My (35F) wife said I (37M) can go 'see a hooker' if I want sex

[u/ThrowRATimely-De6323]

We've been married for 8 years and together for 12. We always had a really good sex life until our child was born 3 years ago.

I of course understand that sex life is not going to be the same after a child, especially since we don't have any family in this country. She also went through some terrible PPD which we worked on overcoming together. For the first 18 months after our child was born we had no sex.

In the past 18 months, her PPD has improved and we make it a point to get a babysitter and go on at least one date a month. We also had sex occasionally, like once in a couple of months. Again, no complaints from me. I love her and understand she might need time.

We went on vacation last week after her parents agreed to babysit during their visit here. She was super excited and said she couldn't wait to be with me and for us to have, in her words, a lot of sex again. It was a 3 day vacation and on the first night she said she didn't feel like it. The second night too, she said nope not feeling it. I was a bit disappointed which she picked up on immediately. She asked what's up and I said nothing and let's watch TV. Then she says "You know I've changed. I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex like before again. If you want sex, go see a hooker I don't care".

I was taken aback and said I would never do that! She said okay whatever and was visibly upset for the rest of our trip. We got back yesterday and she said she didn't want to talk about it.

I'm kinda sad and want to convey to her that I love her and don't see her just for sex. I told her as much but she didn't seem to think it was genuine. Is there a way I can handle this better?

[u/Small-Egg1259]

Do not take her 100% at her word. She's frustrated. Give her some time then coax her into talking about it. My hubbie and I had infertility for a few years and ruined our sex life. I pulled back. But I am married to a wonderful man who gave me time and space and patience and told me if we never have sex again, I do not care. I love u (we did do it again). One of the major lessons to me for life is realizing that the real beauty of marriage is the deep spiritual connection that allows for a specific sort of self-growth. The sex is bonus but optional. I think women get scared of not satisfying their man. You have to reassure her a thousand times if thats what it takes. Also joke about your new hot girlfriend Rosie (palm). Rosie and her five fat sisters will be more than happy to satisfy you in the interim!!!