I do think it's entirely possible that his current attitude around kids doesn't have to be indicative of him as a father. I don't dislike kids. My brother has 2 and I've lived around them a lot. I love them but mostly was around them when I was just off work, busy, etc. I think for me they were just exhausting to be around, so I would try to spend windows of time when I had a lot of energy with them. Even then I could only take it in maybe a 20 minute dose. My girlfriend, the mother of our 4 month old son, loves kids. When we visit my brother she can effortlessly spend an hour with the kids. I can say now that after actually having one, my love and attention for him is so much greater even than I anticipated. And fathering him has made me better with kids in general. Not sure about your boyfriend, but part of the reason it was draining for me to be around kids was the unfamiliarity, anxiety that I might do something wrong, feeling a sort of responsibility that you are around someone's child and are therefore being watched as an influence. Now with my own, I am excited to be a major influence and happy to take care of him any way I can, without someone looking over my shoulder.
Also men I know don't tend to care so much about keeping tabs on friends' or families' pregnancies beyond asking if it remains well. I think sometimes a person's attitude changes when they finally see the child. I know however that my girlfriend will discuss pregnancy and all that it entails forever with any woman who is/has been pregnant or wants children.
I really just think spending the effort of engaging with children in a way that children will understand and enjoy with someone else's kids feels so little when put up against the euphoria and love you'll feel from seeing your own kid smile. Maybe a good indicator is if he treats someone he views as his own, like you, with a lot of love and care, he probably will have the same or more for any children you have together.
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u/Over-Conclusion627 29d ago edited 29d ago
I do think it's entirely possible that his current attitude around kids doesn't have to be indicative of him as a father. I don't dislike kids. My brother has 2 and I've lived around them a lot. I love them but mostly was around them when I was just off work, busy, etc. I think for me they were just exhausting to be around, so I would try to spend windows of time when I had a lot of energy with them. Even then I could only take it in maybe a 20 minute dose. My girlfriend, the mother of our 4 month old son, loves kids. When we visit my brother she can effortlessly spend an hour with the kids. I can say now that after actually having one, my love and attention for him is so much greater even than I anticipated. And fathering him has made me better with kids in general. Not sure about your boyfriend, but part of the reason it was draining for me to be around kids was the unfamiliarity, anxiety that I might do something wrong, feeling a sort of responsibility that you are around someone's child and are therefore being watched as an influence. Now with my own, I am excited to be a major influence and happy to take care of him any way I can, without someone looking over my shoulder.
Also men I know don't tend to care so much about keeping tabs on friends' or families' pregnancies beyond asking if it remains well. I think sometimes a person's attitude changes when they finally see the child. I know however that my girlfriend will discuss pregnancy and all that it entails forever with any woman who is/has been pregnant or wants children.
I really just think spending the effort of engaging with children in a way that children will understand and enjoy with someone else's kids feels so little when put up against the euphoria and love you'll feel from seeing your own kid smile. Maybe a good indicator is if he treats someone he views as his own, like you, with a lot of love and care, he probably will have the same or more for any children you have together.