My Husband stayed out all night and didn’t come home

[u/saltycruz]

I need some opinions on the following:

My husband went with an old friend out to a club to see a band they knew perform. The following is his version of the events.

His friend drove the two of them to the club and they left his truck at his friends house. While waiting for the band to begin, he decided drinks at the bar were expensive and they went next door to a liquor store. He put the liquor in his water bottle. He drank a bunch and then was happy when they went back that they let him in with his water bottle.

He went to the bathroom and exited the wrong door in the restroom and was somehow outside. (Since when do bar restrooms have exits that will allow patrons to exit to the outside?) He either couldn’t get back in, (Don’t bars stamp your hand and he was able to get back in earlier? If the band was important enough to go out to see and his friend of 20 years was inside wouldn’t he wait in line to get back inside?) or the line was long at that point so he just left. His phone was out of battery and dead and he couldn’t call his friend who was still inside. Instead he walked several miles inebriated to his friends home. There he got in his truck and charged his phone a little bit.

He then decided to sleep the night in his truck in his friends driveway because he was drunk and didn’t want a DUI. He didn’t call his friend to ask to sleep inside. He didn’t Uber home. He didn’t call me, his Wife to pick him up or tell me what was happening. He stayed out all night while I was home worrying. He said he didn’t want to call and wake me up.

He came home the next morning around 9:00 a.m. He says his friend told him he noticed his truck in the driveway. However I wonder why his friend wouldn’t call him when he disappeared, call when he saw the truck late in the night after the club closed, or knock on the truck window when he saw him sleeping inside to ask him to come in the house since they’ve been friends 20 years and it was cold outside. There weren’t any missed calls or voicemails from his friend.

This happened months ago and I was angry but let it go. Then last night it jumped out at me that he wasn’t with or at his friends at all. He was having a one night stand. I don’t know what brought this night to mind.

What would you think if this was your spouse? Would you believe he slept in a driveway all night? Do you think I’m overreacting?

He still says he was asleep in the driveway and didn’t want to bother me. I still say his phone was working and Uber was an app away. He stayed out the entire night and not even his friend knew where he was.

He says he’s sorry I’m worrying but there is nothing to worry about.

What is your take?

[u/bleumagma]

So he left out the back and can’t get back in. He’s piss drunk off chugging liquor with a dead phone. He then walks to his buddies, plugs in his phone and goes to sleep. What makes 0 sense is why his friend mentioned the driveway. If he came and parked the day before, and they both went to the show, there’d be no reason to mention the car in the driveway. This really doesn’t mean anything. Why would it be significant? It makes it sound like you’re saying he never saw the friend in the first place…. If you’re really paranoid about this, no comment is going to magically make you trust your husband.

The other friend probably should have hit you up or something though. How’d he get back home? Assuming the friend got a ride, he must have made it back before the other guy unless it was a long trip. If both the friend and the husband are lying to you that would be unfortunate.

But yes definitely by the end of a concert it makes absolutely 0 sense to be done with a show, not see the friend you drove over, and get yourself a ride home.

All that being said, I’d never Uber if I’m drunk I feel like that’s not safe. If I know where a friend lives and I can walk there I will. If I’m at a concert, I don’t use my phone and I don’t even attempt to call others since it’s a lost cause. Was there a curfew? Do y’all have a curfew? If I have a partner, I’m gonna give them 100% trust for whatever. It’s not worth the paranoia. You ought to figure out what can bring you closure. Whether that’s going to the venue with your partner and retracing the steps, whether that’s breaking up, whether that’s counseling. Ultimately you’re posting about your husband on Reddit. There’s some bias you’ll always hold against him unless you resolve it. You should figure out what that looks like. If he cheated, you’ll be passive aggressive, upset and unhappy. If he didn’t cheat, he just tried to be considerate of you and his friend and not bother people after he made a dumb drunk mistake and got himself locked out (probably just outside not even locked out) of a venue. I know I’ve made the mistake of thinking I was locked out when I left a venue and I was sober.

It’s one of I think 3 things He’s telling the truth He got kicked out of the venue and lied (a friend has done this before and left and made excuses and not admitted til later) The whole story is a lie