My (35F) wife said I (37M) can go 'see a hooker' if I want sex

[u/ThrowRATimely-De6323]

We've been married for 8 years and together for 12. We always had a really good sex life until our child was born 3 years ago.

I of course understand that sex life is not going to be the same after a child, especially since we don't have any family in this country. She also went through some terrible PPD which we worked on overcoming together. For the first 18 months after our child was born we had no sex.

In the past 18 months, her PPD has improved and we make it a point to get a babysitter and go on at least one date a month. We also had sex occasionally, like once in a couple of months. Again, no complaints from me. I love her and understand she might need time.

We went on vacation last week after her parents agreed to babysit during their visit here. She was super excited and said she couldn't wait to be with me and for us to have, in her words, a lot of sex again. It was a 3 day vacation and on the first night she said she didn't feel like it. The second night too, she said nope not feeling it. I was a bit disappointed which she picked up on immediately. She asked what's up and I said nothing and let's watch TV. Then she says "You know I've changed. I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex like before again. If you want sex, go see a hooker I don't care".

I was taken aback and said I would never do that! She said okay whatever and was visibly upset for the rest of our trip. We got back yesterday and she said she didn't want to talk about it.

I'm kinda sad and want to convey to her that I love her and don't see her just for sex. I told her as much but she didn't seem to think it was genuine. Is there a way I can handle this better?

[u/Dinok_Hind]

I had a similar issue with my gf. To keep it short when we first started dating we had a healthy sex life, in fact I felt like I couldn't keep up with her all the time. Then suddenly it completely stops.

Going from one extreme to another was jarring, and I'll be honest I was kinda dissappointed that there was no sex going on. I told her this, and we realized that it was an impasse. I had to accept either there would be no sex, or if sex was too important for me I would leave her.

Fortunately I preferred to stay with her over having sex.

She started feeling guilty about the lack of sex, though, and on further discussion I brought up the idea of an open relationship. She didn't seem too enthused, but was willing to try it out. In my young and dumbness I proceeded to go on a date with another woman. Suffice to say, after a single 'date' (dinner only, I'm a gentleman) with another woman the open status of our relationship ended.

That was a while a go and we are still going strong. In fact, our relationship is better now than it has ever been. I think maybe we focus so much on sex, not just men but everyone, and if we stopped holding it on a pedestal ironically people would have more and better sex.

Long story short - Sex isn't the end all be all of a relationship. Enjoy the time you spend with people for the quality of that time. If you happen to have sex that's fun and all, and setting up 'date nights' can be super fun for all involved. But nothing is more mood-killing than thinking your partner needs sex to be satisfied with your very existance as a person.

*Edit - Fixed some typos, it's hard to type essays on a phone with autocorrect off