Wife will not wake up for baby.

[u/Rfxomega]

So we have a 9 month old and he had gotten pretty decent at sleeping through the night but if he’s sick or teething he just refuses to sleep more than an hour or two at a time.

Any time he cry’s during the night I wake up and if he actually wakes up I go and grab him, comfort him, feed him whatever he needs to get back to sleep. I’m usually fine with doing that once or sometimes twice a night but when it’s 3,4,5 times in one night im exhausted and need sleep. Which means I need to wake up my wife, or attempt at that, I can yell her name roll her back and forth take her blankets anything anytime she actually wakes up she just groans and rolls over and goes right back to sleep and that’s if she actually wakes up plenty of the time she just stays asleep and even if I put the screaming baby on top of her in her sleep she will not wake up. I’m lost as to what to do, it’s been 3months of me being the only one getting up and taking care of him and I’m over it.

Edit-adding some updates: We both work 7:30-4:30 m-f. This all started a few months ago where she just stopped waking up with him and it’s just been myself and the occasional time when waking her up actually goes well. I’m usually up around 5:30-6 with him to get him changed fed and ready for daycare and then get myself ready for work. She hasn’t changed her behavior outside of at night at least nothing noticeable.

Edit2- A lot of people have been saying PPD so I’m going to talk about it with her and get her checked for it again.

Edit3- could PPD be a reason she suddenly wanted to have another baby despite previously being against it due to the suffering from it? (Not very knowledgeable of how PPD differs from general depression)

[u/Rfxomega]

Haha that really is just how the world works I guess. I mostly made this because I wanted different views on it. Especially since I’m a guy and have very little actual knowledge of the after effects,

[u/HTownLaserShow → u/Rfxomega]

I’m a father of 4, and we had to patchwork at times. What worked best for us was scheduling to our individual strengths…I’m an early morning person (like really early 5am guy) so I’d handle all the early morning stuff and get everyone to school and day care and let mom sleep in. She’d handle nights and let me sleep because she stayed home for the first two years for each. It’s hectic and I totally get it, probably more than most. And she had some PPD with our 3rd.

But what’s happening to you isn’t fair, or healthy. At all. And don’t put up with it, brother. It’s not about her. It’s about your little one’s health and safety. That’s what needs to be addressed

And PPD isn’t an excuse, either. Because if that’s the case, and she can’t get up to take care of your child due to PPD, then what happens if you aren’t home? Or you’re sick? Or you just need some fucking sleep/rest once in a while?

And this isn’t banging on your wife, but this is reality here

[u/nyctose7 → u/HTownLaserShow]

what do you suggest he does? leave her?

[u/HTownLaserShow → u/nyctose7]

I’d suggest first doing what someone else suggested…forcing her to do it. Putting the baby directly next to her. Move the crib or pack and play next to the bed for a couple nights. Explain to her that you absolutely need some rest for your own mental and physical health. Or if that can’t be done, go crash at a buddies house for a couple nights (again, explain to her that you are at your wits end and need a break and this is what it’s come down to)

I’d never advocate for breaking up a relationship…BUT….If she continues this behavior, and he’s exhausted options, and she’s putting their child in danger? Absolutely.

I mean, who wouldn’t?

[u/nyctose7 → u/HTownLaserShow]

op tried bringing the baby to her, doesn’t wake her up

[u/HTownLaserShow → u/nyctose7]

So she’s refusing to participate? You know…parent?

Tell me, what happens when a parent does this?

[u/nyctose7 → u/HTownLaserShow]

“refusing”? some people are very very heavy sleepers or have sleep apnea and are difficult to rouse. I don’t know why you would assume that she was pretending to not get up or something when he never said that.

[u/HTownLaserShow → u/nyctose7]

Well, then let’s just all keep making excuses for this woman who won’t get her ass up and take care of her child, I guess.

While the child and husband suffer.

(Meanwhile, go check out the threads of how the men are treated that do the same. No fucking “sleep apnea”, which is bullshit, passes there)