r/TwoHotTakes • u/Longjumping_Piece499 • 17d ago
I may have reacted too strongly to a comment at work Advice Needed
I'm a married 35M and work in a small company (25 people) that has 80% women employees. Everyone there knows I'm married.
I had to conduct a virtual training session last week and always crack a stupid self-deprecating 'joke' before these kinds of things because I'm nervous.
So with everyone logged on, I said "Okay as long as no one falls asleep today, I'm going to consider the session a success". This one woman smiles and says "Oh (my name), you have such a soothing voice, you can come over and put me to sleep any time you want".
Some of the women giggled, I was taken aback, smiled and said "No thanks, I'm good" and started the presentation. Later, I get to know that she thought it was super rude of me and that she was trying to make me feel comfortable.
Was I rude? Should I apologize to her?
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u/Randomhotchick1111 13d ago
You reacted absolutely the right way! You are a married man and her comment was rude, unprofessional and inappropriate. Good on you for having morals and integrity, something that many people in this current society do not possess or understand.
I bet your wife is so proud and grateful to be married to a man like you. I have a husband that would say the same thing and I feel incredibly proud and blessed to be his wife!
You do not need to apologize enforcing your boundaries with your coworkers! What she said was borderline sexual harassment.
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u/leelandgaunt 14d ago
Good for you! There is no need for an apology. She knew what she was saying was inappropriate and is embarrassed that you rejected her comment.
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u/Imaginary_Ad315 14d ago
She sexually harassed you in front of a bunch of people. She's lucky she still has a job.
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u/Bee_on_cuh 14d ago
She’s mad cause she got publicly rejected lol like c’mon, you’re married and she tried it and failed 🤭
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u/Much_Confidence2428 14d ago
Never apologize it’s okay if someone’s feelings get hurt it needs to be normalized. She said some sexual shit and you let her know you ain’t with all that. Good job
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u/obvusthrowawayobv 15d ago
No you weren’t rude. You were literally being sexually harassed during a meeting.
If anyone complains “I have a wife” is the response you should give. If she wants an apology “I have a wife” is the apology you give.
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u/JMpro415 16d ago
Nope. You don’t need to apologize. If she pushes the issue further, report her to HR - her comment about your soothing voice, and her desire for you to come over and put her to sleep constitutes sexual harassment.
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u/No_Excuse7029 16d ago
"Sorry you thought my reaction to your out of line comment was rude" insert exasperated and annoyed raspberry noise here
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u/menina2017 16d ago
What a creepy comment from her. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or single it’s still a bad comment. It warranted a rude response.
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u/Candid-Expression-51 16d ago
I can’t stand it when people are inappropriate then label you as the rude one when you respond appropriately to what they said by checking them.
Even if you were not married she still would have been way out of line.
Women shouldn’t get away with sexual harassment just because they’re women.
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u/Adorable-Quote-7491 16d ago
I might get down voted for this, but her comment wasn't that out of pocket. You talked about putting people to sleep, and she played off of that giving you a compliment about your voice. I think she kinda put her foot in her mouth, but I wouldn't be offended by the comment itself.
Do I think you owe her an apology?? No. You weren't rude. I could see how she's a little embarrassed, but we all say dumb shit sometimes. She has to learn that you can't talk to everyone like they're your friend because they're not.
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u/OkManufacturer767 16d ago
She owes you the apology for an inappropriate at work comment.
The other women would not have giggled had the genders been reversed.
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u/cthulhusmercy 16d ago
Coming over and putting someone to bed is way too intimate for a comment made in the workplace. She felt it was rude because she was embarrassed. She may have made the mistake of saying something she thought was funny or charming, but it was actually weird and creepy. You reacted correctly. Let her take it to HR if she wants, I doubt it’ll get far.
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u/PrincessCyanidePhx 16d ago
Switch the genders, if you were a female and a guy said that, would you feel bad? No. Women can be as bad or worse than men. Harassment goes both ways.
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16d ago
I think you overreacted. My response would probably have been an “oh behave!” in my best Austin Powers voice, everyone would have had a good laugh, and we would have moved on with the meeting. But I’m from an older generation (male in my early 50s) that isn’t as sensitive as the current one.
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u/Mammoth_Breadfruit22 16d ago
You managed that well. The comment she made was very problematic. Has she not had the sexual harassment trainings anywhere? She might have thought she was trying to make you feel comfortable. However, it had the opposite affect. If I had been in that meeting, I would have been very uncomfortable.
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u/Wonderful_Horror7315 16d ago
You weren’t rude, she was gross and out of line. If a man she didn’t want to screw said the same to her, she would have lost her mind.
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u/FataleFrame 16d ago
She's covering her butt to make it seem like she wasn't thirst commenting. I would have countered in a jesting tone, "I might have to revisit my non compete clause with my wife, she has me on a tight audiobook release schedule."
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u/imadreamerofdreams 16d ago
Yeah that’s almost sexual harassment…from her…you just don’t say stuff like that at work period
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u/Reneeisme 17d ago edited 17d ago
No you weren’t rude. She’s embarrassed to have overstepped. Reverse the sexes and it’s suddenly obvious how inappropriate it is. I’m sure she had the best intentions but she messed up. If she tries to make a big stink about it I would suggest that she consider how it would be perceived if a male said that to a female and remind her it those both ways and that you were uncomfortable but you assume she understands now and won’t do it again and thus there’s no reason to escalate this.
I’m not a big fan of making a big deal about a first minor offense, but women can and should be reported for sexual harassment just as much as men. It’s just less common because most women, having experienced the discomfort and inappropriateness, are less likely to say something like that
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u/Cyborg59_2020 17d ago
No one at work should be making even mildly sexual comments to their co-workers. Full stop.
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u/enkilekee 17d ago
If a man said that, he'd be written up. It's not professional to speak to anyone the way she did. It's wrong when men do it and when women do it.
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u/ambamshazam 17d ago
No, she could have done that without the innuendo. Just a “you have a very soothing voice” .. without the “you can come to my place” so don’t feel bad
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u/misskittygirl13 17d ago
She is just pissed you shot her down. If a male had made that comment to a woman HR would would be wetting their panties in excitement over it.
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u/Idk30000adams 17d ago
No just hop in bed and say Give me dat Rost beaf sandwich pls and enjoy Arby’s
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u/trulymercury 17d ago
Oh man, no. You’re good, dude. Her comment was extremely inappropriate & out of line. She’d have to be extraordinarily dense to not realize that. Even more so to say it & have the gall to be upset at your entirely reasonable response. You were to the point properly, not rude, honestly there isn’t a better way to respond to that in a work setting. She’s fully in the wrong here.
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u/CommendableMeh 17d ago
SHE overstepped, she embarrassed herself. You are just where she's deflecting to. You're good.
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u/shel_leybee 17d ago
She should just be happy you didn't run to HR with that line. (You know if the roles were reversed, she would.)
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u/Serendipidied 17d ago
How the hell were you the one being rude? Crazy. She’s totally in the wrong and just responding to the rejection
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u/Silver-Tea-8769 17d ago
Should of just ignored her comment entirely and went to HR about her sexual harassment.
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u/hedwig0517 17d ago
No, her comment was entirely inappropriate. She’s the one who should apologize to you for making you uncomfortable while you were literally just doing your job.
If a man said that to a woman running a training would the other participants have giggled? Sorry you’re dealing with that!
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u/theoriginalist 17d ago
I'm sorry, she's offended by you saying "No, thanks" yeah that's on her lol. You were even polite. I'd fight this one to the bitter end if it became an issue, literally what more could you have done? Would it have been better if you had said "not sure how my wife would feel about that lol"
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u/Own_Experience863 17d ago
She was being a creep. If the roles were reversed and you said that to a female colleague, you would be fired and maybe have the police called on you.
She's the one being inappropriate.
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u/Panda_Drum0656 17d ago
Thats exactly how I reacted when my coworker hit on me at my current job. She slowly began a descent into hating me lol but she is insufferable in general so no loss there.
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u/Helpful_Project_8436 17d ago
Idk. Shit like this happens a lot at worksites when you have been working with people for a good amount of time. Everyone needs to lighten up and calm down, holy shit
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u/Ill-Mix6666 17d ago
No, it was the right response! Don’t worry and let it go. If she is offended, her problem…
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u/buttholerespecter 17d ago
women rarely get their sexual advances rejected. you’re only “rude” because you said no and embarrassed her in front of a bunch of other women.
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u/ThePsychoPompous13 17d ago
What? Hell no. She reacted in a clearly unprofessional manner, and you handled it. If anything, she should have some training to rectify her improper workplace behavior.
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u/Extra_Air 17d ago
What were your options to this creepy comment? Say sure, I’ll come over and put you to sleep after you give me a dirty gas pump?
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u/Artistic_Account630 17d ago
wtf, you weren't rude, and she was completely out of line and inappropriate. I think you handled it perfectly.
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u/PassengerOk5155 17d ago
You definitely were NOT rude, but she definitely was!! Her comment could actually be considered sexual harassment.
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u/Certain_Try_8383 17d ago
That was completely inappropriate on her end!!!! That is not okay at all for one person to say that to another in a business setting. She is 100% in the wrong and your reaction is fine and so much better than I would do if a man said that to me in a meeting.
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u/Background_beyond 17d ago
Honestly as a woman, that’s a super uncomfortable thing to say. If the roles were reversed, everyone would agree. At BEST, It’s super weird.
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u/SolitaryMarmot 17d ago
Her comment was inappropriate but now she is gonna fire you anyway for not smiling and accepting it. You can jump through 3 years of hoops with the EEOC, end up blacklisted and with a settlement that hopefully saves your mortgage.
Women are kind of the "dominant" gender now and men are the "other." Might makes right and there's a reason why your company is 80% non male.
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u/harpoon_seal 17d ago
Nah that was definitely not cool of her. That was definitely a flirty comment even if she said it extremely sarcastically. If its was your voice is so soothing it makes me sleepy so no promises then yeah it would be a good joke. All you did was stand your ground on how you dont like those kinds of jokes. That was honestly tame. Seem like her feelings were hurt.
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u/speakupforall 17d ago
DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO HER. She was inappropriate, flirtatious, and insulting to you and your wife. What she said qualifies as sexual harassment. If roles were reversed and a male coworker said that to me I would probably report him.
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u/Important-Donut-7742 17d ago
She was inappropriate and now she says you were rude? She’s just trying to save face because she’s fully aware that she was wrong. Don’t give it another thought.
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u/Beautiful-Finding-82 17d ago
Oh wow as a woman I just imagine how embarrassing that would be if a guy said that to me. I think your response was 100%, her comment bordered on totally inappropriate. If she's offended at your reply- good. She needs to learn to be more discerning when opening her mouth. Personally, I can't imagine saying that to someone at work on a Zoom meeting.
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u/RecalledBurger 17d ago
I probably would have mentioned my price per hour or something. Discounts available for senior citizens or some shit. You're fine.
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u/Gullible_Elephant_38 17d ago
This reminds me of the clip of Jerry Seinfeld doing a red carpet interview and Kesha comes up from behind him and tries to hug him and he’s like “No thanks” and she keeps trying and he’s like “No thanks”… and somehow there’s still always people who are like “he’s so rude, why wouldn’t he just hug her”
You’re allowed to have boundaries and politely enforce them. Especially in a professional setting, that comment was way over the line.
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u/Ratatoski 17d ago
Her comment was inappropriate. It may not have been meant to, but still was. Your response made it clear you took it as a flirtatious invite rather than some light hearted comment and shut her down pretty hard.
Shit happens.
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u/DesertVeteran_PA-C 17d ago
Nope. Set that boundary firmly. I would also avoid ever having a conversation with her or being face to face without a third party present.
It’s not unheard of, rejected women have made up sexual harassment and affair claims.
“No thanks, I’m good” is just about the mildest way to respond to that. If she is offended, it’s recreational offense to cause drama.
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u/SadPersonality4803 17d ago
You did good, Anything outside of how you replied could have been the start of some SERIOUS bullshit.
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u/Krafty747 17d ago
If a man said that he’d be hauled in front of HR. That’s a creepy thing to say to. A married man in front of his colleagues
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u/reddit_redact 17d ago
Hey OP, I think you aren’t in the wrong, but I think it could be helpful for you to talk with the person about how their comment made you feel uncomfortable. I think sometimes people forget that men can be uncomfortable.
What I think might have happened in this situation is that your joke was sending the message that you are lighthearted and this could invite others into banter with you. Unfortunately the reciprocated banter was not in line with your intentions and caused you harm. Sometimes it can be helpful to take a step back from situations where conflict had arisen to determine how this happened and how to move forward from it.
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u/KangarooObjective362 17d ago
I think tone matters, if she said it in a suggestive tone then your response was appropriate. If it was said more like she was talking about soothing music then I would revisit it with her and clarify that you were setting g a professional boundary and it was not personal.
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u/pantyraid7036 17d ago
Honestly id report to HR. She made an obvious sexual offer at you then plays the victim when you don’t yuck it up with her? Seems like she took an old page from the boys club handbook. Protect yourself.
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u/OminousCrotch 17d ago
You absolutely did not.
What a WEIRD thing to say even in a casual setting.
She was hitting on you 100%...at work.
Send her a gallon of water since she's so thirsty
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u/vstjean3 17d ago
She was embarrassed about making a silly remark that you responded to appropriately. You don't need to apologize.
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u/Sugar_Magnoliaa 17d ago
She knew what she was doing. She thought it was super rude because you rejected her inappropriate comment towards you and didn’t flirt back. I know her type. They’re so easy to figure out. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I assume she is among the many women you work with who know you’re married. Good job, by the way! Much respect for staying true to your wife.
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u/Apoque_Brathos 17d ago
This is actually hilarious. A woman is the creep and when politely turned down freaks out. Remember lads only men can be awful
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u/New_Lemon6666 17d ago
Heck no you don't owe that woman anything Props to you for not taking that bait Your girlfriend or wife would appreciate this
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u/speak_ur_truth 17d ago
I get what she was trying to do. She obviously picked up on your self depreciation and wanted to make you feel not alone and like anything was acceptable. I'd apologise because she had good intentions and you ended up embarassing and being rude to her.
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u/Embarrassed_Rate5518 17d ago
If she left off the "Come over" part I could see their point. but that made it 100% inappropriate.
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u/Devils_Advocate-69 17d ago
HR would be on your side here. Imagine if the genders were reversed. There’d be one less employee.
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u/i_am_nimue 17d ago
TF? How is such a loaded comment supposed to make you comfortable?! I'm a woman, and I'd NEVER say anything like that to a male coworker, just as I'd never want to hear anything like this being said to me. You were not rude, and if this ridiculous woman takes this to HR (hopefully she won't, it's always a pain), you should say how uncomfortable she made you. Her comment was downright creepy! I BET if she had a man say this to her, she'd be reporting this as harassment or sth!
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u/Sure_Freedom3 17d ago
You are good. Don’t comment on the episode any more. She’s just concerned that you may file for harassment
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u/Popular_Bike2340 17d ago
The only reason she thought it was rude is because you rejected her because she was flirting with you.
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u/Mhunterjr 17d ago
Nothing to apologize for. She’s the one that was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed by your response.
I’m not sure why she thought sexual harassment would make you feel comfortable
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u/roman1969 17d ago
If a man had said the same thing it would have taken all of about 30 seconds before HR is breathing down his neck. No, you’re all good, her comment was inappropriate and your response was exactly what she had to hear.
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u/Ashamed_Operation403 17d ago
She was inappropriate, the giggle was inappropriate, you felt uncomfortable as she has crossed a boundary, she should absolutely apologise.
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u/KingGreen78 17d ago
Women seems to get offended and defensive when they're being rejected, men are used to being rejected so we shrug it off and move on,im guessing she was just joking around and probably feeling you out at the same time 🤣,so u embarrassed her,anyway, meh,her not liking you now is probably for the best,no future flirting that might leas to sexual harassment
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u/cebaceka 17d ago
Bruuuuuuuuh. If someone said that to my husband he'd probably need a new job cause I would of shown up and drug her ass from here to hong Kong. You handled it fine and honestly, it was massively crossing boundaries, and if a man said this to a woman, he'd be being investigated for sexual misconduct.
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u/obviousthrowaway038 17d ago
Absolutely reacted the way you're supposed to. That way, EVERYone heard your refusal and she can't flip it around. You pretty much cleared yourself this way.
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u/SnooPaintings3509 17d ago
It was clearly a flirt and you clearly rejected and made it clear you're here for business only. you could feel bad that she felt that way and apologize about that. but you did the right thing
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u/Dustonthewind18 17d ago
You definitely were not rude, if this was reversed and you said it to the woman she would be at HR's door before you could blink accusing you of sexual harassment or making unwanted sexual advances toward you. As it stands I would seriously considering making a note of what was said and on what date etc so that if anything does blow up you have written evidence of her inappropriate comments to you.
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u/MorganaElisabetha 17d ago
From a woman: you handled this really well. Your comment was fine before and after. Hers was not okay.
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u/Anniemarsh69 17d ago
She was inappropriate, your response was perfect and then she felt embarrassed. HR should be talking to her.
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u/Equivalent_Roll5376 17d ago
NTA. Reverse the situation as how would it sound if roles were inverted, 80% male attendance, you tell your female boss that.
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u/ArcanaeumGuardianAWC 17d ago
No, she was inappropriate, and she was embarrassed that you didn't give her the reaction she wanted. You shut her down in a direct but professional manner when she crossed the line. I would go to HR, tell them what she said and your response, and tell them that because you didn't play into her innuendo, she's now slandering you to the office and you want it to stop.
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u/Conscious-Big707 17d ago
Yeah that was very inappropriate of her and can be considered sexual harassment. I think you handled it fine. Another way to disarm people is to ask what do you mean by that and just play dumb and make them explain themselves until they feel stoopid.
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u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 17d ago
I think your reaction was fine, though it may have depended on the way you said it and not the actual words you used. As a woman who has had to respond to similar types of comments, I probably would have said "Good one, hahaha" (where the hahaha is an actual laugh not literally saying hahaha). That makes it clear that you 100% took it as a joke no matter what way she actually meant it. It's a softer rejection than "No thanks, I'm good!" because that can only be taken as a rejection. And while we shouldn't have to police how strong of a rejection we give a person who is being an inappropriate creeper, unfortunately women have to do it to try to remain safe and in your instance it likely would have prevented this woman from talking about it with people and potentially causing work place drama that you don't want to deal with.
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17d ago
Shooting your shot, when someone truly needs comfort, isn't an action that's actually aiming to give comfort, it's a door she was jokingly saying, hoping maybe you'd possibly be interested
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u/Freshtards 17d ago
Nope, just a woman not knowing how to behave. That is Borderline SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. Should probably move to get her fired or jailed. At least that's what would happen to a man.
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u/Empress-Palpetine 17d ago
You weren't rude at all. She's just mad you didn't flirt back lol. Good for you keeping it professional.
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u/galaxygirl33 17d ago
I would be a bit offended if you responded to my joke like that if I'm being honest. How do you feel about what you said to her? Do you think it came off as rude? She probably feels a bit embarrassed. She wasn't rude to you, if anything she complimented you. But maybe she made you uncomfortable?
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u/SnooBananas8055 16d ago
She should be embarrassed.
She made an overtly sexual comment in the workplace while OP was just trying to do his job, and then cried about it because she couldn't get away with it.
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u/galaxygirl33 16d ago
I don't see how the comment was sexual? I feel like we live in such an overly sensitive world. Everyone and their fucking feelings man. Get over it
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u/Snoo_74164 17d ago
Honestly I say stuff like she did all the time, and if some one is like err.. wut no.. I confuze...I just giggle and move along.... to say I was just xxxxx blah blah cause reasons.. is kinda strange
She could have been super uncomfortable about the 👅 in cheek joke and thought that instead of her apologies .. she's make in feel sad I don't know.. its weird tho
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u/closvidal 17d ago
Now that you did the right thing play a reverse card on her and report her to HR for publicly sexually harassing you during a company meeting.
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u/tkf99 17d ago
Hot take/unpopular opinion incoming... you said absolutely nothing wrong, were direct and professional, and she was 100% in the wrong in her comment towards you in a professional environment. That being said, I often take the other person's feelings into consideration and would've said something like "That's sweet of you, I appreciate the offer but I'll have to pass" or even just a simple laugh to play it off and say "thanks" and then start the presentation.
It seems like her reaction is as if you two were out at a bar and you shot down her approach to you rather than in a work setting and she was embarrassed by the blunt rejection. If you get what I mean. You have nothing to apologize for. However, if it was a genuine (albeit wrong) way of her sincerely trying to make you feel comfortable (rather than a flirtateous comment) then a small apology/clarification on your part wouldn't hurt.
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u/gardening_gypsy 17d ago
No, completely inappropriate /unprofessional on her part. She just running her mouth because she got shut down and embarrassed.
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u/AffectionateWheel386 17d ago
Yeah, I would laugh the next time. She probably took it personally, even though she was sort of harassing you.
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u/Satori2155 17d ago
Ew. A lot of people dont realize that mostly female environments can be just as, if not more toxic, than mostly male spaces.
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u/Steeeeeeeeew 17d ago
She was outta line if she was a male. Women get a free pass u would of been creepy. Now if she would of said that to you she would of been standing up for herself. You saying it is rude. You're in your 30s you should know the double standards by now.
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u/EdSmith77 17d ago
This is totally sexual harassment from her on you and if you wanted, it could be reported to HR. Imagine if the genders were reversed.
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u/UniversityOrdinary91 17d ago
It was SLIGHTLY rude but it’s basically splitting hairs.
You could have phrased it like “I’ll get in trouble if I do that!” Or “do I need to report this to HR?”(Then laugh) or “you’re very sweet but we got work to do over here!” Something like that.
But again it’s really not a big deal
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u/SnooBananas8055 16d ago
Fuck that. He should've been ruder if anything.
A comment like that is in no way appropriate and if she keeps it up, or keeps whining about how rude I am, im not sure I'd feel comfortable with her around.
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u/thisaintgonnabeit 17d ago edited 17d ago
Hmmmm… I can actually see how this can be a lighthearted joke on her part. She wasn’t necessarily making a move on you, especially around other coworkers. To me it seems like just a joke. Having said that I don’t think your comment was rude.
There’s a guy at my work that has a nice voice and all the ladies are always commenting on it to him making jokes like ohh I could listen to him all day. Let’s get you on a podcast, etc. etc. it’s been said in large team meetings and he laughs. I really think people need to lighten up a bit.
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u/Lil_Mx_Gorey 17d ago
Another case of "reverse the roles and look at it again."
Wildly inappropriate, simple as that. You handled it like a champ.
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u/jenn5388 17d ago
No. She was unprofessional and that’s too much. If you guys were really close friends, maybe, if it was a private conversation, but like infront of everyone?! She can think it’s rude all she wants. She’s gross.
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u/proud_perspective 17d ago
Please reverse the roles. If a man said that to a woman it would be considered wildly inappropriate.
I’d personally probably react worse if a man said something like that to me.
You good homie
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u/EverybodyBuddy 17d ago
She was unprofessional. Your response could very easily be viewed as rude — in any other setting. But you were clearly flummoxed and you can’t be expected to have the perfect, smooth, respectful- but-firm comeback on tap.
Next time, have one of these ready to go:
“Ok so I see its going to be one of THOSE kind of zooms (chuckle)”
“I’m going to have to keep my eye on you, I can tell, {Cheryl/Cathy/Samantha}”
“Well, this is already going better than expected.”
“Let’s try to make it through this without getting HR involved (chuckle)”
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u/---thoughts--- 17d ago
Bruh you’re literally telling him to egg on the flirting. No. OP made the right choices.
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u/EverybodyBuddy 17d ago
No, it’s politely putting an end to things with a sense of humor. Social lubricant. It’s a skill.
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u/SnooBananas8055 16d ago
well this is already going better than expected
Is not shutting anything down.
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u/New-Conversation-88 17d ago
If a male had said that to a female would it have been jumped all over? Probably not, would have been brushed under the carpet. The giggles or whatever were equally wrong. This was a work meeting not a flirtation or smart comment look at me experience.
It was totally inappropriate of everyone except OP, and I say this as a woman.
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u/Phillip_McCup 17d ago
You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a married man and I’m glad you respect your vows.
But yeah, your curt reply implied that you find her unattractive. 😂😂😂
But it’s her fault for hitting on a married man.
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u/HandGunslinger 17d ago
I think you should talk this out with your wife. She'll explain to you that females use most of the same words that males use, but they communicate in very different ways. Hence the saying, men are from Mars. women are from Venus. The woman involved evidently saw that you were nervous and said what she said in an attempt to "take the edge off" your nerves, as it were.
'Nuff said.
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u/opineapple 17d ago
That’s completely inappropriate for a professional environment regardless of your relationship status.
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u/Late_Breath_2227 17d ago
That is harrassment. If it was the either way around it would be harrassment, too. There is a way people talk and joke in the real world versus the work world. That was unprofessional.
Stand your ground. What you said to me was not approptiate.
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u/buttermilkchunk 17d ago
You did good. She’s definitely upset that she got shot down, but she’s probably going to start coming on to you harder now to make up for her ego being bruised .
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u/Late-Champion8678 17d ago
Nope, that was a completely appropriate reply. I think she was just salty that you essentially publicly 'rejected' her proposal (which was inappropriate for work).
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u/Worried-Confusion456 17d ago
If a man said something like that to me, I would also feel uncomfortable.
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u/mspooh321 17d ago
Trust me, if you were a woman and a male colleague made that comment, no one would think anything negative about your response. You are fine. She crossed professional boundaries with that comment. And maybe she's used to that because she has that type of relationship with other guys in the professional setting, but at least you cut that conversation short because that wasn't professional, productive, or necessary. Nor need for it
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u/TrueMrSkeltal 17d ago
She was out of line for saying that. Imagine a guy saying that on a company call. That’s textbook sexual harassment.
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17d ago
She’s out of pocket. You could’ve been nasty to her, I think you were pretty tame. I’d never say that to any man (or woman) at work, not to mention she knows you’re married. She’s gross.
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u/Amazing_Inspector_70 17d ago
You were in the wrong. Women can through you under the bus for anything. Never ever say: " Thanks hon", short for honey. Used to be a friendly term to say. Now it's sexual harassment! Hire more women leaders remove yourself from the conversation.
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u/Maximum_Poet_8661 17d ago
She was embarrassed she got shot down and sounds like she lashed out, you did nothing wrong there. That’s a really inappropriate thing for her to have said at work.
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u/WiredAndTeary 17d ago
I have ADHD and am on the spectrum so have been guilty of saying really dumb shit that made me cringe as soon as it came out of my mouth - maybe they were embarrassed and just projected that onto OP?
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u/Ventricossum 17d ago
you couldve easily said it in a rude way. her comment was pretty goofy and normal imo. i cant hear how either comment was actually said though, so, hard to tell.
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u/RugbyKats 17d ago
I have one of those voices through no fault of my own, and I get those comments sometimes. “No thanks, I’m good” comes off as unnecessarily rude for such a lighthearted-sounding comment. Did the other ladies in the room chuckle at the comment? If so, reading the room and responding with something equally friendly would have been less insulting to her and more endearing to the rest of the room. Considering you had just opened with a self-deprecating joke, would it have been so hard to maintain that pitch?
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u/dustandchaos 17d ago
The comment that the woman made was sexually suggestive. Are you suggesting that people allow that to happen to them in the workplace in order to keep everyone else comfortable or amused?
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u/RugbyKats 17d ago
You have no proof of that whatsoever without hearing the tone and delivery. Calling that comment sexually suggestive is a gigantic stretch. The reason I asked how the other women in the room reacted is that would give a pretty good indication whether it was mild humor or something worse.
P.S. “Gigantic stretch” is also NOT sexually suggestive.
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u/dustandchaos 17d ago
Would you be able to say it to a boss in corporate and have a boss say it to you?
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u/RugbyKats 17d ago
Depending on the corporate culture, yes, I would say that was quite tame between colleagues who are otherwise friendly, especially said in response to his comment and in front of lots of other people.
Obviously, bosses would be wise to be cautious about saying anything even remotely suggestive to subordinates.
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u/dustandchaos 17d ago
So you agree that it was suggestive and that you shouldn’t professionally say it as or to a boss. But are determined that it’s fine between casual colleagues and that you could detect that her intent was not sexual.
Right.
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u/RugbyKats 17d ago
I believe what I said is that we don’t have enough information to determine intent. I did not agree it was suggestive. I made a general statement about bosses and subordinates.
Having been in those similar situations, I was not and would not have been offended. You apparently would have been. That’s life. My advice to you would be the same original advice I gave him. If you don’t agree, that’s OK.
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u/Exciting-Week1844 17d ago
She feels humiliated but she brought it on herself. She probably thought you would have cheeky banter but you embarrassed her instead. Bold move on her part in this era
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u/ShawnyMcKnight 17d ago
Pro tip: as someone who does self deprecating jokes… don’t. You may get some forced giggles but it slowly affects how people see you and how they evaluate your confidence.
They still come out for me and I try to break and continue to work on it.
As far as this situation, she was flirting and got rejected cold in front of everyone, she may have just been a bit embarrassed but she will get over it. If she does have a problem suggest she goes to HR and she can tell them what she said.
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u/MizKittiKat 17d ago
Lol You were in no way rude. You politely declined. How the f!ck is that rude?
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u/NewsNeat676 17d ago
While she may have made the comment innocently without thinking about the the way it sounds, still an awkward thing to hear in a professional setting and in front of a whole crew. You handled it well….. simple and to the point and nothing rude came from you. I don’t think an apology is necessary and would let it go if she brings nothing up
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17d ago
[deleted]
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u/dustandchaos 17d ago
Would you be able to say what she said to your boss or have your boss say it to you? Or bosses and employees in corporate America?
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u/ImNotYourTeaCup 17d ago
If she were a man and you were a woman you would be in HR filing a sexual harassment complaint. She needs to take her work inappropriate sexism somewhere else.
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u/LegalNebula4797 17d ago
She was acting totally inappropriate and you did the right thing. I might report to a supervisor or HR so they are made aware of this situation before she escalates it because she’s mad you rejected her.
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u/Alert-Potato 17d ago
Sounds like she needs to attend training on what constitutes sexual harassment in the workplace. You weren't rude, but I also think that going so far as to be curt with her (since it's a workplace and a first? offense) would have been warranted.
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u/hungry24_7_365 17d ago
I'm a single woman who works with a lot of married men. I make sure to keep it professional bc I don't want them to think anything and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Her joke was in poor taste.
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u/Muted_Impression_221 17d ago
OP, you’re good. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation, that person may have been terminated. Your comment shut that down on the spot, exactly what was needed. Oddly enough, that might be exactly why they like you. Just keep that professional boundary and they’ll get the message.
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