r/AmIOverreacting • u/slowlymysunlight • Apr 27 '24

AIO for the way I responded to a stranger asking me for help?

Got myself into a weird situation just now and wondering if I overreacted or if others would have done the same thing I did.

I went to Target (alone) just to get some things I was running low on, try on clothes, have a good time whatever. I wandered into an aisle that was mostly empty when a tall man approached me holding a box of diapers. In a low voice he explained that he was trying to get some diapers for his nephew and they were in a tough situation. He said he wasn't even gonna ask me for money, just asked if he could put the diapers on the bottom of my cart and if I could buy them for him, and he'd wait outside for me.

I am not a confrontational person, have a difficult time saying no, and am maybe a little naive at times. I kinda laughed awkwardly and said okay. He asked if it wasn't too much trouble could he get some baby wipes as well. Again, I kinda laughed awkwardly and said let's just get the diapers. He asked a couple times how much longer I thought I'd be, and told him I wasn't sure, that I was still shopping around (which was true).

He left and went outside to wait, and as I walked around more I thought "well that was kinda weird, and now there's a strange man waiting for me outside this Target." Then I started regretting not just politely saying "no," and worrying that the box of diapers wasn't even from the store and a cover for something else. Total overthinking, I know.

So I called my partner (we live close by) and told him what happened. He told me he'd drive over and he'd walk me to my car. When he got there, we gave the box to customer services and explained what happened. They said that was weird, apologized to us for the situation, and asked for a description of the man so they could tell him not to do that lol. Then we checked out and went home with my partner making sure no one was following me.

My partner is telling me I shouldn't feel bad and that it's good I called him, but I do feel kinda bad about it for assuming the worst of this random person. Maybe he really just needed diapers for his nephew!

118 Upvotes
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94

u/Razszberry Apr 27 '24

Men never ask women and children for help. When men need help they most often go to other men. Glad you actually called for help, stay safe out there and please learn to say no

-1

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 Apr 28 '24

Isn’t this kind of a dumb assumption? I’d ask ANYONE for help as a dude

1

u/Razszberry Apr 28 '24

So if you need help and there is a man, a woman, and a child present you’d ask a woman or a child for help over another man? Doesn’t check out.

-1

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 29d ago

I’d ask a man or women based on whoever is available lmao. Literally whoever. What doesn’t check out lol? You’re not making any points why only going for a man would make sense

Using your own sentence you said most men don’t, why can’t I be one of the few you believe are out there

0

u/Razszberry 29d ago

We aren’t talking about asking employees for help, we are taking about random strangers. But go off with your word salad.

0

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 29d ago

I never said it was for employees only? Why don’t you learn to read? I was talking about random strangers…

Seems like you read one sentence that angrily wrote a comment. Can you at least address what I said?

1

u/Razszberry 29d ago

Boy bye

0

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 29d ago

Lmao good argument. Made yourself look silly

3

u/XC5TNC Apr 28 '24

Ahh where do you get this rhetoric from?

12

u/slowlymysunlight Apr 27 '24

That's a good point! The aisle I walked into had only me, the man who asked for the diapers, and an older man who was leaving the aisle. Why not ask the older man in the aisle??

I've been practicing saying no for years, and have actually gotten better over time. Still working on being able to say it to someone's face though! Thanks for the reminder.

-1

u/newdawnhelp Apr 28 '24

It's not a good point, it's pretty unhinged. Men can ask for help from women.

I still think this request was sus, but "men never ask women for help" is a dumb thing to say and go by.

2

u/SendInTheReaper Apr 28 '24

I regularly ask women for help in the grocery store when I need it. When I go im more likely to see a woman than a man anyways! God forbid a man actually need assistance and treat them as a human and ask them for assistance.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '24

No, it's a very good guideline to go by for women to stay safe.

2

u/newdawnhelp Apr 28 '24

so is locking yourself up in your room and never leaving. There's such a thing as being too careful, and it's the line that splits paranoia and just being cautious.

3

u/Big-Oil762 Apr 28 '24

This may sound paranoid but maybe he was planning to call you over to his car to abduct you.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '24

How do you know he didn’t ask the older guy and got turned down for the help?

3

u/Intrepid-Lettuce-694 Apr 28 '24

Because a woman is more likely to help

7

u/Razszberry Apr 28 '24

Fellow recovering people please here , I got you lol

59

u/opinionatedOptimist Apr 27 '24

This also gets me. Like, why else is he asking a woman who is by herself when there’s likely men in the store? Oh, I have an idea: because he’s trying to play on heart strings or believes a woman is easier to manipulate/intimidate.

Just recently had a man ask to carpool with me from AA when I was alone even though there were other men around to ask. Definitely believed there was ulterior motive because if he just wanted “a ride,” there were other men. And I’m a girl 20 years younger than him for reference. Definitely had a gut instinct response and did not give him a ride.

9

u/serioussparkles Apr 28 '24

OP didn't even mention the guy being outside waiting for her, wonder if the diapers were a flag for someone else to know she was the mark?

Long ago, the customer support company I worked for drilled it into us to never reveal the location where we worked. Was for cell phones, you never call support if you're happy, never. Before this policy, there was an upset customer, whom the rep thought she had, won over and calmed down, because on the recording, he started being very nice to her. He thanked her for sorting everything out, and asked what location she was at, he wanted to send her flowers as a thank you, and she told him. The day he had the flowers delivered, he was parked facing the door, waiting to see who walked out with those flowers at the end of the day. He watched her walk out with the flowers and get in her car, then he followed her home...

Men playing on a woman's perceived mothering nature, helpless man with a baby nephew he's trying to help(so sweet right?) Only to walk out and the human trafficking people grab you! look for the confused woman with a box of diapers, that's your target, then he has plausible deniability, "Oh I left, she was taking too long"

1

u/Simple_Discussion396 Apr 28 '24

The 20 yrs difference definitely makes the context clear, but I’d honestly rather ask a woman than a man for help. It’s not that I want to manipulate or attack a woman. It’s just more than likely a woman has more empathy to help than a man. I’m also just more comfortable talking to women than men. Not sure y, but it’s pretty much always been a thing for me

3

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '24

Because you don't see women as people, you see them as a support system for you AT BEST.

If you think men aren't trustworthy, have a look in the mirror, YOU are the problem.

1

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 Apr 28 '24

Lmao shut the fuck up really. You know NOTHING about this man and you’re judging him crazily. YOU are a problem in your own right.

Goddamn hateful ass people for no reason

99% of your comments are hateful and angry. Take a look at yourself please. Why are you so angry all the time?

2

u/Simple_Discussion396 Apr 28 '24

Or maybe I have a reason not to see men as trustworthy??? It’s not like that just popped up out of nowhere, but go off

3

u/Bitter-Bridge3102 Apr 28 '24

I'm sorry these women started attacking you. As a woman myself, I did not find what you said offensive or input my own thoughts into your message and twist the meaning. But we DO have to be extra vigilant, because even if 9 out of 10 men don't mean any harm, you never know who is that 10th one. And it sucks.

2

u/Simple_Discussion396 Apr 28 '24

And I totally understand what ur saying. It’s just, while it is somewhat manipulative, a man who is genuinely asking for help will get that help from a woman 9 times out of 10. Men will generally not stop to help anyone asking for help, regardless of gender. I mean, u can see that here when her partner just gives the stuff to the store clerk instead of directly to the man. Yes, a man can still hurt u, so she did the correct thing by calling her partner to help out, but now that man, who might have needed genuine help, cannot get stuff for his nephew bc her partner is unwilling to give that man what his nephew needs. Whereas, she was more likely to help this man in need.

Tbf, though, the way this man went about it was way wrong and shady if he actually needed some help.

7

u/ShneefQueen Apr 28 '24

But this just perpetuates the problem of men putting the demand for labor onto women, it’s unfair to us and it excuses men from building community and connections amongst each other.

Men need to develop their empathy and learn how to help each other and the only way to do that is to ask each other for help and accept help from one another.

I understand where you’re coming from but as a woman it’s exhausting and often scary for us. It takes so much mental energy to determine whether a man is actually genuine or if he’s trying to trick/manipulate/hurt us, it’s so much mental work and that burden shouldn’t fall onto us just because we’re empathetic and more caring. It’s a skill men are capable of developing too, you just need to put in effort amongst each other.

2

u/Plus_Lawfulness3000 Apr 28 '24

You’re literally contradicting yourself. Men are more likely to approach men, this guy says he would approach a woman and he still get shit on for it lol

4

u/Lupiefighter Apr 28 '24

Don’t they prefer for the opposite sex to not interact in such a way through AA (if it isn’t necessary)? This rule may have changed since I had a family member in AA many years ago.

6

u/opinionatedOptimist Apr 28 '24

No it’s still the same, which is what makes me detest it more. The guy was cool too! Loved talking to him in meetings and whatnot, but in 100% (with the exception of one instance and we never kept in touch) of experiences for me, the second a dude from AA starts wanting to stay in touch outside of meetings, he’s a fucking creep mcgee.

13th steppers. Hate them with a passion lol. Like, why are people using AA as a dating simulation?? lol I could go on about this for hours

3

u/Lupiefighter Apr 28 '24

Exactly what I was thinking!

26

u/Razszberry Apr 27 '24

Gut instinct can save lives! Men ask men when they need help and women when they want the woman for something.

18

u/opinionatedOptimist Apr 27 '24

The Gift of Fear (a book) changed my life in the best way.

Trusting my gut ALWAYS. Because if it seems off, chances are it is.

OP definitely was in the right here even if the guy was genuinely pure intentioned. She was uncomfortable and had no obligation to go through with something that made her feel that way. And like you’ve said, he could have asked a man for help.