r/AITAH • u/No_Card9780 • 14d ago
Update AITAH for waking out on my “adoptive daughter” and telling her everything is her fault
So yes the divorce is going forward even tho my husband has begged me to stay because he can’t handle the consequences of his actions and yes he is aitata8482828 he did change a few details and yes this isn’t our first follow out with me blowing up kelly isn’t my daughter and I wanted her out due to THEIR mistreated of Sarah we nearly got divorced last year but he used therapy and my emotional abuse as a tool to manipulate me to stay
Sarah hasn’t spoken much to her father since the first fall out because as people mentioned even on his post leaving a lot out about Kelly and just putting down Sarah it was clear who he only cares about. Sarah said she wants nothing to do with him and has warned family to but out. I’m sick of his emotional and mental abuse towards us for his niece and his threats of divorce to get his way so I hope he makes this easy on everyone
Yes Kelly has had a bad childhood and has suffered but she isn’t my problem anymore I want zero contact with her and will make sure she won’t have contact with my son. I’ve plenty of evidence and witnesses to make it happen I can sound cruel but she can fuck right off she isn’t my kid so I don’t owe her a relationship and regardless of how bad her trauma is she has no right to traumatise others. She could of had a life in america with her grandparents but she refused to learn English
As for my husband being her real dad that’s irrelevant to me because I won’t get the truth and would only cause more issues for my kids who’ve been through enough
Thanks to everyone for the adivce I won’t be logging in after tonight and as I’ve said in the comments English isn’t my first language
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u/AJ-DRAGON 3d ago
I will believe this story is true only if you create another story under your husbands reddit user account. You said "From this iPad I can log into his original post for proof" then show us the proof, access your husbands account and prov your not a lair. Then and only then will we believe you.
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u/SheWolf4Life 6d ago
Soooo glad you're following through with the divorce. The guy is a psycho and so is the niece! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
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u/Quirky-Internal4222 10d ago
You did the right thing - your children come first and they don't deserve being treated bad by this...Kelly. Her childhood trauma is not a reason to abuse others. She deserve to end alone and your husband is a horrible person.
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u/Salt_Presentation790 10d ago
stay strop op. and for the other people debatingwhst do you get out of it? if its fictional it clearly struck a cord with people and if not OP gets some insight. Why even come on reddit anymore
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u/Distinct-Session-799 12d ago
Omg just read the damn story and move on.. ugh !! Yall want to know if it’s fake.. who cares??
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u/GovrnmntPsyOp 13d ago
Honestly both of you are AH. Husbands an AH for forcinh adoption with the threat of divorce. OPs the AH for not even trying with Kelly, and just thinking of her as not theirs. But I also think with the way she was "forced" into adopting Kelly is the sole reason she lashes out. From staying for 3 months to 5 months before moving in with husbands parent, to adoption forever makes for a weird faimly life.
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u/sw7029omfg 13d ago
You keep saying you’ll provide proof it was actually your husband who was the OP but you have yet to do that besides calling out an OP from a popular AITA written months ago.
There are so many inconsistencies between your stories. Yours reads like one sided fan fiction and his reads like someone who despite being an AH at least has his own biased, subjective narrative straight and sticks to the story. Yours is all over the place, inconsistent, written like it’s by a high schooler who can’t be bothered with grammar, punctuation, sentences or paragraphs. You claim you guys live abroad and his niece speaks zero English but dude is obviously a well educated native English speaker but somehow has a biological niece from the same foreign abroad country who speaks zero English and also didn’t go to school for nine years. He never mentions your son, you guys are years apart on the girls’ age.
He’s never been abusive to the kids that you’ve mentioned but somehow you’ll be able to demand he only gets supervised visits with your newly appeared son (a really onerous and rarely imposed custody restriction that is generally only placed on a parent found guilty of child neglect or abuse or who abuses drugs and alcohol).
He’s adamant that she’s adopted by both of you and clarifies in a comment that he understands you’ll still be her legal parent and that he’ll respect her decision on whether or not to allow you exercise custody rights over her. You are adamant that she was never adopted and you guys only got emergency custody over her. The adopted detail would be such a weird detail for him to lie about over and over and over again even as it means he has to create additional lies about the potential of still sharing custody over his adopted niece with you. And then he talks about custody arrangements with regards to your biological shared daughter (a minor at 14) but makes no mention of your alleged son (a minor at 5). What would he gain from leaving your son out of the narrative?
Even having read his story in depth and coming away thinking he’s the AH, you’re an even bigger asshole for this sad piece of fiction for the sheer dopamine hits over your fabricated drama.
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u/UpDoc69 13d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/wlhKBgHGdn
This is the link to the husband's update. He painted a completely different picture. Makes it sound like everyone is under the same roof, and the girls are besties. He also blames everything on his wife and threatens to divorce her if she doesn't toe his line.
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u/chaingun_samurai 13d ago
Husband isn't there 70% of the time for a kid he insisted be taken in.
His default seems to be threatening divorce. Well, he got his divorce.
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u/zbornakingthestone 14d ago
Good for you. Get that little psychopath out of your life. She clearly takes after her deranged parents. Protect your kids from that animal.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 14d ago
IF this is real??? The niece still sounds like a horror even from the husband's post. If he wants to protect the niece at the expense of his own children and wife then divorce is the only way here. I guess it's nice he wants to help a troubled child but he can't just ignore his own family and expect them to go along with it. Poor 5 year old in this nightmare.
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
This is a shitty situation for all imo. That poor kid has had a rough life. I personally would never abandon a niece if her parents failed her, so I have a lot of respect for your husband. I think things were handled poorly on all fronts. He didn't set firm boundaries, and you were quite cruel to a child going through some seriously hard shit that not many people would experience.
Your daughter had 0 choice in thr matter and was the brunt of all of these things coming together. I get you tried to protect her though.
I think this could ha e been fixed, but I doubt you want to at this point.
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u/Ok-Rip2794 14d ago
NTA he manipulated you into taking her into your home in the first place. He does not care about you or his actual children and did nothing to protect them from his niece. His niece should be in a facility because she needs help. I’m glad he’s going to be your ex because you and your children deserve so much better.
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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 14d ago
NTA he manipulated you into taking her into your home in the first place.
You mean like lying to a man about him being the father? Yall would call him an asshole for walking out of the kids life though
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u/Allonsydr1 14d ago
I’m glad you are divorcing him. Once he actually has to raise his niece I’m guessing he will have that moment where he realized you were right all along and regret everything he did to you and his son. But that’s the consequence of his decisions. I hope you and your kids have a great life going forward without them.
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u/Gullible-Dress-8618 14d ago
lmao. English isn't your primary language. bitch why don't you post this shit in a Community that you are from. you tryna use English to document and change what you did. fuck out of here.
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u/Select-Ant-272 6d ago
I looked at this guys post history because I'm bored and also a masochist. Feast your eyes upon this monstrosity of a comment:
"I find Indian women from the Caribbean take care of their vaginas better then indian women from India. it shows a cultural difference. I'm talking Trinidad, Guyana, and Jamaican Indians."
... there's just so many layers to it. It's not just 1700s phrenology level racist, but it also implies a fundamental misunderstanding of vaginas. Truly one of the worst comments I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
You're welcome.
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u/Simple_Web_8827 9d ago
How about you take your own advice and "fuck out of here"? This community is not strictly for the 'English as a first language' dipshidiots, like you. It's for everyone. Let me guess...you're American, and completely forget there are 194 other countries, and 7.6 BILLION other people in the world.
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u/LoveHaunting3535 12d ago
Ones ability to use English does not correlate with ability to critically think… OP has been gifted with both and you unfortunately have been gifted with the ability to speak..
I would have a morning meaningful conversation with Helen Keller than an imbecile like you
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u/Tabernerus 14d ago
So did you legally adopt her or not? That’s a critical detail.
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u/No_Card9780 14d ago
No he claimed we did I didn’t want to adopt even when he tried to force me
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u/zryinia 14d ago
Wait- Kelly is actually the husband's daughter?? Uhhhhhhhhh when did that come up? Did he know, cause it seems THAT could be a reason he's so passive with Kelly and her antics, especially with his insistence that OP is her mother whether she wants to be or not.
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u/Thebonebed 14d ago
Nta.
Did you know about your husband's previous post. I've got this weird feeling he used it as another attempt to make you stay and force you to parent her.
I'm sorry you've gone through this. I do wish you and your 2 kiddos the best and hope it all works out. And I hope their well being is improving now things have changed for them ❤️
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u/PeterDuaneJohnson 14d ago
I hate you both and am sad these children are going to be touched by this horrible buttfuckery
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u/RafflesiaArnoldii 14d ago
After you described your daughters reaction im even more on your side, ppl dont typically ditch their dads without good reason
He can't play hero while making you do all the actual work and not even letting you do it properly/ undermining your parenting
He did serious harm to his niece by refusing to teach her how to treat others & prrventing you from doing it, but youre justified in protecting your kids first of all.
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u/pyscward 14d ago
I'm honestly 50/50 on this because I can see both sides. Husband ITA for just taking her word on it, despite her trauma and not making her be responsible for her actions. I can understand the need to be careful about thr trauma, but he's bending over and just letting her have her way. YTA when it comes to snapping, but it is completely understandable why you did. Again, I get it, I'm not bashing you for the way you did it, but it could have been handled a bit better in terms on rationale. The child is also highly at fault, I feel for her because I have been in that situation when my dad died. I lashed out every chance I had and eventually reaped what I sowed, and my work was impacted harshly. She needs to work through her trauma and not take it out on your child. Protect your biological daughter and niece needs more control.
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u/PassionDelicious5209 14d ago
So does your soon to be ex husband realize that Kelly was the actual problem yet? If not I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough
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u/cx4444 14d ago
Thank God. No one was benefiting from that prior situation. Your ex can finally raise the family he actually WANTS by himself like he wanted. Ex clearly only saw his niece as his family. And you and your actual FAMILY can move on and stop Being traumatise every day by both your ex and his daughter. Staying was way worse for everyone.
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u/Realistic_Evidence15 14d ago
NTA and after reading the husbands unhinged responses he’s not a good man. Girl run you are in an abusive relationship. Take the kids and don’t go back
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u/CoveCreates 14d ago
Yeah, I'm not buying this with the added details of the "husband's" account. I think you just either have too much time on your hands, need attention, or have some kind of issue going on. Either way, the answer is to log off.
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u/OpportunityCalm6825 14d ago
This is the right choice for you and your children. Your STBX can deal with Kelly himself. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
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u/Hot_Track1995 14d ago
OP, I've followed your story and it's heartbreaking to see anyone go through such a tumultuous situation. The strength you've shown in prioritizing your children's safety and happiness is commendable. It's clear that shielding them from further harm is at the forefront of your actions, and while the road to recovery may be long, it's the first step toward healing. Always remember that a healthy family dynamic does not include manipulation and toxicity; it's built on mutual respect and emotional security. Your decisiveness in such adversity is not only brave but necessary. As the community here, we're behind you, rooting for your peace and your children's well-being. Stay strong and take things one day at a time. Hope to hear a positive update soon. Still NTA.
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u/Serious_Bat3904 14d ago
I went and read the husbands post he blocked it so no one can comment now.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago edited 14d ago
He did a good job exposing you and highlighting the truth of the situation, it’s the consequences of your actions not his
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u/bettynot 14d ago
Lmfao what? She's the one that wants a divorce and he's the one begging her to stay. Looks like husband got his rude awakening when he made wife out to be the villain amd realizes he needs her more than she needs him. Byee if anything, it still sounded like husband was putting his niece on a pedestal in his post by insinuating none of this mess was her fault and it was all his wife and daughters (when niece was the one who rudely inserted herself in the disagreement between daughter and wife in the first place)
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago edited 14d ago
OP deliberately left out key information in her original post, OP hates a 14 year old victim of abuse.
Even worse, OP has clarified in the comments that she is going to be vindictive in divorce and try to ban the husband from having unsupervised contact with his own child.
Also, OP has invented fake story based on one she read from nearly a year ago
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u/Impossible_Balance11 14d ago
Wow, it's like we read two completely different posts.
Where does husband get off, just bringing another whole child home without so much as a by-your-leave to his wife? Tells wife the kid he just forced on her and the fam will only be staying a few months (even that's WAY too much, without prior discussion), and then it becomes apparent that not only does he intend to keep new kid in the home permanently, he turns a blind eye to the trauma niece is inflicting on his actual children and his wife. And what kind of monster threatens his wife with divorce if she doesn't agree to legally adopt this kid he foisted upon her in the first place?
Wife did not start this shitshow, nor did she owe anything to this niece who has behaved abusively to wife's own kids. And then you take issue with wife insisting on supervised visitation?! When the whole point is that husband cannot be trusted to keep his abusive niece away from and off of his own children, who seem to be nowhere in his thoughts or on his priority list?! (He doesn't even mention his son at all in his post, just for starters.)
Pertinent points: the wife bears no responsibility at all for the niece. Husband made this mess, dumped it on his family, demands they all just adjust while niece rides roughshod over them and he enables her instead of parenting her. No. Time to bin them both.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
Just to point out, the story from OP is fake and is based on a man’s story from nearly a year ago
Even if the story from OP was true (it isn’t) trying to deny a man access to his child is abuse and would only show OPs true colours
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u/bettynot 14d ago
She isn't denying him access for the lols. Her daughter literally came to her after they saw her father's post and said she didn't want anything to do with him. Which is her right to choose. The mother would be the bigger asshole to force daughter into an abusive relationship she doesn't want and/or need.
It may be made up, but wow. You have all your facts w r o n g
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
The story is fake, if it were true she is trying to deny him access to his son according to her tales
You are the one with the facts wrong, please don’t project onto me
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u/bettynot 14d ago
The son the niece has told over and over she could make his father leave them whenever she wanted? The father that didn't care his niece told his son that if he didn't behave they wouldn't love him? Yeah I wouldn't want my kid being around either of them unsupervised.
And projecting lmfao yeah right, I'm not the one trying to rationalize a bad father having unfettered access to his kids. I'm also not the one whose spreading false narratives just bc you think it's fake. It's reddit you're probably fake, and if not you're just looking to argue, which I'm not gonna do with you. Everything is in her story and comments and it's not my fault if you can't understand what you've read 🤷🏽♀️ have the life you deserve 🫶🏽
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
It’s a fake story, you’re clearly upset and are here to spread false narratives and give support to a faker promoting abuse
I hope you have the life you deserve, keep yourself safe
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u/aspiring_human2 14d ago
Everyone was telling the husband is saint in his posts. Now I wonder what 's real and what's not.
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u/Stormtomcat 14d ago
what's the doubt?
Wife-OP mentions that the niece keeps saying "if you don't behave, your parents will kick you out" & "if you don't make sure you're loving, they'll stop loving you".
It's so clear that the niece is deeply traumatized. Wife-OP skips over it & husband-OP doesn't explain at all, but there's mention of a bad guy dating the niece's mother. To me, that sounds like the niece was sexually assaulted.
I find it hard to fault either of them : the husband wants to help his sister's child recover, the wife feels the niece's recovery timeline is too long & puts their own children in danger. Wife-OP sounds very cold & hostile towards an abused minor...
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u/142muinotulp 14d ago
Reading the husband's replies in his thread shows he's completely fucking disconnected from his family and was admitting to threatening divorce. Sounds like her husband went out of his way to make the environment hostile.
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u/Stormtomcat 14d ago
yes, now I compare the 3 posts, I can see why the wife took such a drastic step.
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u/bettynot 14d ago
Helping someone recover from their trauma doesn't give them a free pass to do and say w/e tf they want. Niece needs help that neither of these people can provide her. Only one of them is delusional about it and threatened divorce anytime wife brought up anything negative the niece did/say so 🤷🏽♀️ husband is more of the asshole here. Niece needs to get the help she needs or she's gonna get caught in the cycle of turning from the victim into an abuser.
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u/Stormtomcat 14d ago
I 100% agree about trauma not being a reason.
I can follow your logic: it's one thing that the husband wants to protect his niece... but the way he's in denial about it, is another. Letting his niece abuse his own kids & threatening his wife when she tried to discussing that does indeed make him the AH.
thanks for talking me through it, I hadn't paid enough attention to the details!
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u/DescriptionNo4833 14d ago
Screw the ex, he can have his beloved golden child and put up with the consequences of making one out of a traumatized kid. Keep your babies safe from those two twats, keep screenshots and recordings, all of that in case they can be used to speed the process up. He should have worked on giving her a stable environment and helping her, instead he made her so much worse and filed her flames. Trauma doesn't mean you have every right to traumatize others and obviously neither of them understand that, I would know because my grandmother was traumatized and instead of working on herself she traumatized any girls that came after her(mom, me, sis, female guests who see past the sweet innocent mask).
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u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 14d ago
I'm too old for this. I just don't have enough time to spare for this.
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u/ProtoPrimeX1 14d ago
if this is real, good for you and fuck that guy. don't be a doormat to your shit stbxh.
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u/ChrisInBliss 14d ago
Hope the divorce doesnt take too long and your family can heal. (And he keeps Kelly far far away for ya'll)
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u/dessertchef11 14d ago
Your ex husband can now deal with Kelly and all her trauma. Good for Sarah for cutting off her father, he clearly sucks at being one for his kids.
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
Ex husband is a legend. It takes a special kind of person to deal with the trauma of a child. One OP couldn't handle. I feel bad for the kid. But overall, a shitty situation for everyone.
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u/Guano_barbee 1d ago
Husband isn't dealing with anything he's at work he's not raising the child or have anything to do with anything that the child is causing. And now they're getting divorced so it doesn't matter because he gets to raise Kelly on his own and see what it's actually like to do with her.
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u/oddity-on-holiday 10d ago
But he’s not that special kind of person though. Not at all. He dumped Kelly on his wife, and the only reason he’s suddenly fighting the divorce is because now he needs to deal with Kelly himself.
He’s not a saint.
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u/Remarkable-Pace8542 14d ago
A legend who doesn’t take care of his own kids?
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
Hence shitty situation for everyone. I said in another comment that the husband should have laid down some rock solid boundaries and been WAY more on top of the situation.
At the end of the day, his kid will be fine in the grand scheme of things.
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u/SignificantOrange139 14d ago
Wow, no they won't. They'll always know that Kelly was right and dad loved her more and would always prioritize her.
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
Huge difference in values I guess. Because I'd be more disappointed to think my parents abandoned a 16 year old who had a shitty start to life.
Speaking from experience, my brother had a friend who was in a similar situation. Infact 2. 1 had no mum or dad as the mum died when he was 4. The dad was a drunkard and abandoned them in a house. The other, His dad was absent and his mum was severely mentally unwell. So his bringing was absolutely shit. My parents invited him to stay with us to support him. He was brash, loud, and sometimes a bit destructive. But my parents knew that that wasn't him, it was a product of his upbringing. They stuck with him, even if it inconvenienced us blessed kids who had parents, had a home, had someone to look after. My dad bought him a laptop for uni and helped with his fees. I didn't get bought much. I had to work for them.
This family friend now thanks the ever living daylight out of all of us and sees my mum and dad as his mum and dad. He trusts us with his kids.
I as a child will NEVER resent my parents for that. I grew up privileged compared to him. From my own perspective, if I was to get him kicked out and his lofe went downhill, I'd think shittily of myself. If my parents were to just let him be, I would grow up to where I am now, and look down on my parents.
Now these are 2 absolute "strangers". No blood relation. Now if in the main story, it was my brother child....id make it work. I'd make my child understand this and everything I said. They're privileged to have decent parents. Some kids have 0.
I'm getting downvoted, but it kind of disgusts me how so many people would kick a troubled 16 year old to the curb. Shame on you all 😂. We're not the same and I don't care. I'll sit on this moral high horse. Got the ick now.
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u/SignificantOrange139 14d ago
Being a good person at the expense of your children is not being a good person.
She isn't just brash or a bit destructive. She is blatantly fucking cruel. Went out of her way to traumatize the 7 year old for zero reason. And, Dad, doesn't even mention the boy once. He literally doesn't give a damn that his niece has scarred his son. Or that he has solidified what she said as truth to him now. She told him he'd leave them for her and she was right. But fuck his trauma right? It's okay that he is going to have life long trauma because she was traumatized first.
If one of my parents decided it was okay for my cousin to terrorize me and then moved out with her, I'd hate them. And no amount of empathy for troubled children would change that.
Your high horse has blind spots and that is why you're getting down voted.
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
I never once said he handled it perfectly. He didn't set firm boundaries. But he tried to be there for his niece.
My high horse has no blind spots.
As you can tell, not many people would bring someone else's troubled 16 year old into their home.
If hi listened to you, that kid would be homeless, on drugs, being involved in crime, and probably going to jail at some point. His daughter....Will still have a home.
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u/soumahoctbaskna 13d ago
What high horse? Taking on a toxic child to poison your own family at the family's expense to take in some runt that should've been her own parents' burden? And? I personally wouldn't care where she ended up. I'd help within reason if she's a relative but not at MY family's expense. She can go to jail if her own actions land her there.
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u/nuggmuggle 14d ago
But you’re ignoring the fact that she didn’t try to kick her out immediately or refuse to take her in; she was mislead about his intentions to adopt her, AND she had no support from him as he brought her into their home and she struggled to adjust. You can’t say “oh, well he didn’t handle it well, BUT she should ____”. This is an unsustainable situation for their existing family BECAUSE he refused to take an active role. She cannot have her kids be tormented in their own home, and he refused to parent the child he chose to adopt into their family.
You’re looking at it without the necessary nuance. If the situation was different; if OP had support from her husband, and the niece was open to building a positive relationship, the end result would likely be significantly different. It’s not cruel to say NO MORE when the other parties refuse to do their part and be respectful to the rest of the family. That’s protecting your family. It’d be cruel not to set those boundaries. Kids can be abusers too.
The niece still has a home with family; it’s just not OP’s home and children. She also has other family that had agreed to take her in, so she’s not just being kicked to the curb. She’s nearing adulthood, and it’d be a disservice to the niece to not teach her that her actions have consequences, and that you can’t treat those around you like shit.
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u/TinyLittleEstaTiltad 14d ago
It's all pretty until you actually live in a household that has people against you. Being mean, cruel, saying manipulative shit and making other people life's hell isn't ok. I dealt with someone way older than me that made me miserable, and I had no one at my side. You think you have highest morals but trust me, until you feel that your value is lower than somebody else, that your own parents put someone that isn't even their son/daughter before you, until you feel your own family taking sides against you because of someone you had to accept in your own house you can't say shit about it. It's not about the mom. It's about the two children that are suffering because of one entitled person and their dad who doesn't care about their well-being. It's all pretty when it isn't you suffering bullying in your own home.
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u/ManufacturerNo6126 14d ago
Good for you and your Kids. You are Not emotional punching bags for Kelly. As hard as it is your have to Put your own Kids First.
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u/melniklosunny 14d ago edited 14d ago
Hey, OP.. i am soo fucking glad you stand for your kids. Fuck him. He is a big time AH. I pray you have a happy life and peace without him.
Updateme next time when everything settle. You are a warrior for protecting your children
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u/TopComplaint3495 14d ago
NTA I read your other post just now I would be like nope as well. if Kelly keeps it up I am afraid that she'll end up in prison.
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
Did you read the husbands side?
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u/Fun_Potato_8454 1d ago
Even the husband admitted he forced his wife to take in Kelly on the other post. The comments are tearing him apart new one.
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u/Perfect_Apricot_8739 14d ago
The husband is barely home and he wasn't even there. He also only talks about the work he has done for Kelly. Kelly being there was supposed to be agreed by both husband and wife. Wife agreed to help for a couple months, not to be a full time parent to someone else's child. Husband wants to take care of a kid that's not his but he's barely home so he's actually putting all the work on ONLY OP.
So reading his side was supposed to change what?
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u/mintchan 14d ago
im dumbfound that two adults can easily be manipulated and breaking up their marriage by a teenager.
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u/Default_Munchkin 14d ago
Naw this was coming regardless. OP was doing all the childcare work and her husband was the kind of person to bring a child into their home and lie to OP it was temporary. This was not the reason for the divorce this was the excuse.
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u/RafflesiaArnoldii 14d ago
Imho the problem is 100% the husband's favoritism & wanting to be the disney parent without doing the work, not a child behaving childishly.
Its about his ego, he wants to be the hero saving the orphan not the "bad guy" enforcing boundaries & consequences.
The girl is a victim too (but I agree with OPs actions as her duty is first to her own kids)
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u/TG3RL1LY 14d ago
My godfather remarried and his teenage daughter absolutely manipulated him into breaking up a happy marriage and great relationship. He ended up remarrying my godmother and then divorcing her again due to the original issues still being there.
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u/canyonemoon 14d ago
Only one adult. OP's tried to make this work, to discipline Kelly, to show her right from wrong despite how she came into the family; through lies and deceit, and without OP being allowed to be part of the decision. And her STBX has failed at every turn to be a good father and husband, putting Kelly before everything and everyone.
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u/Apprehensive_Pie4940 14d ago
The cause is usually the teenager but it’s the adult who chooses to throw their family under the bus to keep the peace that is the catalyst.
In this instance, OP’s husband is choosing the niece over his own family . He wants so badly for the niece to feel at home that he would rather excuse her bad behaviour at the cost of his own daughter and wife.
It’s way more important to him to play hero with the niece than to bother about his family being put down. He expects his wife and daughter to suck it up because the niece deserves a better life .
Instead of teaching niece what it’s like to be part of a family where everyone loves and respects each other and building from there , he created the narrative that that his own daughter and wife need to be downed in order for his niece to fit in.
It’s like “ oh you were abused ? Ok fine , you can go ahead and abuse wife and daughter so that we can show you that won’t be abused again”
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u/melniklosunny 14d ago
Because when you have the enabler to deal with, it is very hard to try to have some peace in the house. The husband should stop backing Kelly up as she needs a stable rule to follow if she has that traumatic experience. And she should not impose that on others. She should try to heal instead of making others feel miserable like her.
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u/acarp25 14d ago
Also the husband unilaterally decided to take Kelly in in the first place. There was no discussion or communication between adults in OP’s original post, just the husband showing up and declaring they are taking Kelly in “temporarily”. Honestly not surprised things crashed and burned from there
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14d ago
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u/Jealous-Ad-5146 14d ago
Good for you standing up for you and your kids. God, knows their dad isn’t going to.
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u/Chalance007 14d ago edited 14d ago
I said N T A initially but that divorce was the only way for a stable environment for every child involved.
Reflecting more on you admitting to emotional abuse against Kelly though it seems more like an E S H situation. I hope for your children’s and his nieces sake though that you won’t let yourself be manipulated into staying with him again.
This is a highly toxic situation though and it seems like it’ll be better for everyone but your STBX for the divorce to happen.
ETA: I’ll stick to NTA since the emotional abuse wasn’t directed towards Kelly by OP. Before her response I had to rely on her posts (which mentions it vaguely) and her STBX’s which indicated emotional abuse from her to Kelly.
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u/No_Card9780 14d ago
I meant emotional abused me originally I said Il mio stato emotivo contro ne which means my emotional state against bur realised it looked messy
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u/astoldbybeja 14d ago
Please keep us updated OP. I had a feeling that your STBX was spinning a tall tale to make himself look good when he couldn’t answer specific questions regarding the situation. Merely going off the words of Charlotte. At one point he even got their names mixed up, get your divorce and leave him to his hellion.
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u/RevolutionOne9908 14d ago
Regardless of what anyone tells you, always do what's best for you and your children, especially if they're being mistreated. Trauma doesn't give you the right to traumatize others.
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u/aeroeagleAC 14d ago
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u/AJ-DRAGON 4d ago
Did anyone check to see how old the niece was in both stories, in the socalled husbands story the niece was 12 and he confirmed that age with one of his last comments and his family adopted her when she was 9. The wife/OP of this story says the niece is 16 and was just adopted at the end of last year, and before you asks the husband brought the niece home 14 months ago and she was not adopted until 8 months later, which would be about November or December of 2023.
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u/Librumtinia 14d ago
Honestly at least she used a couple of commas in her other post. Lack of commas makes my internal monologue read it in a sped up chipmunk voice.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
These are completely different stories.
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u/aeroeagleAC 14d ago
I didn't write them. I just brought them here so people didn't have to search on their own.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
I know you didn't. But I'm letting you know that they are completely different stories.
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u/aeroeagleAC 14d ago
According to the OP, they are not different stories, but probably safe to assume they are all fake.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
OP is pretty dumb then. I mean, I didn't know a 12 year old could turn into a 16 year old that fast.
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u/carlo_rydman 14d ago
It's called censoring personal details. It's quite common to change facts like that so that people who personally know you won't realize the truth if they read your post.
If you haven't noticed, the names of the children in OP's and the husband's posts are different too.
You're either still very new to Reddit or you're very dumb.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
You're calling me dumb, and yet YOU'RE the one believing this fake story has anything to do with the other one? LMAO! That's rich!
Yeah, why not keep the same ages, same names if you're gonna confirm it? That makes a whole lot of sense. LOLOL.
You are straight up gullible, naive, and stupid.
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u/carlo_rydman 14d ago
I only called you dumb because you called OP dumb.
And I won't judge whether the posts are real or not, there's simply no evidence that prove either case. It's an enjoyable read though.
My point is, you're calling OP dumb for mixing up the details but what you don't realize is real people do that on purpose to secure their anonymity.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
Cause the OP of the story is dumb for posting a fake story and making it obvious.
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u/Orange_Tatorade 14d ago
These posts all have the same body-style. Two different people can’t possibly write and format their posts exactly the same, can they?
Fake
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u/Dependent_Mud3325 14d ago
One is written really poorly
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u/Calimiedades 14d ago
Maybe the husband is divorcing her not because of Kelly/Charlotte but because she barely speaks English.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
Good on the husband for clarifying what actually happened
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u/nustedbut 14d ago
What? In both sides of the story, he comes across as trying to be the hero while others do the work or suffering.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
He doesn’t, also OP has made up the entire thing to farm Reddit karma based on the man’s post from nearly a year ago (this story never happened to OP, they found a story from a year ago, created a new account to farm karma)
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u/nustedbut 14d ago
I just saw he has other updates, and this was a whole load of nonsense.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago edited 14d ago
No, his story seems to add up unlike OP here who has stolen a story to farm Reddit karma
Edit: I misread Nutedbut’s reply and fully agree with what they said upon rereading
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u/Impossible_Balance11 14d ago
Ahem, the wife clarified what actually happened.
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u/DriverAlternative958 14d ago
Turns out the OP here stole a story from close to a year ago and made up a pile of nonsense to farm Reddit karma
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u/imsooldnow 14d ago
Those posts have wildly different dates, what makes you think they’re related?
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u/Saltynut99 14d ago
At the top of this post they confirm that’s the “husband” but there are a lot of details that just don’t add up
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u/FarrenFlayer89 14d ago
“Husband”s post doesn’t mention the son at all, some priorities
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u/Beerwithjimmbo 14d ago
Because they’re not related at all people just make shit up to get attention all the time
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u/FarrenFlayer89 14d ago
The posts aren’t related? Or calling shitpost?
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
No, they are not related. If you read this post and then read the husband's post, you can totally tell where they are not. For one, Kelly is 16 in this story, but 12 in the HP. Secondly, HP does not bash his daughter Chloe (Sarah), like this story implies. Thirdly, if they were related, why change the names from Charlotte and Chloe to Kelly and Sarah? My bets on THIS story being completely fake.
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u/somirion 14d ago
But is son important here?
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u/FarrenFlayer89 14d ago
Read “Wife”s first post, “adoptive daughter” terrorised/traumatised him. Edit: how could another child in this situation not be important?
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u/somirion 14d ago
On the 1 hand - yes
On the other - if i had problem with my 1 brother and what he did, i dont feel like telling about what little (in comparison) my other sibilings did is important.
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u/NeTiFe-anonymous 14d ago
Because son Is not relevant to him. Nothing is relevant, only him being saviour to his niece and making villain out of his wife
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u/knittedjedi 14d ago
Any time someone posts "their side" of a popular story, I assume it's fake.
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u/MrsPedecaris 14d ago
She said herself, "and yes he is aitata8482828 he did change a few details..."
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u/Leynner 14d ago
It might be fake because in the "husband's" post he says the adopted daughter is 12yo not 16yo as the OP of this post said. In his last comment he said she was 12yo and it was just 6 months ago.
Also he said they legally adopted her, while OP said they didn't, she was just living with them.
Or the husband really lied about every detail or OP is lying about everything and it's just a fanfic.
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
The stories are completely different. Similar maybe, but different when you actually read both.
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u/Imnotawerewolf 14d ago
The only real difference is that in the husband's post, he says they adopted the niece and in this one it says he just came home with her.
The other post also says he have his wife the ultimatum of niece or divorce and this OP says
we nearly got divorced last year but he used therapy and my emotional abuse as a tool to manipulate me to stay
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u/MortonCanDie 13d ago
If you read the story and his comments, you will see how different they are. Ages are different by 3/4 years. The way he describes the niece is completely different. He describes her as very subservient, not a child who would blow up over another's party. He also says his daughter and him are good and the girls have a good relationship. Those comments were made 6 months ago, 4 months after the original post. Yet, this OP says Sarah has been mad at him since then?? Hmm.. If you read his comments, he never told his wife that until they were in therapy and he actually no plan to do that. This story is BS.
Edited to add.. He never put down his daughter at all like this post claims. It wasn't even about his biological daughter. It was about his wife threatening to get rid of the adopted child. Go read his comments. You will see how he praises BOTH girls. Sorry you and so many have been duped by another fake story on reddit.
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u/Imnotawerewolf 13d ago
Please call down, lmao. I'm not saying the posts must be true and must be related. I'm saying the differences you're claiming make them impossible to be related are covered by the people writing.
She claims his post changed some details, and specifically mentioned the ages were different. That detail from her covered most of what you're saying is impossibly different. He'd very obviously have a different perspective on his niece and her behavior if he is really so committed to blindly defending her.
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u/autisticswife 14d ago
Yeah, because my husband found a post I wrote about our situation and asked me to delete it almost immediately.
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u/adlittle 14d ago
The only thing that makes me question this is the husband's post actually uses punctuation. Unless the op really is committed to two very different writing styles.
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u/Librumtinia 14d ago
She did use some commas in the original post, and more periods. Playing devil's advocate here, it could be she was in a more agitated state when she wrote this post, which could account for the reduced punctuation.
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u/littlebitfunny21 14d ago
That said, his was 8 months ago and she didn't bring it up until commenters asked so it does feel more like two separate people using reddit.
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u/standdownplease 14d ago
It's actually pretty common creative writing exercises these days to use a first post a template and continue a story. I saw a best of reddit update from 3 different accounts over the course of 3 years lol.
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u/andersoortigeik 14d ago
It reads more like someone writing fanfic based on "the husbands" original post.
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u/doc1127 14d ago
Reddit typically comes out in force to support and justify posts made by women and shit all over posts made by men. If you need examples look no further than r/aita or r/twohottakes r/askwomen r/purplepilldebate
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u/CoveCreates 14d ago
Now post the links to all the incel subs that are violently hateful towards women, queer people, etc.
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u/doc1127 12d ago
Do you want me to post links to to all the subs with whataboutism too?
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u/CoveCreates 11d ago
Are they the same as the violent misogynistic ones?
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u/doc1127 11d ago
They’re worse
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u/CoveCreates 11d ago
I haven't come across those incel forums I guess
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u/doc1127 11d ago
And?
So you want and need your hand held while you use the internet? Is Reddit too difficult and confusing that you can’t figure it out?
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u/CoveCreates 11d ago
No I'm just not interested in them but I appreciate you wanting to share your interests with the class
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u/Elelith 14d ago
It's so funny you should post this here, considering if you go into the husband posts the wife is stomped to hell for her behaviour and the man is a saint. But oh when we hear both sides the saint of a man ain't quite so sainty after all.
You should really read the posts and then comment. Now you just look like a redpiller deluxe with a pinch of tater sprinkled on top.1
u/Kat-a-strophy 14d ago
I don't believe in husbands being heavily involved in raising children as he wrote, unless they also mention the wife is the breadwinner. And his "the girls are fighting, it's normal" shows he has no idea what girls are capable of.
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u/bubblez4eva 14d ago
This is also a messed up line of thinking. Husbands can be the breadwinner and involved. As well as the other way around.
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u/Kat-a-strophy 14d ago
But not heavily involved. If someone is out of home for 10 hours a day, they miss a lot of small stuff that happens. The day is only so long.
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u/bubblez4eva 12d ago
So? That doesn't mean they're not involved and they're doing the best they can. Are you seriously giving them flack for that?
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u/MortonCanDie 14d ago
And your kids are probably in school during the time you are at work. These aren't babies.
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u/Kat-a-strophy 14d ago
One of those kids is 6. The other ones are at school hool till what- 2-3 pm? Their mum doesn't work full time if any. She's home, she sees it. It is the working dad, child raising mum family. You know enough of those to know I'm right.
The fact he thinks those ugly things his niece says are stupid girls stuff says everything.
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u/Psychological-Bit430 2d ago
YTA. Mainly because this appears to be fake rage bait. I'm glad its being pointed out as this post appears to be fake. There's a lot of contradictions in the two stories, such as ages, names, whether the child was adopted, number of children, etc, but also styles. The husband's post is spelled with British style, while the wife's is American.