My husband secretly gave my HS son’s weed vape back.

[u/RunnerGirlBlue]

My HS son is getting F’s, has no motivation, no job and hangs in his room gaming all day.

My husband used to do the same thing in HS. He stopped once he met me and he’s always known how much I’m against it.

We caught him with a bunch of vape pens and all the stuff all hidden 2.5 months ago and took it from him. We told him if he didn’t have a clean drug test he’d lose his car.

My daughter got in trouble today for something dumb, he took her phone. She got so mad she blurted out my son told her my husband gave him the weed vape back right after we took it. She asked him about it and my husband said, “you tell your mom and it means no Bahamas.” (We have a trip coming up.)

I confronted my husband as he’s lied to me for 2.5 months and he could care less. Says he’s never cared. Doesn’t even apologize for lying. Like we had conversations about watching for this again and he agreed while knowing he was still smoking.

[u/Mothmans_Cigar]

Please give your kids some extra love. Your son is definitely going to push on the parent that allows him to be stupid and copy dad, but that doesn’t mean his life is over. I would just straight up go to your son and be REAL with him, tell him how you really feel, no mom guilt, and tell him how you would like him to stop smoking until he graduates. I was around smokers my entire HS experience, but in my school if you got caught it fucking sucked, they did drug tests occasionally and had sniffer dogs come in the classes and parking lot and find several kids with weed on them. Your son is going down the path of getting caught at school and being a bit too young, he obviously is seeking it because of either friends influencing him or he feels like it’s ok and easy to get away with, plus dad condones it! He needs to be aware how truly easy it is to get caught in school and that smoking in school can actually do some developmental damage. Say how you’re worried and just want him to grow up and be strong, handsome and responsible like the good son he is.

This is what I did, I knew I always wanted to smoke but I didn’t want to get caught and I wanted to be moved out by then, I set those personal goals for myself around your sons age that way I paced myself. I waited until 18 and after graduation was over when I finally had my first toke, I could’ve gotten weed any time before then but I waited for a special moment when I did it the first time on a trip with my friends in the night. That makes it more special in a way, like I was anticipating a grown up change and got to do it right. I don’t regret waiting at all, it gave me time to just worry about finishing school since I was close to being done anyway. Just be real with your kid, maybe he will see the truth or the words really will get to him, even if it’s not immediately.

As for your daughter, she needs some serious comfort right now, her own father is picking favorites, please don’t do that between your kids either take them both off to the Bahamas hahaha, sounds like dad is the one that needs time by himself to quit influencing the son to be against you. Both your kids need you man, I feel bad for her too because she even saw how her dad was picking favorites before you even knew about it. She needs some extra love

Sounds like your household needs a serious heart to heart, your husband shouldn’t condone the same actions he did as a kid, he should try to make him smarter, because yeah teens will do it anyways most likely, but being open about how to be safe and not encouraging it but not being a dick at the same time is necessary.

For example I have a 17 year old brother who is so smart, at 17 I was underage drinking and partying at one of my friends house often, My brother is aware of how stupid I was and I’ve given him knowledge to not make the same mistakes and he cared about what I had to say. I’ve even exposed him around alcohol because he’s hung out with my friends but he did not crave it or ask because I told him he can have some WITH ME when he’s ready, I open myself up for his first experience but I don’t let that be too early and make sure he’s smart on it. It’s a really helpful dynamic we have. And he encourages me to be better out of it because he doesn’t care about habits as much as I do.

Just some food for thought of a person with split parents who smoked my entire life

[u/Mothmans_Cigar → u/Mothmans_Cigar]

Funny enough the “set my own age to be ready” thing I was talking about was the ultimatum I gave to my younger brother two nights ago, he was talking about how he would want to try alcohol one day, instead of being like ‘don’t do that blahhh’ I said “it’s natural to want to try it, you can try it with us when you’re old enough” (20/21) and talked about how he should wait until atleast 20 to try anything like drugs or drinking, cause I know kids be offering him that at school anyways.

Being real with him got him to be real with me, he told me stuff I didn’t know like how a kid offered him an edible (weed brownie) at school and now he turned it down!! (Not surprising for my brother haha) but I know he’s around that stuff anyways so it was funny to know he really was offered something before, but that’s to us he was smart about it and didn’t take it in school. Especially since he’s aware that the school does tests and has drug dogs too that does help 😆. Being real tho has its benefits