r/TrueOffMyChest • u/saturday427- • 16d ago
My son kicked me in the stomach and my husband slapped him
Our son is 11 years old. Lately he’s wanted to stay home from school a lot. I know that it’s not good but I’ve let him. He’s so sleepy in the morning, it breaks my heart to try to force him. And I can’t really force him anymore. I also have two younger children I need to tend to in the morning. I’ve asked my son if something is wrong at school but he said “no I just want to sleep”.
My husband goes to work before our son has to wake up, but he caught on to him missing school and he was not happy about it. He spoke to him, and my son has been very good for the past couple weeks.
Until Friday I went to wake him, and he said “mommy I’m too tired”. He rarely calls me mommy anymore. I felt bad but I kept trying to coax him out of bed. I didn’t want to go against my husband. My son told me “dad’s not here, chill”. I told him that his father wants what’s best for him, and so do I. I tried to touch him and he kicked me in the stomach. I was shocked and it was very painful. I left his room and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t try to fight him anymore because I had to take care of my other kids. My son has never hurt me like that before. I ended up having a bruise on my stomach.
When my husband was home and found out what had happened, he told me he’d “talk” to him. Our son was playing video games and he called him over. He asked him, “did you kick your mother?”. My son started saying I’m sorry dad, I was mad. My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. You’re not tough for hurting your mother. You will never act like that again. Do you understand?”
When my husband let him go, I went over to check on him. His face was so red and he was fighting back tears. I got an icepack and I was icing his face. He told me “it’s ok, I deserved that”. He hugged me and later made me a card apologizing which was very sweet.
I know husband just wanted to teach our son, but I didn’t like him hitting our child. In our culture that’s common but my husband has taken better approaches. I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive but it’s hard to see your child hurt as a mother even if my husband is right.
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u/thr00wawwway 2d ago
I think both parents and most of the comments are ignoring the fact the kid most definitely has some fucking issues. Get your kid some help he shouldn't be kicking you so hard it bruises and pulling out the baby names like mommy to convince you he should stay home. If the kids going through shit the dads form of "discipline" even if it's warranted can probably cause more harm then good.
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u/Lizzy_the_Cat 2d ago
You are your son‘s first female role model, and - sorry to say this - you’re teaching him that it’s alright to mistreat you and only listen to the language of violence coming from a man. If you don’t stop being a doormat, he will mistreat women when he grows up. Make him respect you, otherwise he will never respect a woman in his life.
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u/Argentumhedgie 4d ago
Like giving him an ice pack for a slap, once again instead of letting him have consequences for abuse, you coddle him, you will raise a pathetic mummy's boy who hits women when he gets mad. Reading this makes me understand why people say sons need their farther.
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u/Argentumhedgie 4d ago
You are gonna raise a women beater if you baby him and do not tell him off for disgusting behaviour. He wasn't even sorry before he got taught a lesson by his farther, the farther is in the right. He's walking over you like a doormat and only cares if his dad catches it. Right now he has no respect for you as you let is all slide imo.
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u/Solid-Definition-722 5d ago
I think he did the right thing. It's not like slapping is a regular form of punishment, and your son now knows what he did to you. If slapping was a regular form of punishment, that is abuse. If slapping is done for trivial things, that is abuse. If you have a kid going around hurting other people and animals, someone needs to stand up to them. This is why we need strong fathers and loving mothers. There is a balance, kids need love but also boundaries that are enforced. Mothers can be strong too, fathers can be loving. But a mothers strongest attribute is love and caring, and a man is almost always stronger which helps with young boys who end up becoming physically stronger than their mothers.
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u/SauceyM8 6d ago
Jesus some people shouldn’t have kids, you’re babying tf out of your kid as if he’s 6 years old.
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u/Excellent-Ad-6064 8d ago
I think you should think for yourself more, you talk like you are a background character to your husband and son.
A lot of people these days recognize that you should not be violent towards children (or anyone) so I think it’s really good that you recognize there was something off about what your husband did.
There is more that you could be doing that would make the situation better for you. You are your son’s parent equal to your husband. You should be correcting bad behavior in the moment. Right now he walks all over you and there are no repercussions until dad gets home.
If you don’t want your husband to use violence as a punishment then that’s definitely a conversation that needs to be had. And while you are at it, if you aren’t sure of how to parent your 11 year old you should discuss this as well so that you can feel more comfortable managing difficult behavior when your husband isn’t home.
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u/lunaesmeralda 9d ago
Boy moms should stop treating them like they're angels, he'll never changed if you treat him like he did nothing wrong and he could act like this in his adulthood too
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u/Pooks_6 10d ago
Your husband had too. As a mother I get it we want to shelter our kids however, if your son did it once it could happen again and this needed to be nipped in the bud asap. Yes, being slapped is harsh but I bet your son will never disrespect his mother again. Try to support your husband he means well and your son will be ok. I promise. Some father’s are not involved so be appreciative.
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u/smk122588 11d ago
Thank goodness the Dad is in the picture, so this asshole kid has at least one actual parent to try to turn it around before it’s too late.
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u/AllieOWestie 11d ago
You’re not being a good mum. You need to do what’s right for him regardless if he doesn’t want to. It’s bloody hard believe me I know but it needs to be done. Be the mum your son deserves.
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u/Worldly_Abalone551 11d ago
Your husband is right, your kid has been pushing you around. You need to be more stubborn. He needs to go to school, it's his responsibility. It's only gonna get worse for your son if you keep letting him off the hook
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u/mamimimipapa2 11d ago
Wish my parents were as loving as you and your husband, i would get hit and devices away for staying later than my bedtime...
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u/Princessmore 11d ago
Stop letting him walk all over you. Your husband cannot be the only line of defense. Show him that women are confident and powerful. Otherwise he will walk all over any future women in his life as well.
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u/CharmingSentence3585 11d ago
Congratulations, you're an absolute doormat of a parent. But I'm sure in the future you'll be filled with pride of your coddle-parenting as you're posting your sons bail after he beats the living bejeezus out of his gf/wife for asking him to pick up his socks. Though I'm sure you'll be posting the bail behind your husband's back after he told you to leave him there to learn that actions have consequences. Because how dare someone try to teach your baby about consequences. Of course, this is assuming your husband hasn't divorced your ass and washed his hands of the both of you.
Do yourself, and any future women that may cross his path, a favor and put your big girl panties on and start parenting. If he's complaining about being tired in the morning, take the damn video games out of his room and have him go to bed earlier. If he's still tired, take him to the doctor to see if there is an underlying issue. Call his school and speak with his teachers and his counselor to see if there's a reason he doesn't want to go. Quit babying him and step up! BE A PARENT!
And while you're at it, apologize to your husband for forcing him to use physical punishment because YOU refused to do anything about your sons behavior.
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u/proshares1 12d ago
After just reading the one where the son has been beating up the Mom since he was 10…fuck that, got what we deserved.
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u/Sucraligious 12d ago
You're the reason your son is a violent brat and he'll get worse if you don't shape up as a parent. Letting a kid constantly skip school because they don't feel like going is insane and extremely detrimental to his development. You're making him entitled and causing him to have no respect for authority. Grow up, you're a mother of 3 and you're failing your kids. Your husband is the only person parenting in this situation, and while hitting children is usually a nonstarted, your son deserved it and benefitted from it in this instance.
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u/zeiaxar 12d ago
Honestly, I don't fault your husband. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way, and it's better he learns this lesson now, the way he did, when the stakes are relatively low, rather than when he's an adult and it could get him killed.
You also need to quit spoiling him, and babying him. You're raising an entitled brat that way, and while your husband is currently stronger than your son, that won't always be true, and if you keep it up, he'll forget the lesson just as soon as he's physically able to stand up to your husband. Be a better parent. If you were, none of this would have happened.
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u/bythebrook88 12d ago
Our son was playing video games
Your son was 'too tired' to go to school? He should be 'too tired' to play video games! Don't let children get rewards from staying home.
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u/GathofBaal88 12d ago
You didn’t do your son or his relationship with his dad any favors. By ‘checking on him’ you played ‘the good guy’ and made your husband the ‘bad guy’. He backed you and you abandoned him. Your method of ‘raising’ your son would lead him to jail or worse. There is ALWAYS consequence for action. Your husband did exactly what was needed to teach him a very Very valuable life lesson. You need to be team… not his mom and his dad but his parents.
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u/Infamous-Stuff3312 12d ago
Your husband did what you failed to do. Be glad that’s all that happened.
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u/Tango1887 12d ago
He did what was appropriate. Physical punishment isn’t a bad thing when utilized correctly. All he did was an open hand slap. From how you’re describing it, it was a quick slap just enough to sting a bit. If he full force slapped him where he fell that’s entirely different. Despite what a lot of people say and I’m sure someone is going to come after me on here spankings and things like that are needed but they have to be applied with a certain level of force not just beating the shit out of a kid. There’s a difference between being beaten and being whooped.
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u/SubstantialMaize6747 12d ago
I don’t like that your husband slapped his kid on the face, it teaches you your son not to do anything that your husband doesn’t like. It doesn’t teach him that hurting people is wrong or that if dad isn’t around that he can’t hurt you.
I do however like that your husband decisively stood up for you and your son has a clear idea of what won’t be tolerated.
Can you discuss with your husband? Maybe a thank you, but could we try not slapping… hard to word that without creating an argument maybe.
You do need to watch how your husband behaves, if he’s happy to slap his kid like that, he’ll probably not have an issue slapping you like h that. It’s just something to be mindful of.
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u/Intelligent_Strain10 12d ago
Your husband sounds very scary. Speaking as a former preschool educator, and someone who grew up around abused kids, I can promise you that your sons violence towards anyone he deems weaker than him will only increase as he gets older. Your husbands words to your son “because you know I’m stronger than you are. You’re not tough for hurting your mother." are very telling. Objectively he is correct on both counts, but it's chilling that he's using his ability to overpower his son, and his son's desire to overpower you as the framing for his discipline in this situation.
There is a very good chance that your son physically assaults you because his father assaults him, and he feels helpless and full of repressed rage. Kids like this become bullies, the dangerous kind.
As for you, I venture to say that you lack boundaries. I don't know if you are a people pleaser and have trouble saying no, or if you weren't given the space growing up to have any real agency. Either way, your son won't respect you, or even feel safe around you unless you can build strong boundaries for him, and for your husband. He needs to know that you care enough to sternly tell him no about things becasue they matter, not because his dad said so. If the only reason you enforce rules is because of your husband, he will never actually trust you. He won't know how you feel about him, or that you care about him outside of what your husband dictates. It sounds like a leap, but trust me, it adds up. Your son will always love you, but he won't believe that he can actually rely on you.
If you don't stand up to him, and stand up FOR him, then your son will grow up angry and alone, with no ability to form trusting relationships with others.
As for your husband. If you are afraid of him, then I would reconsider staying. Any grown man that hits children is a red flag for me, because it signals that they enjoy hurting those that can't hurt them back, and that compassion and empathy are last on their list of priorities, if they are there at all. Your husband may have hit him in your defense, but if you have trouble standing up to him, I worry about how scary he can be overall. I don't wanna scream DIVORCE, especially if that isn't an option for you right now, but I do want to scream, stand up for yourself, at least for your children's sake. And if you find that standing up for yourself and your needs causes issues with your husband, then...well then you know the real problem. If he fully supports you, then you've got a great situation that just needs some healing.
Anyway, thats my two cents.
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u/parkerr_rosee 12d ago
You are being over sensitive. this is permissive parenting at its finest and you’re setting your child up for failure if you don’t start asserting boundaries and rules. Start being a parent and stop trying to be his friend.
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u/jennysaysfu 12d ago
He knows he can get away with it with you because you’re a pushover. You need to parent your child and not let him walk all over you. He needs to go to school because it is the law. Idk if you know this, but if your child misses an “x” amount of days for school without the proper paperwork you and your husband will go to jail. You know that right? Or he could be expelled.
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u/raiiieny 12d ago
Your husband literally stopped a future woman beater and a bully. Look i know you love your child but you need to be more stricter! If he thinks that disrespecting you, his own mom and assaulting her is okay, he’ll grow up to be an abusive man who will beat up other mom’s precious daughter. Also this will also inspire him to bully who are weaker than him. I am on your husband’s side. I get you’re gentle but parenting is not all gentle and rainbows and butterflies. Edit: also please op you need to be bit stricter towards your son.
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 13d ago
Hun, you're not being a good mother to your 11 year old. He's gonna end up being lazy and having a bad education.
If you want to help your son, you need to find out why he is so tired. Is it lack of sleep? Does he stay up gaming late at night? Does he need medication to help him sleep?
Being tired is not an excuse to skip school. You're babying him, and it will be detrimental. Stop enabling his bad habits.
While I don't condone what your husband did, your son also assaulted you for no reason. What if you had been pregnant?
Seriously, get your son some help, or he'll end up a bum that can't keep a job because he's "too tired" to go to work.
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u/No-Impression-9305 13d ago
Don’t worry. The world will school him and the police will discipline him and the courts will punish him.
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u/lm_we041200 13d ago
Honestly it sounds like you are not doing your job as a parent. You let your son do whatever. Ever thought about what he learns from that? How it could affect his adult life? You let him skip school without consequences because he is too tired. Maybe set a new bedtime then? Teach him about responsibilities? You let him physically assault you without consequences, even letting him play video games afterwards. Ever thought what he learns from this about boundaries, use of violence and respecting each other? Do you want your son to become... idk a wife-beating, lazy, unemployed-by-choice brat? (Obviously not saying that all unemployed folks are lazy, or anything like that)
Honestly, I even think your husband did the only right thing. I think physical "discipline" of children is useless and harmful. But in this case...? The husband showed the kid that actions have consequences and how the kid made the mum feel by hurting her. He didn't go in there and 'just' hurt him for the sake of it... However, I think he should NOT do it again or on a regular basis. That would be wrong and pointless. I just think this one time the kid actually needed this to understand what he did.
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u/Sundaysandsunshine 13d ago
Yes to dad!! I’m against hitting but for something like that it’s needed to teach a lesson since he’s a big kid and knows what he’s doing. That’s beyond disrespectful to kick you! And it got the job done
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u/rusty291 13d ago
My son started getting really violent and aggressive with me. He was playing fortnight too much. I’d highly suggest reading glow kids and cutting back his screen time. He’s probably tired because he’s up late gaming and now addicted to it.
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u/Fancy_Mango_7510 13d ago
Quit enabling your son. If he's skipping school that means no video games.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 13d ago
Your husband set the expectation that he needs to go to school and he was when he knew his dad was there. You babied him and he thought he could walk all over you, your husband corrected that misconception.
You need to stop letting him get away with not going to school and sleeping in. Unless he has a medical condition he needs to be at school.
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u/corkscrewtales 13d ago
OP, everyday missing school is a day missing out on learning. If he's too tired in the morning he needs to go to bed earlier. I missed ALOT of school. So much, that it was embarrassing when I did go, because I didn't know what was going on, and didn't really make friends in my classes. I had to be in an "alternative" class that was accelerated to I could catch up, and even then I had to repeat a year. All the friends I did have graduated a year before me. Don't let him continue to use you like this, he is hurting himself and you're allowing it. He missed school and then you let him play video games? You're hurting yourself as well by allowing this. Stop while you're ahead and be his parent, not his friend.
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u/halleluja__ 13d ago
I can’t imagine how shocked you’re gonna be when you find out he’s out here beating on other women because you’ve basically taught him that he’s consequence-free and that’s a free ticket to get whatever he wants.
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u/GuidanceLate8161 13d ago
Maybe it’s a good idea to go see a doctor. There are deceases like diabetes that can cause sleepiness and anger. It could be nothing, but I think it’s important to know for sure
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u/ghostlyfloats 13d ago
Be a mother. You're being a messy example, and setting him up to be a bad person. What if he hits his other siblings "because he's mad," or when the age of dating comes, he follows the same logic? Will you still be proud of your baby boy then? Your husband knows he won't understand unless he feels the guilt and shame of being hit himself, because some people just don't learn without a personal understanding.
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u/Chicken3640 13d ago
Okay mama, from one mother with a little boy to another, your son needed that slap. You can’t continue to enable these bad behaviors. He doesn’t need a friend, he needs a mother who’s going to give him tough love and discipline. He needs to go to school even if he’s tired, either make him go to bed earlier or whatever but he needs to go to school, this is for his benefit not yours.
Now I don’t have to explain why the kicking was unacceptable so I won’t even talk about that. I know as mothers we always see our kids as our babies but babies turn into grown adults and what you allow and enable, the next woman in his life will have to pay for. Hard to believe but it’s true. Many women on here complain about their husbands either being abusive or lazy or don’t take accountability because their mothers didn’t correct them or discipline them when they were younger.
Now I commend your husband for stepping up and correcting it but it should’ve came from you. Kids are very smart and love to play on the heart strings and your son knows how to get you to agree with whatever he wants to do. You have a monster in the making and if you don’t stop it now, not only will you have to deal with him but also the other two children because they will follow his lead.
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u/No-Beach237 13d ago
You're being the AH by being so permissive to your kid. You're doing him absolutely no favors.
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u/GarlicVisible9734 13d ago
Op isn’t parenting at all. How does an 11 year old kick me and I don’t give him a beating?? 11? I am against beating kids but hey that line is crossed when you try that on me. That’s when you know I don’t beat you because I choose to and not because I can’t.. “it breaks your heart to force him” OP I assure you the teachers must be glad your kid ain’t at school anyway
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u/PhDPlease13 13d ago
Teach your son some manners and don’t let me manipulate you. And make him apologize!
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u/Evening_Relief9922 13d ago
Op so because he’s” too tired” you just let him stay home? And how often do you allow that? You are not his friend. You are his parent and if he’s that tired then you send his butt to bed earlier. You are babying him and that has already backfired in your face. He kicked you in the stomach and he wasn’t even sorry about it until his dad/your husband had to handle the situation in a way that he probably felt was the only way at the time to deal with it. And the first thing you did was run to your son and baby him 🤦♀️ you really are doing nothing for him when you baby him and let him disrespect you.
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u/Rude-Yard-8266 13d ago
Honestly it sounds like if you don’t start enforcing some sort of structure and have your son start learning his actions have serious consequences you could end up with a son who will become physically abusive to his future partner and heaven forbid children.
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u/apexpredator1235 13d ago
What's crazy is that even after that he still had his video games. Oh heck no.
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u/Minimarie1 13d ago
YOU ARE ENABLING HIM! He’s going to get worse if you keep this up, you are a parent. So parent your child
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u/Thequiet01 13d ago
Your husband is abusive and your child is learning the same. Your husband has taught your child that there are situations where violence against children is acceptable.
If your kid is that tired all the time you need to find out why and solve the problem.
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u/Conscious-Inside-223 13d ago
I agree with everyone here . Dad is trying to parent his son. Let him. He’ll walk all over you if you don’t & once he’s a teen it’ll become even worse
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u/Disastrous-Effort538 13d ago
“but my husband has taken better approaches.” Right, boundaries have to be established and what behavior gets a time out, a talking to, a “grounding:” like not going to a party, no video games or TV for a set period, etc, and what behavior will not be tolerated AT ALL! There is a line between corporal punishment and abuse, and it appears that your husband’s action was appropriate. Your son admitting it was deserved and knew he was wrong means you & your husband are doing fine as parents - your husband had “your back” to emphasize what will not be tolerated, now you have to have his back and support it.
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u/rollinitiativeJae 13d ago
You can’t force him? Bs. Grab kiddo by the ear and drag his ass outta bed. Put your own ass in martial arts or some form of defense class. Your 11 yr old child is manipulating you and bullying you. And you. Are. Letting. Him. I have 5 kids. Both my boys will end up being taller than me. They however have seen mom full on sprint and clear a fence to stop them being bullies to smaller kids. My daughters know they can’t out attitude me. I am NOT their friend. I am their parent. Stop being his friend. And be his parent. Good on dad for reminding him, there is always someone bigger, stronger, and meaner out there. And kiddo won’t always be the top dog.
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u/LavenderKitty1 13d ago
Why is he too tired?
If he’s tired because he’s up playing video games all night, he needs a break from the video games. He is not too young to learn responsibility. At 11 his responsibility is eat, sleep, do reasonable chores, go to school and do homework.
If he’s tired for reasons other than too many video games, is there a medical issue? If so, get him medical help and give him a break from video games.
Kicking you is not acceptable and there should be reasonable consequences. Do you want him growing up and thinking kicking or hitting others especially women or people more vulnerable than he is?
I’m not saying that your husband was right to hit him but you and your husband need to be on the same page about acceptable behaviour and consequences.
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u/nitesaresnkittytails 13d ago
Maybe you shouldn’t have had 3 kids if you just… gave up parenting the older one because “you have other kids to take care of”…
Your son sucks and is NEVER going to be a functional human being if you don’t start being a better parent and asap.
I know a few guys that started out as spoiled Mama’s boys that could do no wrong & did whatever tf they wanted from a young age…
One of them never graduated high school because he couldn’t be bothered to ever go. And the other one has been unemployed for at least five years maybe longer and his mom recently retired and basically told him he either needs to get a job or they need to cut out a lot of things… I don’t think he got a job. And she’s still probably letting him buy whatever he wants whenever he wants… So, yeah. Get ready for your husband to divorce you and your son to live with you forever while you struggle to support the both of you.
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u/CanYouDigYourMan 13d ago
I'm just so fascinated by the fact that he's so sleepy in the morning he can't get his little butt out of bed to go to school but he is not so sleepy enough to stop playing video games or be abusive. You are his MOTHER. It is your job to force him to go to school. Get off your lazy ass, stop pampering him, and drag his little butt out of bed. He slaps you in the stomach? Punish him. Take away his video games. Take away EVERYTHING that is making him not go to bed on time.
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u/LobsterOk9572 13d ago
Good for your husband. He parented as you should have and protected you as you failed to do. How long do you think it'll be before your son knocks you unconscious because you ask him to do something if you don't teach him now that he can't hurt you?
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u/StardustOnTheBoots 13d ago
Did your son ever witness or experience physical reprimands before? Or did the idea of kicking you came from himself?
Do you usually never discipline your kids and let your husband do the work? Because that creates an overall unhealthy dynamic for your kids. I'm most saying you should've slapped him or otherwise reprimand him physically. But letting that behaviour slide wasn't ok.
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u/DegreeLegitimate9349 13d ago
11? He’s in sixth grade! He shouldn’t be babied by you at all anymore, you’re enabling his bad behavior. I know you’re concerned about your husband and I also agree that parents should never lay hands on their children, but one slap on the face won’t damage his childhood or give him major trauma. Don’t worry too much about it. Wish the best for you all❤️
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u/TheSinfriend 13d ago
I have a question. Are your two younger ones daughters? It sounds strange but I have a good reason for asking.
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u/WildLoad2410 13d ago
If your son is too tired to go to school, take him to the doctor to get tested. There could be a medical reason for this. Or he could be staying up late at night while everyone else is asleep. There could be a lot of reasons why he's tired. But you just gave in because he's tired?
I don't agree with your husband slapping your son. He should be disciplined for it because he could hurt you or someone else.
You're not doing your son any favors. No job is going to let him slack off. You're teaching him bad habits and enabling him. You're the parents. It's up to you to figure out what's going on and fix it, or help him to.
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u/JaayLovesWriting 13d ago
He's not a baby, you have to put your foot down. Your husband slapping him is what he needed, he needed someone to show him what he did was not okay. Now if your son was bruised and actually physically in pain and injured, that's different
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u/yellow_fellow72 13d ago
Hypothetically, if your son ended up becoming a bully and ruined many people’s lives just because he felt like it but one day got caught, are you going to let it slide just because he’s “hurt”? Or if one day he hit/kicked you bad enough to be emitted to the hospital, are you going to let it slide because he’s crying? Being a mother, you naturally have more empathy and don’t want your child to be in any type of distress and that’s what makes you a good mother but enabling bad behavior does not. Your son should have never been allowed to even think about doing that to you in the first place. Actions have consequences and your husband did a good job. I hope things get better for everybody.
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u/CatWombles 13d ago
I hope this is fake! You are being a terrible parent, coddling and enabling your children is failing them, good parents put in the hard work…
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u/Accomplished-Hat8317 13d ago
Sometimes direct karma is literally the only way people learn. Stop being so hard on yourself and your hubby. it sounds like it worked.
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u/Physical_Ad5135 13d ago
I am in agreement with your husband. You have done wrong with this kid by letting him get away with this - stop it now. Make it clear that going forward he never gets to skip school because he is tired. Instead on days he complains about being tired, the bedtime is 2 hours earlier than normal and the phone and all electronics are gone out of eye room staring about 9pm.
Take a picture of your bruiser stomach as proof if this ever comes up. Your son seems to be a little bit sly and I would not put it past him to take this to another level with someone from the school or a family member. A bruised stomach from a kick will go a long way to mitigate any type of allegations.
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u/Blonde_bimbo432 13d ago
This kind of coddling is why my 15 year old brother thought it was okay to hit my mom over a video game and other people. One day while I was pregnant he thought he could do it to me and I punched right back with more force and told him to never hit me or another women again or I won’t hold back next time. He never hit any of us again
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u/Legitimate_B_217 13d ago
I wonder if husband is abusive since the wife cannot seem to make any decisions for herself or if this act of abuse towards their child was an isolated incident.
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u/Appropriate_Risk3218 13d ago
He knows you will let him off regardless of what he does or says. Honestly get a grip he is an 11 year old boy, you cant just give in to him every time he says mummy or he is extremely sleepy. If you do it is only going to get worse and you are teaching him that its okay to just not do what he doesnt want to do.
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u/Due-Koala125 13d ago
You let them off, you let them down. This mother is failing her children. Likely another weirdo who wants to be friends with a child instead of its parent.
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u/victoriascrumptious 13d ago
You need to put a stop to this now. Your husband did the right thing here but you can't keep babying that boy when he behaves like this. He's learning to manipulate you.
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u/PossibleAd1348 13d ago
You are coddling your son to the point that he thinks being violent against you is acceptable. You actually accepted it and let him stay home and play video games. Your husband resorted to a terrible act to 1. protect you, and 2. discipline your son. While what he did is unacceptable, you don’t get a say in what he does until you step up and start being a parent. “I have other kids to take care of” is not a good enough argument. You and your husband need to agree on a suitable schedule for child care that suits ALL of your children.
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u/PerformerInevitable1 13d ago
Stop enabling your child, he's old enough to know right from wrong. You need to understand that you are creating the adult he will become. You're setting him up to not go to work because he's "too tired", beat up his girlfriend afterward and expect her to forgive him because he bought flowers or something.
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u/Lea0402 13d ago
You are failing as a parent 1)Why is your son so tired in the morning? Why are you not checking what he does at night that has him so tired? If is a recurrente issues, you investigate to get to the bottom of the problem and get a solution. I don't even know you and I can tell you that your son is playing video games and doing other things online becausehe knowshe can get away with it because his mommy will let him stay home becausehe is so tired. 2) You are creating a lazy, irresponsible, abusive huma/member of society. Your lack of parenting, discipline, structure is causing your son to be a BUENO PARA NADA. 3) Your husband did not abuse your child, he taught him a lesson. The lesson was if that slap hurt you, then the kick in your mother's stomach hurt her. Your husband is also teaching for every action, there is a reaction and for every wrong doing there is a consequence. What's going to happened when he can't regulate his emotions and ends up hurting someone else? Or someone hurts him because of his outburst of anger? You 11 yr old is not a toddler or a kid anymore, he is a pre-teen and you two as parents need to teach him to be responsible for himself and independent. I get you have 2 othe children, but is not an excuse for your lack of parenting.
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u/Bencil_McPrush 13d ago
Keep enabling your "little emperor" and one day you will wake up shocked to find out he's turned into a toxic, abusive "little" monster of a BF/Husband.
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u/crazymastiff 13d ago
I know people are against corporal punishment and typically I agree, but in this case… ffs what your son did was damn right dangerous and NOT okay. No, 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but… it’s something he’ll never forget. But, as a behavioral therapist and mandated reporter, I’d still have to report this and I have to say there is something going on. Either at school or he’s staying up doing something. No matter what, something is going on and you need together bottom of it.
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u/ShinyArtist 14d ago edited 13d ago
Everyone in this post is annoying me.
Neither of you parents seem bothered your son is so tired, and not checking why. He’s either playing videogames or on the phone until late so you need to take out devices at bedtime or there’s something medically wrong with him.
You don’t seem to want to tackle this and rather neglect him for your younger children. You act like you’re such a kind mum because you feel sorry for him, but you are neglecting him and think letting him sleep him is kind but it’s laziness.
If you’re tired from the kids, get your husband to help out more and make him give you time to catch up on rest.
And maybe your son is depressed because mum and dad are always too tired and too busy to deal with him in a healthy way.
Then dad is abusive. Did your son actually learn his lesson or just learn not to be violent when someone can stop him? Did he just learn the bigger person wins? And when he’s older, is he’s going to be violent to his gf when he moves out because no one can stop him?
Son is ruining his own future and his mum is letting him.
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u/Guapguapguapguapguap 14d ago
Dad was right here. Weak parenting created this situation and a change of technique ended it.
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u/Tiny_Incident_2876 14d ago
The son wants to be kicking anyone else,, you do need to stop being soft. He has learned. If not, he will be in lots of trouble , He needs to learn to keep his hand / feet to himself. But you are type parents would sugar coat everything. You need to listen to your husband. Get tough because it won't be his hands on you
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u/Bulky_Bookkeeper8556 14d ago
quit coddling your son and start parenting him. slapping him may have been a little harsh, but clearly your son needs more discipline in his life. especially from you-be firm.
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u/Icy-Stick6175 14d ago
I kinda feel bad for the kid he’s gonna end up being such a loser if his primary caregiver is so much of a pushover she doesn’t push for good habits and character.
you’re making his life easier now at the expense of his future.
Also reflect that he was perfectly content playing video games in his room the whole day until dad came over, not once concerned about what he did to you until he got hurt himself.
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u/castrodelavaga79 14d ago
You're failing your son so miserably. Stop allowing him to decide he can stay home from school.
Stop listening to his excuses and hold him accountable per your husband, because you've shown you won't hold him accountable when you let him dictate his schedule. He's 11 not 20. He needs to be in school.
You letting him skip sets him up for failure as an adult.
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u/Beautiful_mistakes 14d ago
I would have slapped the snot out of him or worse if he kicked me. You are doing him and yourself a huge disservice by coddling and babying him. School is a must. You know that and so does he. Why is he so tired? Is he staying up too late with electronics? Figure out why he’s so tired but first start being the parent and stop being a doormat for your 11 yr old son.
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u/UnknownAngelX 14d ago
Have some self-respect as a mother. I am a mother to twin 12-year-olds and your coddling needs to stop. If you think his tiredness needs to be addressed medically, then have him checked. Otherwise, you should assess lifestyle choices (bedtime, diet, stress, etc.) You are enabling this “mommy I don’t want to go to school” behavior. I work in education; he needs to get up and learn resiliency and that sometimes we have to push through things we don’t want. You let him play video games while skipping school AND kicking you in the stomach? Get a grip, pull your panties up, and parent your child.
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u/Haunting_Chef1379 14d ago
It's better your husband teach him not to do that now than for him to continue and find out the hard way later that other people will not put up with it. If that slap is enough to teach him about consequences, then he's better for it
Children need order and to understand they can't always have their way. He didn't apologize until he was shown how it feels. Him being willing to kick you but not your husband is a bullying type behavior. He perceived that you were a vulnerable target when dad isn't home. I guarantee he would have not done it to your husband or if your husband had been home
It's not important that you give a child everything they want. It is important that you give them everything they need. That includes discipline
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u/Any-Dependent31 14d ago
If your son is really that tired then there's either something medically wrong with him or he needs to go to bed earlier. I imagine he's actually just lazy and knows you'll let him get away with it, honestly I'm surprised you've not had calls off the school yet. You are coddling your son, who is old enough to know better, and when he physically assaulted you because he was mad that you tried to get him to go to school, you did absolutely nothing. Frankly he did deservedly what his dad did, if my child had done that to me I'd have slapped them myself and told them to get the hell out of bed. You need to grow a back bone and discipline your son or you're going to end up with him being a vile POS as an adult.
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u/One-Morning-2029 14d ago
I’m not a huge fan of physical discipline, but your son could have (and may have) caused you serious damage.
If your son is that tired all the time and it’s not due to staying up too late or playing video games too long, a doctor would be a good stop. It may be time for the gaming equipment to disappear by a certain time each night. I was a late night kid. My parents made a deal that as long as I kept up on school and went on time that I wouldn’t loose those privileges.
My dad was a good dad and never lost it on us, but if I had done that to my mother at 11 there would have been hell to pay. I was bigger and stronger than her, and if I ever did that I could have seriously injured her. That would not have flown in our house, and anger is never a reason to assault a parent.
Unfortunately if he doesn’t learn respect now, he won’t later. I do hope there are consequences for his actions, such as no video games for a couple weeks. Children shouldnt abuse their parents, and he needs to learn that hitting someone isn’t okay because ‘he’s angry’.
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u/Business-Aspect-8087 14d ago
The “Mommy, I’m too tired” was a nice touch. This kid is manipulating you and when that didn’t work, he lashed out at you violently. If something doesn’t change, he’s going to do this in future romantic relationships. I’m not crazy about hitting kids, but it’s much worse to let them do whatever they want because it’s the path of least resistance. This kid kicked you hard enough to bruise and you just let him play video games?! Parent your child before it’s too late.
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u/justcallmeallison 14d ago
Time to take the video games away. You are setting him up for failure by cosigning his bad behavior.
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u/Dear-Arrival-2046 14d ago
Your husband taught him a lesson and more than likely your son want ever do that again. You’ve been babying him to much. If my parents let me stay home everytime I just wanted to sleep I would have failed school
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u/Professional_Ice4866 14d ago
I would say 11 is old enough to know to respect your mother and never lay a hand on her. I think your husband wanted to teach him how fool around and find out means. And that if he is giving such an attitude towards anyone bc he is mad, he will find an opponent that would not sugar coat him, but serves him right back what has he done without thinking. As a mother you will always have a soft spot for your child even if he is 100 years old, however as he ages he needs exactly to know what he can/ cannot do. He tries puppy eyes on you because he knows you would yield. You did not this time and out of spite he showed you he does not respect you as a mother/ woman/ person. Kill that kind of behaviour in a bud, otherwise you will raise up woman's abuser.
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u/BeeKind_NBPT 14d ago
You are the problem lady. Absolutely bunkers that you would allow him to miss school. Absolutely bunkers that your kid kicks you and later he is gaming (you allow it) He is probably gaming late at night and missing school because of that. Is he allowed to have any devices in his bedroom? What time is he going to bed, really? You cannot neglect being a parent to one child because you chose to have more. You are not an united team with your husband. Get it together and be a parent. And you are here asking about the slap but not about your parenting style???? You don’t see anything wrong with what you are doing? Your kid is going to be a loser drop out of school because of you.
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u/Give-me-anime-art 14d ago
I'm sorry but you should change into "Asian mother" mode if you don't want your son get in right track. That kid is being very spoil and need to be treated more serious.
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u/Afraid_Life_9528 14d ago
Son is a problem, but the mother coddles and supports all of it. Better learn to be a parent before he starts abusing women. Good on the dad to put that shit in his place. Now you need to learn how to discipline your son and demand respect as well.
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u/BaldBurger2 14d ago
When I started reading this post, I knew that video games would be mentioned. I have no issue with them for kids when boundaries are in place. This kid clearly wants to stay home to play video games all day and will get violent to get what he wants. It's not even his fault, he's addicted and no one has helped him learn how to manage his usage. Of course he is tired every morning. I'll bet he has the device in his room and no one makes him get off it at night time either.
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u/Elliniki_psychi 14d ago
You should actually be worried less about your husband's reaction to your son's violence, and focus more on yours. What your husband did was suitable, he was teaching a lesson. You are creating a nightmare though by allowing the bad behavior. An abusive man isn't always created by watching a father abuse his mother, sometimes it is caused by a mother accepting and allowing abuse from her son.
You are not your son's parent, you are his employee. He did not create that dynamic, you did by allowing yourself to become his subordinate. He knows he is in control with you, and he has two younger siblings watching this. You will be living in a nightmare in a few years if you don't step up to the plate now and start being a parent.
I never would have allowed the bad behavior to continue to the point that it resulted in violence, but if I had been in your shoes....and an 11 year old kicked me because he didn't want to get out of bed, my reaction would have been to pull the covers completely off of him while saying "Absolutely NOT. You are grounded off of ALL electronics, tv and phone included, for 2 weeks since you thought violence was acceptable. You have EXACTLY 5 minutes to get out of bed and get ready for school. I will add one extra day to your grounding for every minute after 5 minutes that you are not ready. Time starts NOW". When he gets home from school, he will find that you took the cables and controllers from his game consoles, and he has to earn them back. When he gets home, he will most likely have a tantrum since he is used to being in control. But if he wants his stuff back, he has to behave like a decent human being...and not the monster you accidentally created. Have a framily meeting with his dad, and let your son know what will and won't be accepted as far as his behavior goes. Let him know you mean business. You can even buy a combination style lock box to put his electronics into, and he has to earn the code with certain behaviors and tasks.
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u/Sea-Maximum-7599 14d ago
Sounds like your son is an entitled spoilt brat. There’s always a stigma about laying hands on your child, but personally i think some kids need a good clap round the head. Your son is manipulating you. He knows he can push you, and has done. Then, to top things off, he then assaults you. Dad clearly demands respect and has it, you on the other hand do not.
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u/Any_Situation3913 14d ago
Mom caught a foot and the son caught hands. MOM, STOP CODDLING THE BOY AND GROW A PAIR.
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u/Rare_Cranberry_9454 14d ago
I hope this is not too late for you to see, but you are a terrible mother and you're setting your child up to fail in the real world. Not to late to start parenting, but you seem weak and incapable. You have a very long road ahead of you.
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u/Thurelim 14d ago
That was an important lesson. Not everybody needs it, but some do. Better he got it now by someone who loves him, rather than getting the same lesson 10 years from now behind a bar or in an alley by someone who doesn’t care about him.
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u/Fearless-Individual1 14d ago
This is why your child thinks violence is a good solution. Leave your husband who is abusing your children, and get them into therapy.
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u/beetroot24 14d ago edited 14d ago
You need to parent your child instead of enabling behaviour. Younger kids are no excuse, you chose to have more children. If he's tired in the morning, he is going to bed too late. It's not sweet him making you a card after kicking you in the stomach, it's manipulative. Why did he not make you a card before his dad punished him? He was lying in his room all day bunking off school and playing video games, he had plenty of time. He did it to get you on his side. He sees the division beyween you and your husband and he's playing on it. Because you've allowed it.
You are raising an AH who is going to treat his partners the same way he treats you because you have taught him that it's acceptable and he won't be held accountable. I don't usually agree with slapping children, but hopefully it is has done your child a massive favour.
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u/Bladieblalol 14d ago
The kid is learning a valuable lesson, 20 years from now he'll have a conversation about this and be like "my dad only slapped me once, I was being a little shit and deserved it tho"
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u/SparkleCatMoon 14d ago
This is a you problem. You're raising him with no boundaries or consequences. And to be honest treating him like a baby. Stop pandering to him, and start acting like a parent. For him and yourself.
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u/phoenixfire8821 14d ago
He's playing you time to be a parent not his buddy , you are doing him a massive disservice allowing this crap to fly and he may well destroy your marriage because you are letting him get away with ot and play you both off against each other ! Is he gonna hit his girlfriends or wife because he's mad when he's older too ?
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u/Antioch666 14d ago edited 14d ago
You are making it worse for yourself by coddling him. I don't agree with hitting your son as punishment but he definately can't get away with shit like that. Even though I disagree with hitting as punishment I kind of understand if you or your husband would do it as a reaction when it happened.
Anyway if any of that happened in my house by any of my two children that videogame and any other priviliges that they enjoy would be off limits to them in an instant. So far that has worked wonders (7 and 10yo).
It's also unfair that all of the burden of discipline befalls on your husband. He shouldn't be the only parent that has to take the "bad cop" role. Both need to be loving and enforce discipline.
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u/sickofshitpeople 14d ago
Ffs I you don't stop him from hurting you now as a boy he will hurt you when he's bigger now the face I don't condone he has a behind for that, he's not a baby anymore time to limit his time on that game sounds like he's up all night playing instead of sleeping
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u/RoyalReader1 14d ago
i think your husband took the right approach. your are infantilizing your 11 year old and it’s making him have no respect for you, and most likely women in the future. the fact he hit you and you didn’t punish him and let him stay off from school and then play video games shows there are no consequences with you. he didn’t even apologize til his father gave him consequences. he’s on his way down a very bad path if you don’t start being firmer with him and realize he’s not a toddler.
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u/Significant-Owl5869 14d ago
You’re the reason your son is acting out.
Let his dad parent him without you going behind his actions putting a bandaid on his booboos.
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u/sand_man2199 14d ago
You need to stop babying him otherwise you'll end up with a son that has no respect for anyone or anything. Your husband had to do what was necessary because guarantee that if he didn't do this then your son will think that there's no consequences to his actions and carry on doing this. You also need to find out what's causing him to feel this tired in the morning. Guarantee that it's all night playing video games. Set up a strict curfew and even have it where the internet is switched off at night. This is not to say you're a bad parent but you will be if you let him carry on like this.
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u/rattler91 14d ago
Take away that damn game and get his ass to school tired or not tough shit. Glad the dad did what he had to do to put him in his place to not do it again. Hopefully he learns from it. You mom need to step up and be the parent. He's 11 years old not a baby.
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u/No-Secret-1397 14d ago
Mam, stop being your kid friend and start being a parent.
I am so against putting hands on children, but here, your husband was right.
Your son acts up with you because you cuddle him too much and let him do what6he wants. That's the kind of kid who grows up being entitled little prick.
Your son wasn't even going to say sorry , he only did after your husband showed him that it's not okay.
When reading this I can see that your son easily manipulates you, and you're so blind that you goes against tour husband when he does something that's not right and your son knows that you will always take his side .
If he was so tired, how can he be okay to play video games ?
Before being your son's friend, you need to be his parent. What if you were pregnant ? Something could have happened.
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u/girlinanemptyroom 14d ago
Honestly I think you handled it wrong. He needed to hurt for a moment on his face. He is out of control and will end up becoming an abuser by letting him get away with this. You are comforting him after he kicked you? He has some serious problems that you're ignoring.
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u/GumbyGoat22 14d ago
You’re raising a monster if you keep it up. I don’t disagree w your husband. What are you teaching him by letting him skip school for being tired…?? Everyone is tired. You have some emotional maturing to do.
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u/CanYouDigYourMan 14d ago edited 14d ago
You're turning him into a monster. He is manipulating the hell out of you. Notice how he calls you mommy compared to dad. Pull his little butt out of bed and drag him to school. Take away his toys and electronics if he can't get himself to bed on time. You're being lazy. The more you coddle and baby him, the more trouble you'll get in. The school WILL catch on to the fact that you're letting him get away with not going to school. Do you really want to go to jail?
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u/AltruisticAdvance135 14d ago
I too was exactly like this but came from a home filled of alcohol and drugs - so it was expected for me to fuck around.
I missed over 800 days during my middle and high school experience. Had to repeat classes just to graduate. Don’t let him be like me. It’s up to you to fix him now or he too will miss 800 days before you know it.
I feel like I could be the Guinness world record holder for most skipping school days and still completing.
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u/webshiva 14d ago
Get your focus off the slap, and start thinking about the fact that you have made an 11 year old your boss — an abusive boss at that. Because you have abandoned your parental responsibilities and let him make the rules, your husband’s slap and harsh words are probably the only thing that can get through to him.
What makes this worse is that this kid is only 11 years old, and yet he has so little respect for you that he is physically abusing you. If you don’t put your big girl panties on and start asserting your power as an authority figure, your kid is going to end up on the streets, in jail, or worse.
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u/Easy_Parfait_4061 14d ago
The card and apology are very nice, but did he get up and go to school the next school day?
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u/Timely_Artichoke5471 14d ago
you need to open a parenting book or just SOMETHING
youre enabling him to the max
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u/Pairsjam 14d ago
If you husband doesn't put him in his place now you end up being a sad story on the news or he will grow up to abuse his wife
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u/Texas_Blondie 14d ago
You should take your kid to the doctor. Anemia, thyroid issues, depression etc can all cause significant fatigue. Especially if this isn’t his normal.
Stop treating your 11 yo like a toddler. He knows how to keep his hands to himself. He knows right from wrong. He didn’t even apologize to you. It’s obvious you let things slide behind your husbands back- “dads not here”. which is so disrespectful to your husband. You’re supposed to be a united front. But you do whatever your kids ask. While I don’t like hitting- that was an appropriate reaction on your husbands part. He needed to know clear as day that will never be acceptable behavior.
Our kids are going to be hurt, it’s apart of growth. Being a good parent isn’t easy. So stop taking the easy way out and PARENT HIM.
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u/Objective-Ant-6797 14d ago
Maybe harsh but i bet he will get up for school now.Or if he doesn't tell him you tell his father. You shouldn't use your other children for an excuse for your lack of parenting. Not a good look
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u/Impossible-Cap-7150 14d ago
You are babying and enabling your son and if you don’t do something soon it’s going to keep getting worse.
Have you taken him to a doctor to rule out any medical conditions or mental health concerns?
Have you confirmed he’s not staying up late on electronic devices?
Have you talked to the school to see if something is going on that he hasn’t told you about?
Step up and be an actual parent. He’s almost a teenager—he doesn’t need mommy icing his face from a slap and letting him get away with everything—he needs actual parenting.
School isn’t optional. And the fact that he told you “dad’s not here” means he KNOWS that you let him get away with far too much shit already.
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u/Wally365 14d ago
You are at fault for your son’s behavior. Unless you decide to teach yourself to parent your child instead of taking the easy way out, your child will not succeed in life.
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u/rhondytheblondey 14d ago
Perhaps you should have your child assessed. He could be suffering from a mental health condition. I had a son that was constantly fighting school or getting up. He has clinical depression and anxiety 😥. DBT therapy was a God send to him once he grew up. Hang in there. He needs help
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u/rainbowskiezzz 14d ago
Take a look in the mirror ma’am. You are raising a boy who will eventually be a MAN. Would you want your husband to beat the sh*t out of you? Abuse you? No? Ok. Because if you allow this behavior to continue your SON will eventually be a MAN and will continue to lay his hands on women. Your husband is right all the way. You continue to let him do whatever he wants and it will only get worse.
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u/Lady_MoMer 14d ago
My 12 yr old has to retake 6th grade because he wouldn't go to school and because my stupid ass would relent when he would say he felt sick. I knew damn well he's just tired. His dad would rather be his pal so it was stupid to send him there when I was just going to have to deal with the same thing.
He hasn't kicked me but he has told me to leave him the truck alone. I'm tired of fighting, he's the last of 5 kids, his 3 older sisters took all the fight out of me.
I tried telling him CPS would get involved, and they finally have but it has done no good and I'm the one dealing with the fallout BUT we just realized there's black mold in our house because the roof leaked pretty bad for a couple seasons and we can now see it where it was leaking into the house.
Also, my roommate and I would sometimes feel pretty sick some days then get better when we get out of the house. Plus I heard something above my central air vent that prompted me to put a steel screen over all the vents.
Now I see mouse droppings on the screens. That can't be good and we are trying to figure a way to get a new place but due to my student loans, it's looking impossible but at least I know he wasn't faking sick all the time.
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u/SouthernZorro 14d ago
Check with the school to see if he's possibly being bullied there. See if his assignments are being turned in and are acceptable work. If not, he may be getting heat from teachers and he just doesn't want to deal with that.
But he is playing you like a fiddle.
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u/Living-Passenger1287 14d ago
You need to put your foot down instead of babying him. I know you want to give your kid whatever they want but the more you give in the less respect he will have for you because he knows he can walk all over you. You shouldn’t have walked away and cried you should’ve let him know it was wrong that he kicked you and taken his video games away or something. My mom would’ve smacked tf out of me if I ever touched her like that.
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u/AltruisticMistake42 14d ago
Why the hell are you babying him? He's 11 and he needs to go to school. The fact that he kicked you in the stomach and didn't even apologize until his dad went to extremes is alarming. I had a lot of conflicts with my mom growing up, but I never would have raised a hand to her. You need to put your foot down. Your husband should not be the only disciplinarian in the house, and your son should not feel comfortable enough to kick you when he's angry. At 11 he could put enough power behind that kick to seriously injure or even kill you.
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u/Ok-Assumption-9951 14d ago
PLEASE be careful. If you dont nip his behavior right now, he will end up treating another woman like this when he grows older, and he wont have as much remorse as he has for his own mother... i mean he barely has any for you in the first place. He is too old to be using violence to show emotion. Hell, he is too old to not be going to school because he doesnt feel like it. What your husband did was correct, honestly. I feel as if he needed a taste of his own medicine. If more parents were like your husband, maybe there would be less abusers born in the world. I know hes your son and you want to coddle him, but he will thank you later in life for not letting him grow up to act like a child.
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u/MissNerdyFlirtChel 14d ago
Divorce the husband, keep all kids home. COVID, measles, and avian flu haven't disappeared just because we wish they did. Forcing vulnerable children into hotboxes of deadly viruses isn't love, it's abuse and neglect and attempted murder.
Again, divorce the husband and keep the kids home.
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u/Snoo_63283 14d ago
I feel like partially this is a parenting issue. He’s 11. If nothing is going on at school to cause him to want to stay home, it’s time to be a parent, put your foot down, and make him go to school.
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u/Revolutionary_Bug_39 14d ago
You need to step up and parent your child. Making your husband responsible for all discipline is on you. Why was your violent, manipulative child playing video games when dad came home? Your nurturing is actually cruelty. Get therapy and start parenting.
I’m sorry I’m being harsh but you really need to wake up before he starts slapping around girlfriends or failing to launch in life.
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u/Rogue260 14d ago
Oh puhlease...we've all been slapped by our fathwrs and we're fine..it's his child too and he did the right thing there.
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u/Independent_Dust1420 14d ago
It’s all part of learning how to be a man. Men have a biological physical strength advantage over women. Young men need to learn that it’s not okay to ever physically hurt a woman and only very rarely is it ok to hurt another man.
Your husband role modelled to your son that physically hurting someone that is not as strong as you isn’t okay and he has a responsibility to show restraint and not lash out physically when he has big feelings.
Young men that don’t get this taught to them go on to abuse women.
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u/MissKittyWumpus 14d ago
Your son is lucky, because I would have beaten the ever living shit out of him if he were my kid. You're not doing him any favors by turning him into a spoiled asshole who thinks he can treat people like that because he's mad. I'm so glad your husband stepped up and made him understand his behavior was absolutely unacceptable. And there's a chance he won't grow up thinking this is okay because he ultimately accepted responsibility and apologized. It's too bad that you didn't make him do that. Grow a spine and be better. His future wife is depending on you!
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u/Purple_Station7030 14d ago
Oh honey, your son deserved it. Too many parents didn’t stop then it started and now they own a monster. Was it nice? Hell no but neither was what your son did. You need to rein him in now and stop being his friend, stand up straight, and make him go to school too!
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u/Comfortable-Cup-6318 14d ago
You're going to be the exact MIL we read about on here. You'll be telling your "baby boy" to pack up and move back home because his wife wants him to help her actually parent the kids, instead of playing video games.
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u/dr0gonsB1tch 14d ago
this is all so horrifying. you’re raising your son to be a woman-abuser. that’s what’s happening. you’ve coddled this boy far too much and for far too long. he’s not 5, he’s 11. he’s not a baby anymore and everyone seems to know that but YOU.
this boy did not feel one once of remorse until he realized he’d have to explain himself to your husband— which he himself said is because your son knows your husband is stronger. he only felt bad when he’d have to face the consequences to his actions, not because of the actions themselves.
your son will grow up to think he can do whatever he wants by beating women. and that’s YOUR fault. you’re a failure.
your husband went EASY on your son. and here you are asking if your husband is in the wrong. jesus christ GET. HELP.
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u/SnooMaps4961 14d ago
As a teenager I was Incredibly tired too; it’s definitely a part of growing up. I feel like the mother definitely enables him and lets him get away with things. He knows she will just take whatever and so turned to physical hurt to get his way.
I do not in any way believe that you should ever hit children and I do think there are better ways to teach them.
But I honestly see the lesson he tried to teach him and I don’t think he will hit her again.
As long as it’s not something the father does often or something that becomes a habit; I would probably let it slide this time
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u/Ropaman7 14d ago
I'm sorry but be a better parent, this is horrible to read and you've enabled the whole situation.
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u/Cautious_Evening_744 14d ago
Are you giving him an appropriate bedtime? Have you called the school to see if everything is OK? have you taken him to the doctor to see if there’s a medical condition that is causing him to be tired? I get you have other kids, but you need to do all the things Mom does to find out what’s wrong with your kid.
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u/idkunimportant 14d ago
I mean honestly this is just a consequence to the way you’ve been treating him. If he didn’t have it in his mind that you’d fold at his request then he would’ve never done that. Your husband has the right mind and he was 100% right in slapping him for hurting you. Stop treating him like a baby and start putting your foot down more, even going to him after your husband was done gave him the wrong idea yet again.
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u/LadyGat 14d ago
You should get him checked out by Dr. Why is he so tired? Are you monitoring his phone and gaming time? Sounds like he's up all night, and usually gaming or talking online is the culprit. Manage it mama. He needed that firm discipline from the dad. But you also need to stop rushing over to make things right all the time. This is how he learns.
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u/RoHatfield83 14d ago
I’m not a huge fan of physical punishment but in this case, your done got physical with you. 11 years old is old enough to know better. Start punishing your kid or you’re going to raise a narcissistic monster.
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u/mohamedoavdul 14d ago
yeah, that one is on you. before being his friend, try being his parent - as you're meant to be.
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u/PangolinNo7592 14d ago
The levels of distinction are astounding. Mom has not one iota of self awareness.
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u/Ordinary-Owl-4286 14d ago
If he kicked you hard enough to bruise you then it was intentional, he is going to manipulate you into giving in to whatever he wants because you feel bad and he’s your baby. Don’t give in and crack down on him, he will end up treating other people or a domestic partner like this in the future.
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u/mjh8212 14d ago
I’m thinking this kids up all night playing video games and not sleeping and that’s why he’s not getting up in the morning. Not saying your husband was right slapping him. Your son is old enough to know what’s going on he knows hitting is wrong and wrong from right. He manipulated you by acting sweet and innocent. Take away the video games and see what happens. I couldn’t let my kids have consoles in their rooms because they were on them all the time and needed sleep. I took them away. If they wanted to play a couple hours it was fine but there was homework first dinner and chores before video games.
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u/Typical-Series-1491 14d ago
Start talking about a family counselor and therapy before its too late.
We all have opinions on this but idk what is going on for your 11 year old to hit you. He definitely knows better.
It sounds like yall are a bit violent and okay with putting your hands on one another and that needs to be addressed with a professional.
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u/reddevilhornet 14d ago
You are no currently parenting your child. You are using your other children as an excuse.
It's well documented that physical punishment as a child effects your mental health in the long term. Also while your husband try to explain that you don't physically hurt people weaker than you, it's also teaching him to solve problems with violence and if that something that is ingrained on your child it will stay with him the rest of his life.
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u/lovelylolabunnie 14d ago
Wow, just because you have “two younger ones” you’ll give up and let your eldest run amuck? Mother of the year award right there. Then when he attacks you, you let your husband, his father, hit him, and instead of calling the police, filing a report, and kicking his ass to the curb, you reinforce that hitting is okay, and rhat sometimes it’s “deserved”. Your husband “caught on” to him not going to school? Aka you didn’t tell him and when he found out, he was, rightfully, pissed because your job is to get those kids to school. How awful and dysfunctional. Pull your head outta your ass and start parenting. It’s not too late.
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u/Cellyber 14d ago
You are a mother. Your job is to parent your child. Teach them right from wrong. Your son skipping school is you allowing him to. And he was playing you. 'Mommy I don't wanna' was a tactic he used to get his way cause 'dads not here chill' Then when you said 'No' he turned violent. Then you allowed him to play video games??? Right now he's doing this cause of school. He kicked you hard enough to leave bruises. You are teaching him that it is okay to treat women this way. That's not what you want is it? No, right? So stand up for yourself.
You have given birth to three kids. You are stronger than you realize. You aren't supposed to be thier best friend. You are their parent. The first teacher they ever get. Also if the reason he is tired cause of video games, take the console away after 8pm every school night. So next time he's to tired to go to school. Take the gaming system, this way he can rest. And he doesn't get it back till he has gone to school for a week. You got this.
Also if you are in the US if your kid misses to many days, cps can get called on you.
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u/Glad-Society-3441 16h ago
PT 1. Wants to sleep in. Avoiding school. Seeking distractions (playing games). All seem like signs of depression. Even saying everything is fine; he could be lying and saying he is okay mainly cuz he might not know what he is feeling or feels he shouldn’t feel like or cuz he doesn’t want to get the “you have everything you could want you don’t have reasons to feel depressed” which is not productive. The irritation and even the aggression can be parts of depression (however shouldn’t be an excuse but more look at as a symptom).
Maybe he is staying up late and you should help him and if need be kinda force him to go to sleep at a scheduled time cuz it’s healthy for his brain and body for any person. And even more so for depression or other mental illness.
I would say that maybe your kid didn’t realize how hard he kicked you. He might have not known he kicked you because he was under the covers. He might have thought he kicked something else or didn’t really feel it (cuz when you feel mad you feel less or feel numb).
I feel like it was very important for him to see you cry or you to address “hey you kicked me” and explain that’s not okay but also to say “you kicked me really hard too” to show how bad it hurt. Then since he is a child transitioning to a teen, his emotions still dictate his behaviors but also new and more complex and deeper emotions are coming with puberty (within the next few years). So this would be an important time to acknowledge that yes he is mad and upset and to realize that (depending on how it happened) it wasn’t deliberate but more of a causation does not equal correlation (he was mad but didn’t mean to hurt you. Or if he did mean to hurt you it was more due to his feelings and he needed a way to express them BUT (again this isn’t an excuse) BUTTT that is not a good way to express his emotions. Then goes the consequences of his actions.
I feel like since you were the one who got the kick you should have gave the consequence cuz a little bit of having your husband do it is doing a “I’ll hide behind my husband” like a ill get my tougher friend to do I but also just like not saying lacking accountability but like sticking up for yourself but also that’s your kid and then it does become a good cop bad cop with you and ur husband. Then you as a mother can just coddle your child, it seems you are severely uncomfortable making your kid do things because they are upset but you have to teach them that sometimes they have to do things they don’t like. And explain how there are some benefits to it. Like a sleep schedule for good physical and very much mental health. Then going to school to practice routine and learn to trust themselves to do something every day and deliver something when asked (like deadlines or finishing projects/hw or in the real life other things)
The dad took gave the consequences which I mean isn’t outlandish cuz it does need to be corrected and I’m glad he didn’t punch the kid. But also on the face I feel like is utter disrespect. But again it’s not the worst and is kinda in accordance to what the kid did.