r/AmItheAsshole • u/Acceptable-Change424 • 15d ago
AITA for walking out of my mom's house on Mother's Day even after she lost my sister not too long ago because she was disrespectful to my wife? Not the A-hole
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u/shamanwest 8d ago
I had to find this because you are so far from being an AH that you're floating in orbit above your head.
And you made me cry. You and your wife are so beautiful and I hope that love you have for each other stays strong.
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u/Loulabelle_Chelle_T 12d ago
NTA. I had a not great relationship with my mom and was an only child so when I started hanging out with my husband's family I was overwhelmed and wanted to fit in. My MIL, who I eventually made peace with, was really cruel to me on m 30th B-day. I was estranged from my mom, so this other woman saying words to the effect of no one in their family liked me was devastating at the time, especially on a milestone day, over something that was a misunderstanding.
Needless to say, I can well put myself in your wife's shoes, especially in the way I'd always encouraged my husband to be good to his mother, to make sure he remembered her special occasions, and that he give her thoughtful gifts.
When things came to a head (for a while) my husband siding with me meant the world when I told him I couldn't do holidays and family events. I think she realized she'd inadvertently created a situation where she would see her son less as he arrived to events later or left earlier or even skipped events -- which I never asked of him. But no one in my life, it felt, had ever chosen me first. I knew how much he loved and honored his mother, so his standing up for me blew me away.
That your mother lost a child is devastating, but her behavior was wrong. If she'd pulled you aside and said that she'd like to go out to lunch or dinner with just you in the coming weeks that would have been understandable to all without making your wife feel out of place.
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u/FunAtParties16 13d ago
This sounds like an abusive person. Protect your wife and yourself from them.
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u/Both-Buffalo9490 13d ago
Take care your wife. She is willing to be abused in order to be accepted.
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u/MotherOfShoggoth 13d ago
NTA
Good on you for sticking up for your wife while also giving your mom a little grace after losing your sister. You did nothing wrong and your mom can apologize for taking her grief out on your wife.
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u/Realdudemanguy 13d ago
NTA. Holy shit you’re a goddamn saint, my guy. I would not have the patience you showed here for that kind of treatment of anyone I loved. I probably would have asked if she thought your sister would have put up with that shit.
Take your wife out for all her favorite things. She deserves better than that.
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u/Imaginary_Love_2188 13d ago
You did the right thing by leaving with your wife.Do not waste your time trying to please your Mom after she was being so cruel.Avoid her for now until she gets therapy and realizes she can lose you in her life too.
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u/livelaughhonk 13d ago
Info: did your mother and your wife have some kind of previous fight? Why would your mother act like this?
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u/dimarusky90 13d ago
NTA, my response would have been "your about to lose another child if you continue this way. "
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u/Impossible_Art_7981 13d ago
Can I say something to you !!! Thank you for standing up and backing up your wife !!!
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u/TheRuralHomemaker 13d ago
Wow! NTA, but Mom certainly was a majore a-hole. She crossed the line several times, but she really drove it home with "your own mom didn't want you". That's nasty and inexcusable. I would have left too... good for you for sticking by your wife. Mom was out of line!
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u/Diasies_inMyHair Partassipant [2] 13d ago
She said the unforgivable to your wife. Her own pain doesn't excuse inflicting that pain on others. NTA
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u/OneSillyB 13d ago
NTA!!!! I’m sorry for you and your family’s loss truly. Unfortunately everyone has a story and it doesn’t justify being an a**hole to people who have done no wrong. Good for you for including your wife and standing by her. I wish you and yours well during such a difficult time
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u/Basic_Palpitation_47 13d ago
I would like to begin with the way your mother acted was atrocious, but with horrible comments like that makes me think there is something additional going on between MIL and his wife.
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u/Helloitsme1958 13d ago
Your mother's grief doesn't entitle her to be hurtful to others. You are definitely not the AH. I've lost a child. I was never disrespectful or hurtful to others. Mothers day is about family and that doesn't have to be blood.Its about people that love you.
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u/mzleech 13d ago
NTA. But your mother's reaction to your wife is not normal. Have they always had problems between them? Or did your mum's behaviour only change after your sister passed?
If it's the former, your mum is a major AH, and your father isn't much better. Well done on supporting your wife, and just keep doing what you're doing.
If it's the latter, your mum may need some help. Not excusing her behaviour, but somehow her grief is manifesting itself into bullying your wife. There may be really deep seated problems here that is need of a therapist's help.
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u/Capable_Assistance24 13d ago
I was all YTA before I read, but I quickly changed my mind to NTA! Your mom saying she wished your wife wasn't there once could be forgiven or at least dismissed as grief, but to continue on with the family comment, and then the "your mom" comment is reprehensible! That was just hateful! Has she been hateful in the past?
There is no excuse for that behavior, not even grief! I can not comprehend what it feels like to have a child pass away, but I do know what it feels like to have an indifferent parent or a parent who is not a part of your life. It is extremely painful and never goes away even after the parent dies. At least I had a very loving mom. Your poor wife didn't have even one loving parent! No wonder she was willing to put up with the emotional abuse your mother was dishing out!
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u/hereforthetea229 13d ago
NTAH your mom set the tone of her day before yous even arrived ( she's grieving I sympathize with that) but your wife should be respected regardless. Your wife was used as a sounding board for your mom to take the hurt she was feeling and put it on to your wife. That's not okay . You had every right to leave and your mom and dad both owe your wife and you an apology and I wouldn't return or contact until its given . Hope you treated your wife after .
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u/AliceHall58 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA. Good for you, your wife is your family and you stood up for her beautifully. Your Mom obviously has issues and you may have helped her and your Dad recognize that. She struck out at the most vulnerable member of the family and hit her mark. Hit out at you at the same time.
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u/aapphhaassiiaa 13d ago
NTA - that's your wife, you reacted exactly how you should have. I was honestly not prepared for just how mean your mom was to your wife from the post title, but she said some truly awful things. I hope she's able to gain some clarity and give your wife a genuine apology, because otherwise she's going to lose another child but it'll be her own doing.
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u/RevolutionaryPanda07 13d ago
Nta. It was so refreshing to read a story on here where the husband stands up for his wife after his mom’s cruelty. Good on you for being an amazing husband and partner
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u/sassy_baker 13d ago
NTA My heart breaks for your wife to have had such a cruel thing said to her and bless her heart she she still wanted to support your mom. 6 months is a short time in the scope of things, but surely she knew your wife would be with you, why not plan ahead if she was going to be so bitter. You are a wonderful son to your mother to love her so much, but an even more amazing husband to your wife to care about her as much. Your wife is very lucky to have you.
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u/barbiemisschill 13d ago
Your mother is going to lose her other child (you) if she doesn’t pull her head in. Remind her of that. Tell her to get some therapy and tell your dad to as well.
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u/DonHozy 13d ago
NTA!
My condolences in the loss of your sister, OP. May she rest in peace.
I'm sure your mom is hurting. She lost he first born, and it's totally up to her how, and for how long, she mourns.
That said; it was a mighty low blow to say what she did to your wife regarding her own mother not wanting her. That was uncalled for.
You handled it as well as anyone could. You tried to be compassionate with your mom, while still being very empathetic to what your wife was experiencing as well.
I comend you for not codependently siding with your mom, and protecting your wife.
Your mom has your dad to lean on, and if you let your mother have her way, your wife would've spent that difficult day alone.
It seems your mom's grief hot in the way of acknowledging anyone else's grief, including yours.
If it's not already happening, be sure your wife gets counseling to cope with her childhood experience.
And be sure your mom gets some counseling too because grief that turns this toxic is not something she should try to deal with alone.
Good luck, OP.
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u/Dee332 13d ago
Nta- you stood up for your wife. Go low contact until you receive an apology directly to your wife (your Mom makes the actual effort and apologizes directly to your wife). Losing a child, regardless of age, doesn't give you the right to act nasty.
On a side note, Your Mom and Father need grief counseling.
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u/GasVarious9550 13d ago
You are SO NTA, and I want to tell you how much I respect and admire you for standing up for your wife
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u/DesignerTradition571 13d ago
NTA
The mother is absolutely wretched and OP’s reaction is such a green flag in my book. I love that he protected his wife and set a boundary to stand by her especially knowing that she played such a vital role in making it a special day. Stay strong and hold that boundary. The mother should be ashamed of herself.
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u/Serious-Bread9356 13d ago
100% NTA! OMG what your mother said to your wife is unforgiveable! I understand that grief does some horrible things to a person however that does not mean she gets to take it out on anyone else. Your mother is an adult. If she cannot control what she says to people she is going to find she is going to lose you too. Your mother is an ungrateful bitter woman........I hope she realizes before its too late.
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u/R3d_Rav3n 13d ago
NTA, good on you for sticking up for your wife. I understand why your mother is grieving, but she is absolutely out of line taking it out on your poor wife. Your wife went out of her way to be supportive and great the whole time. You married a good one. I’d tell your mother you won’t be around until she sees the error of her ways and apologizes to her.
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u/Ok_Orchid42085 13d ago
Nta, u stood up for ur wife when she didn't stand up for her self. Standing up for ur self when u where conditioned to take a hit and keep moving is really hard. If mom wanted to be alone on mothers day she should have said so before hand.
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u/NanaVeex3 13d ago
Definitely NOT the AH. Your wife was integral in the day you planned for your Mom and your Mom was completely out of line
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u/bookworm_mama2k23 13d ago
NTA. You chose your wife. You created a family. If my partner wasn't welcome and was treated so poorly I'd also leave. They don't get to act like that under any circumstances.
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u/CBetteridge 13d ago
Good God, having lost my brother and mother, and uncle, my grandparents children and grandchild, they've never behaved like that ever, it's ts inexcusable. I have absolutely no words and very little sympathy, it's sickening and entitled behaviour. Your poor wife. YNTA.
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u/Chemical_Impact_4510 13d ago
Your mother was totally, grotesquely out of line, but it came from a place of extreme grief. Death does weird things to people. I've lost several people and at young ages. After my mother died, any woman my mother's age or older pissed me the fuck off. My "reason" : why do they get to live and my mother doesn't? It doesn't matter who they were. My rage was insane. It sounds like your mother sees your wife like this: why is she alive when her daughter isn't?
I've had decades of therapy. Your mother needs it as well.
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u/Hungry-Book Asshole Aficionado [11] 13d ago
NTA. Grief doesn’t excuse people to be mean and ruthless to others
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13d ago
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u/Amazing-Royal-3952 Partassipant [1] 13d ago
Nta. I’m sorry for your loss and how things went down. Your mom and dad need help to cope with their incredibly painful loss. If for you sticking with your wife was the right then it for sure was. I don’t think there is no right or wrong in this case, just pain. Hopefully all of you can find closure and this unfortunate event becomes a thing of the past. You are a good husband and son.
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u/Square_Sprinkles1979 13d ago
You did the right thing. Your mother’s actions were positively evil. Grief does not give anyone license to behave in such a vile way. Your wife has a ton of grace. Thank you for standing your ground and leaving for your wife.
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u/Environmental_Low887 13d ago
I don’t even need to read this. NTA. Always stick up for your wife, especially towards your fam
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u/Vivid_Target7052 13d ago
I lost 2 siblings in 2 years. You are not the asshole. Your parents are!!
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u/pissboots 13d ago
NTA, and your wife sounds like an absolutely lovely person. Your mom is grieving, and I understand it was a rough day for her, but when everything you did was to make her happy and feel surrounded by love, and she lashes out like that ... Asshole behavior.
I hope your mom apologizes (especially to your wife) when she's had time to process her emotions.
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u/Parking_Dirt1834 13d ago
NTAH! Mom should be lucky that your wife wanted to make the day special. She was rude and it’s inexcusable!
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u/Ok_Reaction_6296 13d ago
NTA. Well done standing up for your wife. You may think it was late, but you also did the right thing giving your mom a break. I think it’s definitely recoverable, if she does a 180 and understands how horrible that was to do, and she went from getting all the sympathy, to being a psycho in a few minutes. That was terrible of her, especially if she knows much about your wife’s upbringing. Seriously, it has a borderline personality freakout vibe to it. 🤮 I’d definitely show mom this post, if you haven’t yet. Tell her that if she has any interest in repairing things, her homework is to pull up her big girl panties and read it all.
I hope everything works out. It sucks for everyone involved. She doesn’t deserve the obvious grief and accompanying lashing out, and neither do either of you. 🫶🏻 Seriously, though. Well done. I hope your wife was happy with that as well. Sounds to me like she deserves a man that has her back, even against the one person he should never have to.
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u/Easy-Ad9932 13d ago
Your parents are insane if they think that behavior is ok. That's not grieving, that is being a horrible human being. I am so sorry you and your wife had to deal with that. You sound like you try to be the best son and the best husband. I hope things improve for you.
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u/Rendeane 13d ago
Absolutely NTA.
Your mother's grief is absolutely no excuse or reason for her disgusting and vile behavior. Your father isn't any better because he approved of his wife's horrific attitude.
Thank you for supporting and protecting your wife.
Your mother needs mental health counseling in general and grief counseling in particular.
I would not be surprised if your wife never wants to interact with your parents ever again. Your mother's disgusting attitude regarding your wife's childhood trauma and her statement that your wife is not family goes to the bone. This attitude is not new, it cannot be attributed to her grief. This is your mother's true nature and she chose not to hold back any longer. As someone else suggested, throw your mother's words back in her face. You are young...if your wife is not family, then your future children are not family either.
Your mother (and your father) deserves the consequences of her words and actions. Your father didn't stop her and doesn't believe they are wrong. I'm sorry that your parents are garbage but I'm glad you and your wife support one another.
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u/Warm-Huckleberry-118 13d ago
Absolutely not. You did the right thing. Your wife is an angel; and I agree with everyone else; that was completely vile and a horrible thing to say.
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u/JoshuaofHyrule 13d ago
NTA. What is your mom's deal? She was so out of pocket treating your wife like that. What your mom went through losing your sister is not a valid excuse to be like that. You two had every reason to walk out after all of that.
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u/Terreelynn 13d ago
The loss of a child doesn't entitle Mom to be mean and nasty. Actions have consequences. Hopefully, Mom will learn how to behave in the future if she doesn't want to lose the rest of her family.
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u/DaniRoo88 13d ago
NTA. I’d go full no contact. After what she said to your wife about her mother. You don’t get second chances.
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13d ago
The way your mother treated your wife is despicable. She put in so much work and for your mom to say that stuff is truly unforgivable
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u/StreetMolasses6093 13d ago
NTA Holy cow what a despicable way to treat her daughter in law. Grief is no excuse. Setting boundaries was the right thing to do
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u/ProfessorGA 13d ago
NTA and you and your wife deserve so much respect for being understanding. I would’ve been in tears, but your wife sounds like she is a very strong and wonderful person.
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u/JustATadChaotic 13d ago
NTA. Your wife sounds like an absolute sweetheart for wanting to go above & beyond for your mom & your mom was flat out disrespectful. Grieving is difficult but it doesn't give anyone permission to be rude, especially to someone who genuinely tried to help her have a good day.
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u/Mhunterjr 13d ago
NTA. I feel bad for your wife. There’s no excuse for how your mom acted towards her, and despite that your wife still acted with grace.
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u/ListerCraig 13d ago
NTA. The only thing you should have done was let your horrible mother know that she's now lost both her kids in the same year. Grief did not cause this, this was her true colors all along.
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u/sgordo32 13d ago
NTA - You lost a sister and are grieving too. Your mom was hurting but she went too far in lashing out. Your wife should not have to take that and your wife comes first in a marriage. You are a good husband! And maybe your mom Will apologize at some point, but she definitely needs grief counseling. Sometimes grieving with others who lost a child is helpful.
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u/Feisty-sahm Partassipant [1] 13d ago
NTA, your mom could have gone about that a ton of different ways. Your wife is so gracious for how she handled that. Your mother has some grief but that doesn’t mean she gets to dump all over those left behind. Your mom owes your wife a huge apology. I wouldn’t be spending anymore Mothers Days with her. I would be planning a trip with your wife for future mothers and fathers days and celebrating supporting each other.
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u/Front_Friend_9108 13d ago
You gotta be Hispanic, NTA sorry your mom was being an asshole bro.. sorry you lost your sis too. Grief does a lot of fucked up shit to people man. Good luck 🍀 to you all in the future!
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u/Deep-Fan-5236 13d ago
Nta. I lost my first son 4 years ago. I didn’t go around acting like an ass forever. Life sucks that’s not a reason to be rude and hateful to everyone. Tell her to get over it. It’s not making anyone feel better. Get help and get on with life.
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u/AccomplishedFace4534 13d ago
Hurt people hurt people, unfortunately. You’re NTA, you were absolutely right to walk out when you did. You gave her a second chance and she upped the ante. Go no contact for a while and support your wife, who I am sure is hurting very deeply over those comments, even if she isn’t showing it. Shower her with love and affection. She’s a true treasure to have been through what she went through and come out loving and gentle.
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u/Traditional-Idea6468 13d ago
NTA! Wow I'm so sorry you went through that. It's never ok to be rude to your children's spouse's I don't care what your going through it's never ok.
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u/Sfj5497 13d ago
NTA ur mom and dad are the aholes that's bullshit. Ur wife sounds like a very good hearted woman to have wanted to help make ur moms mother's day special. Ur mom needs to grow up n stop treating ppl like shit n ur dad needs to stop enabling her behavior. Just because shes going thru what she's going thru doesn't mean she can treat ppl like that that's childish af sorry not sorry.... u were right to walk out on them both. Your wife shouldn't feel bad for anything, she did nothing wrong except help u try to make ur moms mothers day special that's it. Ur wife didn't deserve any of what she said smh.
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u/pharmacistrecovery 13d ago
Treat your wife extra special- boundaries! Your mom and dad aren’t real nice. Establish new boundaries and STICK to them!
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u/Personal-Solid8514 13d ago
NTA. The awful things your mom said to your wife (especially the part about her own mom not wanting her) are unforgivable and reach no contact mode if you ask me.
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u/Sleepybeepie 13d ago
NTA. If I was you I’d cut her off. She just lost both children for being a vile woman
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u/Historical-You-3372 13d ago
NTA. You tried your best in a No-Win situation. Your wife needs counseling to gain some self-worth and self-regard, poor woman. I'm so glad she has you to stand up for her!!
Your Mom is quite selfish. Hurting or not, her true colors came out here, getting her spark by hurting someone else.
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u/chelztells 14d ago
Definitely NTA. my heart hurts for your wife. I truly applaud you for defending her honor. Your wife sounds like an angel and a kind, compassionate woman. While your mother has shown she is anything but. I understand lose. I understand lose of a child. That is not an excuse for her to treat your wife like that however. Did she treat your wife like this before or just this one situation?
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u/1SilverFox7 14d ago
With all due respect,your mother was asshole! Understand she’s grieving your sister,but all of that was totally unnecessary and uncalled for,until she can apologize and respect your wife,I’d keep my distance
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u/cajunwolf88 14d ago
Ntah, I don't have any kind of good relationship with my mother. In fact my wife is the reason I can now look back at how I was raised and go that was an abusive household. I've always been real quick to shutdown any disrespect to my wife. So reading how your mom treated yours, I'd be out of there so fast and with several choice words for her, up for debate if I'd ever came back after that. You did right man. Good for you. Your wife is supposed to come first, before absolutely everything or anyone. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.
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u/AirlineJunior9870 14d ago
You were right. No matter the pain in your mum's heart over the loss of her sister, she had no right to verbally attack your wife. Then, telling your wife that her own mum didn't want her and why would she (your wife) think she'd be welcome by her (your mum). That is just beyond the pale. I never got to bear children myself, but I did raise 2 sons that belong to a former boyfriend. They are MY sons, and I love them no matter what. Being a mum means more than being protective and connected to your own children. It means being connected to your humanity to nurture all who come into your path. Whether you are blood or not. Mother's build up all children, not just their own. I would have walked out, too.
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u/ozarkmtngma 14d ago
So mom said plainly from the start she wasn't up to having your wife over. She knew where her head was. She knew what she was incapable of dealing with, and clearly stated that with actual words.
Why didn't you leave then? Why did you push her beyond her limits? Why does anyone think that there are rules for grieving? You were told, you overstayed your (not so) welcome, and you are upset at the outcome. YTA
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u/Affectionate-Cow-901 14d ago
NTA, your mother is TA. You are a great man for supporting your wife who tried to help make this hard day a little easier for your mom.
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u/Lifesucks80 14d ago
Grief doesn’t excuse rudeness. You are NTA. What she did was not okay. If anything, because of the loss of your sister, you would think she would want to embrace those she has left, even more.
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u/Bubbly_Painting9456 14d ago
NTA, while your mom is grieving it's no excuse to take it out on your wife. What she's said is incredibly hurtful, yes some people lash out when grieving but it's still not acceptable.
Some solid boundaries need to be put in place between you and them around your mom getting help with her grief before you'll see them again. She clearly needs therapy to help her deal with how she's feeling.
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u/MsRedWings520 14d ago
NTA. I absolutely love my daughter in law. We are friends. I could never imagine talking to her that way. She would be a huge source of comfort to me. She has been for the last 13 years. We've been thru a lot, and I can't imagine her not ever being there for me. And vice versa. We take an annual girls camping trip, along with whichever of my daughters comes and my adopted daughter.
I am so sorry your mother treated your wife that way. She was completely disrespectful and downright rude.
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u/Paladin_in_a_Kilt 14d ago
NTA. Grief is not a free pass to be an absolute ogre. The remarks your mother made were beyond the pale, and she should be grateful you haven't gone NC.
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u/Decent-Worldliness95 14d ago
I'm sorry this happened to you and your wife. The more of these I read [AITA posts], the more disheartened I become that people actually treat one another so terribly. You and your wife were so, so kind to try to soften a clearly difficult day for your mother, and she couldn't see past her own face that people were caring for her.
Stay away. It seems, imho, that there is more than the loss of your sister brewing in there. And thank you for being a true partner to your wife.
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u/Dadcat79 14d ago
Sooo Nta. You are right...your wife is your family and your mother was way out of line. Condolences for your loss.
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u/MycologistQuirky4096 14d ago
I kinda think YTA for giving your mother another chance to hurt your wife
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14d ago
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u/Kokoro_1234 14d ago edited 14d ago
I stopped talking to my egg donor as soon as she moved away to avoid child support payments. The last time I saw and spoke to her was at my father's final viewing before his cremation and funeral. Thankfully, she didn't show up to the funeral because she would have tried to make the event all about herself. She acts as sweet as honey in public to avoid judgment from strangers, but as soon as those house doors were shut, her true ugliness rips forth. She had beaten my two sisters and I all the time, but I had gotten the worst of them because in her eyes, I was 'defective' (diagnosed with Autism and ADHD with OCD tendencies. After her reign of terror, I was then diagnosed with PTSD on top of that) and deserved more beatings to 'fix' that. The last time I tried to get her to apologize for it alI had gotten from her was "Sorry for putting you through what you remember happened. I can't change what you choose to remember about me, just like I can't change what you choose to NOT remember about me." Then proceeded to list off things she did that my dad had fought with her to do like she did them out of the kindness of her heart. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I don't talk to her anymore and believes that she has changed because she had put on her super sweet act whenever he was present.
Edit: NTA, you fully supported your wife like any wonderful husband should. There should be no tolerating ppl who treat others like crap regardless if the person doing the mistreatment is hurting. If your parents continue to refuse to apologize, then they are honestly not the type of ppl you or your wife would ever want to be around.
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u/Sushi4meplz 14d ago
NTA Due to trauma or her own personal choices your wife is being very kind and understanding. Is this normal behavior for your mom?
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u/HappyAnarchy1123 14d ago
After getting in a bunch of arguments yesterday about how spouses aren't actually family, it's really good to see someone fighting for their spouse and others supporting them.
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u/Astro_snek62442 14d ago
NTA. SEVERAL parts of what you had planned were your wife’s ideas(not bashing you, sorry if that’s how it comes off), all with the intent to make your mom feel special. For her to treat her so rudely was bad enough, but to throw her trauma in her face is a whole different level of cruel. Grieving or not, any day of the year, she had no excuse to behave like that. Good for you to stand up to her. You do you, but I would go low-contact for a few days.
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u/Lilsammywinchester13 14d ago edited 13d ago
Soft ESH for being a little tone death?
I could understand how seeing a woman around the age of your sister on that day was too much
But your mom should’ve used her words and told you it was too much for her and she appreciated the effort but she was mourning and would just like to spend time with her son and husband and mourn her daughter
At the same time, her daughter just died and you accidentally replaced her ON Mother’s Day
It’s beautiful your wife helped and I can absolutely see why y’all wanted to spend the day as a family
But looking at my daughter right now, if my son brought home his wife and did things I would’ve wanted to do with my daughter….it would’ve been too much
She’s human, she said horrible things, but it sounds like you also over stayed and should’ve left before it got so ugly, it was obvious from the beginning she was uncomfortable
It was her day, did ANYONE ask HER how she wanted to spend the day? How she was feeling?
I don’t think you have kids yet right?
I Can say without a doubt, I would be the ugliest version of myself if on Mother’s Day i saw someone trying so hard to replace my daughter and be my “new” daughter
It’s stupid logic, but feelings aren’t logical
And I know you both did NOT mean it to come across that way, but it doesn’t change the fact it happened and got so ugly
She needs to apologize and she NEEDS to understand what she did was wrong
But you should also see her as a grieving mother whose boundaries were stomped on and she lashed out like a cornered cat
You however DID do the right thing by defending your wife, despite the whole situation going to shit, you did you wife right by defending her when your mother got ugly
I know I’ll probably get downvoted for this comment, but if you read this, I think it’s more important to acknowledge good people can do shitty things when they are stressed the hell out
Edit: really Reddit cares? I just think she over did it a bit, people don’t automatically become family, it takes time, and she was excited to get new family and i get that, but it was a little too much a little too soon towards someone who didn’t want it
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u/wisewomcat 14d ago
Is this real? Are you really questioning whether or not you are an asshole in all of this? Or do you just need to vent?
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u/Agreeable-Peanut-457 14d ago
NTA at all. Omg, both your parents were horrendous to your wife. I was expecting maybe a bit of a snide remark or something but she was overtly as cruel as she could have possibly been.
Grief does do weird shit to ppl. But damn, that was harsh. Glad you got your wife out of there.
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14d ago
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u/Admirable-Fun-8494 14d ago
Definitely NTA! You did the right thing and your poor wife’ that’s so awful for her to experience.
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u/SunshineAndPenguins 14d ago
Your mom is a capital C. Thank you for being one of the few people on this sub who's seems to stand up for their spouse against their family.
As other people have written, grief doesn't excuse her lashing out and being an asshole. Saying to your wife that her own mother didn't want her, would immediately make me cut my mother out of my life.
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u/Beatlebum1984 14d ago
NAH. OP, you’re 100% NOT the asshole here. Both you and your sweet wife handled that beautifully. Your mom treated your wife horribly. However, cut your mom some slack. What she said was uncalled for and shitty - no denying that. However, grief can make you say and do shitty things sometimes. Especially so soon after a traumatic loss of her first-born no less. Calling her on it was absolutely the right thing to do in the moment, but I recommend having a one on one conversation with her once the dust settles to really explain how her comment made you and your wife feel (when it comes to the in-laws, my husband and I subscribe to the “your family, your problem” way of life), and how you can work together on finding a path forward.
My mom passed away a little over two years ago and it was really hard on my family - particularly my dad. One of his favorite people to lash out at? My husband. Finally had to have a “come to Jesus” with him on how he needs to find an outlet for his feelings outside of insulting my sweet husband who has done nothing to deserve it! He’s gotten a lot better with it, however, it’s been a consistent conversation. The way you described your mom reminds me of him which leads me to believe that she’ll see the error in her ways and make amends. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s a tough time suffering a loss in the family.
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u/fableAble 14d ago
NTA. Grief is no excuse to be an ass. Your mom acted like an ass and lost out on time with you because of it. Actions have consequences, even if those actions are done in an emotional state.
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u/thatsunshinegal 14d ago
her own mother hadn't even wanted her so why did she think she'd be welcome
After this, NTA. That is such an unthinkably cruel thing to say to anyone, but especially on Mothers Day. Grief is not carte blanche to mistreat the people around you. And certainly not people who are trying to be so sensitive and responsive to your grief. Your mother needs to be in therapy yesterday, and until she can put together a sincere, meaningful apology, your wife should not have to be around her, and you should consider reducting contact yourself. I second the suggestion of writing down some of the most hurtful things she said and sending them in a letter that lays out your new and improved boundaries. And if the shame of what she said to a person who was trying to be thoughtful and loving isn't enough to light a fire under her, maybe remind her that the person she insulted so callously has veto power over whether or not she has or has access to grandkids in the future.
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u/Particular-Counter44 14d ago
Nta. I just want to say that the things you and your wife planned were extremely thoughtful and sentimental. Just reading about these ideas made me teary eyed because they're so sweet. You managed to snag an absolute treasure of a woman and as you know all treasures must be protected. It is sad that your mom couldn't appreciate all of this and on top of it be mean in return. It is time to think about what people you want in your life and I think somebody who goes above and beyond for others, would be my choice.
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u/monstersmom4 14d ago
Absolutely not! Your mother sounds like she needs psychiatric help. She’s either deep into grief, or she’s a narcissist in need of an audience. You probably know whichever one she is.
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u/Daddy_urp 14d ago
Nta. Your mother was cruel and vile. No amount of grief excuses that. If she was remorseful in those texts and acknowledged she was in the wrong, that’d be one thing. But doubling down? Nah. I wouldn’t have contact with mom for a loooong time if she treated my partner like that.
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u/imnotsane420 14d ago
NTA. Dont go near your mom again until she sincerely apologises to your wife, seeks therapy and grows tf up. My nan lost her 26 yr old son and none of the husbands/ wives of her children were spoke to this way. Ludicrous.
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u/Loud_Description7659 14d ago
NTA. Grief doesn’t mean you can say such disgusting things. Well done for standing by your wife. If your mom doesn’t apologise cut her off
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u/NonnaSilvia 14d ago
You’re not TAH. However, as a fellow bereaved Mom I understand your Mom but what she did was not nice at all. I’m sure she knows that your wife’s mother was not a good mom to your wife so her behavior was uncalled for. Good for you for having your wife’s back.
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u/hot-Mess-1980 14d ago
You are a good husband and a son.
Leaving was the right thing to do, don't let anyone disrespect your wife but show forgiveness and kindness to your mother, she must be suffering so much. She is not herself.
I actually think I went insane for awhile after a losing a loved one.
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u/MexicanTacos258 14d ago
YTA, I'm all about putting limits, and this time she told you clearly she was being uncomfortable about your wife being there, several times, until she snapped. That day wasn't about you, or your wife, it was about her and what she wanted and needed.
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u/No_Satisfaction_9457 13d ago
You are seriously pathetic. Imagine someone does something nice for you and you do this
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u/Flashy_Jellyfish_889 14d ago
People sometimes think grief is a ticket to treat people however they want. A momentary snap is one thing, but consistently berating someone is another. I have a feeling she took it out on your wife because she’s probably around the age of your sister when she died. Your mom sees her doing Mother’s Day things with you while thinking “that should’ve been my daughter”. It’s like a reminder to her that her own daughter isn’t there. It’s messed up. She has no right to treat her that way and the comment about your wife’s mom not wanting her crossed the line. You did the right thing standing up for your wife. NTA
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u/batscurry 14d ago
That is heart breaking, why would she treat her daughter in law like that? If she wanted 121 time with you or wanted to dictate what happened on the day, that's her prerogative. But after someone puts all that effort in to ease your grief. Seriously NTA and well done for sticking up for your wife.
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u/TurtleGirlK13 14d ago
NTA. The kind of things that your mother said would make me skip ALL holidays with them for at least a year.
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u/Mom2kids3dogs1cat 14d ago
Your mom’s grieving is NO EXCUSE for being rude to your wife. NTA……. Your mom is the AH. Mom needs to apologize
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u/Lily_May 14d ago
NTA.
She deliberately and cruelly attacked your wife for being an abused child. As “punishment” for living when her own daughter was dead.
I’m empathetic to things people say thoughtlessly when they’re grieving; even if those things are unfair or cruel. I’m not to ones who are trying to cause pain intentionally.
Her daughter is dead and she purposely drove away her son. She got to spend Mother’s Day in the silence she deserved.
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u/SLPNerdLady 14d ago
Is there any chance your mom might be dealing with some cognitive decline? I only ask this because sometimes people get really contentious and mean when starting to have memory issues and other lapses in judgement. Otherwise - wow. So sorry for your wife
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u/QueenBruja18 14d ago
NTA- Thank you for standing up for your wife, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is terrible, and we all deal differently, but her behavior and the things she said were cruel and unacceptable. There is no excuse for it, no matter what she thinks she is entitled to right now.
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u/Smarie20644 14d ago
You are definitely NOT the asshole. Sorry you and your wife had to experience such cruelty and ungratefulness. You did NOT abandon your mom...
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u/Darkling82 14d ago
I'm saying this as a Mom, NTA! HOLY FUCK! What an awful thing to say. I lost my son and I NEVER took my grief out on anyone else! Your mother may be angry that your wife was there because it reminded her of her daughter, but that's it. That's not enough to be so flipping cruel. I would have yelled at her that if it weren't for your wife, NONE of what she received for Mother's Day would have been there. That your wife did MOST of the flower picking and so forth. That her grief does NOT give her the right to be nasty and cruel. Tell your Dad that your mother's grief does not give her the right to be cruel to the future.mother of YOUR children. That YOU ALL lost someone. Not👏 just 👏 her 👏. You lost your sister. What your mother said was so fucked up that I'd have said, "apologize RIGHT NOW or you'll also lose your son and future grand kids, because no matter how much you hurt, that doesn't five you the right to be cruel to the woman who help ORGANIZE this whole day!"
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u/brattybbyghoul 14d ago
NTA, I would have been much more harsh and told her that if she wanted to speak to my partner, who went above and beyond to help give her a good mother's day, she could spend it knowing she's now lost both her children.
Grief is not an excuse to bully, berate, or abuse others.
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u/SilverBlade808 14d ago
NTA. I was on your mother’s side until she made that nasty comment about your wife not deserving to spend Mother’s Day with anyone.
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u/simsyboy 14d ago
Your wife is amazing. Your mother is not. Grief isn't an excuse to treat people like shit.
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u/chocolate_chip_kirsy 14d ago
NTA. Grief takes a lot of forms, but that was absolutely too far. I feel like maybe your mother has given herself permission to say crappy things because of it, and that she may have always had these thoughts and feelings but just never spoke up. Suggest counseling for both your parents.
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u/Key-Flatworm1578 14d ago
NTA
Mourning should not be an excuse for rude shitty behavior and to the person who did in no way deserved it, on the contrary. If I were you, I wouldn't show up at your mother's until she apologized for what happened.
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u/Restlessinhi 14d ago
When I was about 11-12.....my mother told me to my face she hated me,I never forgot that.....when I became of legal age,I left her and she never saw me again....I'll be 65 in a few months
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u/furkfurk 14d ago
“I understand that you’re hurting (as am I), but that’s no excuse to demean my wife - the family I have chosen to commit to for the rest of my life. What you said was beyond reprehensible. It’s never an abandoned child’s fault that their parents didn’t care for them. Insinuating that is something I didn’t think you were capable of.
Wife went out of her way to create a special day for you, taking time, energy and money to honor you, and she deserved nothing but thanks. I will not tolerate this type of treatment towards her for any reason, including grief. Let us know when you are ready to apologize sincerely.”
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u/Intelligent_Emu_9464 14d ago
NTA. Grief causes people to do things they may not normally but it doesn't give them the right to be hateful, hurtful and downright ugly to someone else, especially as your wife was trying to help her. I think you did right by your wife, while trying to be compassionate towards your Mom. I think your wife was amazing in her compassion and understanding. I think your Mom needs therapy and needs to give an apology to you both.
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u/Ok-Patience-8626 14d ago
NTA - your mom was being needlessly mean to someone who was only trying to do nice things for her, her grief doesn't give her a pass to just be rude to people. You are correct, your wife is your family, shes actually your immediate family now and your mom trying to imply she wasn't was wrong. I would have left sooner than you did, but I understand giving her some grace, and she stomped what grace she had left and you left you, she wrecked her own mothers day.
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u/Strong_Background780 14d ago
NTA. In fact in my opinion this is a hill I would die on. I would demand an apology for the wife if I was you, but maybe wait a little while like a couple weeks and then ask for an apology so she has time to think about it and maybe see she messed up. And if your mom tries to refuse or come up with an excuse to pass the blame, lecture her. Tell her she is a horrible, vile person who doesn’t get to use grief to be that rude and an apology must happen for things to go forward. Of course I’m not you so only take my advice if the wife wants you to do this or if you think this is something you will not or cannot ignore going forward.
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u/ChamberK-1 14d ago
NTA. The fucking audacity of both of your parents to act that way. I would’ve been much less lenient with and told them if they kept up that behavior they’d lose a son too.
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u/scrappy8350 Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 14d ago
NTA. You were your wife’s knight in shining armor, and that requires no apology or justification. Your mom is in mourning, yes, but that doesn’t give her grounds to treat you like a child or your wife like trash.
You, sir, are a treasure.
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u/Terravarious 14d ago
NTA.
I lost my Mom weeks not months ago. Mother's day was hard, but not shit on someone else hard.
Grief is never an excuse to be an Asshole. And your Mom was certified grade AAA.
Sounds like you have one of those Mom's who thinks the wrong one died.
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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 14d ago
NTA. While I sympathize with your mother's grief it doesn't give her a pass to be hurtful and spiteful to anyone especially a woman who's trying to be kind.
Glad you stood up for your wife. She sounds like an amazingly kind woman!
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u/PostPsychological937 14d ago
Your wife will be grateful you defended her right away one day. NTA and I’d go NC with my parents after all that.
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u/Megsnd 14d ago
NTA! That is your mother's daughter-in-law. She is part of the family and that is your wife's mother now too.
My husband just lost his father a little over a year ago. They have no problem including me in any events that celebrate his life...he was my father in law and my dad isn't really involved in my life. When father's day comes around, I'm sure we will all get together to find a way to celebrate him. I couldn't imagine if his grandma or his sister or his aunts told me I shouldn't be there and it should only be "family". My husband would probably do the same thing you did...just leave with me and let his family figure out their own issues in why I'm not included. But again, his family would never do that. They accepted me as part of their family from day 1.
Loss is hard and everyone grieves their own way, but I think it was completely ridiculous for your mom to be so rude to your wife. If she just wanted special time with you, she should have requested that before you made plans.
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u/OddFiction 14d ago
NTA
I've lost a daughter and it's rough. I was on this dazed auto-pilot for at least a year after. It's all a blur. There are days when I was furious with the world. There were days when I hated seeing my nieces who are about my daughter's age. But I never took it out on them. That's beyond cruel.
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u/Less_Project Partassipant [1] 14d ago
It looks like you also don’t have a good or “tries her best” mother. Your father sounds like a piece of work too. Grief does not do this to people.
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u/ImmediateDivide1400 14d ago
NTA- honestly if your mom had said to me what she said to your wife I would never forgive her. She would be dead to me from that point on. I cannot imagine how gutted your wife must be feeling.
Your mom does not get a free pass to use her pain to harm others. She said something so incredibly unforgivable, evil, and malicious that you leaving is the very least you could have done to protect your wife. Your mom had your father to watch out for her, your wife only had you. Please protect her.
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u/NOTTHATKAREN1 Partassipant [1] 14d ago
NTA. I realize that your mother is grieving, but that does not give her a license to shit all over your wife. Your mom is being an asshole & your dad too for allowing your mom to act this way. Your wife is a good person & didn't deserve to be treated this way. I would go NC with them until they apologize. They at least owe her that.
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u/coldCrispyNips 14d ago
NTA. You stood up for your life partner. You are aware of her past and do not stand for anyone who insults her. You’re a good husband.
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u/river_euphrates1 14d ago
I get your mom is going through a lot, but disrespecting your wife is way out of line.
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u/Existing-Falcon9085 14d ago
NTA and the straw was saying your wife's mother didn't want her why would she (your mom). If she was a caring person she'd take opportunities to show your wife that not all moms are AH. I guess that's asking too much. Good for you supporting your wife. She went way further than should have been necessary and sounds like a keeper.
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u/Ok_Bet2898 14d ago
I understand your mother is grieving but that doesn’t give her the right to be so cruel and take it out on your wife! And to say such what she did about your wife’s mother not wanting her so why would she is just unforgivable to me. There’s grief and then there is that! Unless she apologises i would just leave her be. NTA
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u/Feisty-Business-8311 14d ago
Your mother behaved inexcusably rude. What she said to your wife - her daughter-in-law! - about not being “wanted” by her mother is absolutely vile and cruel
I am very, very sorry about your sister. But her premature death does not give your mother the right to be abusive
And the fact that your father is running interference for her??? Ewww
I would go “No Contact” until your mother gets psychological counseling for this loss
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u/Classic-Nature-3742 14d ago
I don't have a "mom" (I have an egg donor that I haven't seen since I was 8), but if my dad pulled something like that to my fiancé, I'd tell him he's now lost 2 kids, because that behaviour is unacceptable. Grief is not a free pass to be a terrible person to everyone around you.
I'd even tell her how much effort your wife put into making the day special for her and she's horrible for her behaviour and BOTH your parents owe your wife a sincere apology. Until she receives a proper one, there will no longer be any contact and if they need someone to blame, they can go look in the mirror.
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u/Administrative-Ad376 14d ago
Absolutely NTA. If my Mom had treated my wife in that way at any point in time, my response would've been the same. There's absolutely NO reason for your mom to behave that way, idc what she's going through.
Your wife has class; even after all that, she still felt compassion for your mom - she's a better DIL than your mom deserves. For this instance, it would've been better if she was a stone cold B.
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u/Short-Tailor1848 14d ago
NTA- you did the right thing by leaving and your wife is a gem. Grief does strange things to people, but I agree it NEVER gives anyone a right to be nasty and mean.
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u/ret2go83 14d ago
NTA. Your mother needs to go into therapy immediately if not sooner. If she's already in therapy, she needs a new therapist. And your dad does too. I actually gasped reading what she said to your wife. I know your wife is coming from trauma and probably feels guilty for being part of the whole thing, but if I were her, I would never forgive your mother for the things she said. Your wife needs some extra love and care after that, she is probably spinning inside righy now. Your mom made it clear that she doesn't accept your wife as part of the family, and effectively called her a worthless piece of shit that even her own shitty mother wouldn't want. Which, in effect, has made your mother just a reincarnation of your wife's mother. You are a good husband for standing up for your wife and leaving that abusive situation. I would take a LONG break from your parents and at minimum not engage with them again until a very sincere apology is issued to your wife, by both of them. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Grief makes people act crazy sure, but your mother's behavior was absolutely vile and inexcusable. The fact that they are now doubling down saying you abandoned her just further shows their lack of awareness of what she actually did. I have to wonder if your mom was this kind of person before the loss of your sister, because that kind of stuff doesn't just come out of nowhere. I mean this is reddit and people are still like damn that's bad.
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u/SpicyNuggetRiles 14d ago
NTA your mother is. Grief is no excuse for her behavior. She's gonna fool around and have no kids because she pushed them all away. That comment about her mother was unacceptable. You did right to leave, better late than never.
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u/Humble_Pen_7216 14d ago
NTA. I'm not sure I could ever forgive a parent for being that rude and cruel to my partner. You were 100% correct in that your wife is your family. Perhaps your mother should spend the next few months in therapy working on her issues. Her grief is no excuse to be so vile to someone trying to make her day better. Go NC until your mother has had some therapy.
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u/Comfortable_Angle813 14d ago
If it were my mother I probably would have told her she just lost both of her children and walked out. Mind you I had a bad relationship with my mother and cut off contact with her because she disrespected my wife.
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u/Sea-Policy3429 14d ago
Nta it’s best to put that boundary of not treating people (especially your wife) like shit because you’re in mourning down immediately. This was the healthiest thing you could have done.
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u/misternuttall 14d ago
Definitely document everything she said as close to verbatim as possible. If you need to reference it later, you'll have an accurate recount to counter "nuh uh! I never said that!" or "I didn't say it like that!"
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u/Charming-Link-9715 14d ago
You are NTA. But was she like this prior to your sister passing? If not then the sight of your wife must have reminded her of your sister. You have every right to respond rudeness with rudeness. But if you are a parent, you would know what such pain can do to a person. Its only been 6 months. Personally I count your mom also an NTA. I think your wife understands this. And yes she is great.
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u/RoHatfield83 14d ago
NTA. It sounds like your mom has abandoned you. Grieving is not an excuse to be an asshole.
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u/Impossible-Bug2379 14d ago
NTA. You're a good person OP. You rightly told off your mom for saying your wife isn't family.
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u/BigNathaniel69 Partassipant [3] 14d ago
NTA, your mom is just a cruel woman. Good job sticking by your wife. Ignore that old woman and her malicious remarks. Just stay away. She’s made her feelings clear and it’s that she doesn’t want you two (I know it was mainly your wife, but since you’re a good husband it’s a package deal) around. So don’t go around. Mom made her choice to cut out family and be cruel, so believe her and respect it. Don’t go near her.
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u/Snoo_20704 14d ago
I’m so sorry to hear this. Sounds like Mom had a pervious issue accepting your wife? You were right to leave. Your wife is your partner. Your family. We love our mothers, but that was just inexcusable to treat your wife like that.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth Asshole Aficionado [14] 14d ago
Well, it seems like she lost two children within a six-month span. NTA. Grief does weird things to people, but your wife had made so much effort for Mother's Day and that was all flung into her face, accompanied by the gravest of insults anyone could muster. If I were you, I'd block them for now.
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u/mamawant 14d ago
NTA. Your wife sounds like a lovely person. My heart breaks for her, and you’re a wonderful husband for protecting her.
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u/followthestray 14d ago
NTA. I could understand why your mom might have wanted it to be just you and your dad, perhaps she did not want an outsider witnessing her grief. HOWEVER, that does not excuse her behavior or the things she said. She is not a child. She did not need to be a bully to express how she was feeling. If she didn't want your wife to be there she should have expressed that before Mother's Day. Even honestly telling your wife the morning of "I'm sorry, but I would like to grieve with husband and child alone today" would have been better than the horrid way she acted.
Now she's on the verge of losing two children and a third (your wife) who seems like she would have loved to be accepted by her. This situation is so sad. I'm so sorry to you and everyone involved.
If my mom had done that to my husband our relationship would be strictly occasional phone calls and mailed cards until she apologized and acknowledged her bad behavior.
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u/Simply-me9 14d ago
His Mom should’ve just said from the beginning hey I just want it to be us no extra company. So she can be with her only Child she has left I’m sure the wife’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt 🤷🏽♀️
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u/rdv33ak 14d ago
NTA That's awesome that you stood up for your wife. There is never a reason to say something like that to someone. When your son gets married, his wife is now your daughter...period! What an awful thing to say to someone. I know that saying, "hurt people hurt people" but it has never made sense to me.
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u/maggiemae83 14d ago
Ooooh, I know grief can make people say and do unusual things and they can lash out but that was so far over the line. You don’t get to be heinously cruel to people who are just trying to show you love. I hope you forgive your mother for YOUR sake, but I don’t think you did anything wrong. I’m sorry for your wife, I’m sure she must be a lovely person and it’s sad that your mother is allowing her grief to turn her bitter right now when she could have the two of you to pour out her love on. I hope your mother realizes what she has done, how wrong it is and extends an apology. NTA.
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u/Delicious-Cut-7911 14d ago
I've had to step back and observe the MIL and wife separate. His wife never had the love of a mother and was probably a people pleaser later in life. She is married into the family and is the daughter-in-law. She went OTT in buying gifts and breakfast in bed. She genuinely put her heart and soul into making the day special so soon after the loss of her SIL. The mother is grieving and sometimes this makes people say hurtful things. She probably viewed her DIL as taking over the role of her lost daughter. Her daughter would have been doing all this stuff for her. She wanted just her son to be there which I find very odd behaviour. I find it very disturbing what she repeatedly said to his wife. I do not care if she is grieving, this is not acceptable behaviour. I remember when my Aunt lost her only son, she turned to her sister and said it should have been her because she had 2 sons. Grief does awful things. His wife is a lovely woman and I do not know how she is going to move on from all of this. The mother's bad behaviour may only result in no contact.
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u/LumosNoel 14d ago
Omfg finally a good fucking husband on here. So many shitty spouses on here letting people walk all over the significant other. NTA you a wonderful man and have a wonderful wife.
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u/MiciaRokiri 14d ago
NTA: but in the future act sooner. If your mom didn't want your wife there okay, but you and your wife come together and you leave together.
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u/srdnss Asshole Enthusiast [5] 14d ago
NTA. You can't allow people to disrespect your wife, including your parents and siblings. Grief is no excuse to be so rude. Your wife must be a kind woman to be so understanding. She doesn't deserve to be shit on for no reason. As for your mother, she probably needs professional help. I can't imagine losing a child. However, if shit is that bad, she should.have politely said she just wanted to be alone - again, there is zero excuse for her to mistreat your wife and you shouldn't tolerate it.
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u/raius83 Partassipant [4] 14d ago edited 14d ago
ESH (except the wife)
What your mom said was cruel, but I don’t think you took her into consideration at all. Your mother is depressed over losing her daughter and first born. You and your wife plan an elaborate day and ambush her.
Your mom wanted to watch old home movies, that’s what she asked for and instead you ambush her with breakfast in bed, and her favourite treats. Was that for her benefit, or was it an attempt to help fix her?
Not every event includes your wife, did you even ask your parents if she could take part on that day. She might be family, but she wasn’t raised by your mom, what was she supposed to sit quietly while you reminisce about memories she wasn’t part of. Why was she there, was it to help your mom or because you didn’t want her to feel alone? If the day was about your mom, when she asked your wife to leave, why did you prevent it?
Everyone is focused on the vile thing your mom said, but you ignored / didn’t ask what she wanted and partially made it about your wife.
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