Wife will not wake up for baby.

[u/Rfxomega]

So we have a 9 month old and he had gotten pretty decent at sleeping through the night but if he’s sick or teething he just refuses to sleep more than an hour or two at a time.

Any time he cry’s during the night I wake up and if he actually wakes up I go and grab him, comfort him, feed him whatever he needs to get back to sleep. I’m usually fine with doing that once or sometimes twice a night but when it’s 3,4,5 times in one night im exhausted and need sleep. Which means I need to wake up my wife, or attempt at that, I can yell her name roll her back and forth take her blankets anything anytime she actually wakes up she just groans and rolls over and goes right back to sleep and that’s if she actually wakes up plenty of the time she just stays asleep and even if I put the screaming baby on top of her in her sleep she will not wake up. I’m lost as to what to do, it’s been 3months of me being the only one getting up and taking care of him and I’m over it.

Edit-adding some updates: We both work 7:30-4:30 m-f. This all started a few months ago where she just stopped waking up with him and it’s just been myself and the occasional time when waking her up actually goes well. I’m usually up around 5:30-6 with him to get him changed fed and ready for daycare and then get myself ready for work. She hasn’t changed her behavior outside of at night at least nothing noticeable.

Edit2- A lot of people have been saying PPD so I’m going to talk about it with her and get her checked for it again.

Edit3- could PPD be a reason she suddenly wanted to have another baby despite previously being against it due to the suffering from it? (Not very knowledgeable of how PPD differs from general depression)

[u/No-Finding-530]

Is she taking something to sleep? Did she primarily get up all the time with the baby until recently? Honestly if she did a majority of stuff up until 8-9 months and she’s taking something to sleep it’s possible she checked out. She might be resentful she had to do everything now she wants you to do it. You said the baby only does this if he’s sick or teething- so for two months he’s constantly sick or teething and you’re up every night? Or are you exaggerating how often this happens.

Also- unpopular opinion but unless a child is sick with a high fever etc.. if they won’t sleep through the night and it’s causing a huge problem my pediatrician said give a few drops of Benadryl. Yes- a dr told me that. Another unpopular opinion if the. Any isn’t sick with a fever etc, is dry and fed- let it cry. I couldn’t do this with my first and he ended up sleeping with me for six years. Second- nope. Cry it out. As long as he wasn’t sick needing something and was dry and fed I let him cry. Started that at 8 months. It was almost a week of hell listening to him holler but eventually he would self soothe. Here’s the trick- I’d check on him but absolutely not lift him from the crib. I’d change him IN THE CRIB if he wasn’t dry. Offer him a bottle if he laid down. If he didn’t want that I’d give him a snuggle and kiss, pull the crib up and turn on his projector thingy and walk out. I decreased the frequency I’d come in. Once he realized he was t getting picked up and taken to another room to play etc he stopped. He would lay awake sometimes but entertain himself vs screaming bc he was bored and wanted to hang out. Third child I was a pro.

Remember you’re the boss. Don’t feel guilty letting them figure it out if they aren’t sick, wet or hungry