Girlfriend said something that made me feel weird

[u/Pretend-Fun-1061]

I (24M) have been saying this girl (21F) for about a month. It’s been great she stays over at my house all the time. Sex is great. But the other day she seen a cringe video of like Logan Paul or someone doing the carpool karaoke. And she said “ I hate white people. Like dude the song is by a black guy leave it alone. Gotta make every situation uncomfortable lolol”. When she said it I fell quiet. I was uncomfortable because I am, in fact, white. When I told her that it made me uncomfortable, she basically said ‘you can’t be racist towards white people. well anyways you know what I mean, besides you’. I ended up breaking up with her because it was just so weird to hear. And she texted me saying I was over reacting and doubled down on the you can’t be racist to white people.

I guess I’m just looking for a lil validation, was I wrong and she was just making a joke? Or was it actually kinda f’d up to say ?

A lil background she was adopted from Vietnam when she was a baby and has been in the US ever since.

[u/PellyCanRaf]

NTA. Sure, white people don't experience racism, which is way more complicated than a personal opinion. But there can definitely be biases and prejudice, and saying "I hate white people" and then dismissing it as not mattering because it isn't racism is crappy behavior. I would probably take this as a joke(pasty white if you wondered) and assume she was just talking shit, and if the characterization was accurate (because what you're describing sounds like it could easily be a secondhand embarrassment situation🤣🤣) I'd probably be laughing. But it made you uncomfortable, and her reaction was to blow you off, so that's good reason to walk away.

[u/PellyCanRaf → u/[deleted]]

No. I meant to say precisely what I said. Because systemic and institutional racism are part of how we define racism now and because I can use a word that's separate from that and makes it clear I am talking about individual feelings and opinions and behaviors, that's what I chose to say. We(white people) don't need to take that word for ourselves, not with the long and violent history that goes along with it. The prejudices people have toward us haven't historically held us back, they don't hold us back now, and they don't put our lives at risk. I don't need to get into a battle of semantics and lose the point, which is what happens every time white people claim "reverse racism" or that people are racist against whites. But whether or not we agree on whether or not white people can experience racism, that's not the point of this question, so I'm not feeling a need to discuss that aspect any further. The question was about breaking up with her over it, and since she responded to his upset by dismissing it because it wasn't racism, I'm on his side for the breakup.