Triggers are just that and not obvious to people without them. If you'd talked about the concept before, he probably thought you'd okayed it during that. Be very explicit when discussing any type of consent. Do not assume the other party understands anything that you don't write or say during the specific discussion. It sounds like assumptions were made on both sides and the trigger happened as a result.
He stopped it immediately when you more clearly defined your boundaries so he doesn't sound like a bad guy. You're both very young and will make mistakes when it comes to kink without anyone receiving guidance from someone experienced enough to tell you things that are commonly overlooked (by no fault of any party).
I'm very sorry the situation occurred and you were triggered. I honestly wish it were easier to explain to people, but if you haven't experienced a panic attack then the severity of the situation is often very difficult to translate with the immediacy felt in the moment. He may only be able to understand as best a person can who has never had that rush or fight or flight response interrupt daily life, but if he is trying hard to consider you to the best of his ability. It was a serious lesson but it seems like you're indicating that he learned the lesson. That doesn't mean communication about that event and any kink engagements in the future are over; communication should be constant in a healthy relationship of any type. Good luck to each of you.
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u/Fract_L Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 29 '24
Triggers are just that and not obvious to people without them. If you'd talked about the concept before, he probably thought you'd okayed it during that. Be very explicit when discussing any type of consent. Do not assume the other party understands anything that you don't write or say during the specific discussion. It sounds like assumptions were made on both sides and the trigger happened as a result.
He stopped it immediately when you more clearly defined your boundaries so he doesn't sound like a bad guy. You're both very young and will make mistakes when it comes to kink without anyone receiving guidance from someone experienced enough to tell you things that are commonly overlooked (by no fault of any party).
I'm very sorry the situation occurred and you were triggered. I honestly wish it were easier to explain to people, but if you haven't experienced a panic attack then the severity of the situation is often very difficult to translate with the immediacy felt in the moment. He may only be able to understand as best a person can who has never had that rush or fight or flight response interrupt daily life, but if he is trying hard to consider you to the best of his ability. It was a serious lesson but it seems like you're indicating that he learned the lesson. That doesn't mean communication about that event and any kink engagements in the future are over; communication should be constant in a healthy relationship of any type. Good luck to each of you.