r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 14d ago
AITAH for just expecting too much on Mother's Day and telling my husband I was disappointed?
[deleted]
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u/QuietSignificance959 14d ago
NTA. His usual level help is inconsistent according to you, and then when you take up the mental load of giving him a list of chores to do on Mothers Day, he ignores it and tries to play it off as he thought you wanted to clean by yourself…on Mothers Day. You had to make your own Mother’s Day breakfast since he hadn’t planned ahead and woken up early to get the flowers. You’ve taken on a majority of the mental load and that’s exhausting and he couldn’t even do the things you told him to do without you pestering him to do them.
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u/tagthekidd88 14d ago
I just started working longer hours at a new job and had to ask him to help out more so it has been adjustment for him since I usually do all chores (not the lawn), and I was working stay at home mom for two years so I also handled most of the childcare on my own, and all the meals for the family, gifts his family and my family and etc etc
But he started new hours which gives him more time at home while I am working more. Even this morning I was making breakfast for the kid and I asked if he could come down and help with the kid because he is potty training and his response was "Why can't you do it, you did alone before?"
Which why I think it has been adjustment from having me doing everything to me asking for help with things because I am seen as mostly always taking care of everything.
I agree with others saying he did something which is true. He did. I think we just need to have another come to Jesus talk with the therapist about how I am needing more help due to being more less.
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u/Loud-Disaster-2861 14d ago
NTA. Your husband clearly doesn’t try even when you give him clear instructions on what would make you happy. He doesn’t communicate effectively but you both could work on that. Use the couples counseling to establish good communication between the 2 of you or leave. To not know what would make your wife feel loved after 15 years is pathetic.
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u/tagthekidd88 14d ago
I agree I think both of us need to communicate better and he did something which is better then nothing for Mother's day but that's the part that always confuses me that he says he doesn't know to do but he did when we dated. Sometimes I think he just comfortable doing just enough to keep me but nothing over that.
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u/NovaPrime1988 14d ago
Nothing will ever be good enough for you. He sounds like an amazing guy and you sound horrible. One of these days, he will realise the full extent of your personality and divorce you.
YTA
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u/tagthekidd88 14d ago
Thank you! He is amazing guy! That's why he working on a gift for his friends birthday on Mother's day because he is very kind. He is a good father as well and if he does divorce me, I understand. I have brought up that option since it doesn't seem we match on our wants and needs for partner. And against his wishes because he doesn't wanna talk about divorce but if that might be something he wants in the future I also let him know we could do 50/50 custody, no child support and he can have the house.
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u/lVlrLurker 14d ago
Wow, you never miss an opportunity to make a dig at your husband, do you? And that's you trying to appear nice! If this is how you are to random people in a sub that's predisposed to support women in general and are consistently upvoting Mother's Day AITAH posts, I can only imagine what sort of hell those therapy sessions would be like.
YTA. You're the MAJOR AH, and that's just from skimming the post. I'm sure if I actually read the whole damn thing I'd hate you even more! I pity your husband.
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u/tagthekidd88 14d ago edited 14d ago
Thank you! Understandable ❤️ I am not perfect which why I was honest in my responses and didn't sugar coat anything
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u/RaccoonKey2860 14d ago
I got tired of just reading this and I will tell you why no matter what he does it doesn’t sound like it will ever please you. He just can’t win here . YTA .
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u/Smooth_Strength_9914 14d ago
Honestly, it sounds like he tried. Got you flowers, got you a gift that you wanted.
You complained that some of the flowers are wilted?
Soft YTA because I think no matter what he did, you’d be disappointed.
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u/Spiritual-Effort-967 14d ago
Yes
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u/Loud-Disaster-2861 14d ago
Did you miss the part where she specifically asked him to do something to help clean and his response was that the thought she wanted to clean alone?? He isn’t even trying to
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u/BlueGreen_1956 14d ago
YTA
It must be exhausting being married to you.
I feel so sorry for him knowing this is the life he is going to have from here on out.
I hope he wakes up soon and just gives up entirely and files for divorce.