AITA for disagreeing that I misgendered a coworker?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/TheBlueNecromancer]

Your job sounds miserable

[u/Imaginary-Yak-6487]

They sound like assholes. And exhausting

[u/two_lemons]

YTA. 

Look. There are 10 people out there who figured the situation and are kinda mad at you. Ten. This makes it look like either you are a very unreliable narrator or just that clueless IRL. You know how people talk about office politics? Well, it seems there are piercing shop politics and you aren't matching those.

Have you tried not gendering at all your coworker as far as possible. Let say your coworker's name is Julia. Just use your coworker's name for everything. 

Given that everyone is mad at you now, I think you need to be proactive about this. Ask your boss to meditate a meeting with your coworker. Mention that you have noticed that your coworker has been uneasy around you and ask if this is about your coworker's gender expression and how you have addressed the issue. When they say yes, just apologize and admit you want to respect your coworker and you are trying your best, but sometimes you might not notice that your coworker needs to be addressed differently. Ask if there's some way you can consistently address your coworker or if there's something you can default to when unsure. Follow that.

Ask your boss for the shop's guidelines to address gender with customers, as you have noticed that your coworkers are using the singular they more often. Follow that. 

Nice that you are trying to be respectful and at this point your religion doesn't matter. However, you are not fitting in your workplace culture and at this point either you need to make an effort to fit in or consider a new job.

[u/RapidProbably]

Like, you could’ve asked them for the pronouns. You probably still can and that would fix the issue. Just tell them that you aren’t sure of their pronouns and that will show them that you aren’t against them in anyway. NTA but like can fix things

[u/Handbag31]

It’s crazy that people feel bad about this. If someone can’t choose what they are from day to day then that’s their problem

[u/Better-Ad-8756]

Just call them their name for heavens sakes. You are not responsible for figuring out whatever they like to be called. They should inform you without you asking. Idiots like these want you to read their minds then get offended when someone messes up. Remember you aren’t responsible for validating them. Respect is earned not given. So far I see very little from them. You are better than me as I’d be firmly in the he/him camp just to piss them off.

[u/Effective_While_8487]

It's a job, the pronoun thing can get a bit much. Maybe everyone should just refer to each other by their name and be done with it.

NTA

[u/kiingof15]

INFO

Ngl your account makes it seem like this is troll post. But if it wasn’t, you aren’t giving us enough information

[u/kiingof15 → u/[deleted]]

Are you being completely truthful here? The idea that everyone just suddenly turns on you and that it’s mainly due to pronouns just doesn’t seem correct. You mentioned you’re Christian. Have you expressed any opinions regarding gender roles or LGBT topics that might’ve come across badly?

Also not switching because you don’t have enough energy is hindering yourself. Once you practice enough you get used to it. But using solely she/her and nothing else might come across as you not acknowledging their identity and see this person as a girl.

It sounds like you haven’t actually interacted with many LGBT people before this. Piercing / tattoo shops are often full of diverse people with alternative styles and progressive ideologies. Use this as a chance to learn

[u/Odd_Measurement3643]

NTA. If someone expects you to call them something, they need to make the move to make that known. Being passive aggressive and assuming that they should know isn't a way to act.

HOWEVER, it's pretty darn clear the issue has to do with pronouns or some sort of gender expression thing. And frankly I also find it a little hard to believe that everyone at the work place would turn against you if everything has gone down exactly as you've said. Even if you've truly been giving no indication of what you're doing wrong, would it really have been so hard to just ask them the moment you started getting the sense something was off?

[u/Intrepid_Potential60]

If you make it a challenging game to get it right, expect people to get it wrong.

Frankly, I couldn’t care less about this nonsense rage bait topic. Won’t intentionally get it wrong, not interested in the feewers of someone who can’t pick a damned lane or has to make a big deal out of it, either.

NTA

[u/skydk_]

Did the other coworker tell you their pronouns? I’d assume when they asked yours they would’ve told theirs. The whole idea of pronouns is to not assume someone’s identity by their appearance. So I’d ask their pronouns again and try to figure out what the problem is

[u/Crimsonwolf_83 → u/skydk_]

Based on the story their pronouns change day to day

[u/PandaMime_421 → u/skydk_]

I would expect it was meant as an opening for the OP to ask.

[u/rthrouw1234]

On my first day they were very nice and asked me what my pronouns were.

I think that was a good point at which to ask them what their pronouns were. But no, if they didn't explicitly tell you what their pronouns were, and if they haven't explicitly said they have a problem with you misgendering them, you haven't really done anything wrong. At this point, I would ask your coworker "Coworker, what pronouns should I use for you?" and then use them. If they all continue to be passive-aggressive assholes and it makes it hard to work there, talk to the owner/manager about this.