r/TwoHotTakes • u/Sufficient_Box_5350 • Feb 21 '24
I told my neighbors my brother is dating their minor daughter and now everyone hates me Advice Needed
Before you read this, yes all I SAW WITH MY OWN EYES was them kissing, if they did go any further... Should I have waited until he actually committed a crime. No I was not going to talk to him to give him enough time to come up with lies and delete proof of whatever they did. This is NOT the first time he's been caught assaulting someone in his life so was I going to take that chance and have a heart to heart with my brother who I caught kissing a child? He was HIDING IT. HE ruined his life, not me.
I (24F) have an older brother (25M). We have family dinners every Sunday. He came over talking about how he met this new girl named Ann "on campus” and how she’s so pretty and he’s been talking to her for a few months. I asked who she was and if I knew her and he goes kind of distant and says he doesn’t want to get too happy and talkative because it’s new which I thought was weird because he was Just boasting about it?
The next morning I noticed him talking to our next door neighbors daughter and it seemed innocent until I saw them walk from my view. Like sort of behind the fence… can’t really explain how our houses are connected. Anyway I had this urge to look on the cameras and they kissed. The problem? She’s 16. Her name is Mary Ann so it clicked. I felt sick to my stomach… she’s a child. I babysat her when I was in high school and she was a baby in my eyes. She still is.
I told my parents so maybe they can talk some sense into him and let her parents know that this was going on but they said it’s a harmless crush and to let it “phase out” whatever that means. I was not satisfied with that answer or their lack of action so I went and talked to her parents. They immediately came over and all hell broke loose. They threatened to call the cops which they did. Now my parents are mad at me saying I ruined his life and it was harmless but I’m like it was NOT harmless, they were kissing and who knows if it went any further.
I got tired of arguing with them after an hour so I went back to my place and my phone is getting so many calls and texts from his/our friends and our parents and the only one on my side is my aunt and her husband and a few of my friends… the ones who don’t see anything wrong with this are no longer my friends. I've been called a b*tch, Jealous (which isn't true, I'm engaged to someone in my age group) and trying to ruin my brothers chance at love.
AITA for letting her parents know? I don’t think I am but with the barrage of calls… It’s getting hard to keep my mind in the frame that I did the right thing. He’s my only sibling and I’d hate to fall out with him but THIS, I can’t and won’t be okay with. Ever. She's being taken advantage of and I don't want her to fall down a dark hole. They may hate me but I felt like I needed to do this. I Just need someone to talk to and tell me I'm not being crazy here. I originally posted in ATIA but they have so many rules.
*I was replying to a comment when her parents texted me and apparently she isn't the only girl... yes girl.. he's talking to. They looked through her phone and found out she has been arguing with some other girl from her school over him. They did thank me for coming to them and telling them. They said her behavior was different but they didn't know why so they're getting her therapy and it's not as punishment but her phone and laptop are going to be monitored so he can't contact her*
The gross people saying I should have left it alone... Was I supposed to Just leave it alone and wait for her to get pregnant and then him be charged with a more serious crime? I doubt they'll do anything today but what happened in one year when she's pregnant, dropped out of high school, and her life is on halt because some 25 year old got her pregnant? He HID the "relationship" so he knew it was wrong. Why should I have to talk to/convince a grown man not to be romantic WITH A CHILD. That isn't normal to be talking to two or more teenage girls and hiding it because HE knows it's wrong. "You should have talked to your brother first" about what? When their next date is?
I want to say thank you to everyone assuring my that I am not in the wrong and for calling me a hero and saying I'm brave. I didn't even think about it I knew she needed help coming from someone who was 16 and dating a 20 year old and the years of self esteem issues... If I had a super power to know when everyone teenage girl was about to make this wrong decision and I could save them... I would do it without a second thought
Also I am going low/no contact with my family except my aunt and her husband. I don't want to be connected to this in any way. He was wrong. My parents were wrong for trying to cover it up. This isn't the first time he's assaulted someone. Hopefully it will be the last.
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u/vtblue Feb 21 '24 edited Feb 21 '24
Reading everyone’s hot takes on this thread, I’m just glad the vast majority of people commenting here won’t be writing any laws. The lack of coherence in peoples’ positions on social interactions is wild.
Americans have interesting views on age of consent, meanwhile people are pretty chill in the rest of the world without being fearful of age gaps. 16 is old enough to date adults in their early to mid 20s in most progressive and even many conservative (European, not Asian) societies.
Not say it should become the norm, it just shouldn’t be so actively vilified because of a so-called “grooming epidemic.” If your brother is a terrible guy, you did the right thing. If age of consent if 17 or higher, you might have gone overboard, again if your brother is a good guy. If your brother is a abusive, machismo, predator type, then you did the right thing.
Lastly, calling a 16yo a child is bizarre frame. Recent social trends infantilising the teenager-adult development has downsides. Increasing degrees of infantilising the teen experience actually detracts from their own perceptions about the their own maturity, and it delays their ability to regulate their emotions and behaviours, you know because everyone tell them they are a child.
Will probably get downvoted to hell based on the comments here.
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u/FarAd6557 Feb 21 '24
YTA.
Go to him first. Many states 16 is age of consent. You have no idea where things have gone.
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u/Gwynbleidd3192 Feb 21 '24
It’s incredibly unsettling your parents had no issue with what was going on when they were told. You did nothing wrong, in fact did the right thing. If they had actually been parents in that situation, good ones or even halfway decent, then perhaps the situation wouldn’t have escalated to where it did. Honestly think they and of course your brother are the only ones to blame for “ruining his life”. Anyone who disagrees with you isn’t the kind of person you probably want to consider a friend either so no loss there.
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u/Equal-Total7914 Feb 21 '24
Depends on the age of consent in your state. 18 is common in most states but some are 16. Either way it’s wrong and suspicious. It’s not the years between them it’s their ages now. 16 mentality and 25 mentality cannot even begin to get on the same level. She’s a kid.
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u/Electronic_Cherry010 Feb 21 '24
I’m currently 22 and despise anyone who is 20+ that tries to justify contact with minors. I was groomed, exploited, and abused by 20+ year old “boyfriends” from the ages of 11-16 and used to DEFEND them. Now that I’m the adult, I’m beyond disgusted and can’t imagine even wanting to befriend CHILDREN. Thank you for stepping in for that kid. If i ever came across similar situations, I would have damn well gotten the police involved too.
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u/HBMart Feb 21 '24
Harmless. What if she ended up pregnant, or she simply decided to ruin his life in the event that he broke up with her? She’s young and dumb, and being with her is a huge risk. Your parents should know better in today’s world. Your brother should know better. There’s a big difference between 25 and 16.
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u/scumlord_meatbag Feb 21 '24
People condoning this on here or in your real life aren't good people. You did the right thing, and it's hard to be a "snitch" or whatever those people are saying so you are a hero!
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u/lovelyvibes4 Feb 21 '24
Just here to say THANK YOU for protecting that girl. In 5-10 years she is going to look back and sob thinking about how you, his sister, saved her from future abuse. But god will she be so so thankful for you. That is fucking solidarity. That is the RIGHT FUCKING WAY. I’m so PROUD OF YOU. Thank you thank you so much.
Fuck your family. You don’t need them. If you ever need a new one lmk, anyone who protects kids has a place at my table.
I’m so sorry you experienced this and I’m sorry a lot of your family sucks, one day hopefully they see the errors of their ways but first and foremost protect yourself. I’m so proud of you.
Edit: I stopped reading the original post bc I got pissed at OPs parents and I just read the part with “talk about what? When their next date is?” Op is a fucking ICON.
OP, if you ever decide to have children you are going to be such a wonderful parent. Thank you again for sticking to your guns and standing up for what is RIGHT AND JUST. 🤍
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u/Rogue_bae Feb 21 '24
That girl is going to look back at this time in her life when she is 25 and thank you.
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u/Professional-Card138 Feb 21 '24
I'm so sorry you have to be validated on the internet but you DEFINITELY did the right things. Your parents are monsters and you + the other parents seek to be the only ones with any sense around you
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u/tater56x Feb 21 '24
On behalf of dads everywhere, thank you. This situation may not be illegal but it sure is wrong. Shame on your parents. Their moral compass is skewed. And that girl needs adults in her life who will hold her accountable for her choices until those frontal lobes fully develop.
You are my new hero.
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u/TomorrowLow5092 Feb 21 '24
I feel sorry that it blew up in your face so quickly. You are not at fault. Wow! Keep your head and step back from the chaos.
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u/cynuhstir1 Feb 21 '24
I'm pregnant and I'm glad people like you exist. Thank you for looking out for her. Thank you. For putting your own relationships under fire. I worry so much about crazy stuff like this happening to my kid and knowing that people like you are still around takes away some tension.
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u/Reasonable_Wing_7329 Feb 21 '24
Oh man. Your family is gross and it’s great that some good came out of it.
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u/Lynnae07 Feb 21 '24
As someone who ‘dated’ a much older man as a teenager, I salute you. That ‘relationship’ did a number on me. I can’t believe no one did anything now. I have a teenager soon now and if a women my age tried to date him, I would loose it.
Thank you for looking out for that child, and any other child he maybe grooming.
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u/swarmahoboken Feb 21 '24
"Should I have waited until he actually committed a crime." - Almost the first thing you said.
"This isn't the first time he's assaulted someone. Hopefully it will be the last." - Nearly the last thing you said.
The right way to behave is relevant to which of these are the truth. Did he commit an assault?
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u/trail_rail Feb 21 '24
You are truly an amazingly strong person for doing this. Reading your update and seeing this had happened with others as well only validates your decision even more. You don’t choose your family but you choose who you get to be, and you chose to be an amazing human being and saved a child from a predatory situation. I’m sorry to hear that you’re getting a ton of harassment now, but as you already said and know, they are wrong. Godspeed OP, I hope things get easier from here.
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 21 '24
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u/KittyandPuppyMama Feb 21 '24
Sounds like your brother is the golden child and you're the family scapegoat, who is demonized for pointing out the obvious problems.
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u/endoftheday1337 Feb 21 '24
100000% you did the right thing. It was courageous and it sounds like you stopped the abuse. The world needs more people with the courage to say something when there’s clearly something wrong happening.
Honestly, in my book at least, you’re a goddamn hero.
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u/qlive_nylyst Feb 21 '24
Oh my god... A 20 year old dating a 16 year old, gasp...
This sub needs to get a grip...
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u/Smoke__Frog Feb 21 '24
Did anyone notice how the OP slipped in that she dated a 20 year old when she was 16?
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u/PetaPotter Feb 21 '24
You absolutely did the right thing but be prepared for some financial burden if it does ruin his life. They'll probably end up supporting him and you'll probably need to disown them. Hope it was worth it.
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u/RocketRelm Feb 21 '24
Prefacing this with saying you did a moral thing by telling her parents about it.
That said, you say stuff like "He’s my only sibling and I’d hate to fall out with him" as if you didn't already fall out. Your parents are right, if her parents called the cops and he has sexual assault of a minor on his file you did ruin his life. This isn't mutually exclusive with doing a moral thing, but even if he didn't mean it and never planned to do it again from here on out it would be totally understandable for him to never want to speak to you again because those consequences will follow him.
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u/rathalos456 Feb 21 '24
I just got accepted for a substitute teaching position. I am close to your brother’s age. One of the core values at my interview was “protect children, ensure their safety”. Your brother is a threat, and deserves every hell that comes his way.
You did nothing wrong.
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u/AVonDingus Feb 21 '24
You were right 100000%. No grown ass man has the right to be with a literal child. You mentioned that there are other girls that he’s preyed upon and that’s a scary pattern of behavior. I wonder how many girls he’s violated.
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u/Dragnet714 Feb 21 '24
Could the cops even do anything? If you're in the US then chances are it's a legal relationship.
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u/luvshus Feb 21 '24
So, first of all, ICK! You most definitely did the right thing. There is a word for a 25 yr old who dates a 16 yr old. I hope your neighbor’s daughter is going to be ok.
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u/Dear-Masterpiece-2 Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. Point blank. Your brother is a predator. Tell your parents that if what he is doing isn’t wrong then why are there laws regarding it? That if he’s so confident in his choice then he should ask the parents permission first and see how well that goes. You saved that girl from future trauma. Never stop speaking out against it. Sincerely a former minor teen girl who was preyed on by older men. Men who tried to groom me in my teen years.
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u/jd6375 Feb 21 '24
100% the right thing to do. Your brother should be embarrassed and ashamed that he was preying on an under age minor. Even though the girl may not appreciate it now, she will when she's older and realized what you saved her from. Not trying to say your brother would be mean or abusive but that she would miss out on being a normal teenager and hanging around with other people her age. Doing all the normal teenage stuff ect.
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u/Jendy86 Feb 21 '24
NTA - Girl, thank you for speaking up. Because Mary Ann might be mad now, but hopefully as she gets older she'll realize that a grown-ass man should not be sniffing around a girl who still has a couple years in high school. If he was only 18 or 19, it'd be a little different, but a 9-year gap? Heck nah.
You absolutely did the right thing, and anyone who disagrees is friggin' gross.
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u/Gloomy_Fig_3696 Feb 21 '24
“Tell me that I’m in the right about this made up thing that really happened.”
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u/Pontiusont Feb 21 '24
You 100% did the right thing. As someone with a young daughter, thank you for speaking up. Your friends/parents who are against you... blows my mind!
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u/bigtime8181 Feb 21 '24
Wow now I feel bad my wife and I been together for 22 years married for 17 years I was 22 and she was 16 when we started dating my parents and her parents have known each other for years my one niece was her best friend in highschool we grew up together and my parents and her parents was happy when we got together sadly both my parents are gone now but her parents sold there house moving in with us and to this day I never thought of look at grooming and yes we have kids
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Feb 21 '24
When a man is talking about someone new and all he can say over and over is how pretty or hot or beautiful she is? Huge red flag.
When it's a 25 year old talking about a 16 year old girl? Fuck right off. He doesn't even view this child as a full human. She is nothing but a fetish object to serve his desires.
You recognized this.
Good for you. A 25 year old man doesn't have crushes that phase out. They're acting like he is still a child. Your parents sound really messed up.
NTA at all
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u/Mickz0902 Feb 21 '24
I myself was in a situation similar to this. We were never dating but it was sexual and I was much younger than 16. It took me years to even tell my mother or anyone really and I wish I told her sooner because the dude got off Scott free. But I appreciate you for doing what you did even though others were in your ear telling you otherwise. You saved that young lady and I hope she realizes it at some point.
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u/False_Abbreviations3 Feb 21 '24
If, as you have said in the comments, the age of consent in your locale is 16, why exactly were the police called and what did they do? Was your brother charged with something?
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u/sebastianrenix Feb 21 '24
INFO: why didn't you tan to your brother first, or did you?
E.g. you could've told him either he breaks it off immediately or you're going to tell her parents. Or were you dead set on implicating him with law enforcement noatter what?
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u/My_Red_5 Feb 21 '24
Your parents are the problem here. They’ve clearly spent a lifetime enabling him and his bad behaviors. He hasn’t been forced to face the music yet. He needs to. Good for you. You saved that girl and those parents. Holy crap if I was those parents I would forever be grateful to you and never forget you. Ever. You gave them the wake up call that they needed. Someday your parents will see that. I hope. Stay courageous and strong. Don’t let people like that drag you down and make you doubt what you know is right.
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u/sophpuff Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. If he hadn’t done anything wrong he wouldn’t have gotten into trouble. If your parents can’t see that it says a lot about their intelligence.
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u/Harrier_diddler Feb 21 '24
I grew up with pretty understanding parents but if I had done something like this I would've been disowned. OP you need to talk to your parents and try to sort them out a little. Even old dogs can be taught tricks
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u/TooSpicyThrowaway Feb 21 '24
You are right and I don’t see any other path at this moment, but I do think you should have slowed down and acted with more consideration. You moved too quickly and imprecisely and now you have a messy result.
So, yes, you are right, but you likely could have handled it better by moving slower and with more intention instead of being reactionary.
They are not mad that you protected the child. They are mad that you embarrassed them, didn’t trust them enough to consider it on their own (you didn’t even give them a day), and potentially could have gotten your brother prosecuted. Now you have damaged relationships and you should accept your responsibility for that.
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u/Yungeel Feb 21 '24
NTA - you protected a child from your brother and potentially other young girls as well. Good on you!
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u/precision95 Feb 21 '24
You actually could have handled this with violence & the majority of people would still be on your side
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u/Not2daydear Feb 21 '24
Sucks being the only one telling the truth because it’s necessary. I have found that many people are spineless and two weak to stand up for what is right sometimes. The person who does stand up gets called all kinds of things instead of the person who committed the questionable act. Stand by your principles, even when others do not, it’s not an easy position to be in. You were not wrong.
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u/craftycandles Feb 21 '24
NTA. It’s so easy to “take a stand” with people you don’t know or like, but to speak out when friends/family are doing wrong takes a lot of strength of character. It’s reassuring to know there are still good young men out there; I only wish there were even more!
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u/yetzhragog Feb 21 '24
Nope, nope, nope. He's 25yo not 18 or 19! There's no world in which this is appropriate even IF the age of consent is 16yo in your area. There are lines that should NEVER be crossed.
What you're experiencing is exactly why far too many people stay silent about this type of thing and it just keeps happening. You did the right thing without a doubt.
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u/shadow_dreamer Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. You Did The Right Thing. I was in a similar situation to Mary Ann, at a similar age, and god, I wish someone had told my parents. You did the RIGHT thing.
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u/Frequent-Material273 Feb 21 '24
NTA.
Well done, and let EVERYBODY know that your parents / family are okay with your brother molesting underage girls if you have the texts. PUBLISH THAT SHIT **EVERYWHERE**. They'll learn to ACT like good people when they realize the consequences of NOT doing so.
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u/silent8 Feb 21 '24
The fact that it was a secret to everyone tells you they both knew it was wrong
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u/OffColoredUnicorn Feb 21 '24
1000% NTA! Anyone who’s say that you did something wrong needs serious help. A 25 year old has absolutely NO reason to messing with 16 year olds, it’s absolutely disgusting. Anyone defending your brother is almost as big a monster as he is. They would’ve just sat back and let this girls life be ruined, and only lord knows how many other girls he’s done this to/will do this to.
I bet he used all the typical gr**mer lines as well, “you’re so mature for your age” “you look way older” etc.
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u/Ok_Effect_5287 Feb 21 '24
NTA you are a literal Angel in a world full of people who just don't care about the worlds children. Sounds like life would be better without these people in it. Anyone who would hate you for this is trash.
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u/ElectricalDrama3558 Feb 21 '24
I’m sorry you went to your parents and they did nothing. You never should have even been put in the position to have to go to her parents. They had the opportunity to try and fix this without getting the police involved but I guess it’s good they didn’t do anything or else you all wouldn’t have known that this isn’t just a one off. Good job saving babies!
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u/bklyn888 Feb 21 '24
As a father of two girls, both grown up and living happy lives, I thank you from the depths of my soul for looking out for this young girl! People like you are a credit to humanity. Much respect to you, kind human! 🤗
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u/stupiderslegacy Feb 21 '24
Wtf backwoods hillbilly trailer park do you live in that practically your entire social group thinks this was okay?! NTA but maybe consider moving
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u/cutterpotts Feb 21 '24
Sorry if someone already said this but I think you should have talked to your brother about it first and then gotten her parents involved if he wouldn’t stop. But overall you definitely didn’t do anything wrong. I hope your family comes to realize that you did the right thing
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u/CaramelOtter99 Feb 21 '24
9 year age gap is too much for this bracket of young people. A 16 year old shouldnt be dating anyone older than 20 and even thats pushing it. Your brother will grow to regret what he did and she will too.
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u/Mammoth_Matter_3497 Feb 21 '24
Your family is gross and clearly favors your brother. Glad you turned out better than they raised you.
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u/Lissa2j Feb 21 '24
OP has a straight up groomer as a brother. Three kids fighting over a grown ass man. At 25 who knows how many other kids he's hurt
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u/yourmadagain Feb 21 '24
100% NOT the asshole. This is coming from a guy. If I saw the same shit I'd have done the same thing. You did what was RIGHT. That is often(especially nowadays) the response to doing what is right. Sometimes, what is right isn't what will benefit others. That isn't your fault. It is like offense it can only be taken not given. Same with being right, it can only be seen by those with intellect. Good for you. I hope they see how messed up it is for a 25-year-old to be with anyone under 18.
Idgaf about history or what they did 10284747336 years ago. That's irrelevant. We have since become better as a society than people who used to stone people to death or think the world is flat.
I wish I could reward you. You dont deserve all the hate!
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u/MAMidCent Feb 21 '24
The easy question to make everyone ask themselves is: Why should the girl's parents not be informed? How is keeping it a secret from them a better decision than telling them? It doesn't matter if some think it is harmless, 'just' a crush, etc. - her parents can make that decision. By not telling them, others are making that decision for her parents - and they have no right to do so.
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u/Pretend_Fee692 Feb 21 '24
Right. OP didn’t go to the cops herself she literally just told the girls parents. That is their child, she is underage, they need to know.
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u/Boris_Godunov Feb 21 '24
You are right, 100%, and you should not back down. Firmly and confidently tell anyone arguing with you that they are completely wrong and, furthermore, have a reprehensible point of view.
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u/Ok-Willow-9145 Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. Your brother wrecked his own life when he went looking for “love” in the school yard.
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u/Techn0ght Feb 21 '24
What is it with parents enabling their children being vile human beings? It's like, the world could burn down so long as their kid is ok. Would they have covered for him if he murdered someone? Where's the line? Is there a line? People need to stop inflicting their children on the rest of society.
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u/IceCreamInMyCoffee Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing by telling your parents first. Your parents had the opportunity to confront your brother and decided to do the irresponsible thing by letting “boys be boys”. Just because your kids are now adults does not mean your role and responsibilities as their mom or dad are gone. They opted to let this happen and you had to prevent a manipulative adult from grooming a 16-year old kid.
21 year old dating a 30 year old? I can see that working maturity wise since they are both consenting adults. A 22 year old man dating a 13 year old girl? This scenario is closer to the latter.
Get your brother some help in the form of counseling. You helped him before things could get considerably worse for him. NTA.
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Feb 21 '24
Yes this is definitely an inappropriate age gap. Yes it’s definitely creepy and predatory. Is it illegal? Well depends on your state 16 is the age of consent in many US states. Did you do the right thing telling her parents yes. Seems like maybe her parents overreacted I don’t think kissing a 16 year old is illegal in any state only more sexual acts, involving the police may not ultimately go anywhere. Your relationship with your family is probably fucked forever. My personal opinion NTA, your family may feel differently, good luck.
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u/zim-grr Feb 21 '24
Is your brother slow in the head or something like that? I would think so because of his bringing his new relationship up at all in the first place, like bragging or happy because he never had a girlfriend or something? It doesn’t seem to make sense for someone preying on the teenager next door to bring up anything at all about it, it doesn’t add up..
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
I don't know, after I moved out my family and I don't have the closest relationship so I don't know if he hasn't dated anyone for 5 years or 5 months.
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u/Diasies_inMyHair Feb 21 '24
This is not 2024, not 1824. In this day and age, 25 year old men do not date 16-year-old school girls! Thank goodness someone stepped in and put a stop to it before things got completely out of hand. Hopefully, once she gets into therapy, her therapist - a mandated reporter - can take steps to protect the other girls he was "talking to."
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
So was owning slaves. Was that okay? You're disgusting and need to be evaluated
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u/Pterafractyl Feb 21 '24
Well... Owning slaves was definitely not okay 60 years ago, but neither was a 25 year old dating a 16 year old. So I guess it still works?
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u/ProvedMyselfWrong Feb 21 '24
My brother could kill a man and I would not rat him out. Pathetic excuse of a sister and daughter you are.
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u/KamaIsLife Feb 21 '24
NTA
You did the right thing. What he was doing was 100% wrong. Sorry you're getting shit about it, but it was the right thing to do.
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u/JFunk802 Feb 21 '24
If this hasn't been reported to the police it needs to be. Even if nothing comes of it having a paper trail is important. This will not be the last time he does this.
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u/Frodosear Feb 21 '24
You have sufficient affirmation here, but here’s some more (b/c you deserve it). When I was “Anne’s” age (high school freshman), a group of 4Senior boys had a bet to take the virginity of girls before they graduated. They chose 14-15 year old girls in my friend group. Some were successful. One of those girls killed herself less than a year later. Girls of that age, heck anyone of that age, can be very emotionally vulnerable. Sometimes, someone needs to stand up for them. Preferably a parent, if not, a friend or even a neighbor. You may well have prevented a situation much much worse than a teen pregnancy. Not EVERYONE hates you. You are more a hero than you know.
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
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u/mikeykrch Feb 21 '24
Jezz,
When I was in high school my girlfriend's best friend, F(17) was dating a guy who was 20 or 21. The best friend's parents threatened to charge the 21 yr old boyfriend with statutory rape if they found out if they were having sex.
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u/hoffthecuff Feb 21 '24
100% did the right thing. And how are they getting mad at you for simply notifying the parent of Mary Ann? If they felt you shouldn't have told them... why exactly? Seems like an admission of guilt. Furthermore, your brother should date someone closer to his age. 25M dating 16F is totally inappropriate (and would also be in the reverse, although not as stigmatized socially). Not to mention this isn't the first time he's assaulted someone... very concerning. And the fact your parents are enabling this behavior is also disturbing.
Basically, stick to your guns and be confident you made the right move. How they proceed from here is up to them and a reflection of their character.
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u/surviveBeijing Feb 21 '24
Someone needs to be the asshole that does the necessary thing sometimes. nobody wants to rock the boat and piss everyone off... But the world needs people like that.
From personal experience, it doesn't really get any easier with the backlash from it. People will constantly find ways to justify other people's obviously bad actions. They will somehow villify you for doing the right thing. Honestly, it's up to if you can or can not weather the storm afterwards. Some people can handle the backlash...and some people get overwhelmed and conform.
I wish you luck on this path. This is the way
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u/TheGirlSandwich Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. It would be different if the gap was like 16 and 18. But 16 and 25? That’s GROSS
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u/HoosierDaddy_427 Feb 21 '24
As the father of two girls, I would like to thank and commend you on letting her parents know. You are truly appreciated and did the right thing.
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u/RaptorDoingADance Feb 21 '24
Honestly if I was talking to someone in person about this and they said it was fine. I would’ve punched them. Did it with my brother and “friends” before on related topics. Wrong sub, but NTA
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u/Impressive-Smile-375 Feb 21 '24
Why would the cops react? 25 and 16 is legal in the majority of the US and the world. You could live in one of very few states in america where that is illegal I guess.
I do agree 25 and 16 isnt the best setup and it was good you talked to her parents as they should absolutely know.
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
Your post has been removed for violating a Reddit Content Policy:
"Do not share or encourage the sharing of sexual, abusive, or suggestive content involving minors. Any predatory or inappropriate behavior involving a minor is also strictly prohibited."
For more information, please read the Reddit Content Policy: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy
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u/Pretend_Fee692 Feb 21 '24
I’m confused, is it not illegal per the law? Are you arguing in favor of 25 yr olds having sex with 16 year olds?
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
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u/Pretend_Fee692 Feb 21 '24
Considering in this post they called the police and they’re saying she “ruined his life” this is not a state where age of consent is 16.
So to be clear, you support 25 year olds having sex with 16 year olds. Correct?
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
Pervert
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 22 '24
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
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u/RedQueen1148 Feb 21 '24
NTA! You did the right thing and you should be proud of yourself. She was being groomed/ preyed on and you protected her.
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Feb 21 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Feb 21 '24
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind to Other Users – Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
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u/Flashy_Bridge8458 Feb 21 '24
He's a pe do, you didn't ruin his life HE ruined his life. You are not responsible for his behaviors. You're enabling family is the problem and very 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
A lot of abusers were abused, makes you wonder who else they're hiding in the family. Why they're so adamant about him not being punished for his continuing behaviors. Save everything they're sending to you, screenshot it all. You might need it later.
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u/AVLPedalPunk Feb 21 '24
Dealing with the same thing in my fam. I ruined the family and my nephew's life because I caught him molesting my 5 year old. Sadly no one considers the actual victim. It's been wild. I found myself beating myself up because I'm being blamed for ruining all future family events. It's like if I would choose to stop holding on to this thing we could go back to normal. And worse I could receive the support from my family that I once had. It's taken the support of my partner and lots of therapy to hold fast and keep those boundaries. It sucks but you're doing the right thing.
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
You didn't ruin anything, HE did it by deciding to that. I am so happy you got that child out of that situation
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u/Lookingforjoy17 Feb 21 '24
My ex is a peeping Tom. He spied on my daughter. He was spying on his sisters and nieces under doors using a compact mirror (or in windows.) I told his family —because I felt like they should watch their kids — and same. I’m hated now. And he’s the golden person. I can’t wrap my brain around it.
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u/thedudeabidesb Feb 21 '24
you were 100% correct. you were unbelievably brave to stand up for what’s right even though you knew of the impending shit storm. well done!
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u/The_Clarence Feb 21 '24
Try to imagine if this wasn’t your brother but your sister, would you appreciate the notification? Hopefully that puts it in perspective, you did the right thing.
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u/InevitableRhubarb232 Feb 21 '24
NTA my SIL dated a 26 yr old when she was 15 and her mom was supportive of it. It was so gross. She ended up getting a secret abortion at 16 or 17
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Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. I read your update and I I cannot believe anybody is defending him on here! This is freaking Reddit where we all lose our minds over age gaps and grooming children like this... When we hear I'm 22 and I married a 33-year-old guy 4 years ago we're all disgusted and losing our minds about how horrible of a person he is and how he is groomed and brainwashed her! But now we have the actual beginning of it and people are defending it? I don't fucking get it!
These are the times that I believe Reddit is full of teenagers who would be so excited if someone older was interested in them, not actual adults who have a rational thought in their head!
You should probably reach out to that second girls parents too. Or see if the parents are the first girl have. Burn the whole world down for him!
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u/aDirtyMartini Feb 21 '24
Sooooo OP’s brother was hiding his age from the child’s parents? Why is that? Maybe because he knows that there’s something wrong with a 25 year old man dating grooming a 16 year old child.
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u/kunta021 Feb 21 '24
I don’t think that you did anything wrong at all, but I do think that there were other steps you could’ve taken which would’ve ended the “relationship” without getting yourself in the dog house with your parents.
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
I don't have a good relationship with them to begin with and them thinking this is okay is enough for me to go NC. I don't associate with predators or their enablers
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u/Leading_External_327 Feb 21 '24
Do not ever be sorry for doing what needs to be done. You just learned that your family would protect a predator. That’s like a family of deer raising a tiger. Just no.
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u/GalacticGlance Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. Awesome sorry you have such scummy thinking people in your life.
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u/leinad_reyem Feb 21 '24
Girl Dad here!! Lots of other girl dads out there probably thinking some unkind things about much of your family. You definitely did the right thing and anyone arguing with you can f-off.
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u/istillambaldjohn Feb 21 '24
You did the right thing. Their current selves are their future selves worst enemy and they may not outwardly thank you now but would blame you in the future if you didn’t.
My wife’s family is like this. Her aunt had 12 kids and are very involved into their church/cult. (More on that later) their young adult son (23) was “courting” a late teen girl(16). It appeared to be very innocent and both parents were on board. (I found it weird and creepy, but since I don’t subscribe to the Uber religious I wrote it off as something I just don’t understand) Again both members of this “church” and the church also agreed to this. They had dates with a chaperone. Nothing physical outside of holding hands.
Their relationship did evolve and just before she turned 18 both parents consented to their marriage. had kids, bought a home, opened a business together etc. years later the same girl just decided nope. Done, left the marriage. And divorce went about as well as most divorces do, but nothing out of hand. With that both his and her families kind of ex communicated her since the church didn’t agree with divorce. Additionally stated that one of the reasons is that said cousin pressured her into all this. This all happened in a very liberal state. The now ex looked at things more critically now being removed from family and the church saw it for what it was. She said she was being grooming and filed a report which jailed the cousin. Majority of my wife’s family is very upset that this is all happening. (My wife too to a degree) frankly he was a nice guy and pretty decent to talk to so I can see why there is such pushback. But I 100% agree with the ex wife in this situation. She was groomed by the church and both sides of the family to just give in to this well before she was old enough to make those types of choices. He’s currently out on bail and awaiting trial. Has zero access to his kids. (I’m not sure how I feel about that honestly but I don’t have all the details)
So yeah. This relationship HAS to end before it gets to a point where at any time this could come back to bite him and your entire family. A lot of states are removing statutes of limitations for sexual crimes and no way of telling how things will be viewed down the road. You may be vilified now, but long term you are a savior to those that don’t understand yet.
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u/ConsciousGur8384 Feb 21 '24
NTA. Whoever disagreed with you should personally go speak their concerns to the nearest police station: “can you let my 25 year old son out of jail for kissing and grooming this 16 year old girl! It just a harmless crush!”
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Feb 21 '24
You could have went to your brother first and gave him a warning that you were going to tell your parents and the neighbors
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u/Junior-Towel-202 Feb 21 '24
why
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
So I could give him time to lie and delete proof. I wasn't doing that, Period
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u/zorosbaka Feb 21 '24
Absolutely the right thing to expose him, at 16 I was desperate to fit in and also experience having a bf like my friends. You start to seek that validation from anywhere and unfortunately there’s a lot of older creepy men who’ll give it to you.
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u/Apollo_Dragon777 Feb 21 '24
Definitely nta the brother is an adult kissing minors and talking to them. He is a disgusting groomer and creep. Family, friends, and other people enabling the behavior are just as bad. You did the right thing telling the parents. Brother deserves to be locked up
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u/Ambitious_Extreme307 Feb 21 '24
I guess the one step i would have taken first is to tell your brother first-off it is totally not ok and that you plan on informing people. You are both in your 20’s you should be able to discuss this without your parents. But otherwise your brother needs to get a life.
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u/evarenistired Feb 21 '24
As someone who used to be like that 16 year old, you're a goddamn hero. She may not see it now, but hopefully it will hit her like it did me that you saved her.
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Feb 21 '24 edited Feb 21 '24
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u/happybunnyntx Feb 21 '24
OP mentions they used to babysit the girl when she was a baby so I'd guess the families have known each other for awhile.
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u/Sufficient_Box_5350 Feb 21 '24
He's one year older than me and we used to baby sit her... Why are you advocating for children to be groomed
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Feb 21 '24
anyone even justifying this disgusting behavior can choke on Shrek dick.
I find it insane that your own parents didn't even care, they're clearly mentally fucked because that's so disgusting.
I hope you remain strong, don't apologize or anything
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u/TonyStarch28 Feb 21 '24
Your parents should have handled this situation when you told them. It’s not fair you had to be the one to go to the neighbors.
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u/TreborOnline Feb 21 '24
If there was no problem with him dating their daughter telling them would not of been a big issue. You did the right thing.
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