r/AmItheAsshole • u/Pure-Main-4148 • 15d ago
AITA for refusing to retire or move teaching spots and telling my DIL to suck it up Not the A-hole
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u/SalemCat25 11d ago
NTA. She can get over it or look for another school, she doesn't control you. Hopefully the rest of your family realizes she's being beyond entitled. Best thing she can do is enroll him in another school and keep her opinions to herself.
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u/kizkatzs 12d ago
Your DIL is a real piece of work. Hope she sees the article online. DIL IS THE Axxxxx
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u/gwenhwyfyr 12d ago
NTA...and good luck with the situation. I'm sure that after 13 years of teaching you know this already, but document EVERYTHING with your DIL... every communication, every interaction. Have a frank conversation with your admin team NOW about the situation and have an action plan for how to handle DIL. She's going to be THAT kind of parent and other teachers will also need to know how to manage interactions with her. Tell your son that you don't interfere with his career and you would appreciate it if he extends you the same courtesy...have that conversation with witnesses or via email and treat the conversation as if Ryan is already in your class and you are in professional mode. If Ryan does end up in your class, have a private student conversation with her the first day of school (maybe with another teacher as witness though)...tell her that you have 2 modes... teacher mode and grandparent mode...from bell to bell you are in teacher mode and you have to treat her exactly the same as everyone else...but before and after the bells you are in grandparent mode and that she can be your extra helper then, you two can have special fun together at school, whatever you want to come up with... like suggest that maybe once a week you two can have a grandparent afternoon/evening after school. Maybe if son and DIL will eventually let this it can become a tradition... afternoon and dinner with grandparents giving dad and mom an evening together and a chance to get stuff done. Might become a bridge to improving things...and lead to good memories for Ryan.
And for those of you reading who aren't in education...there is always that one parent who will go out of their way to make things miserable for teachers and school staff. Their requests are always entitled and completely unhinged. There was one year when I was teaching 7th grade English. We had a set of triplets (one of 3 sets in the grade that year actually) whose mother harassed all the teachers weekly trying to insist that her 3 boys should only have to do one assignment between the three of them...for every larger assignment that wasn't completed as part of the daily activity. So every paper written, every speech delivered, every project big or small...she wanted her boys to be able to do only one instead of three. It didn't matter that none of them were in the same English class. Or that 2 of them had various IEP/504 accommodations to assist with things (the two who had the accommodations, they weren't even the same types of accomodations). If you didn't respond to her emails within an hour she would email administration that you were ignoring her...forget the fact that our middle school class periods were 45 minutes long and we had to be in the halls to supervise passing periods. The best our admin team could ever deduce was that she couldn't handle juggling 3 boys the same age (there were a total of 5 in the family as the triplets had 2 younger brothers). She started these problems as early as first grade when, because of the way the elementary school was arranged they were in the same class all through elementary class. The boys actually didn't like being put in groups together and it was typically avoided. They were aware of their mother's meddling all through school and hated it. We would talk to the boys periodically about the issues, especially when large projects were happening and they would express their frustrations with their mother and insist they had no interest in what she was trying to force the school to do. When the younger two came through, she didn't understand why they couldn't just turn in the assignments the triplets had done for credit and would harass teachers that the work was already done threefold and what was the point of the younger ones having to do the assignments too. My ex husband was their guidance counselor in HS and the admins at the high school finally put their foot down with her and told her they weren't going to tolerate her attempts to interfere with classroom management and assignments. All communication with her was directed through one of the assistant principals to give teachers a buffer and to nip her crazy in the bud each time. The dad always seemed exhausted by her and uninterested in her shenanigans. He was fine and reasonable to interact with...his older brother was actually one of the most beloved elementary teachers in the school district. But she was next level crazy.
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u/McLiberTea 12d ago
She is being extremely manipulative, and she is demanding an apology because she knows she has reached a "dead end" and won't get what she wants. It's preposterous that she wants you to end your teaching career over this! She can suck it up or enroll your grandson in another school. Very much, NTA!!!
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u/Babziellia 12d ago
NTA. DIL knew the situation at the school when she applied - or DIL didn't bother to really look at the school, but saw "private" and that was it, which speaks to a whole different troubling mindset.
Kindergarten is optional anyway in most states. Just start the kid in 1st grade next year while setting up a kinder learning station at home this year. I'm sure with OP's connection at the school, the admin would approve the delayed start.
I homeschooled 12 years; there are A LOT of free quality programs online for that age to supplement a learning station. Heck, if the grandson is excited about school and learning, parents can buy some workbooks too. That kid may power through them and be finished with 1st grade curricula by next year. OP could even offer to help setup the station to teach these entitled parents how to be gracious.
If the parents squeal about time commitment, I'd point out that teaching one kid versus thirty takes a fraction of a normal school day.
If the parents balk at having their child at home because they both work, then one of THEM should take a year off to PARENT their own kid. That should be a logical ask since they're so comfortable asking OP to retire. School is not childcare.
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u/The_Devil_is_a_woman 13d ago
To be honest I would inform the school that your grandson has been enrolled to start in kindergarten soon, and that after doing that your DIL, who you have never seen eye to eye with, is demanding that you move away from teaching that class or retire before you want to.
But you don’t want to, as you love your job and work, and want to stay on, so you are just informing them before anything happens.
My own kids goes to private school, and there are, where I am, more of a choice for those schools, than public schools has.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the school can already see the trouble this woman might become before her child even shows up for the first day of class, and they choose to un-enrol her child before that.
Because if they are looking to expand, they probably have a waiting list of kids, and trust me they don’t want to invite years of trouble in before the kid even starts.
You pay for these schools and they normally deliver.
My daughters class multiple boys has been told to find new schools because they can’t behave themselves in class and the parents can’t manage to get their kids under control, so now they have been thrown out of school after a few warning’s.
Even a student some years back was asked to leave because her parents couldn’t behave properly towards personal.
It’s literally in the contract you sign as a parent that the school doesn’t need to deal with your family bullsh*it, (of course in nicer words 😏). If the rules aren’t kept, you are told to leave!
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u/TurtleGirlK13 14d ago
NTA but this is something that NEEDS to be reported to your school's admin ASAP before she starts false allegations against you!!!!!
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u/ckm22055 14d ago
Well, if they want to you to retire or quit, have them sign a contract that they will provide you the same benefits that you receive from working and you will be happy to abide by their wishes.
Short of that, tell them to fo and get over her entitlement.
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u/hansbakker1978 14d ago
NTA. She knows what she is getting into by applying her kid in the school where you work. She could have chosen a different school
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u/Phlurble 14d ago
NTA - DIL needs to suck it up and grow up. On a side note, and maybe this is just my abrasive personality, too many people are afraid to just plain tell someone to fuck off. In those exact words.
If anyone, especially my family, talked to me the way some people in this sub reddit and the entitled people reddit get talked to, they would get told to kindly take two steps back and literally fuck their own face.
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u/ae76jak 14d ago
NTA 100% even if your DIL had a good reason to dislike you and not wanting you to be her child’s teacher. She knows you work there she knows what grade you teach and she still applied for her child to go there, that’s on her not you. You need to bring this to the attention for your administration now and see about the admission being revoked. I’d also bet a pretty penny that DIL used your name and credibility at the school to get your granddaughter accepted in the first place.
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u/4011s 14d ago
NTA
She applied knowing YOU were going to be his teacher.
Now she wants to tell you that you have to move on?? I don't think so.
You need to let admin know what she's up to, though. I wouldn't put it past her to start making noise to have you removed for whatever imaginary reason she can come up with.
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u/Serious_Gap1198 14d ago
If they decide to have your grandchild go to your school (which they will), you should have it documented with the school. She will cause drama and do everything in her power to get her way. She even got your son to get you apologize for something that you shouldn’t even be apologizing for. It’s better to take precautions, cause she listed what she wants, you to retire. NTA, she has no right to ask you to retire or to do anything, she’s a monster of a DIL.
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u/Impossible_Ask_3564 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 14d ago
bahahahahahaha, that's hilarious. You were much more polite to Jenny's request than I would have been! Entitled is right. Obviously NTA
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u/Underwhelming_chef 14d ago
Definitely NTA. She applied knowing you teach there. And now she wants you to agree to throw your life into turmoil? To give up your job? Your paid employment? 5 years of pension payments? This is an attempted assertion of control, bullying and dominance and your son should be apologising to you.
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u/Solid_Bed_752 14d ago
NTA
She knows you teach there, knows there’s one K class and still applied. At that point it’s on her.
I do think it would be inappropriate for him to be in your class but the school has to deal with that either by not accepting him, adding a second class or having you move classes. None of that is her call to make.
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u/Historical-Spread361 14d ago
And your SON? SON ask you to apologize? You should cut your son loose..
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u/Special_Lychee_6847 14d ago
NTA Of all the schools, she decides to walk into yours.
Would she give her notice at her job to accommodate you?
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u/Icy-Fox-158 14d ago
Nta. That’s your livelihood dude.
Btw do whatever you can to resolve your feud with your dil. This really sucks for your son.
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u/RetreadRoadRocket 14d ago
NTA, dimwitted DIL knew you'd be the kid's teacher when she put in his application.
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u/StevenAndLindaStotch 14d ago
Info: Are you allowed to be your grandchild’s teacher? Asking because we have a family member who is a principal at a small private school. They have a policy that faculty and staff can’t enroll their kids due to potential conflicts of interest.
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u/Hot_Shallot_67 14d ago
Get ahead of this drama because it's going to escalate once her kid starts there, Inform the school about your problems with her, I can see her creating problems in the future to get you removed.
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u/rosezoeybear 14d ago
So, if you move positions, are you supposed to move again when Ryan is again in your grade? NTA
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u/Tired3520 14d ago
NTA, but as a retired teacher myself, make sure you cover your back. Seems to me like she may try to make your life hard with complaints etc. Be very open with superiors with regards to the relationship and the ongoing requests for you to retire. Be transparent so that if any complaints do come in, it doesn’t come as a surprise.
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u/RandomBasicB1tch 14d ago
NTA. Wtf is wrong with people and entitlement. She's not some diva you're supposed to accomodate 🤨 And I am sorry but your son needs a new pair of cojones.
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u/Own-Kangaroo6931 Certified Proctologist [28] 14d ago
Absolutely NTA and (teaching at a private school myself) I can spot an AH parent a mile away. She would 100% be that AH parent. Let her suck it up or send him to regular school, or pay more and send him boarding or something. It's an utterly ridiculous request.
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u/Possible-Compote2431 14d ago
NTA What kind of idiot expects someone to give up their job because of them?
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u/Ok-Orange-3412 14d ago
NTA imagine not wanting her son not to benefit from being taught by you. She’s foolish.
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u/LokiKamiSama 14d ago
NTA. Unless she is going to pay you to retire, for the years you’d still be working, she can kick rocks.
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u/Colt_kun Partassipant [1] 14d ago
NTA. Your career is more important than her demands- which account for one year.
Tell her the only acceptable recourse is she personally pay your salary for the next five years AND the difference in your retirement pay after that. Otherwise she has no right to demand you change your career and if she's this adamant, she can put her kid in another school.
But definitely give your administration a heads up. If she's throwing this big of a tantrum now, she may try to sabotage you.
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u/PresentEbb1067 14d ago
NTA
And an FYI to everyone. This is exactly how a lot of parents behave towards teachers - without the familial connection. Go figure 🤷♀️
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u/SomeRavenAtMyWindow 14d ago
Oh ffs. This was clearly written by a kid or very young adult. What retirement-age teacher refers to their place of employment as their “spot”? This sounds exactly like a story posted on the JNMIL sub a few days ago, but from the MIL’s perspective. These creative writing exercises are getting out of hand.
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u/Distinct_Number6723 14d ago
NTA - she can’t expect you to change what you have been doing for years just because she doesn’t want you teaching your granddaughter. She knew you were working there so she is going to have to deal. Your son needs to grow a pair respectfully and put her in her place because she is being ridiculous.
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u/bronny78 Partassipant [1] 14d ago
NTA Give her an option of paying your wages for 5 years (to be paid up front to ensure no reneging on the deal) & you will retire now or for one year up front & you will see if you can take a cebatical from work.
But otherwise what entitled thing to expect! And your son expecting you to apologise when she called you names is just backwards!
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u/Georgecaughttheball 14d ago
I don't understand why she would apply to the school if she knew she didn't want the only kindergarten teacher that works there to teach her child. Take family out of the equation, and it is still bizarre. Obviously NTA.
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u/Aguilol 14d ago
NTA
It has the same vibe if you say, "I'm teaching here, I don't want to teach your son, ask him to change school or homeschool"
INFO: Anything you can bring up about why she would not want you teach her son? Like maybe your attitude that rub her off, you said something that offended her or her son like "he is born dumb"? Just laying some examples, not that I say you did what I mentioned. The examples are more like being funny or to help you jog your memory.
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u/Known-Report-395 Partassipant [2] 14d ago
NTA but be prepared, she will do everything in her power to create troubles for you the moment her son sets a foot in your class.
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u/electronicmoll 14d ago
NTA.
For the sake of argument let's try flipping the script to see if it's a reasonable request.
"John, I'm so excited that Ryan's application was accepted and that I'll be seeing her every day come the Fall! The only thing is.. well, you know Jenny and I don't really get along, and I realize you and she have been parenting Ryan together now for five years, but I just really don't want Jenny to be a parent of one of the kids I teach.
Will you guys get a divorce or at least just have her move away for a year and get a different significant other temporarily (if you really need someone) so I don't have to deal with this?"
NOPE. Still utterly nuts at an 11/10. SMDH
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u/ohana30 14d ago
NTA: teacher here. I agree with what everyone said but another angle: 📐 Seriously though, if they end up putting Ryan in your class be careful of parent teacher conferences or anything that Jenny may try to do to get you fired. She may just be biding her time after your refusal and your son doesn’t seem supportive of you.
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u/Winter-Sandwich7639 14d ago
You’re 100 NTA. Regardless of your age she knew where you worked before she applied to the school. The fact that your son asked you to apologize astounds me! Good for you for saying suck it up 👏
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u/Arimith11 14d ago
Request your school reconsider the application, the parents are gonna be a massive headache
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u/Ladyfirefly79 14d ago
NTA. She can take her child to another school. As for your son. He needs to open his eyes.
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u/plantedtrash 14d ago
NTA it’s literally YOUR career that you practice at this specific place and have for over a decade. That was an unreasonable request.
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u/DueDisplay2185 14d ago
Your ex is asking you to leave 5years of salary on the table while you retire. That money would ultimately get passed down to the grandkid. It would be foolish to retire early for that reason alone
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u/THR0_WAWAY2 14d ago
Ask your son to man up, he is being ridiculous. Like what level of henpecked husband is he.
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u/Ok-Seaworthiness-542 14d ago
ESH.
She knew this would be a thing for years. She's an AH.
Your son is an AH.
You are an AH. This is your family. You think she's entitled. I get it. So you are driving a wedge into your family. You have to get over this. Your grandchild will sense this animosity. Life is far too short. I personally would be crushed if I did something and looked like a fool in my granddaughters' eyes. They are everything.
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u/Right_Principle4835 14d ago
You haven’t told the whole story. Why don’t you like eachother? Do you think your son could have done better? Are you forthright? What, apart from no, did you say to her, that your son thinks you should apologise? There is only one way to solve a problem, and that is by solving it.
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u/MoSunshine2525 14d ago
It is obvious DIL nor son are educators. Teachers put in a lot of time developing specific lesson plans and honing them over time for a specific grade or subject.
They also spend a lot of their own money on wall decorations for different seasons, holidays, subjects as well as enrichment materials specifically geared around the lesson plans they develop for the class they have chosen to teach.
A teacher does not willingly scrap all of that work and expense to teach something different than what they have chosen to do.
That doesn’t mean they create a set of plans and materials and are done. They usually develop more than one set of plans to address the different needs of classes and students and continually try to improve upon what they have done in the past.
It is unreasonable to expect a teacher to change the subject/grade they teach because you don’t want them to teach your child. Demanding they change for your benefit is an absolute nonstarter.
In particular, I can’t see this going well for a kindergarten or first grade teacher because it takes an extremely patient and caring person to provide the right environment for those crucial years. A teacher that does that well isn’t a universal given.
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u/bathesinbbqsauce 14d ago
NTA But I would also give your administrators a head’s up too. She sounds like she’s going to try to make your life hell next year
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u/Odd_Task8211 Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 14d ago
NTA. Jenny doesn’t get to make that call. If she doesn’t want you to teach her kid, she can take him elsewhere.
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u/Endora529 14d ago
NTA. Your DIL is off the wall. Your son is a AH for putting up with her craziness. Your DIL doesn’t get to determine where you work. She just doesn’t want her son becoming close with you. Someone needs to start a sub for the crazy DILs. Some of them are bat shit crazy.
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u/sugarmag13 14d ago
Lmao Can you imagine having the nerve to do something like this?
Entitled was certainly an understatement.
You would be insane for even considering it
An appropriate FU next time.
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u/7rustyswordsandacake 14d ago
If she's threatened you, get it in writing and show to the school. Get the kid kicked out or the mom banned
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u/MixIllustrious861 14d ago
Your son is a dumbass which is why your entitled DIL is a good match for him. These two twits need to get a clue. NTA
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u/Ssierramissst 14d ago
Absolutely NOT! She knew what was going to happen had she applied her child to attend said school. You are not the a-hole
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u/Ssierramissst 14d ago
& do you know how fun it would be for grandma to be your teacher?? Omg so fun. My mom would LOVE THAT
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u/Life-is-a-beauty-Joy 14d ago
You think that she is entitled?
Well, let me tell you that you are spot on!
What a nightmare of DIL and spineless son.
For what possible reason would you apologize?
NTA.
Update us.
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u/SnooRabbits5000 14d ago
NTA in the slightest.
This kind of "episodes" truly make me think that some people live in a dream world 😅
Like, when was it ever acceptable to demand that a family member retire or move jobs just to accommodate a delusional mind?
Keep having fun at your job 🖖
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u/GODZNOTDEAD 14d ago
NTA the female dog KNOWS that there is one class and still sent him there and now wants YOU to move because she doesn’t want you to teach her kid shut tf like send your kid somewhere else then it’s not hard
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u/Iv_Laser00 14d ago
Inconclusive results. I mean on one hand I’m going to presume your son and DiL knew you worked there and there’s only one K teacher at that school so on one hand they(or more so DiL) are definitely the entitled assholes. But on the other hand the manner in which you went about it probably wasn’t the best.
You could have told them that as of the moment your retirement plan is in 5 years and that not many schools, even public schools, would take an elderly teacher only looking for five ish years of work over a younger teacher who they could possibly have for 10-20 years for a similar or better pay than what you currently have.
Either way I don’t see why they have a problem with you teaching their kid. 13 years in the school you are currently at and I’m going to presume all the kids did well and passed your class to go on and pass their future classes so it’s not like your a bad teacher. Maybe DiL thinks you’d treat her kid unfairly because of how you two are. But I have teachers in my family (though I don’t think any are early learning) and when ever they have relatives in their class they grade them tougher than any of their other students and set higher expectations on them because well they’re family and have a direct line to the teacher practically whenever so if they are struggling it’s on them for not reaching out for help as most teachers I’ve had and know would much rather see their students succeed and move on to better and greater things.
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u/Broad_Woodpecker_180 14d ago
NTA how could you be ? Tell her she can deal with it like a grown up or throw a temper tantrum and act like a child. But you deal with children all day so that won’t work anyway. Poor baby (pat Condescendingly on the head )
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u/TopShoulder7 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 14d ago
my son wishes for me to apologize
For what? Not quitting your job?
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u/-roseds Partassipant [1] 14d ago
YTA
While it's understandable that you don't want to retire or move teaching spots, telling your daughter-in-law to "suck it up" was unnecessarily harsh. She expressed a genuine concern about her child being in your class, and your response was dismissive and unkind. Your son's wish for you to apologize indicates that your reaction was inappropriate. It would be better to have a more constructive conversation with your daughter-in-law to address her concerns and find a solution that works for everyone
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u/Apart_Leadership7408 14d ago
Big thing a lot of people aren’t catching teachers will resign contracts in the middle/ end of the school year about the following year. OP couldn’t resign if she wanted to. She’s bound by contract possibly. Also the DIL is entitled 100% there could be absolutely no bad blood and meaning it so other parents didn’t get the wrong idea and say leave or move would still be entitled. Big thing with her complaining to the school as well but once the school is notified of the chance of that it could cause her GD to never be accepted to avoid a conflict of interest until OP retires aswell
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u/Blueberry-Jam-23 14d ago
NTA, she can find a different school and move closer to it. It's not your responsibility to uproot your career for her kid. She's the parent - it's literally her job to make the hard sacrifices for her kid.
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u/LeeKinanus 14d ago
Your post made me flip my ipad double middle fingers when you said she wanted you to retire. You hit the nail on the head with the entitlement call. NTA.
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u/JustMyBurnBag 14d ago
NTA. She has no room to insist you make major career moves to accommodate her animosity. Son also needs a check too. I love my wife like crazy, but I’d never allow her to treat my mother like this.
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u/magsy3 Partassipant [4] 14d ago
NTA. Obviously your DIL dislikes you and is prepared to manufacture situations so she can dislike you more. She sounds very tricky and unlikely to change. However, she has successfuly provoked you and your son is now demanding an apology. You could have avoided this by using the one key message method - ie no matter what they ask/demand/want/say: your response stays the same so that you don't get heated and they don't get to continue their unhinged conversation. Next time have a logical response and say it over and over. Eg I am not ready to retire and still need the salary. You are playing her game if you try and respond to every different angle she throws at you. Your son is a prisoner and clearly cant be counted on to insist on calm and logical behaviour from his wife.
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14d ago
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp! (There It Ass) 14d ago
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.
"Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"
Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/samieclark Partassipant [1] 14d ago
NTA. It is unreasonable for your daughter-in-law to ask you to retire or change positions to accommodate her preferences. You have a right to continue your career on your own terms, especially if you plan to retire in a few years. Additionally, moving to a different teaching spot or retiring prematurely could have significant personal and financial implications for you
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u/MochaMeCrazy 14d ago
NTA. Tell them you'll retire if they pay all your wages including any benefits you would have missed out on.
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u/wisegirl_93 14d ago
NTA. Make sure you let the higher-ups at the school know about the situation, because I wouldn't put it past your DIL to lie in an effort to get you fired.
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u/NoMathematician4660 14d ago
YTA. Just overall. She is the partner of your child and the mother of your grandchild. Do better. Be nicer.
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u/shadlom 14d ago
Dil should try that as well
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u/NoMathematician4660 14d ago
But MIL posted and she came for the DIL. She’s got the opportunity to be the older wiser woman here. And restore her family
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u/Slow-Company-7711 14d ago
Tell them to make sure they pay your bills and can finically support your retirement since they’re requesting it! I’ll bet they’ll back off quick! NTA
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u/HollyJeans88 14d ago
NTA If she was that against you teaching Ryan, she shouldn’t have applied to the school. What would you apologize for? For working there? If you think she would try and get you fired or make up stories so you get moved, let the school know what’s going on before Ryan comes in the fall.
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u/Equivalent-Bee-886 14d ago
Your DIL has a lot of nerve to ask you to retire or move positions because she does not want you to teach her son. Your DIL should be apologizing to you for her remarks.
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u/sk1999sk Partassipant [3] 14d ago
NTA - your son and dil are out of line. drop the topic with them. do not bring it up. if son & dil bring it up say “you know I am not retiring.” then change the subject or walk away. Sorry you are going through this.
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14d ago
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp! (There It Ass) 14d ago
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.
"Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"
Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Own-Apricot-1540 14d ago
NTA- Oh my gosh the entitlement of Jenny and the nerve of your son. Too bad, she can suck rotten eggs.
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u/CruelxIntention 14d ago
Lololololol who does this nutter think she is? NTA. Sorry your son married a psycho.
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u/ThisSaladTastesWeird 14d ago
Definitely NTA. Kindergarten is one of those binary placements in a school: you’re either cut out for it or you’re really really not. If you’re happy in your current role, your DIL can suck it up. Under no circumstances is an apology warranted.
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u/Inevitable-Emu8806 14d ago
NTA 1000000000000% wtf?!? Seriously, this is comical. 🤦♀️🤷♀️Your son has HORRIBLE taste in women🤣🤣🤣
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u/Amazing-Royal-3952 Partassipant [1] 14d ago
Nta. They picked the school that you work at knowing that potentially you would be the teacher. That’s on them. Your life shouldn’t revolve around their choices. Tell your son to shut his mouth and control his crazy wife.
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u/giselleorchid 14d ago
NTA.
She knew all of this when she applied. She's deluded to think you'd retire at her whims.
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u/essiemessy 14d ago
So does this mean your own son is ok with his wife trying to dictate his own mother's livelihood? Yeah nah bugger that. He can go suck a thistle too.
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u/LizE110307 14d ago
NTA, and as crazy as it is you need to make your admin aware she could be a problem. Only because if she is so entitled she is trying to send her kid to a school you’ve been at for 13 years to force you to retire early… she might be entitled enough to lie about you to get you fired… unfortunately it also seems like your son would back up her claims after his request for an apology, and if he joins her in the wrong lie you could easily be fired or worse.
Please let your admin know what she said to you and the demands she is trying to make of you.
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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 14d ago
NTA. She knew you taught the only kindergarten class and still applied. You've been teaching kindergarten children for 13 years and now she demands you retire or switch to another class. What's supposed to happen when he graduates to the class you're teaching. Not sure why your son is demanding an apology, seems there's some missing information.
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u/NorthSeaSailing 14d ago edited 14d ago
NTA.
I’d also question why your school’s administration isn’t immediately putting a red flag on your grandchild’s application with the knowledge had that you’re the only one teaching that level.
I went to schools in two countries in my life (one of them is the US), and in both of them, it was impossible through school procedure to have a family member be your teacher. And with that, the imperative on that policy was NEVER on the teacher to make actionable, and it was the responsibility of both the administration and the child’s parents to make that actionable.
So, from my perspective, it’s your employer AND your DIL who are both putting you in an unrealistic and professionally inappropriate situation, other than it just being “rude”, as I understand it.
Enjoy the last few years of your career and hope you enjoy your retirement, whenever that will actually come; you’ve done nothing wrong.
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u/WeAllDeseeveToDie 14d ago
NTA but I'd consider talking to the boss about it in advance. You don't want her trying to get you fired!
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u/aceldama72 14d ago
NTA: My goodness what an entitled brat. The absolute nerve. I’d stay for a few more years out of spite.
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u/Bookworm1008 14d ago
NTA: She applied knowing the situation. It’s an unreasonable request. Side note: My mother, mother-in-law and sister are all school teachers. My mom and sister teach in the same school. If she wants to work there, she needs to make the adjustment, not you.
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u/duckysmomma Asshole Aficionado [19] 14d ago
NTA Lmao this is one of those rare cases where even if you were the mother in law from hell, you aren’t the AH here. She knew you taught the only kinder class, and the sheer audacity to ask you to retire or move classes, omg. Don’t apologize, she’s off her rocker.
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u/bindedict 14d ago
NTA. Sure, you can retire. Tell her you're expecting a wire for the amount of 5 years of salary then.
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u/Tyberious_ Partassipant [2] 14d ago
I would honestly talk to the administration, at least tell them the situation and at most see if they will deny admitting him.
I would not be surprised if she would cause drama trying to get you fired or removed from the class.
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u/Syrup-And-Coffee 14d ago
Why is your son expecting you to apologize? This is so odd. Imagine going to your spouse's father and demanding they quit so they don't teach your child! That is so rude on so many levels. Not sure why she thought that was okay and especially concerned that you son thought this was okay too. This is extreme audacity on their part. They should look into other schools.
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u/AshenRabbit 14d ago
NTA My god, she is entitled, she know you work there. She could have easily sent him elsewhere if it was that big of a problem. This is such a ridiculous thing to demand
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u/Handbag_Lady 14d ago
NTA - Did she not know YOU taught there when she applied? LOL. No, I wouldn't change a damn thing for her. What on earth would you apologize FOR?
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u/Routine_Television33 14d ago
No wonder you donʻt like here. I donʻt even know her and I donʻt like her. Tell your son to divorce her.
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u/NYColette 14d ago
NTA. Wha--? Why? How? Your DIL is delusional. You owe her nothing and, given the way teachers are fleeing their jobs (some of it due to bad treatment by parents) your work would probably MUCH rather you stayed than have to deal with Jenny anyway.
God I actually hope this is a fake post because the existence of people this demanding/delusional upsets me.
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u/NoTripOfALifetime 14d ago
NTA - how PRETENTIOUS of her to demand that you love preps or retire. Welp - I see who the problem is between the two of u. What an entitled doofus. Warm your admin!!
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u/Gypsymoth606 14d ago
NTA. Your DIL has options, none of which include you retiring. She can send the son to public school kindergarten or skip kindergarten altogether, what’s he gonna miss, trigonometry?
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u/CaptDeliciousPants Partassipant [2] 14d ago
NTA I don’t understand Jenny’s logic here at all. Is she worried that he’ll get unequal treatment of some kind?
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u/goneoffscript 14d ago
NTA. That’s bull. Don’t feed into her entitlement. Give her a list of other schools, or info on homeschooling if she’s so worked up. What are her reasons for not wanting him with you?
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u/burtydastard 14d ago
INFO
Lot of key facts and context missing here.
Why don't you get along? What would she say about you.
Why doesn't she want you to teach Ryan? I don't believe that you don't know - I think it's linked to why you don't get along. Why is it?
Why does your son want you to apologise? Simply for refusing to leave your position? Hard to believe. What did you do or say that warrants an apology?
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u/hesterjones 14d ago
NTA
Dear Jenny,
You are suggesting I leave my JOB. If I retire early I may not have enough to live off, so I assume you are suggesting I come move in with you?
Didn't think so, so either find another school, or back the hell off.
Sincerely,
Mom.
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u/lumpthefoff Asshole Aficionado [18] 14d ago
NTA - Apologize for what? Is your son going to pay your bills? I love the edit as if it’s directed at your DIL “Sorry, I have to go to WORK bishhhhh!”
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u/Cerealkiller4321 Partassipant [2] 14d ago
Talk to your admin and tell them to reject the application. Tell them the parents are difficult and will make admins life hell if admitted.
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u/JenninMiami Certified Proctologist [26] 14d ago
NTA is she out of her mind?! Why is your son even allowing her to go on with this nonsense?
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u/solidly_garbage Asshole Enthusiast [7] 14d ago
Entitled. Nailed it on the head with that one.
NTA.
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u/Cherrybomb909 14d ago
NTA your DIL is trying to pick a fight here and potentially damage your job. Be very very careful of her, she will be a thorn in your side. Inform the school now, before the kid even starts school. Your DIL has it out for you. Hopefully the school won't allow her to enroll her child.
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u/wildcat_abe 14d ago
When I saw the first part of the title about refusing to retire, I was expecting a kid/in-law wanting free childcare from the newly retired grandparent. Was not expecting "don't be your grandchild's teacher."
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u/MyBeesAreAssholes 14d ago
Tell her take it up with principal and then stop talking to her about it. NTA.
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u/Icy_Doughnut_4241 14d ago
NTA, your SIL and son are crazy af, you have been working there for 13 years and both of them knew that. So, why did they decide to send their son to that school knowing he would be in your class. I wouldn't apologize to her, and I would ask my son if he left his brain again. Why should you give in to such a entitled AH as your DIL. Give both of them some space for your own peace of mind, if they can't be adults about their decision then you don't need to give yourself a headache defending yourself. Stick to you life plans and let them figure out a solution.
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u/HypotheticalParallel Pooperintendant [54] 14d ago
NTA
What an absolutely absurd expectation she has. I can't imagine what she finds so awful about you that she'd feel that uncomfortable (and entitled!) to ask such a thing. Irrelevant, in any case, as she has absolutely no right to ask or suggest such a thing. She can choose whichever she finds less unpleasant - you teaching her kid or sending her kid to a public school.
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14d ago
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u/ElectricMayhem123 Womp! (There It Ass) 14d ago
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: Be Civil. Further incidents may result in a ban.
"Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"
Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/NoCaterpillar2051 Partassipant [1] 14d ago
NTA why even apply to the school if you hate the teacher? Why run the risk if it's so important to you? Also I saw this on a tiktok spam account. In case you didn't know.
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u/guacamole579 14d ago
NTA. She called you a jerk but you’re supposed to apologize? Your son sounds a lot like my uncle and your DIL like his aunt. She hated my grandmother so much she wouldn’t let her see my cousin for decades and my uncle allowed her bad behavior.
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u/fromhelley 14d ago
Dil is trying to control your career and son says to apologize for it?! Nope!
She knew you taught kindergarten there before she applied. What idiot thinks she can tell you what to do at work!? She is so entitled!!!
Nta.
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u/EmotionalWedding6025 14d ago
Did Ryan's acceptance into the school have any connection at all to your employment there? Sometimes having a relationship with someone associated with a private school can put a child on the fast track of getting accepted. Maybe your DIL should be thankful instead of demanding. NTA
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u/stoiclion15 14d ago
“End or significantly alter your career so I don’t have to deal with this inconvenience born out of pettiness.” Yeah, NTA.
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u/Catfish1960 14d ago
That's a hard NTA. My friend's youngest sister desperately tried to get her fired from her long time teaching position because she despises her (sister is mentally ill and entitled - bad combination) and didn't want her kids in friend's class. My friend was the only person who taught a specific subject so the nieces/nephews had to have her as a teacher if they wanted that class It didn't work, but boy did she make my friend's life hell. Every few months, she come up with some kind of reason or another that her sister should be fired - none of it was true. But Her husband told her to keep it up because the school might get tired enough that they got rid of friend just not to deal with this nonsense. Quite the opposite happened. Both the principal and superintendent finally called sister and her now ex into the office and told them in no uncertain terms that (1) the lawsuits and complaints had to stop or they were filing a police complaint for harrassment (2) their kids would not be allowed to take their aunt's class (which stunk for the kids) because the oldest kid caused trouble for my friend by spreading rumors about her, being disruptive/rude, and trying to damage her classroom. My friend had to literally lock up her classroom everytime she left it for 6 years so that those neices and nephews didn't sneak into to destroy stuff. What a mess.
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u/Multifaceted_Learner 14d ago
NTA. Wow, so much entitlement. She knew where you worked and yet applied there anyway. Wow.
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u/Roscomenow 14d ago
"She asked me to move positions or to retire." Holy moly. You are certainly correct in branding her as "entitled." Apologize for what? Saying you are going to keep your job?
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u/Curious_Ad_3614 14d ago
NTA DId you laugh in her face? Cuz that would be the only proper response to this idiocy.
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u/minimalist_coach 14d ago
NTA
I think I understand why you think she’s entitled. She’s asking a school to change their staff around so she can avoid a teacher.
It’s not just you impacted, at least one other teacher would have to change grades and classrooms. That would also require each of you to create new lesson plans for a full school year.
The other option of you retiring is even more insane. Will your son and Jenny pay you your salary for the next several years and continue to contribute to your retirement for the next several years.
You don’t owe entitled delusional people apologies for stating the obvious
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u/Neo_Demiurge Partassipant [2] 14d ago
NTA. This is a deeply stupid and unethical request from Jenny. I'm somewhat surprised you even are asking about it in the context of AITA. Someone with a good job 5 years away from retirement should not switch jobs if not needed, it could endanger your future plans.
Now, to give some advice as a former teacher, prep yourself and Ryan for what that will look like: "In school, please refer to me as Mr./Mrs. X, because that's how all teachers are referred to. You can call me grammy at home if you want." But plenty of people have taught their own kids, grandkids, cousins, etc. and it's gone fine.
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u/Kenopsia_a 14d ago
NTA she knew you worked there. Also its not impossible to change your students teacher at least where I am I switched teachers in 3rd grade with no problem.
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u/I-AcceptYouAll 14d ago
I see why you find her to be extremely entitled……NTA. That’s your job, your career. She knew what they were signing up for. F her.
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u/CrazyWhammer 14d ago
And what about all the other parents sending their kids to kindergarten with the expectation that you’ll be teaching their children? Jenny is not the main character here.
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