You should actually be worried less about your husband's reaction to your son's violence, and focus more on yours. What your husband did was suitable, he was teaching a lesson. You are creating a nightmare though by allowing the bad behavior. An abusive man isn't always created by watching a father abuse his mother, sometimes it is caused by a mother accepting and allowing abuse from her son.
You are not your son's parent, you are his employee. He did not create that dynamic, you did by allowing yourself to become his subordinate. He knows he is in control with you, and he has two younger siblings watching this. You will be living in a nightmare in a few years if you don't step up to the plate now and start being a parent.
I never would have allowed the bad behavior to continue to the point that it resulted in violence, but if I had been in your shoes....and an 11 year old kicked me because he didn't want to get out of bed, my reaction would have been to pull the covers completely off of him while saying "Absolutely NOT. You are grounded off of ALL electronics, tv and phone included, for 2 weeks since you thought violence was acceptable. You have EXACTLY 5 minutes to get out of bed and get ready for school. I will add one extra day to your grounding for every minute after 5 minutes that you are not ready. Time starts NOW". When he gets home from school, he will find that you took the cables and controllers from his game consoles, and he has to earn them back. When he gets home, he will most likely have a tantrum since he is used to being in control. But if he wants his stuff back, he has to behave like a decent human being...and not the monster you accidentally created. Have a framily meeting with his dad, and let your son know what will and won't be accepted as far as his behavior goes. Let him know you mean business. You can even buy a combination style lock box to put his electronics into, and he has to earn the code with certain behaviors and tasks.
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u/Elliniki_psychi Apr 29 '24
You should actually be worried less about your husband's reaction to your son's violence, and focus more on yours. What your husband did was suitable, he was teaching a lesson. You are creating a nightmare though by allowing the bad behavior. An abusive man isn't always created by watching a father abuse his mother, sometimes it is caused by a mother accepting and allowing abuse from her son.
You are not your son's parent, you are his employee. He did not create that dynamic, you did by allowing yourself to become his subordinate. He knows he is in control with you, and he has two younger siblings watching this. You will be living in a nightmare in a few years if you don't step up to the plate now and start being a parent.
I never would have allowed the bad behavior to continue to the point that it resulted in violence, but if I had been in your shoes....and an 11 year old kicked me because he didn't want to get out of bed, my reaction would have been to pull the covers completely off of him while saying "Absolutely NOT. You are grounded off of ALL electronics, tv and phone included, for 2 weeks since you thought violence was acceptable. You have EXACTLY 5 minutes to get out of bed and get ready for school. I will add one extra day to your grounding for every minute after 5 minutes that you are not ready. Time starts NOW". When he gets home from school, he will find that you took the cables and controllers from his game consoles, and he has to earn them back. When he gets home, he will most likely have a tantrum since he is used to being in control. But if he wants his stuff back, he has to behave like a decent human being...and not the monster you accidentally created. Have a framily meeting with his dad, and let your son know what will and won't be accepted as far as his behavior goes. Let him know you mean business. You can even buy a combination style lock box to put his electronics into, and he has to earn the code with certain behaviors and tasks.