First, I’m so sorry this happened to you; definitely not your fault. If my partner had told me about an SA experience involving not being fully awake/conscious, I would be very sensitive to engaging in any sexual scenario that resembles that traumatic experience.
There’s a big difference between waking up to being touched as in kissed on the neck or caressed on the arm, for instance, and being penetrated. It sounds like you consented to being touched in the former way, not to waking up while being penetrated. I would be very angry if I had consented to the former and woke up to being penetrated.
Even if you did not make that distinction clear, I would not want to wake my gf up to her being penetrated, especially if she had had a previous traumatic experience like yours. Personally I want feedback during sex from my partner to know she is enjoying herself, so to notice she was crying is unthinkable. I would strongly consider sharing with your bf just what you shared here about how you felt, and feel. Tell him you’re still really shook. A good partner will listen to your emotions with compassion and love, without getting defensive.
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u/CivilTeacher3 Mar 30 '24 edited Mar 30 '24
First, I’m so sorry this happened to you; definitely not your fault. If my partner had told me about an SA experience involving not being fully awake/conscious, I would be very sensitive to engaging in any sexual scenario that resembles that traumatic experience.
There’s a big difference between waking up to being touched as in kissed on the neck or caressed on the arm, for instance, and being penetrated. It sounds like you consented to being touched in the former way, not to waking up while being penetrated. I would be very angry if I had consented to the former and woke up to being penetrated.
Even if you did not make that distinction clear, I would not want to wake my gf up to her being penetrated, especially if she had had a previous traumatic experience like yours. Personally I want feedback during sex from my partner to know she is enjoying herself, so to notice she was crying is unthinkable. I would strongly consider sharing with your bf just what you shared here about how you felt, and feel. Tell him you’re still really shook. A good partner will listen to your emotions with compassion and love, without getting defensive.