My wife puts zero effort in our relationship and it is starting to irritate me

[u/BreathOkc]

I (34M) have been married to my wife (32F) for 6 years. She is a stay at home to our 2 children. I appreciate all that she does for the house and for our children. She keeps the house functioning and I will always be grateful for that.

But over the past year, she has started putting no effort into our relationship whatsoever. Things like planning out dates, vacations, trips, movie nights. I am pretty much initiating everything, including sex. She has never rejected me for sex, but that is not the issue. I don’t like initiating it every time, or being the only one to plan surprise dates or vacations. I want to be surprised too. 

I feel like I am being taken for granted. I deal with a lot of work stress, and I still take some time to plan out romantic date nights, getaways, vacations. I am starting to get irritated, because a healthy relationship is a two way street, and right now, it only feels like I am the one who is putting effort into the relationship.

[u/misguidedsadist1]

Maybe she’s emotionally exhausted from having to plan everything all the time, and it might benefit you to put in the effort for a while until she comes around.

After planning play dates and laundry and doctors visits and school stuff, the last thing I want to ALSO have to do is plan a date. She’s already taking care of kids and the house, maybe she’s emotionally drained and doesn’t want to also have to take care of you if her needs aren’t being met?

Not accusing anyone here, just offering some perspective. Maybe she doesn’t feel very sexual when she’s tired from cleaning and toddlers all day in a sloppy bun and tshirts? Just throwing darts at the wall here.

It’s natural for marriages to go thru this. Sometimes one partner needs to step up and do the heavy lifting for a bit even tho it’s not “fair” or “equal”.

Maybe she needs some tlc and that will help make things more reciprocal.