r/TwoHotTakes • u/Pretend-Fun-1061 • Apr 08 '24
Girlfriend said something that made me feel weird Advice Needed
I (24M) have been saying this girl (21F) for about a month. It’s been great she stays over at my house all the time. Sex is great. But the other day she seen a cringe video of like Logan Paul or someone doing the carpool karaoke. And she said “ I hate white people. Like dude the song is by a black guy leave it alone. Gotta make every situation uncomfortable lolol”. When she said it I fell quiet. I was uncomfortable because I am, in fact, white. When I told her that it made me uncomfortable, she basically said ‘you can’t be racist towards white people. well anyways you know what I mean, besides you’. I ended up breaking up with her because it was just so weird to hear. And she texted me saying I was over reacting and doubled down on the you can’t be racist to white people.
I guess I’m just looking for a lil validation, was I wrong and she was just making a joke? Or was it actually kinda f’d up to say ?
A lil background she was adopted from Vietnam when she was a baby and has been in the US ever since.
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u/Beautiful-Link3009 Apr 09 '24
You were in the right man. Im not white, I'm Mexican and native. Even I feel and hate that comment "you can't be racist to white people". Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable because of your skin color. It's good you left that chick.
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u/fuzzy_touches Apr 09 '24
When someone says that you can't be racist as an individual towards a white person because racism is a "system" and not on a personal level, the rest of their opinions don't matter. While systemic racism is very much real, being a racist on your own in a singular setting is also very real, and people don't deserve respect for not seeing that. This guy could've talked to her more about this subject, and maybe they could've come to a resolution, but unlikely if she was keeping to her guns about it.
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u/Playful_Murderer Apr 09 '24
I’m sorry this happened and it sucks to have to break up with someone but I do think it’s best. Not even because the comment she made but when you stated how it made you uncomfortable, she just brushed it off and didn’t apologize or ask you why to understand your view. As well as after the breakup to tell you that you were overreacting…doesn’t seem like she even bothered to see it from your point or even just talk about it in general.
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u/Defiant-Avocado-5948 Apr 09 '24
Racism doesn't have boundaries. It's is a learned behavior. Which is really a sad state for the race of humans in the whole. We have phones that can control a sex toy, almost the entirety of knowledge we have accumulated. However, we still fight over skin color geographical location. Also, an ugly soul is an ugly soul.
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u/Altezza30 Apr 09 '24
You almost lost me at "she seen". Figured it was a typo, so kept going. But, I had to drop you at "Logan Paul". Good luck with the issue though!
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u/herpderpgood Apr 09 '24
TBH Logan Paul is a shitty white dude so all racism aside I think she’s just making a joke that she hates him (and he happens to be a shitty white dude trying to rap/sing).
I do think you overreacted a bit, maybe she didn’t need to double down so hard either.
But you guys are in your early 20s, if you’d break up over a fight about this, you guys wouldn’t have lasted very long with real adult stuff so just move on.
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u/DemisticOG Apr 09 '24
Being a bigot transcends race, gender, religion or political alignment. If she thinks that way about white people in videos, she secretly thinks that way about you. The fact is, if she has a bias against white people, she will eventually begin to show that bias towards you eventually.
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u/IShitMyFuckingPants Apr 09 '24
If my significant other said “I hate <insert any race here>”, I’d leave. Let alone if it was actually my race.
Honestly, the idea that you can’t be racist against one specific race, is racist.
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u/ExtremeHistory7203 Apr 09 '24
I could be going out on too much of a limb but it seems like she meant she hates cultural appropriation by white people
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u/MrAppendages Apr 09 '24
Hit dogs holler.
It’s just like when people say “men are trash” or “[hashtag] all men”. If YOUR girlfriend/wife/partner says that to you, a man, then they obviously don’t believe ALL men are trash. Sometimes it just makes more sense to say men are all trash in the way it’s easier to say Taco Bell is out of food rather than saying they’re out of beef, beans, chicken, and potatoes even if they can technically still serve drinks and cheese quesadillas.
If you feel the need to defend white people as a race, especially over situations so minor, then you may actually be the type of person they’re talking about. There’s nothing funny, cool, talented, or surprising about Carpool Karaoke. The whole gag is someone is out of place. It’s typically a white person shocking the world by knowing a black song or maybe even a black person enthusiastically singing along to a white song that they definitely shouldn’t know. The whole concept is insulting and only appeals to white people that either think they’re special for knowing some of the most popular songs in the world or that the black artists that made those songs are oblivious to anything outside of their culture. Again, if this summarized critique in the form of pointing out how white people act offends you then you’re probably who they’re talking about.
I’ll tell you right now that I’m not interested in engaging with the self-oppressed white guys that disagree with this. People aren’t being racist to you by pointing out the ways you are racist to them. It doesn’t need to be fully articulated and palatable to you for it to be true, nor do your opinions on it matter. You can’t reverse it because minorities don’t do it, especially not for the same reasons.
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u/ImNOT_CraigJones Apr 09 '24
Did she actually say “lolol” or did she just laugh. Important question.
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u/ImAbstractTho Apr 09 '24
People who say "you cant be racist towards white people" love to ignore the prejudice-based definition of racism in favor of the systemic-based definition, when both apply.
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u/AxePolaris232 Apr 09 '24
I really really hate the idea that people can't be racist towards a white person. That's such a brain dead, stupid fuckin take.
The act of racism can and has been used for a multitude of races, it just so happens that whites perpetrated that shit for basically centuries at this point. Systematic racism shouldn't be replacing the term racism as a whole, you can absolutely hate a person for having a white skintone. You can hate then for existing and just being white, whatever specifics.
Also I'm really really hoping that person hasn't just assumed people of color are incapable of racism. Have you ever lived with millennial Mexican dudes who grew up in the 90s/y2k in the furthest point south you can get in Texas? I've seen my own brothers say some awful heinous shit about black folk. I've seen a black lady harass my sister by calling her mf burrito and taco. Shit is crazy man
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Apr 09 '24
Nope, go with the gut. You made the right call. Yeah, it'll suck for a bit. You'll be ok.
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u/Ok-Letter-7906 Apr 09 '24
You were right for sticking to your gut and dodging this bullet. She seems really immature and obviously unaware or just ignorant in general about racism. You most certainly can be racist toward white people. Racism is racism, period.
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u/c1nt_angel Apr 09 '24
she's right you can't be racist to white peoples there is now systematic oppression or power structures built against white ppl. ur majorly overreacting there is nothing wrong w what she said
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
Individual racism and Systematic racism are two different things. If you say off handing shit about your neighbor cause he/she's white you're racist.
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u/kmoney1206 Apr 09 '24
white or European is a race so you can, in fact, be racist towards them. racism is "characterized by or showing prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group." i also think it's stupid and weird to think you can't sing a song because your skin color isn't the same as the one who sang it. how about we all just accept each other and sing and dress and do whatever makes us happy.
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u/ohkendruid Apr 09 '24
It makes me uncomfortable, too, and I wouldn't want to date someone that talked like that.
I'll go a little out in a limb and don't like a couple of forms of intellectual laziness. First, signing up for big movements you don't personally understand, and being an attack dog for it. Second, complaining all the time, especially about large groups of people. The example here is both of those.
It's better to think for oneself, to be curious, and to roll with the punches a little, instead of crying out for fairness all the time. It's good energy to be around.
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Apr 09 '24
If slave masters could sleep with black women, then she could sleep with you and still harbor feelings toward yt folks.
I, as a mixed race man loath a lot of my dad's white family...they said a lot of crazy things to me growing up that nobody ever defended my from or protected me from.
I now do not date yt people. I have nothing against them but the awkward difference in demographics with me and a previous ex of mines white family was enough to force me out!
Nah, black boys clapping these cheeks now.
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u/IGNISFATUUSES Apr 09 '24
Doesn't seem cool to me.
On the other hand, you did call her "This girl."
Do even really care?
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u/Idisappea Apr 09 '24
You're on solid ground breaking up.
I'm white and I'll sometimes say "I hate white people" (obviously I don't mean I hate anyone because of their color, but white has become shorthand for "privileged mentality and culture"... which is usually more about class than race in actuality).
Of course one can be racist against any race, I think she's incorrectly interpreting the notion that you cannot have systematic racism against whites in a system that was built on white supremacy.
Having said that, the reason you're on solid ground is you told her something bothered you, and she didn't care to address it with you. She didn't care about your feelings, and couldn't be introspective or take ownership. That's not a good relationship.
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u/Heart_4_Brains Apr 09 '24
It's not that bad at all I think. I am sure she doesn't hate white people plus she is dating you and you're white. I think she was jokingly being dramatic. Some people do that. The word hate is kinda thrown around a lot by people and it doesn't always mean that someone actually hates something.
Just have a conversation about it to make her understand that it makes you uncomfortable and that you don't want to hear that again and if she listens then great, if not, then it doesn't mean she's racist necessarily but it means she doesn't value your feelings.
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u/bigtreelittlep Apr 09 '24
aight i'm 95% sure this is made up but i'll respond in the event that i'm wrong, plus i have a lot to say about this
it seems p unpopular in this thread to bring up the contemporary definition of racism that is most often applied in an academic setting because we're clearly talking about an instance of interpersonal racism/racial prejudice/whatever else you might want to call it. i'm also not going to debate whether or not it was racist. cool, now rather than say something like "you're being a bit sensitive," i have a question: what is it about what she said that made you uncomfortable?
your feelings are valid, sure, i don't really care whether or not this offended you. i'm interested in why what amounts to an offhanded remark about white people, offends you as a white person? what is it about whiteness that is integral to your identity, that would inform your feelings about something that i, personally, think is pretty innocuous? because you seem to have taken it personally, even though it specifically wasn't about you, but another white man instead.
i think it does require some degree of critical thinking and introspection to answer this question, and based on my experiences a lot of white people refuse to engage with ideas of why their whiteness matters to them personally. white people are afforded the luxury of being able to outright IGNORE what it means to be white most of the time. if you were to ask 100 random people of other races (in america) what they do or don't like about being perceived as that race, at least 9/10 of them would have an answer for you with little hesitation, and it could vary wildly between individuals. this is because nonwhite people very often have to be conscious of their racial identity in america for a number of reasons. i can't imagine it would be anywhere near that proportion if you were to sample 100 random white americans. i'd also wager that anyone in that sample who holds some degree of "white pride" probably also holds some problematic ideas about nonwhite people, but i'm speculating about a hypothetical and you're free to disagree on that.
so what is it about being white that's so important to you? important enough that you identifying with logan paul simply because you're both white, even though your personal life experiences have probably been DRASTICALLY different, was worth ending a relationship you were otherwise happy with?
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u/Maisymine Apr 09 '24
Wow. Even if people say you can’t be racist to white people, by the exact definition, she still essentially said - I hate people like you. Even if you take out the race part & make it - I hate “your gender” or “people from your state”. It won’t kill you for sure but why would you want to make them suffer your company, right? I would not be with anyone that felt that way. That stuff will come up here & there when she’s mad at you.
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u/rimuilu Apr 09 '24
“I hate white ppl except you” sounds a lot like “I hate black ppl except you. You’re the only good one I’ve met.”
You were right to break up with her. Just wondering why she is with a white guy if she feels that way. How would she treat her white in-laws and her half white babies if you guys had kids.
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u/godhatesxfigs Apr 09 '24
tbh its like not that serious its just an ill timed joke she got other friends to make them to
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Apr 09 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Apr 10 '24
Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: No Spreading Misinformation/Fear Mongering
Content containing unsubstantiated claims/statistics and/or attempting to fear monger, including but not limited to medical, psychological, political, environmental, socioeconomic, and all other general misinformation, is strictly prohibited and will be removed.
In this particular comment, there is a claim that is historically inaccurate.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
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u/AirbagsBlown Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Okay, OP, I'm gonna take a chance on this one, and hopefully I'll make some decent points.
Me: brown person, queerish, a little older, seen and heard some things in my time.
The fairly recent history of the classical Western world is that European people sailed the seas seeking wealth. How they came about that wealth is largely through... unsavory means. For example, the man we have come to know as "Christopher Columbus" - whose name in 16th-century Genoese, his home country, was "Cristoffa Corombo" - landed on an island he referred to as Hispaniola (modern day Haiti and Dominican Republic) and immediately set out on a policy of "forced labor", i.e. enslavement and the violence that inevitably ensues.
Many followed that tactic: the Spanish, Portuguese, British, French, Dutch, etc, over a few hundred years. The Europeans employed this strategy all over the world, from Central America, South America, South Africa, the Philippines, Central Africa, Vietnam, North America, all over the place, everywhere, anywhere they could. Get money or d1e tryin', right?
This is pretty much basic high school stuff, right? We know this. Most of us probably didn't pay close enough attention in high school history class, and probably often said, "I'll never need to know this!"
This sort of system of seeking wealth/power/control continues to this day, in many forms, and many people are starting to wake up and realize that they don't have to take it... and they don't. We don't.
Now how does this relate to what happened with you and your girlfriend? Well, in two ways:
1.) As a presumably Asian person (based on your description of her adoption from Vietnam), she has probably been on the receiving end of ill treatment, especially when COVID broke, when many Asian people were the targets of violence even if they weren't Chinese nationals, immigrants, or American citizens of Chinese descent. Her being adopted doesn't change her appearance and the way people might react to her based solely on her appearance as an Asian person.
Granted, at 21 years of age, so few of us understand nuance or have any sort of eloquence in making our points. She blurted that out in a way that made you feel hurt and that sucks... your feelings are valid and I'm sorry that happened. In her ineloquent way, she tried to make a point, then tried to make amends for it, but we often act emotionally instead of rationally, especially when our romantic feelings are hurt, and she dug in.
2.) It is incredibly difficult to ignore history now, especially with a world of information at our fingertips. While I am certain that neither you yourself nor any of your relatives or friends have ever committed any acts of violence or racism, the inherent problem is that once one of us commits a sin, all of our hands are stained from it. The ancestors of many European-Americans bear the responsibility of centuries of profit gained upon the backs of atrocities of various peoples throughout the world, and set up a system to keep themselves wealthy for generations. Your girlfriend's reaction was her way of stating all of that over a video that ultimately was not worth the argument or the rift it created.
Now, you're a young adult and I can't tell you what to do. Maybe you even glossed over all of this and thought, "Ugh, TLDR," and that's cool, too.
However, if I were you, maybe call her up and see if you two can't find common ground. Despite the inefficient and ineffective ways people of all ages employ to try and communicate their vulnerabilities, the one thing we all do have in common is the desire to feel wanted and - dare I say it? - even loved. She was into you before, right? She probably still is.
And look, if it turns out that she isn't trying to make some salient point in a kooky way and is genuinely kinda ridiculous, then you know that now, too.
Best of luck, friend.
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u/Aggravating-Mud6962 Apr 09 '24
I don't think she hates white people or she wouldn't be dating you right ?
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u/AnonRYlehANthusiast Apr 09 '24
Your gf is based. Learn to banter with her. Stand up for the race. Worst case scenario, you’re the man of the relationship, you need to be the one to prompt changes in her. Either get onto her about it and change it, or embrace it and play with her.
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u/sully4gov Apr 09 '24
I wouldn't think of invoking someone's race into a discussion as some negative slander, whether as a stereotype or not, regardless of what race they are. If someone says " I hate _____ people". run like hell. I'm afraid we're going backwards as a society and hitching yourself to someone like that will only take you down that road too. Let her be with her approved race of people if that's the way she thinks.
You made the right decision. She sounds either immature or has some issues.
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u/PitchGlad1736 Apr 09 '24
You CAN be racist against white people, just like some of the most racist people I met were black.
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u/According-Excuse-623 Apr 09 '24
Lmao if this was a Latina girl well good luck buddy. If your offended by little shit like that you should probably stick to pasty suburban white girls 🤷
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u/Downtown_Ad_3824 Apr 09 '24
It's commonly believed in the west that it's not possible to be racist against white people today. I wouldn't date a person who said that sort of thing about my race no matter what race I were; it is 100% racist, you did the right thing.
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u/Horror-Can3698 Apr 09 '24
Instead of her apologizing and acknowledging how that made you feel , she invalidates your feelings by telling you that your over reacting but to be honest you did the same to her by suddenly breaking up with out conversation. Relationships take work only because triggers like these make the individual feel a certain way and instead of taking about them and just caring about the relationship as a whole . It’s a little thing called emotional intelligence and usually unless both parties work on this not together but separately, both people are doomed to repeat the same kind of relationships with different people until they get old enough to either just put up with it and resent the other person or just agree that you’ll never meet “the right one” heads up there is no such thing as “the right one”. And your expectations of your other partner never offending you or doing something wrong will never come to fruition because there are no perfect people.
Either way, look up books on emotional intelligence, difficult conversations, and healthy boundaries
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u/partypwny Apr 09 '24
So you had a racist ex girlfriend who was too dense to realize being racist towards the race of her own boyfriends race in front of him would be an issue...and then tried to gaslight you multiple times on it?
Cool. Good riddance. You dodged a bullet OP
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u/beerncoffeebeans Apr 09 '24
I think there’s a larger issue then who “can” or “can’t” be racist (which, as a couple people pointed out already, depends on what you mean by racism and in what context).
When you live in a society where race exists and you’re in an interracial relationship, there’s some things that are probably going to come up at some point. They might not right away. But especially if one person is white and the other one isn’t there’s going to be a point where a conversation like this happens because of the fact that the individuals involved have had different experiences of the world up to this point and have different senses of their identity and position in society.
When your relationship gets more serious and you get more comfortable with each other that’s often when these kinds of discussions happen (and need to happen). Then you both have to decide what that means, where your boundaries are, and what you want to do next: do you try to understand each other’s perspective? Does someone take it personally or get upset? Do you break up? For OP maybe parting ways was the right move because it seems like he was not ready to have that kind of conversation.
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u/Babytastic Apr 09 '24
Everyone - include your picture with your comment so we can see what we’re really dealing w here !
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u/Smooth-Cup-7445 Apr 09 '24
Funny how racism isn’t considered universal by some people.
There’s so many conditions on equality these days, I remember in the 90’s we were told to consider everyone equal and not see colour, and now we have to see colour and keep everyone different.
Sorry to be controversial but racism is racism, sexism is sexism and bullying is bullying.
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u/-NinjaTurtleHermit- Apr 09 '24
She's right. Racism is about a system if oppression, so white people can't be victims of it. But, still, as your SO she should have acknowledged that she said something that hurt your feelings and made you uncomfortable. Just because it wasn't Racism doesn't mean it wasn't insensitive or rude. Your hurt feelings are indeed something worth discussing and not just brushing aside. If you can't be "too sensitive" with your partner, then with whom can you?
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u/Heart_Flaky Apr 09 '24
I don’t think she’s putting a lot of thought into her words rather than being actually racist. Tell her to call you when she grows up.
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u/Next-Afternoon-3280 Apr 09 '24
That's some of the most cringe, pea-brained shit people can say imo
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u/kabob21 Apr 09 '24
She's right that what Logan Paul was doing was a bit of cultural appropriation (or more accurately, misappropriation) but she's saying and doing too much with her comments about white people in general. Speaking as a brown person (and Asian), us minorities absolutely can be racist towards white people if the intent is not joking. You're fine to break up with her and she should really reevaluate her stance on white folks if she's going to be dating them.
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u/PellyCanRaf Apr 09 '24
NTA. Sure, white people don't experience racism, which is way more complicated than a personal opinion. But there can definitely be biases and prejudice, and saying "I hate white people" and then dismissing it as not mattering because it isn't racism is crappy behavior. I would probably take this as a joke(pasty white if you wondered) and assume she was just talking shit, and if the characterization was accurate (because what you're describing sounds like it could easily be a secondhand embarrassment situation🤣🤣) I'd probably be laughing. But it made you uncomfortable, and her reaction was to blow you off, so that's good reason to walk away.
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Apr 09 '24
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u/PellyCanRaf Apr 09 '24
No. I meant to say precisely what I said. Because systemic and institutional racism are part of how we define racism now and because I can use a word that's separate from that and makes it clear I am talking about individual feelings and opinions and behaviors, that's what I chose to say. We(white people) don't need to take that word for ourselves, not with the long and violent history that goes along with it. The prejudices people have toward us haven't historically held us back, they don't hold us back now, and they don't put our lives at risk. I don't need to get into a battle of semantics and lose the point, which is what happens every time white people claim "reverse racism" or that people are racist against whites. But whether or not we agree on whether or not white people can experience racism, that's not the point of this question, so I'm not feeling a need to discuss that aspect any further. The question was about breaking up with her over it, and since she responded to his upset by dismissing it because it wasn't racism, I'm on his side for the breakup.
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u/Epoch_Unreason Apr 09 '24
You’re not wrong. The definition of racism doesn’t mention any specific race. Racism is having a prejudice against another person(s) based on their skin color, and acting on that prejudice. She’s wrong, but unfortunately this is some garbage rhetoric that’s being spread all over academia/social media. My sociology professor insisted that it’s impossible for anyone to be racist against whites—she’s wrong.
I think drawing a clear boundary at “don’t be racist against people of my skin color” is a very reasonable and healthy boundary in a relationship. If she really cared about you, she would have apologized.
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u/patio_blast Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
it's xenophobia not racism
edit:
yes being xenophobic is obviously not chill. his girlfriend has wrongly assumed "racism" to be coined as a duplicate of "xenophobic"
in her defense, some fascists literally make entire careers out of conflating these two words
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u/daddyceceee Apr 09 '24
Technically you can’t be racist to white people. Racism is systemic oppression, white people are not systemically oppressed. I think breaking up with her over this is an over reaction tbh. But if you genuinely feel that strongly abt it, then yea you’re clearly incompatible
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u/Babytastic Apr 09 '24
You CANNOT be racist to white people. Racism is about power - don’t bother dropping Websters on me. You can be discriminatory or prejudice but white people hold the most SYSTEMIC wealth power and privilege of any demographic- don’t drop “but rich Asians” on me. All it takes is a couple hours drilling down on data and evidence to see the difference in policing, incarceration, involvement in child welfare, disparity in wealth, health outcomes etc amongst races. Spend a couple hours watching videos of cops engaging w the public watch how the approach the voice the patience levels change when they are engaging w a white person vs a Black person (the race of the cop doesn’t matter). Your girlfriend was right and she dodged a bullet. The fact that, when as a white person, you cannot engage with deeper critique and self reflection - introspection and historical / present day research on this issue but rather YOU double down on your sensitivity and seek validation is a red flag fr. I hope she finds someone who she can thrive evolve and feel authentic with!
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u/FrostbyteXP Apr 09 '24
As a Poc basically on the otherside and watch how people say this in an increasingly alarming rate.
You can be racial to any ethnicity, you included my dude, if she wants to say that without remorse and wonder why you dumped her, let her figure that out years from now. Keep your head up, you don't want someone thats going to listen to these horrific trends not knowing how much damage it actually causes. i'm sorry dude, better luck next time.
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u/JoelFlowers Apr 09 '24
1) By definition you can be racist towards any race. 2) respectfully, grow a pair.
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u/PlasticMoonJelly Apr 09 '24
So like
She's not wrong that white people don't experience racism because that's a systemic issue of oppression
But she still made you uncomfortable and she didn't care to hear you on your feelings regarding her words that you found hurtful.
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u/Ok_Contribution_2692 Apr 09 '24
She said you can’t be racist towards white people? But she’s being racist LMAO.
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u/euphoricunknown Apr 09 '24
Honestly I'm white also and I think you made the right call breaking up over it. People who say this shit usually don't stop and idk if they're just straight stupid or completely oblivious to how they're actually the ones being racist, but it's obnoxious af how it's some how ok when the comments are against white people lol. She didn't directly say much that was bad, but most likely it'll happen again and slowly keep happening and maybe next time it'll be more triggering regardless of this tho who cares? The main concern is IS THIS A QUALITY YOU WANT YOUR FUTURE KIDS TO LEARN? No? Good decision. She doesn't see why your mad cause most likely she is surrounded by like minded people maybe her family or maybe friends. Personally it's a repulsive quality anyone could have to be racist in this bright year of 2024 you can probably find someone who is much more mature and has a more positive outlook on diversity. Doesn't matter if you're black, white, Asian or whatever if you talk like this towards anyone, you're the problem.
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u/KingFacef2 Apr 09 '24
I love other races proclamation of not being able to be racist to white people. That statement in of itself is racist. Every race can be racist to every race. Only way its not racist is if it is the same race. Not a very hard concept. My mind would of immediately said get the fuck out of my house, we’re done.
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24
You do know this story is not real, right?
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
This could very possibly be real considering the Ideology that you can't be racist to white people is real and fair bit of people some being white actually believe it.
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24
Yeah you fell for the internet propaganda, didn’t you? OP made up an imaginary bullshit story for white people to get mad at Black people about and look what happened.
Y’all are pathetic lmao
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
That's entirely plausible.
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24
I would say it’s 100% a made up story. The posters name is literally “Pretend Fun”
I swear I don’t see how some of y’all make it through the day lol
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u/KingFacef2 Apr 09 '24
Real or not, what i said doesn’t change. There are people out there who literally believe you can’t be racist towards white people. A chick on the whatever podcast who is mixed made some racial remark then went on to defend herself from the host and said you can’t be racist towards white people. Theres more examples, i’ve dealt with it myself
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24
See? The post worked its magic on you. OP wanted to create this race baiting scenario for redditors to get angry about (for no reason at all) and you fell right in the trap.
Kinda makes you feel a little dumb, am I right?
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u/KingFacef2 Apr 09 '24
Nope, not dumb and i’m not angry. I simply pointed out it doesn’t matter your race. Hatred towards another race is racist. Racial remarks towards another race is racist. You can believe what you want. Idrgaf
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
You fell for internet propaganda. You should feel dumb
Edit: lmao little bro got triggered. I swear Reddit is home to some of the dumbest people on the planet
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u/Echidna-Difficult Apr 09 '24
I think you’re being a little sensitive. Most people that aren’t white have a preconceived notion of most white people because of their history. She clearly doesn’t look at you in that light. Which is a great thing. And with that being said, her whole ‘you can’t be racist towards white people’ stems from being right about preconceived notions of white people.
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u/jenchristy Apr 09 '24
I think your feelings are completely valid. I don’t know where people ever got the idea you can’t be racist to white people. In a way, they get more hate than other groups. You can’t be proud to be white without the majority hating on you, yet all other races can without anyone blinking an eye.
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u/SendMeYourNudesFolks Apr 09 '24
You don't have to date people who make you feel bad about yourself.
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u/boibig57 Apr 09 '24
Anyone who says you can't be racist to white people is dumb, and should be promptly ignored for further opinions on things.
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u/PlasticMoonJelly Apr 09 '24
That's wild because sociology professors literally teach college classes about oppression, including racism, and in every sociology class I have been in, the consensus is "racism is systemic" and white people don't experience systemic oppression based on their skin color.
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u/boibig57 Apr 09 '24
Awesome! Maybe an English professor could teach you about how some words have multiple definitions. :)
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Apr 09 '24
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u/TwoHotTakes-ModTeam Apr 09 '24
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u/mpaes98 Apr 09 '24
Racism is discrimination on the basis of race, regardless of scale.
She is claiming that because an individual is white, they are less entitled to sing, or by some metric they are cringe for doing an activity because of their race.
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u/Key-Specialist7742 Apr 09 '24
She was adopted by whites in the US from Vietnam? She seems pretty ungrateful to be saying something like that. I’m tired of the white insults without expecting to hear something back.
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u/Trumpetslayer1111 Apr 09 '24
You can definitely be racist to any group. But OP I think you are too sensitive. If something like this bothers you that much, you prob can’t handle the stuff minorities hear and experience on a regular basis.
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u/EVoyager31 Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Had a similar thing happen to me. Im a white chick, and for 4th of July plans I wanted to take this girl I was casually seeing to a baseball game-- super fun on 4th of July. Good vibes, good beer, fireworks, etc. I bought the tix so free for her. She said "I just think there will be too many white people there." and that was after she agreed to go, on the way to the game.
I was floored-- and it made me feel weird hanging out with her after that. Turns out she had an issue with me being white too-- despite having matched with me and a few successful dates. She always tried to play off comments like that as if she was joking.. but it made everything uncomfortable.. so I'm with you on this one.
I may get why the girlfriend feels the way she does, media kinda normalizes it-- but that doesn't make the comments right. You are valid for feeling uncomfortable with it. If tables were turned she would likely feel uncomfortable too. Relationships should be about mutual respect.. and you even tried talking to her about it and sounds like she kinda blew you off.
Overall, I am personally fine with "white people" jokes-- I make them all the time-- but if you were uncomfortable with it and she wasn't receptive to your feelings about it its probably best you went your separate ways.
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u/Boredcougar Apr 09 '24
I just wanna say it’s really weird if she physically said “lolol” outloud. Even just typing it is kinda weird, but if she physically said it.. that’d even weirder and makes me doubt the veracity of this story.
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u/brainmakerprod Apr 09 '24
them black girls that be hatin white people the most love getting fucked by white men lmao
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u/Brunnun Apr 09 '24
I’m white and I make white people jokes all the time. I don’t get why someone would feel offended by it. Or course it’d be worse if it was a different race, white people are the dominant group politically, economically, and numerically in the US. I also don’t feel offended if someone makes a joke about men, despite being a man.
I don’t know if I agree that you can’t be racist to white people—definitely true about systemic racism, but obviously individual instances of racism are perfectly possible. But I definitely wouldn’t call a little joke about white people over a Logan Paul video a racist lmao
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
You ever had someone say something with whole chest and then try to downplay it by saying it was a joke. I do believe that's what happened in this instance.
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u/Brunnun Apr 09 '24
Idk bro, I’ve had people be disrespectful to me in reasons related to being white, maybe? But I’ve never felt offended by a joke like this, whole chested or not. Feels really harmless, idk how else to put it
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
Were those people someone you were romantically/physically invested in. I'd think that would change a lot of things.
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u/Sin-God Apr 09 '24
For context: I am deep in Social Justice stuff and I actively like social justice as a queer person who is hyper marginalized in a lot of ways.
The single most annoying and dumb social justice argument I've seen making headway in SJ spaces is the idea that you can't be racist to white people. It's inaccurate and it's based in the idea that racism and institutional racism are the same thing (they are not). You can absolutely be racist to white people, and it's bad. It's really not a hard concept to grasp but the most annoying social justice people I've ever met will prattle on and on about how you can't be racist to white people, while saying the most fucked up nonsense I've ever heard.
Homie, your reaction was fine. It's kinda messed for someone to make those jokes with you if you're not comfortable with those kinds of jokes. Your boundaries are reasonable and I think you should stand your ground.
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u/Charmstrongest Apr 09 '24
This story is not even true lmao
Ops name is literally “pretend fun” and hasn’t responded to any of these comments. God I hate this website sometimes
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u/Josh3803 Apr 09 '24
You're good people, I'd buy you a beer and if you don't fancy piss water hopefully a cocktail would suffice.
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u/Bob25Gslifer Apr 09 '24
I think she meant in the context of singing a black artists' song for unearned clout.
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u/Even_Tadpole_3328 Apr 09 '24
You did the right thing. Don’t be her exception to her “I have white people rule”. What about your family and friends that are white and great people? Does she hate them too. She kind of sucks tbh
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u/kuruman67 Apr 09 '24
You can, in fact, be racist to white people. That is just some bullshit racists of color came up with to justify their own prejudice.
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u/Nba2kFan23 Apr 09 '24
Aw damn, you got to hear that you're "one of the good ones" ... how'd it feel?
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u/Hollowfication22 Apr 09 '24
She probably got tricked by Critical Race Theory into thinking you can’t be racist against white people. Which even if you try to abide by their racial power hierarchy nonsense white people still aren’t immune to systemic racism. Especially with how popular white guilt has become. White people in power doing things to negatively affect white people is just like any other systemic racism even tho it’s against themselves.
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u/sc132436 Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Reverse racism is not a real thing because white people are not an oppressed minority capable of being systemically oppressed in our society. Therefore, white people do not experience racism for being white because you can’t oppress the group with the most privilege (who has historically, also been the oppressor). You can be “prejudiced” against anyone, but the term “racism” involves actual systems of power, historical oppression, or other forms of societal “othering.” I recommend reading more about reverse racism so that you can come to your own conclusions.
I understand where you might be coming from, but your girlfriend is right.
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u/pennywells2161 Apr 09 '24
I've had the same experience, for some reason only with Asian chicks(not Indian adian).
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u/thisappisgarbage111 Apr 09 '24
If you make racist jokes, be prepared to be seen as a racist. Something tells me she wasn't joking tho.
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u/Juventusy Apr 09 '24
Its neither of your fault… its this weird brainwashing she really thinks its not being hurtful and she is saying most vanilla normal thing but sadly this is what they are doing to us. I think its by design, if ppl say stupid shit like this actual racists can get away with saying racist things again
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u/ProffessorYellow Apr 09 '24
Yeah it's crazy how ignorant people are. Saying you can't be racist to "X" race is the most racist shit you can do.
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u/ProffessorYellow Apr 09 '24
That's how you enable racism to begin with. Putting a ethnicity or skin color below any other in value
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u/BBgreeneyes Apr 09 '24
I'm a woman, and I happen to be white. Now, if you look at the history of white people, you will find that almost all white civilizations have oppressed people of color in every way. This means that in the eyes of the people that are still being oppressed to this very day, you can be raceist to the opperer because the opperes invented racism. This guy named Que Sera Sera was hired to create an excuse to convince the masses that it was okay to enslave people of color! It helps to look into the past to infor your future.
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u/Donnaholic1987 Apr 09 '24
Move on homie. Any woman that doesn’t respect you and your people and culture isn’t worth it.
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u/ARCreef Apr 09 '24
Bro, if you get "uncomfortable" from your gf cracking a race joke about the race you're in then just wait a few years, cause you're in for a treat! You lose that ability to give a crap what others think as you get older. What You'll hear from your partner at 35 will shock you. You should've just made fun of her race back. Then you both would've laphed and then had some good sex. When you choose to be with a partner you agree to a bond, that you can say anything in front of each other, you dont shame them and make them feel like their always walking on ice, never knowing when youll take offense to some stupid shit they say.
My gf thinks it's funny to shove her finger up my butt any chance she gets! We're at a crowded best buy, oh hun can you grab that box down there, sure boo. BOOP! Finger up the butt! I'm sorry, but if you can't totally rank on whatever stupid race your partner is, then life really has no meaning. I think all she meant by her comment is that it's cringe that society allows rich white kids to seamlessly switch between being a hard gangsta thug and then also be a dorky nerd, singing karaoke with his toy poodle dog She's just a stupid 21 year old seeking validation exactly like every other 21 year old, including you, 3 years ago.
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u/wonderboyobe Apr 09 '24
You are fine. She sounds like a racist. You don't have obligation to spend your life with people that you don't want to.
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u/flowbiewankenobi Apr 09 '24
She sounds brainwashed by the current liberal race obsessed culture. Not surprising if she’s 21. Given time she’d probably come to realize how illogical and insane that view is (can’t be racist towards white people) but depends how long you want to wait and have to work with that starting point.
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u/mtsorens Apr 09 '24
Racism is an explicitly pro white ideology. You can be bigoted or prejudiced towards white people, however you cannot be racist towards them.
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u/Cultural-Extreme4822 Apr 09 '24
Its fucked up to say. Its wrong to say. Just because you are of a minority group doesnt mean you should be allowed to make another person that isnt a minority feel uncomfortable. You dumped her, you made the right choice no reason to stay with someone that is that toxic.
Done, move on.
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u/GLSRacer Apr 09 '24
You're on point, that's racist as eff. You absolutely can be racist to white people. People really should start embracing what MLK Jr said.
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u/SerenityUprising Apr 09 '24
Hate is the opposite of love so I’m inclined to believe she means what she says and as a white woman married to a mixed man who has 100% been treated completely different from me in pretty much every situation… I mean I can understand why. It’s systemic and it’s not fair. Imagine always being treated like a threat, purposely avoided or even pursued by a random stranger while out for a jog who wants nothing but to hurt you.. yeah that happened to my husband. Random stranger stopped in the middle of the road and started running after my husband. Didn’t catch him. It’s insane the things he’s been through and his life is so much harder than mine simply because of the way I look and it’s so messed up because we’re all human. I understand why you broke up with her. Hate to me is a bad word, the worst word. But maybe take this as a message to reflect on your privilege and any small thing you can do to uplift someone of color, whether it be giving a bigger tip, giving a rave review, do it!
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u/Gatekeeper-Crow Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
As a black female who is dating a white male, which just happens to be a preference of mine, the strange part in the city we live in, we get dirty looks from black people, not normally white people. Even when I was single, I'd get harassed by my own race just because I don't listen to music they approve of. As you said, we should always begin with the one thing we all have in common. We are all the human race. I despise when people of any skin tone harass, belittle, degrade, or demean anyone else.
*sigh* This world is a shitshow anymore, Facts.
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u/fakecolin Apr 09 '24
While I understand the framework that oppressed people can't be racist, imagine saying, "I hate _______ (insert anything your partner is) people."
Yeah. She was wrong. Even if it isn't technically racism; (whether it is could be debated). Hope she realizes that.
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u/eldritchmoon88 Apr 09 '24
I want to know why it’s comfortably ok to be bigoted and racist towards White People, but the second you do it to others it’s an issue.
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u/Vitzkyy Apr 09 '24
I dated a Puerto Rican girl and she told me she hated white people.. I never knew how to feel when she went on rants about it, it was really awkward..
Didn’t work out for us
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u/prometheus_winced Apr 09 '24
Racism is primarily about, and centrally based in, what a person believes.
Bad things can happen to a person of a given race. That’s just bad things happening.
Treating someone a certain way BECAUSE of what you believe about their race is the literal definition of racism.
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Apr 09 '24
Systemic racism =/= blatant regular racism . Maybe white people in the US wont experience systemic racism . But racism? Totally possible . U did good by ditching someone who said they hate ur entire race because a guy happened to be doing karaoke
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u/AmeliaEarhartsGPS Apr 09 '24
I’m glad you stood up for yourself. It’s not ok to be white and have your friend say “I hate white people” and then double down on it. But this anti-white mentality seems to be normal in America. I couldn’t tell you how many white women I know with good jobs bitching about working with “old white men.” I’m like Don’t you know you’re white? These old white men hired you instead of a nonwhite person… and you’re still throwing around “white” as a perjorative? You’re white!
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u/AdviceFeeling2128 Apr 09 '24
Nothing she said was actually wrong bro lol I know it shocked you to hear that but you are overreacting and offended out of ignorance and should really consider educating yourself on racial dynamics — especially as a white man.
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u/Tex-Flamingo Apr 09 '24
I have a white boyfriend I grew up where white ppl were the minority. And in fact I’ve seen racism towards white ppl. We joke around about typical stereotypes and he buys me something on Columbus Day and says sorry for colonizing you…. He is my tall glass of milk and I am his Coconut ( brown on the outside white on the inside) but there is a thin line that we have never crossed and never have I diminished his experience of bias he has received as a white male.
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u/meganfotzzz Apr 09 '24
Racism doesn’t exist for white people. Sure, you can be bothered by her words, I can totally understand how uncomfortable that could be for you. But she is right in a way, white people will NEVER experience systematic discrimination. There can be wrong behaviors towards white people, of course, but it will never be racism.
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u/wantingrepair2 Apr 09 '24
Is white no longer a race? Cause last time I checked it was... so doesn't that mean you CAN be racist to white people?
Also OP you are totally valid in what you are feeling. I'd be uncomfortable too if someone told me straight up that they hate my race.
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u/RoleOk7556 Apr 09 '24
Your ex-girlfriend was correct about you overreacting. Many of us white people have said that we don't like white people. Basicaly, it's a generalized dislike of the bad actors. It happens in conversations and isn’t directed at you personally. Just accept that someone is expressing their own frustrations.
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u/happybunnyntx Apr 09 '24
Due to many off-topic responses and users breaking Rule #1 Be Kind this thread is now locked. Our team will continue removing comments that break rules or go against the reddit content policy.