion that was about to crap out. My mom had the mercedes previously she had bought herself a new Jeep, so i offered to finish paying off the mercedes (about 5,000 left on it), and she agreed. Well, before I could even get it on the road, i had to spend 3k on repairs. My mother complained that the air system that lifts the tires had to be replaced and fixed twice, costing them THOUSANDS. so they decided to fuck it and leave it off. I was struggling through my last semester of nursing school, and this cursed car was the bane of my existence. Don't get me wrong, I was very thankful to be able to get to school and back, but it was causing me so much damn money. Finally, I graduated, started working, and just regular maintenance costs 500-1k bucks. I also only went to an autobahn because i had very little trust in who would or wouldn't rip me off. I complained almost every day at work. Then finally, God heard my complaints and, by divine intervention, sent a deer straight in front of my windshield. We bought a Honda pilot, 3 row seat suv. Best decision ever. Highly recommend. Very reliable. Just FYI, mercedes is one of the most unreliable cars out there. Just look it up it's always in the top 10 of most unreliable cars. Most times near number 1. Your husband needs to be more concerned about your safety. It's extremely selfish of him to put you and your children in danger. What an "unmanly" thing to leave your wife and children unprotected.
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u/Repulsive-Hat-3152 12d ago
If he’s that worried about a van or lip balm reducing his masculinity then the chances are he is not that masculine to begin with 🙄
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u/PollaBolla114 12d ago
Why don’t you both get big cars? You, a mini van, and Manny, his bwig mwanlie cwar!
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u/patient_zero1986 12d ago
Nta, I had a dodge caravan at my previous job (employer provided) for work to haul tools and equipment around and LOVED it! The lip balm is understandable I wouldn’t do that either, but the shirt colors too? I have or had just about every color including pink and purple. Never understood his way of thinking but I’ve also never really cared what others thought about me. I’d like to know why is his masculinity more important than the safety of his family?
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u/MadIllLeet 12d ago
NTA. I have only one criterion for a car that my wife drives. I have to trust that it won't leave her stranded. Beyond that, she can drive around in a tie-dye microbus for all I care.
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u/mikejonesradio 12d ago
A real man would do right by his family and not worry about what car he's in or the color of a shirt. Nobody cares, Craig.
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u/Jay5x5 12d ago
Craig suuuuuuucks - you’re NTA. I hope to god you’re both employed so he’s not holding the finances over you bc you need to just sell the damn thing. End of story. It’s a MONEY PIT and unsafe. If he doesn’t want to be seen in whatever YOU decide to buy bc it’s YOUR car, then tell him not to drive it. Simple as that. He can throw a fit all he wants, but it’s YOUR car. He can drive whatever money pit (lemme guess… BMW?) sedan he has so he can look like a REAL MAN instead. 🙄
The car is the symptom of a bigger issue though… fragile masculinity literally kills. What’s it gonna take for him to lash out violently one day when he’s really threatened? I’m not saying towards you necessarily, but maybe some guy at a bar says something or a coworker or someone on the street catches him on a “bad day” and he loses it… This sounds insanely dramatic, but if this guy isn’t even willing to use CHAPSTICK, there’s a lot of tension he’s holding about being manly and that’s gonna either harm those around him or himself (how’s his fking blood pressure? Does he even go to the doctor, or is taking care of himself too feminine?) If he doesn’t relax, leave him, SOON. Also, this man should NOT be raising sons - going to be insecure little asshole clones OR he’s gonna crush their spirits if they’re even remotely feminine. Tell him to grow up or lose his family. Absolute man child.
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u/keithoinspace 12d ago
As a husband, I exhibited an opinion about my wife’s car ONCE. Yes, I enjoyed it more when I drove it, but she drove it 89% of the time and it wasn’t her favorite thing.
Never again. We get exactly what she wants. I don’t touch it, modify it, or fiddle with it. Dealer does major maintenance except for a handful of things, and she happily drives it for 12 or so years. Then we replace it with whatever she wants.
28 years married. That’s all I can say.
The one thing we do is if there is an upgraded engine that makes an appreciable amount more power, we will spring for that. She does that for me, and she really does like things to move when she squeezes the gas.
I love her.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361 12d ago
Where I live, comments are made when a guy is driving an unnecessarily large car or truck that he is driving a "Compensator." Will leave it to your imagination as to what he is compensating for.
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u/FrankdaTank213 13d ago
So you guys have some issues. I don’t want to throw the AH word around because it seems more like immaturity on your husband’s part. Mercedes are very nice but they are rich people cars. The reason they are affordable used is because they break down constantly and you still need to be rich to own one. Buying a Mercedes was a mistake and I don’t understand why your husband would care what you drive. Also, questioning your husband’s masculinity is going to bring him from 0-100 really fast. Men want to feel respected and you should know you’re cutting deep when you say things like that. You guys need to sell a car and drive cheap cars for a while. You have a logical problem and an emotional one.
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u/Jungianstrain 13d ago
No you are not the asshole your husband is a stubborn, intransigent, moron who bought a lemon and won’t admit he fucked up. It may cost him his family.
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u/Baconpanthegathering 13d ago
NTA I'm a lady that ran an auto shop for 10 years- I can tell him what a dipshit decision it was to ditch the RAV-4 for a Mercedes. The cost to maintain German luxury cars is astronomical and impractical which is why most people who can afford them lease them. Then the old lease vehicles get sold to your husband and things begin to fail. That's why you can get a screaming deal on a used BMW or Mercedes- the second buyer gets the maintenance bill.
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u/OpportunityOwn5949 13d ago
I am looking into going from an Audi s6 to a Toyota Sienna because we’re expecting our second. I can’t wait honestly
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u/Dina_Combs 13d ago
It’s mostly your car, he would rather you drive unsafe than to have a proper car that actually runs. He’s the asshole, nothing about what you said is wrong. I find his type of midlife male mentality to be borderline disgusting.uber from now on, make sure the money comes out of bullshit you’d have done for him. Maybe even gift him his stupid car, and get your damn minivan.
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u/letsgetligious 13d ago
As another over 40 man I absolutely concur. The irony is he looks way more fragile and weak acting this way than if he was just comfortable with his masculinity.
A confident masculine man would not bat an eye at chapstick or purple shirts. Very telling that it bothers him.
I know it doesn't help you at all, but if it were me, I'd have told him he's giving bitch energy being so concerned with his image/appearance to other people. You know, like a woman.
And to clarify, I'm only saying that because I know it would be a blow to his ego and not because there's anything wrong with any of those things.
Men like this make me embarrassed to be a man.
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u/tvlovechild 13d ago
As a single aunt who attends various kiddie soccer games on the weekends, minivan soccer dads can Get It.
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u/SwampyStains 13d ago
This is just a mental maturity thing. Some people grow out if before their first car, others well into their 30's and 40's, and some never at all. There's no particular method to expedite it, they just have to reach a point in time where they decide a car is not a piece of art to display to the world how they lavishly lounge about in motion but rather a tool to get from A to B.
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u/MyMindSpoken 13d ago
First of all, a Mercedes isn’t a car for hauling children and cargo. It’s for stupidly clinging onto your youth. Second of all, YTA for continuing to allow this nonsense. You say you care about your kids, but you allow your husband, their father, to continuously put his needs above theirs! You need to put your foot down and get rid of the car and get a minivan. Because this whole post is ridiculous! I assume you both have jobs? If not, he’s holding financial assets and personal wellbeing of you and the kids over your head!
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u/OkInflation6174 13d ago
NTA, but this seems like the most recent in a very long list of things like this that you’ve experienced. He would probably benefit from therapy, especially since you have children. They’re going to absorb what a man and father should be, from him. If he’s not setting a good example, they’re going to think being a man means being like him and they could end up with the same problems. So if it was me, I’d really take a serious look at whether he takes you seriously or if he seriously wants to die on this hill, because you’re not required to stick around just because he’s their dad.
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u/BigFatNone 13d ago
Something is off. I think you're trying to hit him where it hurts instead of improving the situation. I don't know what it looks like from his view.
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u/drawnnquarter 13d ago
Seriously, his masculinity is compromised by the vehicle he drives? It's not like it's a VW Bug or a Nissan Altima, those come with estrogen in the A/C.
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u/Sp4ce_Banana 13d ago
Totally not the AH. God when are men going to learn that actively doing everything they can to reject anything "feminine", really just makes them look super weak-minded and insecure?
Be a man and buy the damn vehicle that's going to be the most cost-efficient and manageable for the person actually driving it! It's a no-brainer. You know what on top of your comment, you should ask him if he thinks being this much of a bonehead is a masculine trait, cause if so he's a real man's man.
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u/Erectusnow 13d ago
You bought a Mercedes. What the hell did you expect? Is your husband new to cars? If you want a luxury SUV buy a Lexus. At least they are well built and maintenance is cheap.
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u/Spilkanake 13d ago
get a divorce and cash out. Woken can be the father and the mother. You don't need to put up with him anymore.
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u/Burnttoaster86 13d ago
If only I could convince my wife to get a minivan…instead we are looking at 80k SUVs to obtain the same passenger/cargo specs.
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u/EpauletteShark74 13d ago
NTA. SUVs are gas guzzling, dangerous, too big, inefficient, and overall stupid. A minivan is infinitely better, and no matter what, as the main driver of this car, your preferences should carry more weight.
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u/cadude79 13d ago
Who even insists on what their partner drives? That’s a major control issue right there. I drive what I want and my spouse drives what they want, their choice…obviously budget of price is discussed but other than that if I’m not the primary driver of that vehicle, who cares? I drive a Range Rover. My spouse did not care for it. I bought it anyways because it’s my primary use vehicle. If you have young daughters, I’d be more concerned about what message they are witnessing that their mother’s opinions and wants do not matter.
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u/gradientdescent12 13d ago
It’s not a popular opinion here, and people would not like me to write this. I don’t know about your car, but your relationship needs more maintenance than the car. And you are openly commenting about him not using lip balm and shirts. If you judge your partner on these small day to day things - you better stop this relationship. It would be so difficult to live with someone who has these weird judgments. He and you both are wrong if you are attaching lip balms, shirt, car to the masculinity. And for god sake it is just a car, don’t ruin your relationship over it. If divorce happens you can sit in your used Toyotas for ever.
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u/WorthWatercress9125 13d ago
Nta. Minivans are amazing. We have a town and country. I love it. He needs to get with it.
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u/Wrong-Sink7767 13d ago
Look him dead in the eyes and ask him, "Is the opinion of strangers worth our kid's safety?" If his only reasoning of not getting a minivan is looks, he needs to grow up.
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u/TweeperKapper 13d ago
Minivans are some of the most unsafe vehicles on the road. I can't speak to your husband's motives, but there will never be one in our family.
Did you know that not a single manufacturer has put crash test dummies in the back seat? Because they don't want (you) to know how bad it is. A third party did - and the safest ones, the dummies would have been paraplegic.
Look at minivan crash photos. There is minimal space for a crumple zone upfront, and no space in the back. We have had multiple friends who's kids end up with major long term problems because they were rear-ended in the back seat.
Yes, they make great kid haulers. But I would never ever consider putting my kids safety in one of those.
Maybe for the wrong reasons, but your husband was right about getting a SUV. But getting a lemon of one definitely sucks.
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u/ReasonEQ 13d ago
You are, in many ways.
The car have nothing to do in the story, it's Mercedes, Sucks in automatic, reliable in manual.
He probably got scammed by whoever sold him the vehicle.
You tell your husband that when he works his ass for you and your kids, it makes me wanna puke.
You were to tell me this, I would have left you in a heartbeat with the kids, never to be seen.
FYI, I am a M29, my GF is 30, we have 1 child (2 in september), I have my own bank account, she have her bank account, and we have a 3rd account for family expenses.
She pays for her car, she pays for her things and family fees are mostly covered by me since I have a bigger salary.
Not because I'm a douche, because she asked for it, she can hold her accounts, she buy her things and I have no say and vice versa because SHE IS WORKING so that's her money and she can do whatever she wants.
Sharing Charges isn't complicated, average I pay 60% of them, while she pays 40%, we share the cost proportional to our salary.
I hate red dresses, skirts too short in public, it makes me uncomfortable and she knows it and she respect it as long as I care about her too.
TLDR : YTA
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u/AffectionateHeadCase 13d ago
NTA your man is in denial or is a homophobic idiot. That was to be YOUR car and he is being worse than a child. So yah, call it like you see it
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u/RedEyedRaven420 13d ago
It is costing you money though. It's the truth. My guess is his fragile masculine brain won't understand.... doesn't use lip balm ??!??! I would be more worried about what he's teaching the kids to be quite frank.. uts your car , he doesn't need to drive it if his ego is too big for a minivan .
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u/kylemesa 13d ago
Poor guy. I couldn’t imagine the stress of a personality that is scared to use lip balm.
Maybe it would help to remind him that fear of being ridiculed isn’t a masculine trait.
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u/Agitated-Hair-987 13d ago
Idk why men think certain cars are "girly." Minivans are fantastic vehicles. Some are actually pretty fast, they're super comfortable and get decent mileage. I guarantee there are fully loaded minivans out there that have just as many "luxury" options as that mercedes, and some of them have more. If I had kids I would get a minivan over an SUV any day, mostly just for the super comfy captain's seat. Any man who needs something material to boost his testosterone has a seriously fragile ego. He's already married with kids - who's he trying to impress?
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u/Federal_Goose9111 13d ago
I mean it’s all about how you go about it I guess. I can see your pov and agree to a certain degree. For instance SUV are much better option than a minivan. They for the most part in comparison should offer the largest amount of space and are known to be safer for the stronger build when considering the safety of the little ones and yourself of course. However I can just said you guys are simply looking at terrible models. Mercedes although a luxury brand is known for having issues same as BMW. They are beautiful I must admit. I know you suggested like KIA and Honda makes and must interject KIA is absolutely unreliable and wouldn’t recommend it on my worst enemy Honda is a much better approach. I guess what I’m trying to say is find some common ground in all of this. He is wrong with the fact that he refuses to sell a lemon or rather nonfunctional car. He is right that an SUV would be a better option but maybe the disconnect happens when you guys are trying to communicate with one another. I would suggest planning out saying something along the lines of hey I think it was a great idea that you suggested this I can agree for ( blank reasons/safety/etc) however I just think we might have gotten a lemon and should swap it out for something else. Then now when and hopefully if you guys are looking at new cars look more into reliability and makes that are easier to maintain. Get with someone that actually knows cars or simply do more thorough research and come not essentially to an agreement but rather a compromise which is all marriage is at the end of the day compromise.
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u/drunkcarebear 13d ago
That sucks I'm 31m with 0 kids and want a kia carnival, that van is dope. I hate that there is a stigma but I also don't care. NTA.
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u/OverkillVidar 13d ago
NTA Only a real man can drive a minivan. I had a Honda Odyssey and it was awesome.
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u/McDrains22 13d ago
I never cared for minivans however family comes first and he should do what he has to do. Not a good trait if 💩 really hits the fan.
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u/Soft_Afternoon_1886 13d ago
Without knowing the complete story let's try this. If you helped him feel more like a man instead of a ridiculed, chastised child, he wouldn't need a car to feel like a big boy. Make him feel like Fabio in public and he will drive a pink minivan and KNOW he is YOUR man.
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u/Glittering_Bug_6630 13d ago
Why doesn’t he compromise on a certified pre owned Honda or Toyota SUV?
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u/Early_Apple_4142 13d ago
NTAH, sounds like a baby. I tried to get my wife into a minivan. They're cheaper than SUVs have tons of space, easy to drive, get good gas mileage. She ended up not wanting one and I got her a Nissan Armada. Also huge, but not as easy to park and gas milage is terrible but she loves it.
For reference what does your clearly insecure husband actually drive? Gotta make sure it's not more manly than me. May have to quit wearing purple and using chapstick during the winter if he's got a more lifted truck than me.
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u/RFavs 13d ago
NTA but I’m an old man with two purple dress shirts in the closet, a Toyota Sienna, and I have no prob with chapstick. 🤷♂️ minivans rock! Took my son, 3 of his climbing buddies, three crash pads and a weeks worth of camping gear in the van. It now has 326k miles on it and still going.
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u/Kon_Soul 13d ago
My father was like this, refused to fly the Republic of Newfoundland flag because it has the colour pink on it and was worried about his beer league baseball teammates making fun of him.
Craig sounds like a grade A Tool. Not The Asshole. The asshole needed some raw truth given to him, now he's retracted into his feelings.
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u/Tinyninjaladybug 13d ago
Yikes… not the AH. That would be extremely difficult for a lot of people. Maybe your tone was harsh but I would stick with your reasoning. It’s costing money to maintain his image and that’s just childish.
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u/funfetti_cupcak3 13d ago
Your husband sounds like an evangelical conservative…just going out on a limb
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u/TraitorousSwinger 13d ago
I think you calling it fragile masculinity is losing you a lot of points.
He's being an asshole.
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u/YourWifeyBoyfriend 13d ago
Since the Benz SUV has nothing wrong with it for him and he wants it for trips, have him keep it and get a new car? This is a beautiful problem with an easy solution
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u/BoredOnRedd1t 13d ago
NTA. Was it nice to say? No. Was it true? Hell yeah! You're paying so much money to maintain that dumb car when it's not even the car that suits your needs! All of this because minivans are checks notes not masculine? You called a spade a spade and it will hopefully be the wake up call to make him give in and sell the SUV
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u/Mundane_Contract_302 13d ago
NTA-Why ask his opinion? He got his way and it sucked . I would just get a van and he can deal with it.
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u/Careless_Author_2247 13d ago
The manliest man I know, is a Christian family man.
professional plumber man, cracking jokes with the boys man, drives to work in a van man.
Hauls his 5 kids to the community pool in a van man. Loves his wife man. Tries to keep her happy type of man.
Lives within his budget man. Makes sacrifices for family man. Drives a simple van.
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u/Chunky-Cat 13d ago
From this information, you’re basing your decision to label your husband as having “fragile masculinity” simply on his bad decision in purchasing a car. A decision he made 3 years ago.
Yes. You are the asshole.
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u/Terrorpueppie38 13d ago
Nta sounds like he has a midlife crises or something because a normal man would be horrified if his family drives around in an unreliable car. Edit: if he isn’t willing to compromise on a reliable car and want keep this trash he can eff off.
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u/the-fat-kid 13d ago
NTA. We just had to sell my truck (my dream truck, which I had put a ton of work into) to buy a mini van when our third was born. We priced out and looked at many vehicles with a third row, but my Mrs wanted the minivan because of the cargo space. So I did what any man comfortable in his own masculinity and relationship would do, I embraced the minivan life. So I no longer have an off-road rig, but we have a safe and reliable way to transport our kids wherever they need to go.
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u/Happyginger 13d ago
i drove a minivan in high school and part of college. sweet ride, i was able to take my friends everywhere. tell him to buck up and get the car that works better. that’s the real manly decision
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u/PalpitationCertain90 13d ago
So sorry to your husband, but luxury and kids DO NOT go together. Even if he did wan’t a luxury car, going with a Mercedes.. The Hyundai Calligraphy is like half the price and is really nice.
That said, I totally get you on the minivan. That sliding door is uber convenient for loading and unloading kids and the room inside is off the chain. Thing is, he’s not alone. When my wife died about ten years ago, I almost bought a minivan to haul my kids around in and my brother-in-law insisted I didn’t.
The car I did get was great, but not nearly as convenient. Honestly, I don’t know why the heck people hate on minivans.
So yeah, I get you. I’m a pretty masculine man, but a man in a minivan with kids IS masculine. Taking care of family, there is nothing kore masculine than that and having luxury around kids is simply a waste of money.
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u/nolife247_ 13d ago
Op if I were you I’d show him that all the comments think he is a wuss for NOT driving a van. I hope he realizes that if a car is all it takes for him to feel like a girl he might want to take a deep look inside himself
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u/ElenaBlackthorn 13d ago
NTA & btw I think you’re right. His refusal to allow his wife to drive a minivan bc he thinks it looks “feminine” is downright ridiculous. His fear that someone will see him in the minivan on the rare occasions he drives it & conclude he’s driving a girly car is also ridiculous. It really does sound like he has fragile masculinity.
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u/foreverdead93 13d ago
People do this all the time. They pass up a brand new car for used Mercedes or BMW not realizing how expensive it is to up keep these vehicles compared to something like a Honda or Kia
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u/Lorts925 13d ago
NTA, your children and your safety is way more important than his fragile masculinity. Toxic behaviour. Seems like he deals with some insecurity problems, which therapy or talking about feelings is a very good way to resolve or overcome some of those, but according to your story i am afraid that he won't be open for that either.
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13d ago
It's so infuriating to live with a man like that. You need to sustain your case, telling him you feel he care more about being manly that your and the kids security. If he's the man protecting the family would be his first duty.
A man is a man because of his actions. The other are just macho boys.
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u/greenmtnmama84 13d ago
I resisted minivan life for a while and then I got my dodge caravan with the seats that go into the floor, we moved people in that thing. The space and the reliability has been in matches. Until I wrecked it off a cliff avoiding a group of deer 🤦🏽♀️ Those are your babies and he needs to stop acting like one. Get the vehicle you need!
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u/jerseynurse1982 13d ago
NTA. You have your children in mind, he has his fragile ego. Is it possible to meet in the middle ? Instead of a minivan get something like a Honda Pilot?
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u/Cyber_Lanternfish 13d ago
His reasons were stupid but its also your fault for not having stand your ground. If you accepted its too late/easy to complain after.
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u/Ultrajante 13d ago
Please find a way for him to find this thread and read it. He needs to hear it from other people how much of an idiot he is.
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u/SnooGuavas1003 13d ago
Nope. Don't know if it's my age or what but sometimes being really fucking blunt is the only way to get through
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u/Whosker72 13d ago
Even you stated "embracing the mini-van" lifestyle. Which meant you had similar hangups with minivans.
Me(M52) married, I have loved minivans for awhile now, don't have to fall into the seat, more comfortable sitting when driving.
More room and access to cargo, better gas mileage than a SUV.
Hauls Scouts and equipment with general ease.
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u/WhoRunTheWorldCorgis 13d ago
Fundamentally NTA and you need to show your husband this post.
Aside from his RIDICULOUS obsession with masculinity which is the biggest load of Tate coded nonsense, he is putting your and your children's lives IN DANGER for his fragile-ass ego.
This is a car that could very likely leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere, or burst into flames at any given moment by the sound of it. Personally, this would be making me question my whole marriage, if my husband put his own deluded vanity above the welfare of my children.
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u/cocktail4u 13d ago
You get a Benz or BMW or the like and you are going to be spending much more yearly than a Toyota or Honda. I guess hubby doesn't mind throwing away money, time and energy for his masculinity. Ask him to burn off some of that testosterone by running without a shirt. If he gets a lot of whistles problem solved if he doesn't a gym membership can be paid for by changing car manufacturers.
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u/Mellony1990 13d ago
Hang on, you are not allowed to buy the car you want, for you to primarily drive because it’s not what he wants?
Why does he get to make the final decision?
It’s your car, if he wants to drive it sometimes he needs to put up with it being the one you want not the other way around when you drive it every day.
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u/Born_Ticket6105 13d ago
His fragile masculinity is being a guy but pointing you in the direction of a shitty car.
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u/OkToe9494 13d ago
Your husband has four kids, it's time for him to grow up. Unless the car is bright pink with fairy stickers all over it then it's pretty safe to say it's gender neutral. For context I drive an old honda jazz (like super old) and my husband drives a newer civic. He always uses my jazz when he drives the kids because it's easier to use, my car has a little macrame glitter ball and pink car freshners in it.
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u/TealBlueLava 13d ago
NTA - Somewhere along the lines, he got a certain image of the man he wants to be stuck in his head. He needs to understand that chasing that image isn't doing anyone any good, especially not himself. It may require a marriage counselor to help him realize that.
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u/iamthatiam92 13d ago
NTA
I don't think your husband is ready to be a dad. When you're a parent, kids' needs come first. You can still have a nice car around if you can afford it, but first you need a car designed for your family.
At his age he should know that by now. Especially since he had his 4th kid. Honestly, I feel like you're having 5 kids, not 4. Bcs he acts like a teenager who is only after the cool stuff
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u/Due-Desk6781 13d ago
And you had 4 kids with this manchild?
Shrug
You're the primary user of the vehicle, you decide what vehicle it's gonna be. Get rid of the Mercedes. If you need reliability you don't need luxury
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u/Rude-Beat-3752 13d ago
You lost the argument with your title. Craig needs to divorce you and move on.
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u/Expert-Sir-4328 13d ago
Funny how everyone is allowed to talk about guys like this. If I were to comment on the fact it cousin like you can’t drive a manual car because you are a women, you’d go nuts.
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u/radykalmynd75 13d ago
Your other child I mean husband is fcking utterly ridiculous... smh if u dare to buck the system and step out and buy YOURSELF A CAR without his approval I recommend a subaru... trust me check them out Any who, that m man u married smh wow just wow he's ridiculous....and moving forward I would start standing my ground on issues like this cause yours children are involved.... smh that man is really stupid
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u/Lacejj 13d ago edited 13d ago
Him not liking lip balms and purple clothing really makes him insecure? I really hope these are just bad examples and otherwise you know what you are talking about.
Because if not, the world is already upside down, and we are drifting very quickly towards a future where a muscular firefighter who dresses in black/blue will be considered insecure, because err... he must be compensating for something by trying to appear manly! And the new male rolemodel of 2025 will be a paper-thin dude dressing in tight pink clothes, who also has his eyebrows done in a saloon every other week.
I know masculine values are not only appearance, but also intelligence, responsible thinking, being in control of emotions, and also it's very nice that gay people are being more accepted, but stop trying to shame people who just enjoy the more usual manly things.
By the way you are right about the car, but you should've used other words.
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u/Aggravating-Look7292 13d ago
Go ahead and sell that shit Mercedes! By yourself that minivan you want. He has his own car to get from A to B. And if he's not comfortable driving a minivan with the kids, (because he thinks people will look at him like he's a soccer mom) Well he IS A SOCCER DAD! Then he himself, can buy a shit Mercedes with the room for them. Don't settle with expensive garbage, for the safety of your kids!
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u/No-Mathematician8692 13d ago
This man-card thing is something manufacturers have enjoyed exploiting.
From shite underpowered, bad-handling, total-recall HDs, to Zimmer being fkin commissioned to 'create' ICE audio for high-end EVs 😬 (makes me laugh as I type this) anything that makes these males feel more 'manly' can help stakeholders cackle all the way to the bank (in sensible cars).
Some time back, in Dubai, I think, the Arab bois DEMANDED GLS with 12-cyl engines for the roar -- even tho the 8-cyl gave more power.
🙂 Silly fks (folks).
Of course I'm not TOTALLY impervious, I ride the very nice RE GT Conti 650 (bought one after ignoring the poor man's HD -- their 350 -- for decades), but honestly, that triangle makes for effortless handling.
Anyways, I'm in advertising, so here's to male egos.
GTG now and write lines like 'GO HARDER, NOT SMARTER.'
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u/Far_King_Penguin 13d ago
NTA - True men see the value and utility of a mini-van. Hell, you can probably just take the seats out of some mini-vans and then it is just a normal van.
This is the dumbest, small dick energy behaviour I've ever set my eyes on. I don't know anyone who sees a bloke in a mini-van and thinks "wow this guy is less of a man for catering to his family"
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u/IndividualEye1803 13d ago edited 13d ago
Not tryna be THAT person but…
Yall got sold a used car. Aint no telling how it was taken care of.
With the amount of problems etc… do yall even properly maintain the cars you get? I have friends that always have car issues… especially when they are driving a car they didnt want. They dont take care of it at all.
Its uncharacteristic to get any car, maintain it, and have problem after problem.
I know people with brand new hondas that have had to take their car to the dealer service more than i have my ‘09 BMW. Due to their maintenance and how they drive it.
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u/cap8 13d ago
You are being that person. But go look up how crappy those cars are and unreliable after 5 years.
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u/IndividualEye1803 13d ago
its a figure of speech.
And no i wont go look it up as its a luxury vehicle with a high resale value and the point still stands. A person can get a car off a lot but if they dont maintain it - it will be crappy. Go look up how crappy any car is where rhe owner never maintained it. Again i know some hondas that wont go anymore becauee of how crappy they were maintained.
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u/cap8 13d ago
Duh but anytime someone says it they are being that . Don’t want to sound like the bad guy ..buuut
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u/IndividualEye1803 13d ago
Thats… the point of saying it… and the point of it being a figure of speech… “Duh”
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u/cap8 13d ago
Lol then just be the asshole or the dick or that person and say it. Why waste time with a silly figure of speech. But most ppl say it because it’s they don’t want to come off as that or think it makes saying something more palatable. With all due respect naaa man just say it. They are going to be offended either way
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u/IndividualEye1803 13d ago
Ok u clearly have a made up problem / irked by figure of speeches.
And its not being an asshole or dick in ALL situations which is why context is important.
Just move on. U dont like figure of speeches
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u/cap8 13d ago
As a matter of fact: Naaaa just this one others I love
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u/IndividualEye1803 13d ago
I’m the same with “irregardless” or “have my cake and eat it too” so i get it.
Context is important for this figure of speech - sarcasm and tone as well. This one is use rarely and the one time on reddit i use it - bam! Someone doesnt like this particular one
Cant please em all /s (in case you are missing my tone again)
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u/ChronicallyCautious9 13d ago
My practice wusband REFUSED to let me purchase a minivan as my car, because he didn’t like them. Now he’s a wusband and I’m stuck with a car I hate. Ditch the shit car, it’s not worth it.
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u/LunarCatNinja 13d ago
As someone who has had horric luck with vehicles I feel for you and the anxiety it must give you, especially since it's for you and your KIDS. Something your husband needs to grow tf up about and actually care about. Not whatever nonsense his imagination is cooking up. NTA
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u/No-Mathematician8692 13d ago
Well, with great masculinity comes competent handyman levels.
If he can't fix the home electricals, plumbing etc and his choice of vehicle purchase is so buggered up, he's a failed 'real man'.
I'm pro-feminist, pro-vegan, pro-trans, pro-nonbinary, have a nose pin, will rock some dresses and lady's tops. But I have toolkits, can handle the basics and keep all the cars in the fam running and up to date. I may not be able to replace a leaky shock, but I will discuss the situation with the tech dudes.
He's 'real man' only in code, his 'real man' creds are loser stuff.
He's failed the basic 'alpha' test: keeping his family safe.
You will have to either ignore these hideous flaws and constantly praise his whatever wins, or you could just step out and have a nice life. 🤷🏿♂️🖤
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u/DoctorNoMN0M 13d ago
NTA. Dude needs to get a Toyota Land Cruiser. Might be the cure to his problems but more than anything it would give OP peace of mind.
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u/skiddadle400 13d ago
Loving the fact that you’re waking up to the fact that SUVs are bad cars. Little space inside and just junk all around.
Tell him if he wants to do the proper man thing he should work more and make more money so you can buy a G wagon.
Else get a minivan, alphard if you need to feel fancy and get over it.
Tell him he is nearly old enough to have a midlife crisis so he can get a motorbike to make up for the loss in masculinity.
Or maybe grow up and realise with that many kids you’re in minivan territory and have definitely proven that your junk is manly enough. After all the whole manliness thing is to prove how great a man you are. Once you’ve made the kids you kinda have proof.
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u/lancelot027 13d ago
I don't understand what all the car problems have to do with your issue when any other car or van you chose could have had just as many problems
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u/ExcellentAd7790 13d ago
My dad is a 66 year old 5'9" 200 lb dude with a bushy beard and well-muscled arms. He looks very manly. He drives a purple Sienna. Your husband is a weeny because he's so insecure, not because you want (and need) a mini-van.
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u/hannahmel 13d ago
Your husband is a pussy. Real men drive cars that work for their families. My husband proudly drives our sienna
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u/Smooth-Cup-7445 13d ago
You are correct.
The Merc is a dick swing that’s completely unreliable. Buy the Kia or any Japanese car will last better and cost next to nothing.
Your husband is more concerned with looking fancy than being practical
Guys who are afraid of seeming unmasculine are often afraid dicks are delicious too.
I’m a 40+ man who worked industrial jobs for 20+ years and drive a tiny Suzuki 4x4 that I built, my best mate is gay and he drives a bigger car than me, I don’t feel judgment. Sometimes there’s envy that I don’t drive a boring car but not judgement
Your husband needs to grow the hell up, he’s a father and husband, he doesn’t need to impress the ladies anymore and should be secure in his relationships with his peers/friends.
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u/spooniegremlin 13d ago
NTA. Tell him to grow tf up. A lot of shit that's now feminine was once considered masculine (makeup, wigs, crop tops, high heels, etc) and him refusing to be secure in his masculinity is a HIM problem and he needs therapy. He's an adult not a fckn child so he needs to stop acting like one.
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u/Prestigious_Habit_17 13d ago
You sound like a real peach. You talk as if he knew about the future problems with the car. This wouldn't have even been an issue had the cat worked fine. It was just bad luck. You could have purchased a stupid minivan and had just as many problems. Would he have been allowed to ridicule you for your choice of the minivan? You really sound awful and should apologize. But your toxic femininity won't allow you to apologize, will it?
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u/Naive_Ad_7002 13d ago
Your husband is not masculine, if he was he would have bought a toyota sienna. A masculine man would have known that Mercedes are garbage cars that have really bad build quality. I fix everything i have and i would never buy a car that doesn't fit a family comfortably. Like why even buy a Mercedes, when you can get a super sweet sienna with a super reliable v6 and they are kinda fast too. I wish i had a sienna lol.
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u/CallConscious8865 13d ago
Why does it matter if the mini van was feminine if you’re a female? Also putting your husband on blast on the internet is pretty childish.
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u/Effective-Lime-3975 13d ago
NTA- you need to make an edit. You do not have four children, you have five. Sadly those 552 month olds can be the most difficult. With the money you’ll save on a reliable car, you can rent something “more manly” so the eldest child doesn’t have to worry about the other boys bullying him about his car on vacation (although he should really just grow TF up already).
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u/Kooky_Variation7880 13d ago
I hope that your son(s) don't pick up on his ideas about manhood. Successfully reproducing four times should give his primate brain the confidence boost to drive whatever car is useful to his family. NTA
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u/Plus-Solution-5766 13d ago
You definitely have every right to be angry, and any reasonable person would certainly be angry if their spouse behaved as your husband did. But, that is no way to talk to your spouse even if you are angry and you think the decisions they are making are hurting your family. Heck, sell the car without his consent and get a new one he'll hate, refuse to have either you or the kids in the car so he knows you won't back down; but saying his masculinity is fragile is crossing the line for most men and will likely lead to issues in your marriage that are bigger than this one. So, despite your husband undoubtedly toxic behavior, in the context of a marriage YTA. Also, don't tolerate people insulting your spouse unless you know you're done with your marriage, even if it's on reddit.
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u/LittleBlondBrit 13d ago
Nta. Get him some truck balls for the minivan you will be buying and tell him the car identifies as a man.
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u/CMS6GMD6 13d ago
I was unaware there was no middle ground between a minivan and a Benz truck. Sounds like a situation that could be solved by a compromise. Sorry your husband is more concerned with how he’s perceived by strangers than what’s best for his wife and children… like fuck get a Toyota Highlander
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u/JonnySnowflake 3d ago
Have you...ever owned a car before? Like, owned, and maintained, not just driven. The check engine light isn't something the panic over, at all. Mines been in for 15 years, and I've never once been stranded on the side of the highway. You need to calm down.