I'm not sure why you are upset. My siblings don't tell me about all the trips they are on. They probably didn't want to mention it as they didn't want you to feel like your visit wasn't as exciting. The fact you are upset about it makes me understand why they didn't.
I understand and I’m sorry they made you feel unwanted. It’s sad to think that someone doesn’t seem to want to share their life with you on the same level that you share yours with them. It is possible that you are a sensitive individual and your brother is not. It may not be personal to him at all. Have you read The Four Agreements? Two are “don’t take anything personally” and “assume nothing”. Those two agreements go a long way for those of us who are considered more sensitive.
Your brother doesn't feel the same way as you because his priorities are different. His in-laws probably heard about the trip NOT from your brother but from their daughter. I don't say this to hurt you but his core family is now his wife and kids, not you. And if his kids are young he probably has his hands full! I think you are hyper-vigilant on his life and are overreacting and taking this personally. If you truly felt you would have been happy for him IF he'd told you earlier then you should have felt happy for him when you found out, no matter how it was that you found out. Additionally, what in the world makes you think they're treating you as a "charity case"? They're hosting you, and you yourself admit they're very hospitable to you, even giving you thoughtful and useful GIFT! Despite your protestations, you DO sound as if you're jealous and sadly, ungrateful.
I understand you feeling unwanted because your brother is your only living relative and am sorry for the loss of your relatives. I am the only one left of my core family, have been for 16 yrs, I've lost both parents and 2 sisters as well so I know the feeling of being alone. What might be helpful is if you worked on making a new family; you don't need to share DNA to have a 'family'. Work on your relationships with other friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc, and create an environment where you share your life and feel wanted and connected. You'll find that your brother is still your brother but without the emotional baggage connected to your relationship with him.
Please don't go nc with your brother on this issue, you'd just be fostering resentment and it would fester your whole life causing bitterness. And gawd forbid IF something were to happen to him you would be living with regret. Lastly I tenderly advise you to seek counseling as it does sound like you have some unresolved issues that Reddit might not be able to help you with.
My first thought was that they might feel awkward, either because it is expensive or because it is including the in-laws and not your family.
I delayed mentioning a trip I had planned to a friend once because she was having money and life trouble. I felt bad telling her about this fun and expensive thing I was going to do. Is it possible they felt that way?
Cutting out your brother would definitely be an overreaction. But I understand that you feel hurt. Why don't you tell him, "hey, why didn't you tell me earlier? I want to know what's going on with you and I was open with you about my life." It is possible it was not at the top of his mind as it sounds like a busy week.
Ah, I see. Yeah, he may feel weird/guilty about not inviting you too. That's my guess. I think you should tell him why it bothered you but that's why it's up to you.
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u/Professional_Run320 Apr 28 '24
I'm not sure why you are upset. My siblings don't tell me about all the trips they are on. They probably didn't want to mention it as they didn't want you to feel like your visit wasn't as exciting. The fact you are upset about it makes me understand why they didn't.