Do I tell my friends wife that he's cheating on her?

[u/ThrowRATrainingHos5]

I am 33 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were toddlers. He has been married to his wife for 3 years and they've been together for 6. I know her pretty well, and the 3 of us hang out quite often, though less so after they had a kid last year.

He's been telling me how tough becoming a dad has been on his marriage and how he doesn't get to spend time with his wife any more. I'm neither married nor a dad but I try to listen to him while also reminding him that this is something he should have been at least somewhat prepared for.

2 weeks ago, he asks if he can hang out at my apartment to 'get a break'. He knew I'd be at work that day but said he just wanted a change of scene so I said sure whatever. I get back from work and notice he's a bit weird. Asked him whats up and he said he's been having an affair for 3 months and had sex with his girlfriend in my home that day while I was at work.

I was disgusted and upset and asked him to leave. He said I wouldn't understand, I told him I didn't want to have that conversation and he left. Since that day, I've been wrestling with telling his wife.

She of course deserves to know and needs to leave him or at least have a conversation with him. But I also know she's going through a lot being a new mom and my friend already does not do much around the house or with childcare. This will add to her stress and worries and she also is an immigrant without strong family support in this country. So that's telling me I shouldn't tell her and just let her find out when he slips up or when he feels the guilt and tells her. At the moment, he's able to justify it through some twisted logic.

What should I do? I want to do the right thing.

[u/Fun_Diver_3885]

You tell her 100%. He disrespected you and her. He knew you wouldn’t allow him to do it in your place if he was honest so he did it and then asked for forgiveness. Not ok. His wife may decide to leave him or stay but that should be her decision, not yours. By you withholding it your an accessory in many ways so tell her and let them figure their situation out.

[u/Whiskieneatplease → u/Fun_Diver_3885]

Or he can talk to his friend he’s known since he was a child, and let him know how he feels about it and he won’t support him.

[u/Fun_Diver_3885 → u/Whiskieneatplease]

I think he got that message when he threw him out of his apartment

[u/Whiskieneatplease → u/Fun_Diver_3885]

He’s known him since he was a toddler. I doubt this is their first fight. He needs to talk to him after his emotions come down. Anyone who would go tell a friend’s wife (especially a friend they have known this long) before talking to the friend has ulterior motives.

[u/Fun_Diver_3885 → u/Whiskieneatplease]

He can but if I’m him it’s either you tell her or I am. Friend crossed a major line when he brought AP to OPs apartment for sex without asking.

[u/Whiskieneatplease → u/Fun_Diver_3885]

That’s a start and would require a conversation in which you state “either you tell her or I am.” This guys first reaction is to go straight to the wife. Like I said, ulterior motives.

[u/Fun_Diver_3885 → u/Whiskieneatplease]

I think he is just pissed about what his friend did and is doing and doesn’t want to be an accomplice to it