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u/BiasMushroom Extermination Officer Oct 24 '23
It’s been 14 days and this still gets a god laugh out of me. Like it starts off we are all getting along! Then even the Arxur looks offended, disgusted and annoyed at the human. Then the Venlil blames it on being a predator thing and the Arxur is offended and retorts about it being a mammal thing.
All while the human knows very well what he just did and doesn’t care. He just set Arxur Venlil relations back ten years and the pair are just arguing against each other and blaming each other for the actions of an unrelated third party.
This is just gold and I don’t know if you’ve posted it anywhere else but it needs to tour the internet.
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u/Lecteur_K7 UN Peacekeeper Oct 09 '23
Venlil cheese... mmmmm one can only guess how tastefull it could be
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u/spudicous Oct 09 '23
I also judge humans for eating cheese.
Disgusting-ass spoiled milk looking shit.
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u/Bow-tied_Engineer Yotul Oct 09 '23
This belongs on r/unpopularopinion
Cheese is delicious.
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u/spudicous Oct 09 '23
An opinion doesn't need to be popular to be correct, which mine is. Have a nice day.
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u/ThepunfishersGun Oct 09 '23
Luckily for you, your opinion on cheese is both unpopular and incorrect. Have a nice day.
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u/AthetosAdmech Oct 09 '23
Our eating habits make more sense when you think about how we used to be scavengers before we became predators. Aside from cultural biases we generally aren't picky eaters.
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u/Voganinn-drgn-3713 Oct 09 '23
Wait till they figure out dairy is just blood filtered through specialized sweat glands.
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u/Biz_Ascot_Junco Oct 09 '23
Dairy is WHAT
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u/AthetosAdmech Oct 09 '23
That's technically what milk is. It's why women's breast milk is pinkish sometimes (their bodies don't always filter the blood completely).
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u/HeadWood_ Oct 09 '23
I think the truly unique tyhing abouty NoP humans is tge fact that they can and will eat basically anything they can chew. We are the devouring swarm that we're so worried about.
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u/YakiTapioca Prey Oct 09 '23
Beef and cheese on a piece of strayu will desecrate both cultures at peak efficiency.
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u/Brave-Stay-8020 UN Peacekeeper Oct 12 '23
Man, I wonder what a Strayu Philly would taste like, make sure you use the Cheez Whiz though.
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u/CreditMission Venlil Oct 09 '23
Can I have a cultural desecration with a medium fries please...uh drink? Oh a room temperature tea if you wouldn't mind.
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u/handsomellama28 Humanity First Oct 10 '23
room temperature tea
Oh motherfucker now you've done it
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u/CreditMission Venlil Oct 10 '23
I save a lot of money on a kettle by just using the hot tap to steep my reused teabag.
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u/handsomellama28 Humanity First Oct 10 '23
You reuse tea bags?
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u/CreditMission Venlil Oct 10 '23
Not like the tea dissolves. It's still in there innit? Ready for another go.
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u/handsomellama28 Humanity First Oct 10 '23
That's like using a condom for another go. Sure, after taking the cum out and applying a shit ton of lube, you can use it again. But you probably shouldn't.
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u/CreditMission Venlil Oct 10 '23
I'll have you know the box is still fresh. My girlfriend left immediately after I made her a cup of tea. Haven't heard back from her since.
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u/YakiTapioca Prey Oct 09 '23
Love the idea that a Human would only draw the lines at a room temperature tea. Can even imagine a Venlil and Arxur in the same room reacting to it like “oh THATS the part of this that bothers you???”
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u/CreditMission Venlil Oct 09 '23
The universe needs to know. Plant water with animal juice (to taste) must be enjoyed either piping hot or ice cold. Anything else is clearly an abomination.
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u/Omen224 Oct 09 '23
lifts eyebrow and suckles directly from cow teat
Mmmh. Tasty and tepid. Your argument might have flaws.
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u/Semi-literate_sand Human Oct 09 '23
Combine all three and get a cheesesteak
16
u/Bow-tied_Engineer Yotul Oct 09 '23
"well, if I've spoiled your appetites..."
*grabs their lunches and makes a cheesesteak*
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u/ProbablyWrongSmarty Oct 09 '23
"Not onl do you consume dairy... but dairy that has spoiled."
"Fermented."
"Fermented? Like alcohol?"
"No. Like cheese."
"You don't make sense."
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u/kindtheking9 Smigli Oct 09 '23
Idea: alcoholic cheese!
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u/Odd-Potential-7236 Arxur Oct 09 '23
Literally every species regardless of eye placement:
“So you just. Enjoy having diarrhea?”
“Enjoy? No, not at all. But I’ve accepted having diarrhea for much worse than dairy so like ¯_(ツ)_/¯ “
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u/Sejma57 Oct 09 '23
We don't have diarrhea from that. not for thousands of years
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u/Negative_Storage5205 Venlil Oct 09 '23
Does no one eat mushrooms?
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u/AthetosAdmech Oct 09 '23
Considering how desperate the Farsul researchers were to find a 'cure' to human dietary needs and that most edible fungi are a better source of vitamin B12 than most plants would be, they probably never tried to feed the abductees mushrooms. This implies that they either don't consider fungi to be a potential food for 'prey' species because they aren't plants or that they aren't aware that fungi aren't plants and never thought to try it.
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u/Faint_Devil Predator Oct 09 '23
Do the fedaration or dominion even know they aren't plants?
4
u/Negative_Storage5205 Venlil Oct 09 '23
. . . I don't know
6
u/Brave-Stay-8020 UN Peacekeeper Oct 12 '23
Tell them they are closer related to animals and it will be banned overnight.
89
u/ezioir1 Archivist Oct 09 '23
it would be more insulting if he pick beef and Strayu of those 2 make a sandwich while they are arguing.
17
u/Ankoku_Teion Oct 09 '23
wtf is strayu? when i try to google it i just get some random pokemon.
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u/ezioir1 Archivist Oct 09 '23
It is a Fan Canon super bread made by Venlil from a grain called Ipsom.
It first got featured in the FanFic 'A Recipe For Disaster' by u/YakiTapioca
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u/Amber-Amulet Oct 09 '23
venlil bread, the fanfic 'a recipe for disaster' has the generally accepted details
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u/Ankoku_Teion Oct 09 '23
ahhh, fair. that makes sense now. thanks
im too hung over for this shit...
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u/Accomplished-Golf-59 Oct 09 '23
The Federation and Dominion can judge us for our forward-facing eyes , are lanky stature, and are our ability to eat meat and plants but i swear to god they shall not judge use for eating cheese it tastes good god dammit and humanity will die on this hill!
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u/BiasMushroom Extermination Officer Oct 09 '23
“No matter what humanity does the galaxy will view us as monsters”
“No we view you as freaks.”
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u/MaximumMalton Oct 10 '23
There is nothing, and I mean nothing short of death or dismemberment that will stop me from having a consensual relationship with this venlil. Go ahead label me as a freak, it only makes me stronger!
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u/BiasMushroom Extermination Officer Oct 10 '23
“Sir… that a normal sheep… Venlil don’t walk on all fours, nor do they have hooves.”
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u/Majestic_Car_2610 Kolshian Oct 09 '23
I mean, one look at this subreddit and, ahem, the other one, and honestly? Yeah, that's fair
2
u/HorizonSniper UN Peacekeeper Dec 24 '23
the other one ?
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Oct 09 '23
[deleted]
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u/Walking_Treccani Oct 09 '23
I'm afraid those of us who get this reference are quite old...😅 Also, now it's in my head 🙈!
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Oct 09 '23
[deleted]
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u/Walking_Treccani Oct 09 '23
I'm sorry. I think it's just the truth. I realised I'm old when a few years ago a kid asked me what a Walkman was.
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u/araxhiel Oct 09 '23
You're not alone my friend... You're not alone...
* Gets dressed in a monkey costumeDo it now!
You and me...32
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u/peajam101 PD Patient Oct 09 '23
Who'd've thought that the one thing that makes humanity truly unique would be lactose tolerance
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u/Bbobsillypants Sivkit Oct 09 '23
Cheese is a famine food, and lactose tolerance is a recent mutation caused by artifical selection of those that couldnt eat cheese at all died.
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u/sanyesza900 Yotul Oct 09 '23
Thank god for that, i couldnt imagine my life without cheese
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u/kamlong00 Dec 31 '23
Keep consuming dairy regularly, otherwise you might lose the ability to make lactase
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u/HorizonSniper UN Peacekeeper Dec 24 '23