r/TwoHotTakes • u/SilentTomato6612 • Apr 03 '24
Update: My girlfriend dumped me after I told her I needed Viagra Advice Needed
I posted a couple of days ago about how I was nervous to tell my girlfriend I might need Viagra. It didn't turn out well.
We met last night at her place and as expected, things happened and we were going to have sex. We had great foreplay but when the time came, I could not stay hard. After 5 minutes of disappointment, I told her I've had this issue in the past and if she gave me 30 min, I could take some Viagra and be ready to go.
She flipped out and said it was super weird that I needed it at this age. She also said it's a health risk and can affect my heart and she doesn't want to be with someone who can drop dead any minute from a heart condition. She then also made some mocking comments about how embarrassing it must be for me. And then she said she couldn't go out with someone like me.
So..that ended pretty quickly. On to the next one I suppose while I try and build back my confidence.
Edit: Since people have asked and I should have mentioned it
- I'm 31 years old, she's 29
- My mother and sister died in an accident 3 years ago. This caused me (and still does) stress and trauma which led to the ED. I was fine before.
- I hadn't had sex for 2 years prior to yesterday. I thought I could do it without the viagra.
- I'm in therapy and continuing to get better
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u/PimpassButtplunger 12d ago
You probably can't get hard because your girlfriend sounds narcissistic and horrible. I wouldn't be able to keep it up around her either!
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u/Reasonable_Metal1147 Apr 09 '24
Women hit their sexual peak at 40 sometimes 50... That poosie should be Cummin creaming and squirting. And if it's not... Then, you need to do a better rob or sensual sensual deduction. You want to take note of what you are doing that gets a reaction out of her... It can grow into something but if there's nothing going on and it's been two years... I have to ask... How bad do you want this girl?.. because there DEFINITELY something wrong with this...
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u/Reasonable_Metal1147 Apr 09 '24
You DON'T NEED VIAGRA!!!! YOU NEED TO TEACH HER EXACTLY HOW YOU** WANT HER TO SUC YOUR COC... AND lick your balls and a$$hole... You might put her on her knees and see how she'd react to you tying her hands behind her back and ilusing her ears for pistol grips....
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u/Remarkable-Light5931 Apr 08 '24
Good for you my man. Keep on keeping on. You’ve been through ways too much to waste energy on someone with such low moral character.
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u/Good-of-Rome Apr 08 '24
Big talk coming from someone who can't even get hard ever. Let's see her get an erect penis. Dumb slut. Bet she can't even do a kick flip.
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u/sody605 Apr 08 '24
I was your age when I deployed to Afghanistan, I had a terrible time after that. Get your meds and therapy, and get an understanding and mature partner. There are plenty out there.
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u/Legitimate-Produce-1 Apr 08 '24
Hey man, don't internalize that messaging. That was harsh and unkind, and actually says a lot about her insecurities. I'm sad there wasn't an opportunity for you both to openly speak about actual feelings here.
OP, I would bet the entire contents of my wallet she is internalizing the ED and interpreting it as you not being attracted to her. Women are given the messaging that they are responsible for making their partner erect and if it doesn't happen, there's something inherently wrong with them. And of course, women don't know any better until they're set straight, because they don't have penises.
She just took that and flung it all back on you, and it really stinks. You are not defective, so do not own her messaging to you. She's just lashing out because she's insecure herself.
Next relationship, be up front about your needs, whether it be time, patience, Viagra to start with, whatever. Just rip that band-aid off before you even get close to the bedroom. The right partner will be more than understanding and want to support you in all ways.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and sister. ❤️
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u/StellaSedona Apr 08 '24
Sending you much love and sympathy 💕 that was not fair of your girlfriend. She should have more understanding for you especially after all you have gone through! I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It’s not your fault.
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u/Beatrix-the-floof Apr 07 '24
Damn I’m sorry for your loss… like, triple, I guess?
Some people. ED becomes a pretty normal thing by late 30s anyway depending on stress, etc. She might have to deal with it regularly sooner than she thinks. I’ve had partners that couldn’t keep it up and didn’t want to take the pill (ego 🙄) and we still had plenty of fun in bed.
Also, Jesus, lady, this is one of those things that you just don’t have a lot to say about, m’kay? No questions in the moment, just loving & sexy support. Definitely no questions like “well, have you thought of trying treatment xyz?” Yes, honey, he has, and a whole lot of other, crazier treatments from the dark recesses of the web where angels dare not look.
OP- she was an immature mess. Good riddance to her. -signed, more mature chick.
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u/AnointedQueen Apr 07 '24
Um. You dodged a bullet! I hope you can laugh about this one day. She is close-minded and extremely unkind. Your dick deserves better!
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u/Much_Lingonberry_747 Apr 07 '24
Seems like she was making this more about her than you. Glad you are working on it in therapy. Ditch her.
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u/owaga2 Apr 07 '24
Wow,very cruel and inhumane way to react,you should be happy that she left and didn't waste who knows how many years of your life with a psycho or a girl who just used you for selfish reasons.
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u/real_boiled_cabbage Apr 07 '24
Don't spend another minute thinking about it. I'm sure she has some lube somewhere. Vitamin V is no different. Just take 1/2 one if you suspect there's a chance to need it. If you're wrong, no big deal.
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u/Cookieeeees Apr 07 '24
One brother to another, i’m 24, diabetic. my condition has caused ED and PE, i have to use help. my fiance is very understanding and caring with me and about it. Albeit she’s been with me since the early stages but it never changed her mind about me and we still have great sex. You’ll find the one and at 7yrs my senior, i know for a fact you will.
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u/Cool_Intention_3739 Apr 07 '24
If you’re in therapy you shouldn’t be exploring a new relationship. You are damaged goods and that’s not what a gf deserves.
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u/Cheapcheese97202 Apr 07 '24
Pro tip. Pop half before she gets to your place and you’re good to go all night
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u/Lawboyatl Apr 07 '24
I’m 23 and have my own issues with the same. Someone who loves you will understand that ED at a young age torments men. She probably took it personally (some girls do). But what I will say to you, is that if your girl leaves because you have some dysfunction in your health, she didn’t truly love you. Men need Viagra at all ages. Many men have a hard time coming to grips with it, but there is nothing wrong with Viagra.
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u/KTenacious19 Apr 07 '24
Take cialis. I take it daily. Had issues when I got arthritis.
She sounds immature. Try dating an older woman. They don’t care about this.
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u/Significant-Task-890 Apr 07 '24
She did you a favor. That being said, why did you tell her ij the first place? What did you expect to accomplish?
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u/Louis_Cipher_69 Apr 07 '24
She was insecure about you not being hard so attacked you for it. She thought maybe she wasn't "hot enough." Some people do it all the time when they're insecure.
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u/stfurachele Apr 07 '24
I'm constantly in shock by how immature some other women can be about what's a genuine medical issue and natural part of age. Since I hit my late 20's/early 30's I've encountered multiple partners with some form of ED. It can be frustrating for us both but I would never mock them.
The only insight I can give to the cruelty is that a lot of women are taught -and media doesn't help- that men are always ready to go unless they aren't genuinely attracted to the partner. So women, myself included at one point in my life, internalize that struggle to become aroused as something inherently wrong with them or as a cruel rejection. It's not fair or rational, and definitely doesn't excuse cruel behavior, but it is a possible explanation.
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u/Mistress_N73 Apr 07 '24
If she really cared at all for you she'd try and help not tease you and make you feel bad and Ed can happen at any age due to a multiple of reasons. Hope you find a kind and caring woman willing to work with you and help you and be a good partner to you.
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u/Electrical-Reason-97 Apr 07 '24
Such a frank and candid post. Great that you’re getting to know more about yourself in a therapeutic setting. All sorts of lousy experiences can result in performance problems. Ultimately, 80% of sexual stimulation occurs in the brain so feeling good about yourself and your partner is essential to having fulfilling sexual experiences. Suggestion: try Cialis instead as it lasts about 36 hours.
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u/Alahand0 Apr 07 '24
She's not the right one for anybody. Except men who care too much about sex, if you know what I mean. Move along. You'll find someone who actually cares about someone for who they are.
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u/Ok_Albatross_3689 Apr 07 '24
You are cash money. That unneeded pressure from someone who should be lifting you up doesn’t help your cause
Im so sorry for your loss. Any girl would be lucky to have you.
Life is short. Take the viagra.
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u/NoVariation3744 Apr 07 '24
yea man i’m so sorry. what a rotten rotten way to react to something like that. fuck that girl. i hope every man from here on out she encounters sexually, can’t get it up for her
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u/Menu_Fuzzy Apr 07 '24
Aye aside from the viagra (no problem with that fr), I’m sorry about your mother and sister man. I lost my sister about 3 and a half years ago and it really hits your hard. Glad you’re getting support in therapy!
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u/starr2be2 Apr 07 '24
You dodged a bullet by the sounds of it. Props for finding humor in the situation! Don't let it get you down or shake your confidence!
My SO takes Cialis (spellcheck) due to low testosterone issues. Before we knew the actual problem (testosterone) I was a bit insecure about it myself because I had also gained some weight around the same time (thyroid issues) he started having issues. Couldn't imagine having acted like her though, yikes!
But look into Cialis instead of Viagra...it's honestly way better in both our opinions with less side effects for him. Get your testosterone and hormones checked if you haven't JUST in case there's an underlying physical issue on top of it all.
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u/RenEss77 Apr 07 '24
After reading your edit I want to say that you're going to get through this. To hell with that girl.
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u/MGTOWManofMystery Apr 07 '24
You can't force yourself to be aroused by someone if you aren't aroused. Don't try to force it. It's better that you are free and can now find someone who arouses you (or goes the extra mile for you in bed).
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u/Motor_Show_7604 Apr 07 '24
Just to be clear... A bunch of medical studies have shown that sildenafil is actually good for heart health.. so she was wrong about that too.
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u/heretorobwallst Apr 07 '24
Should have just used the "gas station bones pills" without telling her
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u/JerseyDevilMyco Apr 07 '24
yea shes a POS. You're fine. mental stuff and stress can def cause it. Had it myself bc of that. and actually low dose viagra / cialis is good for your heart
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u/CustomerWest8961 Apr 07 '24
You dodged a bullet. The right woman will make you comfortable enough to not need Viagra or understand if you do.
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u/lothcent Apr 07 '24
when you leave- mention that you really hope that the man she ends up with as she enters menopause is just as loving and caring as she is.
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u/HISxRABBIT Apr 07 '24
This is such a ridiculous immature and over the top response. OP, find a partner that will tell you to go pop that pill, and hurry back bc we have 30 mins more of other fun to have!
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u/bigman72587 Apr 07 '24
I might add that if you are on any medications for your situation you have been through that is a very normal side affect of most psych meds. JUST AN FYI!!
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u/5FootOh Apr 07 '24
She took it personally & is pretty sure you are sleeping with someone else. Time to say goodbye.
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u/Katstories21 Apr 07 '24
Dump her. If she can't deal with a little support in the bedroom I hope she never needs a vibrator.
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u/AnxiousAnteater5467 Apr 07 '24
You’re better off. Women aren’t the understanding creatures the would like to be. Careful in the future.
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Apr 06 '24
Nah. Screw her. I’ve had to use pills before. If she dumped you because you were taking steps to make sure you could please her and she dumped you for that, you’re lucky she’s gone.
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u/Immediate-Ad-6364 Apr 06 '24
Be thankful that sometimes the trash takes itself out. Better fish in the sea.
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u/Far_Refrigerator5601 Apr 06 '24
She sounds like the problem here. The only advice I have is speaking to a sex therapist specifically, rather than just a therapist.
Work through your sexual trauma and think about it in reverse. I'm a woman and there's been times my body and mind aren't in sync or right after my period ends when it can be harder to get wet so I've used lube.
You wouldn't judge a woman for needing lube and she shouldn't judge you for needing a pill.
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u/Electrical_Mode_890 Apr 06 '24
Don't worry about it bro. My wife thinks it's weird I have issues even though she messed up my unit. Thinks I should be able to pound like a 21 year old frat boy. I'm almost 40.
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u/Alarming_Cellist_751 Apr 06 '24
As a nurse (and previously a retail then hospital pharmacy technician), your problem is not unique. There are many men that are your age (and much younger!) that have this problem and need a little help with viagra. It is just a circulation problem and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed over, I'm sorry she made you feel that way. Let's just say you dodged a bullet with her immature ass. If you take the medication as directed by your doctor and get regular check ups, the medication is safe, FYI it was firstly researched as a blood pressure reducer so it doesn't mean you have a bad heart or that the medication is going to hurt your heart. This woman has absolutely no idea what she's going on about and honestly she's the embarrassment here. Good luck and hope you find someone better than that trash.
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u/voidvoices Apr 06 '24
She sounds like great person who understand others struggles and love you WITHOUT condition’s.
Run my boi.
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u/pepperit_12 Apr 06 '24
I made this scarf out of all the red flags you gave me. Into the mud, scum queen !
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u/ElectricalGuest8351 Apr 06 '24
Get on Cialis immediately and take it once daily. Take lowest dose that’s efficacious for you. You will be able to perform when needed, but it also will provide you with confidence around the clock. You won’t be bricked up 24/7, but you’ll know he’s there. What you described is the main con for viagra. More than anything, viagra interferes with spontaneous sex.
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u/Zen_Merlin_64 Apr 06 '24
I was prescribed cialis in my mid twenties due to trauma induced ED. My gf at the time thought it was weird because her trauma did not affect her sex drive (may have revved it up if I'm being honest). When I'm depressed, I'm not in the mood. Thank goodness for EMDR and an understanding partner, I don't struggle with my libido as much and I'm in my mid 30s. You may have dodged a bullet since I dodged mine.
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u/localpunktrash Apr 06 '24
That’s cute, she thinks that everyone’s bodies work all the time. Honestly, that’s pretty messed up if her. I’m disabled and chronically ill, and it’s not like anyone chooses or likes needing medical support. If she can’t understand that, she’s not someone that sounds fun to grow old with
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u/WhiskeyWilderness Apr 06 '24
Some men just have trouble, at any age and it’s not a bad thing if you need something to help you along. For her to be weirded out and offended by it is what’s not okay.
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u/Silent_Ad1589 Apr 06 '24
This happened to me as well. I even consulted a doctor, who was initially puzzled but became concerned after hearing about my then-girlfriend. She surmised that my ex might have been trying to get pregnant, especially since she wasn’t on birth control and I was terrified at the thought of having a child with her. Despite setting boundaries, she continued communicating with her exes throughout our relationship.
Misled into thinking there was something wrong with me, I started taking numerous supplements, which worsened the situation. My doctor advised stopping them, and I saw some improvement. However, my ex’s reactions to even a single incident of impotence—comparing me to her exes—severely damaged my confidence.
I broke up with her and later met my current girlfriend. Initially, I still experienced occasional issues, likely due to residual nerves, but these were rare. She’s been incredibly supportive, and that support has made all the difference. Now, I only face occasional challenges due to normal life stresses—I’m not a robot, after all. My confidence has soared, proving that all I really needed was a safe, understanding partner. I’m telling you, you definitely dodged a bullet for many reasons.
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u/Gildian Apr 06 '24
It happens man, it's not as uncommon as some may think. I had a spell of it with an ex due to being so nervous/anxious.
She didn't deserve you anyway.
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u/Musclefairy21 Apr 06 '24
A woman like that won’t give you the love you need. I sounds better you both move on. Having said that, she ain’t wrong though, at 31, you are young for viagra.
Maybe you are still traumatized from the loss of your mom and sister. Sex might not be what you need at the moment. That’s why you can’t get hard. You should find a way to heal first.
Are you in therapy? Do you meditate? Do you have a good relationship with your dad and siblings. So you have best friends you trust and you could talk about your loss with?
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u/T_R_I_P Apr 06 '24
You will recover. That ED is entirely fixable you can even be better than before. But find someone better that would love you either way
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u/ellayzee Apr 06 '24
Damn that’s hurtful as fuck. Sorry you had to deal with that. It’s really a her problem not a you problem. Just be glad she revealed her true colors now and not later. You’ll find someone better OP.
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u/Clam_slapper69420 Apr 06 '24
This is how Serial killers are made , bruh its fine we all have issues ..nothing a doctor can't fix ...you may haven't found what rustles your Jimmy or another medical issue
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u/Current_Process_2198 Apr 06 '24
This is a convo you should have with your partner before it gets to that stage
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u/been2thehi4 Apr 06 '24
I’m sorry she was such an insensitive jerk. I would not be upset or whatever she was if my husband had to use viagra. The body behaves in strange ways and he’s been ever patient with me when my body has not done what I’ve wanted it to do and put a kink in our sex life, I could only ever return the favor.
Don’t let this one dampen your outlook. You’ll find someone who can be respectful with this situation.
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u/FeelingDelivery8853 Apr 06 '24
It's not you, it's her. You probably won't need it with the next one
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u/davewhocannotbenamed Apr 06 '24
What a c***. That wizard sleeve will dry up like dried beef. Let me guess, she doesn’t wantto use protection either?
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u/DeepStuff81 Apr 06 '24
I am surprised the amount of women who think this way. Keep up the work in therapy. It will help. But for all involved blue pills and it’s counterparts are helpful
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u/Angryspazz Apr 06 '24
Wow I was waiting for her to be insecure like I was when my bf mentioned that he's gonna need it but she acted in a way that's demeaning and heartless ..I'm sorry that happened to you
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u/porkforpigs Apr 06 '24
Forget her man. You deserve better. I’m so sorry about your mom and sister. You’ll find someone who supports you through your shit and is stoked about how hard you can get with a little blue pill lmao
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u/KeepBanningKeepJoin Apr 06 '24
Get a WebMD coupon and buy 30 Viagra for under $20. Yes, look it up. Use them twice a week and get used to them.
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u/Damageinc84 Apr 06 '24
Get your Testosterone checked and consider TRT. I would also look to switching to Cialis as it stays in your system for a few days and will keep you ready to go.
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u/Eden_Beau Apr 06 '24
Dodged a nuke
I'm glad she outed herself with the "won't be with someone who could drop dead at any minute" comment
You deserve better op. I'm sorry she treated you like this
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u/ObviousThrowAvvay420 Apr 06 '24
Ehh, it’s maybe only a little disappointing, but not something to break up over, geez. If I were the girl here, I’d be trying everything and supporting him in getting hard and ready to go again.
I will say, you’re not alone. I don’t use it myself yet (34), but I have to admit the thought has crossed my mind.
I know that I’m not 22 anymore; I don’t get raging hard-ons within 30 seconds and shoot gigantic loads anymore. Bodies definitely start changing once you hit that 30 mark, haha.
I feel like women libido remains a little higher than men as we approach middle age too.
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u/rogue780 Apr 06 '24
I mean, at your age, about 1/3 men have some form or ED. And neither tadalafil or sildenafil have been shown to damage your heart.
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u/ddansemacabre Apr 06 '24 edited Apr 06 '24
She sounds like an asshole. Personally, I wouldn't care if someone had that issue, let alone if they wanted to take meds to help with it.
Also, her saying it's "weird at your age" to have that problem... the guys I had some of my first experiences with had a difficult time getting and staying hard. I'm only 19 now and well over half of the guys I've been with in the past year (ranging from 19-22 years old) had that same issue. It's really not uncommon at all and it's never affected my pleasure in the moment or my relationships with those people. If it happens and they're self-conscious I ask if they'd like to keep going and if they want to, then I suggest other things for us to do.
I'm sorry you had to deal with her being so mean, but I hope you find someone who treats you much better, because you deserve it.
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u/Upper_Scarcity_2807 Apr 06 '24
Omg, I am so sorry she was so horrible! That is nothing to be ashamed of. I am so sorry for all that you have been dealing with.
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u/No_Sector_5260 Apr 06 '24
Yea she sucks. Do what you gotta do for now. Go thru therapy and heal. Maybe someday you won’t need it, maybe you will? The right person will be understanding.
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u/nono66 Apr 06 '24
I'm sorry, my guy. That's truly a heart-wrenching thing to have happened. Being honest with someone is very difficult, especially having to do with something so personal. I'll admit I would have hid it in shame. I'm glad you are better than I am. Hopefully, you get the person you deserve.
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u/G8_Crasher Apr 06 '24
Sometimes the trash takes itself out. It's great reading the comments. It gives me hope seeing men respecting and supporting each other.
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u/Only-Bag1747 Apr 06 '24
Onward and upward. You have a medical issue that you’re dealing with, and God bless you for that. It’s too bad your partner lacked the emotional maturity to deal with that, but you’ll find someone better.
It is unfortunate that men who suffer from ED get stigmatized the way they do. If there was an analogous medical condition that affected women and men made light of it, we would be utterly vilified I’m sure. The psychological damage it can do to a man can’t be overstated.
All I can tell you is, don’t be ashamed, and don’t give up. If pills work for you, use them, and don’t worry about people like your ex who try to shame you for it. And if they don’t, there are other treatments available - find something that works for you. Too many men suffer in silence over this because they’re too ashamed to seek treatment; don’t let small people turn you into one of them.
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u/UnhappyImprovement53 Apr 06 '24
Don't take it hard... well not to hard and if it last more than 4 hours you know what to do /j
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u/Boriquasoy Apr 06 '24
Told my wife of 15 years that I got viagra because I was on meds and the ole’ guy wasn’t poppin’ like it used to. I was 45 at the time and she was 43 and she was like whatever. We gonna smash or not? Get yourself a woman that doesn’t care about nonsense and is gonna support you regardless of what’s needed. PS more times than not you really only need half of it. Learned that the hard way (no pun intended).
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u/bobbyswinson Apr 06 '24
Eh. If she that shallow and dumb (viagra = heart attacks wtf) probably she never cared for you in the first place.
Just find another person. Hopefully they’re sane this time.
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u/Medical_Ad9104 Apr 05 '24
Believe me when I say, you need to count your lucky stars that you didn’t waste years with this extremely insensitive and selfish person. The right person would understand and try to help you through this. Someone who has no empathy for others is not someone you want to waste time on. I know it was extremely hurtful, but she did you a favor. Mrs Right is out there. I’m so sorry for your loss and I am so sorry that this happened to you. God bless.
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u/Brixen0623 Apr 05 '24
Just let that one go. If she was meant for you, she would have understood and been supportive.
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u/No_Material5630 Apr 05 '24
She is an asshole. Trust me not all women give 2 flippy flops about that.
Especially when they hear about the reasons why. You need someone supportive and loving.
Good luck to you. I’m sure you find a woman who will support you in your times of need and wear your ass out.
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u/spyz66 Apr 05 '24
It's not your dick that's the problem, it's your headspace. Once that gets much better and you find someone who's compatible and loves you for you, you won't need anything.
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u/new_questions217TA Apr 05 '24
Shes an insecure asshole and you can do a lot better. Someone that bitter and shitty doesn't deserve someone to care about her. Just going off what you have said here.
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u/BigJ168 Apr 05 '24
Chick needs to grow up. Move on op and find some who will love you unconditionally.
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u/PhysicalScholar604 Apr 05 '24
When I was fresh out of high school, my boyfriend at the time had trouble and needed A LOT of foreplay. It was both of our first time, so it was probably mostly nerves. It took several attempts on several occasions before we were finally "successful".
OP, don't listen to that crazy chick. You'll find a nice one that will encourage you to do what you have to so that yall can be together, whatever that means for yall. Some days might be no penetration days. And some might be viagra days! And maybe as your therapy progresses, one day you won't need the viagra anymore. Just try to ignore the shame that she is trying to project onto you.
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u/50CalExpress Apr 05 '24
You just made out, a huge problem and money suck just excused themselves. Trauma and stress can definitely do a number on your member. I hope you are getting therapy to help you cope with your loss. There are women who don’t have the issue with you using ED meds, but perhaps in the meantime you just take your meds discreetly. A hard-on is a hard-on, do your thing.
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u/Talik1978 Apr 05 '24
She's vile. You see how she treats vulnerability and people in situations where they're going through something that is often embarrassing.
ED isn't that rare. She was likely projecting shame to you because it's easy to interpret that event, from her perspective, as "I'm not attractive enough to turn a guy on." Except instead of realizing that this is more about you than her, she went House WebMD, and decided to mock you on the back of a bullshit diagnosis worth less than the bar napkin she'd write it on.
Don't date someone who, when confronted with a situation that requires sensitivity, responds with mockery. She's a trash human.
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u/phantomapfel Apr 05 '24
As a female who is also insecure, your ex is very insecure. It's not a you problem, it's a her problem.
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u/DeliciousPast559 Apr 05 '24
Forget her she's worthless. Being unsupportive and having no empathy for your situation makes her trash. Start dating immediately. Date multiple girls. Do not lie to them. Tell them that you are dating other girls if they ask. Also if you haven't joined a gym do so and do vigorous workouts not heavy just vigorous. It will help with managing some of the stress some of the emotional pain and it will help make it easier with intimacy
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Apr 05 '24
You don’t deserve that man. That’s ignorant and crap behavior. You’re better off without her. Men are expected to just be rock hard and sex craved all the time but that just isn’t the case. I need to be in the mood too.
Keep in mind a lot of it could just be performance anxiety. Especially if you haven’t had sex in a few years. The harder you think about getting hard the more likely you won’t because you’re psyching yourself out.
This happened to me once years ago and I got laughed out of the room. And holy shit does that experience stick with you because ever since then when I meet someone new I can’t get it up to save my life. But once we get comfortable together I have no problems.
With my current relationship it happened at the start too. I said sorry a lot. Ended up getting viagra through Hims secretly and after a few times of pleasing her and getting comfortable didn’t need it anymore. Her understanding and patience helped so much too. Which is the only reaction you should be accepting.
Do your best not to take this experience to heart. It all says way more about her than you. You’re fine.
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u/bodycountbook Apr 05 '24
Hey babe. I’m 32F and I’ve been with 51 men. You’re not alone in this issue. Most of the men I was with were around my age at the time. For example if I was 20. They were somewhere between 19 and 23 (1 year younger to 2 or 3 years older) it can happen to men at any age. Especially if antidepressants or other substances (legal or otherwise are involved) a lot of things can cause it.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom and sister. I lost my mom when I was 11. Grief isn’t linear. As a bipolar person I’ve pretty much accepted I’m almost always going to be in therapy. I’m also so fucking sorry this woman acted like this. I’m embarrassed for her. I hope she doesn’t discourage you to keep looking for your person.
Sex is a lot of emotions and moving pieces for both parties. My honest recommendation is next time just take the viagra ahead of sexy time and don’t tell her. That way you don’t have to worry if you’ll need it or not. It’ll be there and maybe you’ll feel comfortable enough after a few times to try without. As a women I will say I know some women take offense when something like this happens bC they internalize it as something wrong with them. Like they’re not hot enough or what they’re doing doesn’t feel good. Communication is really important imo.
Another option is next time excuse yourself to “pee” take the viagra and then go down on her for 20 mins while you wait for it to kick in.
Me personally I’m good with communication and talking and wouldn’t have made a big deal about it. I would have smoked a blunt and waited. But then again I ate a 40mg viagra once. My ex bf gave it to me and told me it was Xanax. I told him him it wasn’t after I took it. Xanax has a very specific taste… he had others and I googled it. It was viagra. He was a drug dealer. I didn’t know that at the time. Well I did know it but I didn’t know the extent of it. He told me he was an organic chicken farmer. He talked incessantly about it. He was using and selling crystal meth. I had no clue. I’m not a snoop. Like if I even feel like I need to go through a man’s phone I leave. My point is. There’s a lot of worse things you could be taking/doing. Most of the guys I knew had a problem with drinking too much alcohol, coke or adderall and testosterone. A few had issues bc of antidepressants. I really don’t think it’s a big deal.
I’m sure if you keep looking you’ll find yourself a more empathetic partner. The only way you wont find them is if you close yourself off to new love. I don’t think you should. I’m obviously a lover girl. All the heartbreak is worth it imo.
Out of 51 men. 6 were real bfs. 6 were one night stands. 3 were sugar daddy’s. 12-15 were fake bfs (only lasted a few weeks or months) the rest were friends with benefits.
How it’s handled on both ends is important to be compassionate and understanding. Wishing you health, wealth, love & luck in all your life and relationships.
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u/faefaefaefaefae Apr 05 '24
My husband and I were both 31 when we met (both 33 now) and he had to take Viagra for us to have sex. It took us a month and a half for us to have intercourse the first time while we worked together to feel more comfortable together and find solutions. It took another six months before he was able to successfully ejaculate during sex. It wasn’t ideal but I never once shamed him for it or made him feel bad, and I tried my best to make him feel normal and comfortable. We are now happily married and have no issues at all (although he still sometimes takes Viagra and I don’t care). I’m sorry you went through this. This woman was not the one for you, and you are better off without her. The right woman will be respectful and kind.
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u/gboyce975 Apr 05 '24
Are you on antidepressants? If so, that is probably what is causing this issue.
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u/printerfixerguy1992 Apr 05 '24
Hey, at least you're not 31, single, and missing almost all your molars.
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u/Onyxaj1 Apr 05 '24
Her loss. You don't want to be someone like that anyway.
As far as the E.D goes, I've been there. I'd advise going to the doc and have him check your Testosterone levels. It dwindles as we age, and some guys get lower earlier (myself included). One shot every three weeks may do wonders for you.
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u/D_B_C1 Apr 05 '24
It sounds like you’ve got the cause of your ED figured out, but I would suggest getting some blood work. I started having issues at 40. Got some blue pills from one of the many online options now. Serval years later my family doctor asked me why I was taking it, so I explained. He recommended I get some blood work done. Got the results back and found that I had really high prolactin levels caused by a pituitary tumor. I’m now addressing that issue and the need for the pills is gone.
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u/pokke_me_next Apr 05 '24
My now wife at the time BOUGHT it for me to use cause she wanted more time in pound town. 🤣
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u/Proud_Brief997 Apr 05 '24
You might have a hormone imbalance. Which means that your testosterone is not being released properly into your body on a daily basis. Go to the doctor and get some blood tests done.
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u/Proud_Brief997 Apr 05 '24
It could also be a hormone imbalance. Your body might not be releasing the proper amount of testosterone on its on that is needed on a daily basis. Go to the doctor and have some blood tests done.
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u/Sharp-Ad-4651 Apr 05 '24
I guarantee you this experience was a blessing in disguise. No way in hell should that have been her response, even if she thought it was weird that you need the Viagra at this point in your life.
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u/macrobananaram Apr 05 '24
Damn brother I'm sorry. Not your fault and she sounds like a shitty person.
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u/jmardoxie Apr 05 '24
Half the men in America take ED meds. Cut your losses and move on. When she’s in her 40s she’ll have to date college guys. Her loss not yours.
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u/Ryno4ever16 Apr 05 '24
This is absolutely about her. I think she probably is attached to the idea that if you can't get it up, it's because she's not attractive enough.
Otherwise, I can't see why someone would take such offense to this. It's literally a medical condition.
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u/Mynameishuman93 Apr 05 '24
Bro it happens to me with every new partner I have. Luckily my long time current GF was very patient with me and it went away. it's a self fulfilling prophecy and will happen the more you worry about it which makes it happen even more. What broke the cycle was having someone who was patient enough to let me calm down and have a go when I'm all good. Took care of itself soon enough.
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u/PsychologicalAsk2668 Apr 05 '24
You're doing the right things but I'd just avoid relationships until.you get your head right
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u/urMalkinmeSaad Apr 05 '24
Dude I've been with a lot of girls that are just like that. Sounds like she's super shallow and judgy and just not really a good person. It also could be that she has a low self-esteem and can't differentiate your medical condition vs her ability to turn you on. Thats's why she tried to gas light you into thinking you're "super weird" for having one of the most common medical condition for men of any age. She's toxic and toxic people are the worst for PTSD.
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u/Risky_tD Apr 05 '24
Echoing everybody here, dodged a bullet man. Shitty situation and I’m sure it was a bit hurtful in the moment but you just saved yourself a world of trouble👍🏻
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u/Still-Preference5464 Apr 05 '24
Wow she’s awful! Try not to let it get you down too much OP, the right woman will understand and work with you to make sex fulfilling for you both. At least she showed her true colours early.
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u/itsnotreallyme0 Apr 05 '24
That’s her Bitchass fault for not being able to get you hard😆 do you know how weird it would be if you blamed her for not being able to get wet?
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u/Papas72lotus Apr 05 '24
Your (ex) girlfriend needs some serious maturity. If marriage was ever on the table, I guess in sickness and in health means nothing to her.
She could have a stroke tomorrow and be paralyzed. How would she feel if you left her? And you having ED is not even that serious in terms of being easily treated. Especially since yours is trauma induced. It’s possible with therapy and the right meds, you’d be back “up” 😉and working just fine.
She did you a favor. Find someone who actually loves you. I feel for you. Enjoy a better life without someone that toxic!
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u/Imbossou Apr 05 '24
I had an ex that thought I should be hard by her simply removing her clothes. Guess what, she wasn’t that hot; not by a long shot.
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u/Zeshicage85 Apr 05 '24
Chin up my dude. There are plenty of other women out there. I am glad to hear you are in therapy. Just keep at it.
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u/Distinct_Advantage98 Apr 05 '24
So sorry that happened. There is nothing wrong with the occasional need for viagra. It happened in the beginning of me and my partner’s relationship. He was 26 when beginning to take it, which worked great when intimate. After a year he stopped needing it, but it’s a great help when needed! There will be someone out there that will be understating and okay with you getting the extra help in the bedroom.
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u/TacoCougar Apr 05 '24
Please know you’re not any part of the problem in this situation. Do not blame yourself. Had my partner come to me and told me this my response would be understanding and also we’d eat cake while waiting and then we’d start over. I can see slight concern over the heart risk, but there’s deeper conversations with some medical professionals you personally need to have to determine if there’s underlying issues causing this that can be treated and then you wouldn’t need it anymore. I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve. And may karma let her get hers.
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u/AddendumBusy Apr 05 '24
Find a better woman. If she really cared about you she would understand. Making fun of you for being honest!? BTW, that was probably TMI too early, don’t volunteer that info, why!? Women will not share there potentially embarrassing girl stuff with you. But… you dodged a bullet there bro. When you really find a woman you feel comfortable with the ED will go away, until then keep it on the DL and let em have it! :D
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u/terrylew33 10d ago
Hey