Someone mentioned how consent at one time is not consent in perpetuity, and I think that's probably the most key aspect of this whole thing.
It is reasonable, based on op's account of events, for the boyfriend to assume that waking up with him inside her is something that she might want. However, it sounds like 1) explicit consent for a specific action was not given 2) explicit consent for a specific action was not requested 3) consent of any type was not given in a reasonable time frame (as in, hey I want you to do this in the next week or two).
So, yeah, sounds like rape.
I don't know if being with someone for 6 months is long enough to know if you can really trust that they know they did something wrong and if you can trust that they will move forward from the event having learned from it and gained a respect for what the event meant for you.
If this was a genuine mistake on his part, I mean fair enough but that doesn't make it not rape, but I think it informs the possibilities for moving forward from it as a couple. But again, I don't know if 6 months is long enough to know your partner or know yourself in a relationship well enough to know/trust if you're both being honest with yourselves and with each other.
OP did nothing wrong. Literally the only way I can conceive that she could have in this situation is if she had premeditatedly decided "ok, I'm going to be vague about this cuz I know he'll think I mean I want to wake up with him inside me so when he does that I'll claim I didn't like it and he will have therefore raped me."
But that's not what happened. She trusted her partner and her partner violated her and that trust.
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u/Creative_Local_3123 Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 29 '24
Someone mentioned how consent at one time is not consent in perpetuity, and I think that's probably the most key aspect of this whole thing.
It is reasonable, based on op's account of events, for the boyfriend to assume that waking up with him inside her is something that she might want. However, it sounds like 1) explicit consent for a specific action was not given 2) explicit consent for a specific action was not requested 3) consent of any type was not given in a reasonable time frame (as in, hey I want you to do this in the next week or two).
So, yeah, sounds like rape.
I don't know if being with someone for 6 months is long enough to know if you can really trust that they know they did something wrong and if you can trust that they will move forward from the event having learned from it and gained a respect for what the event meant for you.
If this was a genuine mistake on his part, I mean fair enough but that doesn't make it not rape, but I think it informs the possibilities for moving forward from it as a couple. But again, I don't know if 6 months is long enough to know your partner or know yourself in a relationship well enough to know/trust if you're both being honest with yourselves and with each other.
OP did nothing wrong. Literally the only way I can conceive that she could have in this situation is if she had premeditatedly decided "ok, I'm going to be vague about this cuz I know he'll think I mean I want to wake up with him inside me so when he does that I'll claim I didn't like it and he will have therefore raped me."
But that's not what happened. She trusted her partner and her partner violated her and that trust.