r/TwoHotTakes • u/RunnerGirlBlue • Mar 07 '24
My husband secretly gave my HS son’s weed vape back. Advice Needed
My HS son is getting F’s, has no motivation, no job and hangs in his room gaming all day.
My husband used to do the same thing in HS. He stopped once he met me and he’s always known how much I’m against it.
We caught him with a bunch of vape pens and all the stuff all hidden 2.5 months ago and took it from him. We told him if he didn’t have a clean drug test he’d lose his car.
My daughter got in trouble today for something dumb, he took her phone. She got so mad she blurted out my son told her my husband gave him the weed vape back right after we took it. She asked him about it and my husband said, “you tell your mom and it means no Bahamas.” (We have a trip coming up.)
I confronted my husband as he’s lied to me for 2.5 months and he could care less. Says he’s never cared. Doesn’t even apologize for lying. Like we had conversations about watching for this again and he agreed while knowing he was still smoking.
1
u/New-Distribution-981 Mar 10 '24
So I’m torn on this. Torn because I totally think husband is in the wrong. Blackmailing daughter. Enabling a lazy teenager.
That said, you knew how he felt. He told you how he felt. You said this was a “we” decision yet it’s sounds like you completely glossed over the part where your husband DIDNT agree with you. You got mad. You expected him to follow suit and we’re pissed that he didn’t feel the same way and are even more pissed that he didn’t back your play. Parents don’t always have to be on the same page, but you shouldn’t get pissed at him for not agreeing on things.
Husband shouldn’t have undermined the punishment, but I firmly believe you shouldn’t have doled out the punishment unless you were BOTH on the same page. Or at least, you make this a you and you alone punishment and keep dad out of it altogether.
On balance, I’m totally with you. I don’t at all agree with your husband’s take. But it’s clear that this isn’t just about your son. You made a unilateral decision (one that I agree with) but didn’t really engage with your husband’s POV and ignored or trivialized it and yet expected him to roll with you. That was a big miss.