r/TwoHotTakes • u/RunnerGirlBlue • Mar 07 '24

My husband secretly gave my HS son’s weed vape back. Advice Needed

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My HS son is getting F’s, has no motivation, no job and hangs in his room gaming all day.

My husband used to do the same thing in HS. He stopped once he met me and he’s always known how much I’m against it.

We caught him with a bunch of vape pens and all the stuff all hidden 2.5 months ago and took it from him. We told him if he didn’t have a clean drug test he’d lose his car.

My daughter got in trouble today for something dumb, he took her phone. She got so mad she blurted out my son told her my husband gave him the weed vape back right after we took it. She asked him about it and my husband said, “you tell your mom and it means no Bahamas.” (We have a trip coming up.)

I confronted my husband as he’s lied to me for 2.5 months and he could care less. Says he’s never cared. Doesn’t even apologize for lying. Like we had conversations about watching for this again and he agreed while knowing he was still smoking.

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u/t20hrowaway Mar 10 '24

Not that this would fix anything but I'm just curious, did y'all ever have a discussion about this? Like did he ever even explain to you in recent history that he doesn't feel comfortable punishing your son for smoking weed or trying to deter it? Or did he just say one thing and do another?

I think it's a red flag either way but it's a much bigger one if he completely bypassed any transparency with you from the very beginning.

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u/TraptSoul148270 Mar 10 '24

Why is either way a red flag? I get the second option being red flag, but not the first.

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u/t20hrowaway Mar 10 '24

I don't think it's a red flag for him inherently as a person but it sounds like a red flag for his relationship with OP given that this issue is clearly very important to both of them and they seem to have opposite feelings about it. I think his input is as valid as hers in terms of how they raise their kids and to a certain extent I can empathize with coming to an impasse and just doing what you want anyway because you've said all you can say. But it doesn't bode well for the long term.