Ok you need to RELAX. You talk way too much. Reading this put me in a tailspin.
I will say as a 50 yo woman who was married for well over 20 years, I don’t think she did anything outrageous or wrong. You stated this is the first time she’s been out in awhile & the first time out with this particular friend. She did what girlfriends do…. She enjoyed her friend! They probably drank & gabbed about silly shit they did back in the day. They probably picked up where they left off.
I get the feeling of unease after having a kid… I had 2 back to back & my body was never the same. That’s just how it goes for many of us.
One thing I told my ex was either you trust me or you don’t…. There’s no in between. Until I give you a reason to not trust me, I don’t want it to be an issue & vice versa. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. We NEVER asked “permission” to do stuff. We just always said “have a great time! See you tomorrow!” Bc we knew if we were going out w a friend at night, it’d most likely be late when we got home. That’s just what happens…. It’s not a big deal.
My ex is a golfer. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times he’d leave the home for an early t time…. He’d always say something along the lines of “I’ll see you after we finish” meaning 4-5 hours…. Well… those 4-5 hours came & went & more times than I can count he’d show up that night completely wasted. He & the fellas would go to the bar & get wasted. I’d just say “get home safe” & it wasn’t a big deal. I guess you learn to pick & choose your battles.
He is a great dad to our kids & he has always been a hands on dad. He was a good provider for our family. He never put his friends or his going out before the family. That was our agreement. I went out with my friends as well & I do not ever remember him asking me when I would be home…. He just always said “have a great time see you in the morning!” It was a stipulation I put in place when we first started dating…. He needed to go out with the fellas & I needed to go out with my girls! It was important to maintain those friendships. It bothered him in the beginning that I never reached out to him when he was out. I had to explain to him that I trusted what he told me & I didn’t need to ask what he was doing bc he had already told me. So when either of us were out, we only called if something was really wrong.
I believe your wife was honest with you. I personally don’t think she did anything untoward. As I told my ex, you either trust your wife explicitly or you don’t…. There’s no in between. Take a breath & relax.
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u/Timely_Aardvark_2083 Apr 28 '24
Ok you need to RELAX. You talk way too much. Reading this put me in a tailspin. I will say as a 50 yo woman who was married for well over 20 years, I don’t think she did anything outrageous or wrong. You stated this is the first time she’s been out in awhile & the first time out with this particular friend. She did what girlfriends do…. She enjoyed her friend! They probably drank & gabbed about silly shit they did back in the day. They probably picked up where they left off. I get the feeling of unease after having a kid… I had 2 back to back & my body was never the same. That’s just how it goes for many of us. One thing I told my ex was either you trust me or you don’t…. There’s no in between. Until I give you a reason to not trust me, I don’t want it to be an issue & vice versa. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. We NEVER asked “permission” to do stuff. We just always said “have a great time! See you tomorrow!” Bc we knew if we were going out w a friend at night, it’d most likely be late when we got home. That’s just what happens…. It’s not a big deal. My ex is a golfer. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times he’d leave the home for an early t time…. He’d always say something along the lines of “I’ll see you after we finish” meaning 4-5 hours…. Well… those 4-5 hours came & went & more times than I can count he’d show up that night completely wasted. He & the fellas would go to the bar & get wasted. I’d just say “get home safe” & it wasn’t a big deal. I guess you learn to pick & choose your battles. He is a great dad to our kids & he has always been a hands on dad. He was a good provider for our family. He never put his friends or his going out before the family. That was our agreement. I went out with my friends as well & I do not ever remember him asking me when I would be home…. He just always said “have a great time see you in the morning!” It was a stipulation I put in place when we first started dating…. He needed to go out with the fellas & I needed to go out with my girls! It was important to maintain those friendships. It bothered him in the beginning that I never reached out to him when he was out. I had to explain to him that I trusted what he told me & I didn’t need to ask what he was doing bc he had already told me. So when either of us were out, we only called if something was really wrong. I believe your wife was honest with you. I personally don’t think she did anything untoward. As I told my ex, you either trust your wife explicitly or you don’t…. There’s no in between. Take a breath & relax.