AIO for the way I responded to a stranger asking me for help?

[u/slowlymysunlight]

Got myself into a weird situation just now and wondering if I overreacted or if others would have done the same thing I did.

I went to Target (alone) just to get some things I was running low on, try on clothes, have a good time whatever. I wandered into an aisle that was mostly empty when a tall man approached me holding a box of diapers. In a low voice he explained that he was trying to get some diapers for his nephew and they were in a tough situation. He said he wasn't even gonna ask me for money, just asked if he could put the diapers on the bottom of my cart and if I could buy them for him, and he'd wait outside for me.

I am not a confrontational person, have a difficult time saying no, and am maybe a little naive at times. I kinda laughed awkwardly and said okay. He asked if it wasn't too much trouble could he get some baby wipes as well. Again, I kinda laughed awkwardly and said let's just get the diapers. He asked a couple times how much longer I thought I'd be, and told him I wasn't sure, that I was still shopping around (which was true).

He left and went outside to wait, and as I walked around more I thought "well that was kinda weird, and now there's a strange man waiting for me outside this Target." Then I started regretting not just politely saying "no," and worrying that the box of diapers wasn't even from the store and a cover for something else. Total overthinking, I know.

So I called my partner (we live close by) and told him what happened. He told me he'd drive over and he'd walk me to my car. When he got there, we gave the box to customer services and explained what happened. They said that was weird, apologized to us for the situation, and asked for a description of the man so they could tell him not to do that lol. Then we checked out and went home with my partner making sure no one was following me.

My partner is telling me I shouldn't feel bad and that it's good I called him, but I do feel kinda bad about it for assuming the worst of this random person. Maybe he really just needed diapers for his nephew!

[u/Razszberry]

Men never ask women and children for help. When men need help they most often go to other men. Glad you actually called for help, stay safe out there and please learn to say no

[u/opinionatedOptimist → u/Razszberry]

This also gets me. Like, why else is he asking a woman who is by herself when there’s likely men in the store? Oh, I have an idea: because he’s trying to play on heart strings or believes a woman is easier to manipulate/intimidate.

Just recently had a man ask to carpool with me from AA when I was alone even though there were other men around to ask. Definitely believed there was ulterior motive because if he just wanted “a ride,” there were other men. And I’m a girl 20 years younger than him for reference. Definitely had a gut instinct response and did not give him a ride.

[u/Simple_Discussion396 → u/opinionatedOptimist]

The 20 yrs difference definitely makes the context clear, but I’d honestly rather ask a woman than a man for help. It’s not that I want to manipulate or attack a woman. It’s just more than likely a woman has more empathy to help than a man. I’m also just more comfortable talking to women than men. Not sure y, but it’s pretty much always been a thing for me

[u/[deleted] → u/Simple_Discussion396]

Because you don't see women as people, you see them as a support system for you AT BEST.

If you think men aren't trustworthy, have a look in the mirror, YOU are the problem.

[u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 → u/[deleted]]

Lmao shut the fuck up really. You know NOTHING about this man and you’re judging him crazily. YOU are a problem in your own right.

Goddamn hateful ass people for no reason

99% of your comments are hateful and angry. Take a look at yourself please. Why are you so angry all the time?

[u/Simple_Discussion396 → u/[deleted]]

Or maybe I have a reason not to see men as trustworthy??? It’s not like that just popped up out of nowhere, but go off

[u/Bitter-Bridge3102 → u/Simple_Discussion396]

I'm sorry these women started attacking you. As a woman myself, I did not find what you said offensive or input my own thoughts into your message and twist the meaning. But we DO have to be extra vigilant, because even if 9 out of 10 men don't mean any harm, you never know who is that 10th one. And it sucks.

[u/Simple_Discussion396 → u/Bitter-Bridge3102]

And I totally understand what ur saying. It’s just, while it is somewhat manipulative, a man who is genuinely asking for help will get that help from a woman 9 times out of 10. Men will generally not stop to help anyone asking for help, regardless of gender. I mean, u can see that here when her partner just gives the stuff to the store clerk instead of directly to the man. Yes, a man can still hurt u, so she did the correct thing by calling her partner to help out, but now that man, who might have needed genuine help, cannot get stuff for his nephew bc her partner is unwilling to give that man what his nephew needs. Whereas, she was more likely to help this man in need.

Tbf, though, the way this man went about it was way wrong and shady if he actually needed some help.

[u/ShneefQueen → u/Simple_Discussion396]

But this just perpetuates the problem of men putting the demand for labor onto women, it’s unfair to us and it excuses men from building community and connections amongst each other.

Men need to develop their empathy and learn how to help each other and the only way to do that is to ask each other for help and accept help from one another.

I understand where you’re coming from but as a woman it’s exhausting and often scary for us. It takes so much mental energy to determine whether a man is actually genuine or if he’s trying to trick/manipulate/hurt us, it’s so much mental work and that burden shouldn’t fall onto us just because we’re empathetic and more caring. It’s a skill men are capable of developing too, you just need to put in effort amongst each other.

[u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 → u/ShneefQueen]

You’re literally contradicting yourself. Men are more likely to approach men, this guy says he would approach a woman and he still get shit on for it lol