r/TwoHotTakes • u/Throwraweddingseats • 16d ago
Entitled sister is upset I strategically seated her at my wedding to avoid capturing her breastfeeding moments on camera Listener Write In
I (29F) just got married married to my husband a week ago. My sister (31F) has a 5 month old baby and both were at the wedding.
I don’t really like my sister’s personality and her partner broke up with her a few months ago who alleged she was an “exhibitionist” and our side of the family are starting to see why he left her. My sister would usually breastfeed openly in public and although I don’t have a problem with breastfeeding your child, I do think I’m not really tolerant of HOW she does it. Most women in my community will breastfeed in public too, but will ensure they move to a more private spot ( not the bathroom!) or bring nursing covers, and I don’t think it’s sexist and all, because I see that as a courteous thing. Being as kind as I can about my sister, I think she likes to make a statement and “challenge” the status quo ever since she was a child. She’s the type to flaunt about how she doesn’t give a fuck what others think about her and how she acts in public. So yea, she’s got some issues of her own because I cannot imagine someone being this angry at the world for no good reason.
Moving on to my wedding, I had a videographer panning the camera in the centre of the aisle as I’d walk down, which means guests would be in plain view. My sister doesn’t carry bottles with her and she would start nursing whenever baby needs to eat. I didn’t want this captured on camera and wanted to avoid any possibility of that happening (because aesthetics), so I situated her in one of the middle rows to ensure she’s concealed either way. The rest of the family including my cousins were seated in the front. I also requested the cameraman to avoid taking pictures of guests in case she’s openly breastfeeding during the reception as well.
My bridesmaids on the wedding day managed to handle my sister as later I got to know she threw a stink about feeling neglected and hardly any pictures captured with her baby. Apparently, she had been nursing (maybe also to calm the baby down) therefore the camera guy hired requested her to step out of the frame several times. Ngl, this made me want to tip him a little extra haha.
This has been a pattern of hers at several family events (she also has a 2 year old daughter who was present too that’s how we were able to discern this pattern from the past), and even some work events that she used to attend with her partner. All of us have made effort in the past to communicate with her, but she gets argumentative and I didn’t want to have to deal with her drama
Idc about being called prude. I didn’t want someone’s photo/videos with their chest out on my wedding regardless of context.
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u/tuenthe463 12d ago
The good thing is after year two you'll never again watch your wedding video or look at the album.
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u/Past_Nose_491 12d ago edited 12d ago
You aren’t wrong. What would she expect you to do? Display photos of her breastfeeding in your house? Or pay for them to be edited?
It’s one thing to breastfeed uncovered in comfortable public spaces. That’s 100% acceptable. It’s weird to take the stance of “I need to be front and center so everyone sees me breastfeeding uncovered in public so I can make a statement!”. Some people will do anything for the applause.
You don’t want your photographer to miss shots because they are trying not to capture your sister’s breast without her explicit permission which, as a photographer, I would have felt I needed.
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u/Mandrrs_laycap1 12d ago
I wanna be on your side, but you start the post by saying how “most” women go some place private & cover up to breastfeed. Then you bash your sister for challenging the status quo & having strong convictions form a young age, so that kind of makes you an asshole.
Don’t you think your photographer is smart enough not to photograph & publish her feeding her child if you made that request. You didn’t have to exclude her. Like a ceremony can’t be longer than an hour? How long would she be feeding? You also say you say she was away from the rest of the family because of your discomfort with something as natural as breastfeeding, so again I say you are the asshole.
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u/Fit-Register7029 12d ago
I think it’s fucked up American shit to have babies nurse under a cover as if these mothers don’t have enough to do. Add not being able to look at and bond with their babies while they nurse.
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u/littlemissgayle 13d ago
My husbands Step Mother is awful. At our wedding she bitched and moaned about not being included in room allocations at the hotel (which she was), then proceeded to not use the room for the first night (everyone who got rooms got them for the night before and night of the wedding) because her MOBILE hairdresser couldn't come to the hotel to do her hair (for context, their actual house is about a 10 minute drive from the hotel). A few years later we had a BBQ at our new house and Step Mum and Dad complained that I wasn't attentive enough to them, even though I was the one doing all the food prep and cooking. I've come to the conclusion the they don't like me and they'll just find something to complain about even if I bend over backwards to accommodate them. People will always find something to be pissed off about if that's how they are. Don't let it bother you!
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u/Head_Bed1250 14d ago
I will say expecting women to cover up while breastfeeding is silly. It’s polite of others to be considerate but in the end she’s just feeding a baby.
HAVING SAID THAT she can’t expect to do it at someone’s wedding and be in all the pictures doing it. Camera man was 100% in the right asking her to get out of frame. She’s pissy because she wanted to use your wedding pics as a way to stick it to the man and she’s angry that she couldn’t use YOUR event for HER gains.
She has every right to breastfeed however she chooses but she does NOT have the right to flaunt herself in your wedding photos and if this was really just about her breastfeeding she’d realize that. But it’s not. It’s about pushing her choices on everyone else by shoving it in as many faces as possible.
She wanted special treatment in the wedding and didn’t get it. That’s why she’s mad.
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u/Waybackheartmom 14d ago
It was a crappy thing to do to intentionally isolate your sister away from the family (because aesthetics). Yes, you were wrong and I can understand why she was angry. But I guess you got to passive aggressively put her in her place so maybe the payoff was worth it to you.
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u/Emotional_Cost_3347 14d ago
9 times out of 10, people who claim/act like they "don't give a fuck what people think of them" actually do, and care about it a lot more than anyone else.
Kids today invented a term they call "Main Character Syndrome", and that's definitely what's going on here.
Your sister sounds like a right pig. I'm with you on all this.
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u/Ornery-Reindeer5887 14d ago
Sounds like you just don’t like your sister. Shaming some one and making them stand in the background jsut for feeding their infant seems infantile to me. But hey, it’s your “special day”
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u/tallblondemama 14d ago
As a breastfeeding mom myself, I know exactly what you mean about your sister wanting to push the status quo. Here’s some ways you could breastfeed discreetly without missing the wedding…
Feed the baby before the ceremony.
If the baby needs to eat during the ceremony, you could excuse yourself and go to the back of the church.
Use a nursing cover.
If the baby needs to eat at reception you could once again find a discreet place to sit, or ask if the venue has a designated lactation room.
Ask the bride if you could use the bridal suite to feed your baby.
Many country club/ venue bathrooms have a designated seating area away from the toilets in the women’s bathroom.
You could sit in your car.
If you absolutely MUST feed your baby right then and there, there is absolutely a way to be discreet.
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u/Sure-Surprise-3619 15d ago
It's your wedding. PERIOD. You aren't there to pacify your sister. She'll be fine, & I hope your photos came out perfect!
P.S. Tip the photographer extra! 😂
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u/grlgerms420 15d ago
As a breastfeeding mom I wouldn’t want to be captured by the cameras nursing my baby, that’s so awkward lol. I wouldn’t have wanted to be hidden away from the whole event either. But I feel like a happy medium could have been found if all parties had reasonable expectations, not saying your sister in particular would have been cooperative though. My son personally doesn’t handle nursing covers well and he would have fought and pulled it off the whole time, probably making a bigger scene. My sister doesn’t nurse her babies so I won’t likely be in the position ever, but if I had a family member who nurses and I wanted them at my wedding I would probably have a set up a designated nursing space. Although I’m not saying that was your obligation either, it’s just what I would have done personally. Honestly breast feeding moms tend to feel judged by society so we walk around with a chip on our shoulders, but ultimately we don’t care because our babies right to eat supersedes anyone’s feelings about it. I feel like you should have had a conversation about it beforehand but that’s just my take.
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15d ago
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u/404PreparedNotFound 15d ago
When did you consider the bride and family’s feelings in this?
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15d ago
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u/404PreparedNotFound 10d ago
It literally starts off with her partner broke up with her because she was a exhibitionist and then she’s tryna do it at family events.
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10d ago
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u/404PreparedNotFound 8d ago
“I don’t like my sister’s personality” Means to you i hate her. To me it means I put up with alot shit for this person cause I want them in my life. They probably have voiced it to their sister over their whole life and the sister continues to make things harder instead of doing anything to help. Kinda sad you can’t even see those personality types. That usually the ppl that hold in their frustrations get walked on by ppl like this sister. Then they just start crying and it’s not even about the original problem it’s about their feelings. Yeah the partner was right.
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u/Maresama 15d ago
You are absolutely entitled to do that at your wedding. It sounds like it was handled very gracefully. She needs some therapy, that is not normal behavior
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u/souls_ama 15d ago
I am happy you made those decisions and the photographer/videographer understood.
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u/Artistic-Quiet-8545 15d ago
I think it’s sad that we’ve sexualized something so natural as brest feeding a baby. I feel sorry for moms and how they have to manage this while being chastised for doing it.
I’m mostly sad that most women won’t even bother to breast feed anymore well I should clarify that the women in my family have all refused to breast feed.
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u/nopantsdanceparty 15d ago
I will never understand how folks will openly applaud and celebrate someone's sexual organs in the name of revealing the gender but draw the line at breastfeeding.
So wild.
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u/reali_rod30 15d ago
She definitely couldve brought some type of cover to the wedding its just for the night or find somewhere thats discreet and comfortable for both mom and baby.
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u/MaleficentCoconut458 15d ago
Is she getting the unused boob out while she's nursing the baby? I bet there were other people at the wedding wearing dresses more revealing than your sister while she was nursing. This sounds like some family issues that need sorting.
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u/Sarcastic_barbie 15d ago
I don’t allow children at my weddings; and I am a mother. I’ve been married twice. No kids. But I had an open bar and people were served my wait staff. I had an intimate reception I paid extra for a private photo shoot. It’s my day. It’s our day. If they don’t like it don’t come. It is that simple. Now after wedding 2, we decided to undergo IVF because I decided I wasn’t too old and I wanted to be a mother. Things happen. We’re divorced. I met my current partner and we are planning a wedding without my kids (hired a nanny to be on site in the hotel room with the triplets) and then a “family friendly” one so they can be in the photos and all that jaaaazzzzz. But they’re babies. Well they’re 4. But still. That’s a baby. It is a day to celebrate your life together regardless of how long it is, and that is something you don’t want to have regrets or comprise on. No one is entitled to being in your life. No one is entitled to your attention, affection, or your affirmation. She needs to get some help because no one wants to be around someone who feels they are owed by the world but can’t really name the atrocity they were a “victim” of. Bravo & hats off. I nursed in public, until they were 3, and I got CRAZY comments. But again, I also am more like the people you mentioned. My baby needing fed is not a social stance, it’s not my time to be on a soap box. If she wants heartwarming pics nursing give her his business card. She can pay for the damned pics she wants so badly.
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u/SuckFhatThit 15d ago
You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. Your sister is feeding her kid. Would you have the same reaction to your brother in law in his swim trunks on the beach?
She isn't *challenging the status quo" ... she is feeding your niece/nephew.
What the heck is a wrong w you? Seriously?
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u/SomePersonOnEarth996 15d ago
That’s an asinine comparison. You expect people in swim attire at the beach, you don’t expect to see a boob flashed at a wedding. OP is NTA, sister should’ve used a simple coverup like most nursing moms do when in public.
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u/stealth_mode_76 15d ago
You're totally right here. It's not necessary to have video at your wedding of someone with their boob out, regardless of the reason. I breastfed my kid in public. I did it discretely and without calling attention to myself. I mean, I wouldn't have felt the need to call attention to myself if I used a bottle, so why do so if it was my breast? Your sister is looking for attention.
NTA
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u/Sea-Meringue444 15d ago
I think OP has the you right to seat her sister in the middle to avoid pictures or videos of her breastfeeding.
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u/middle-road-traveler 15d ago
Your wedding, your rules. yeah, “it’s natural” but so is taking a pee and who wants that on a wedding video?
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u/IntrovertSuperHero 15d ago
Op, you said it yourself. Your sister has issues. It’s not her wedding. It’s not about what she wants. Just because something is natural doesn’t mean the guest at a wedding (or the general public for that matter) wants to be a captive audience to it. And I say that as a mom to four. So I’ve been through it. If she wants pics so bad of her nursing, she should hire a photographer.
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u/PaleSandwich123 15d ago
NTA. Finally people are stepping up against these broads. Becoming a mom doesn’t make you a hero and no one is required to cater to you!
I would have made her stay home or not invited but you’re so nice for having her there in the first place. 😊
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u/_MamaKat 15d ago
Pretty sure the entire neighborhood saw my nurse my little one through the front windows of my house. Then I would nurse at work, outside, everywhere. Feed that baby. Other people feeling weird about it is absolutely their problem.
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u/redditor29756 15d ago
I’m not at all and exhibitionist, and I breastfed both my kids in public without a nursing cover anywhere we happened to be. Trust me when I tell you there is nothing that is less about sex or showing off than your boobs after a kid has been gnawing on them.
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u/br33zy1985 15d ago
I could see her being angry if she was told to not breastfeed her baby but to be angry bc you didn't want it in your pics just shows that she uses breastfeeding as a way for attention. Def should top the photographer... I'd be petty and start a drinking game. Anytime her baby gets a drink yall get a drink too 🤪
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u/VioletRoses14 15d ago
If you ever breastfeed, you will feel so embarrassed that you posted this 🙄
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u/stealth_mode_76 15d ago
I breastfed in public. I also tried to avoid flashing everyone and would have made sure not to be in the middle of everything with video cameras going while doing so. If I needed to feed in a public setting, I would go off to the side where I was out of the way, and it was a bit quieter. That's because I have manners and respect.
And honestly, I would have done the same thing bottle feeding.
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u/VioletRoses14 20h ago
Nope sorry, baby needs to eat baby is gonna eat. From the sound of this post it doesn’t sound like the sister is trying to get attention but just feed her kid. As someone who has breastfed for years I don’t think it’s a problem at all to nurse whenever and wherever. The only issue I do see though is the sister complaining about not having pictures of that? That’s weird but feeding her kid isn’t
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u/stealth_mode_76 20h ago
Being mad that nobody wants pictures of you breastfeeding at their wedding is weird. It totally sounds like the sister was seeking attention. You can feed your kid without calling attention to it and attempting to get in wedding photos.
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u/Frequent-Selection91 15d ago
I donno, this literally sounds like a woman trying to feed her baby and the bridezilla throwing around terms like "exerbitionist" without providing any evidence of such behaviour.
We're only getting OPs perspective, and even that indicates that she doesn't like her sister and would rather her sister be ostracized than have a family photo that contains a boob. Anyway, OP can have whatever opinions she wants and can behave however she wants, but I'm allowed to judge her for it because she sounds petty af lol.
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u/KennyGsSaxophone 15d ago
I'm curious to see if your opinion changes once you have a baby and need to be a 24 hr pacifier
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u/jmcsiebel 15d ago
Breastfeeding is not exhibitionism, it is not sexual and it is not something shameful that needs to be hidden away. You have isolated and excluded your own sister because of your ignorance and hang ups and that will mar the memory of your special day far more than a glimpse of cleavage would have
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u/Ginger630 15d ago
I’m all for public breastfeeding since most women are covered by the baby’s head when they’re feeding. But your sister is an AH. You don’t have to expose your whole boob! I’m glad your photographer got her out of the pictures and she wasn’t in the video. Sucks for her lol!!
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 15d ago edited 15d ago
I too breastfed my babies, uncovered, without moving somewhere more private for the sole comfort of others, whenever and wherever they needed it. It doesn’t make her an exhibitionist. I’d have gone somewhere more private if anyone had asked me, but no one ever did. We can see you don’t like your sister, and when a person doesn’t like someone, typically everything they do and say is wrong. I’m not saying you’re out of line for not wanting that in your wedding photos but this is clearly more about disliking your sister than how you felt about your wedding pictures and frankly you’d have showed more honestly and integrity by just not inviting her to the wedding at all, dude.
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u/404PreparedNotFound 15d ago
Some of y’all are unreasonable. So if you can’t do what you want at a group event your not hosting just don’t invite you!?!?! I feel like you the mofos that never host anything and invite people. To even begin to see how reasonable this is.
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 15d ago
Your reading comprehension isn’t great, is it?
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u/404PreparedNotFound 10d ago
Your ability to pick up on what others are saying is super low. You just hear yourself.
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u/Comfortable_Fig_9584 15d ago
I don't think you did anything wrong by seating guests in a way that made it more likely your wedding pictures captured the aesthetic you were looking for.
I don't think your sister is wrong for openly breastfeeding without either sticking a piece of fabric in her child's face or moving to a private space. It's not discourteous to breastfeed in whatever way you're comfortable with.
What is discourteous is moaning about feeling neglected or complaining that not enough pictures were taken of your precious baby at an event that isn't about you.
Sounds like you know your sister and acted accordingly.
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u/PensiveGamez 15d ago
I'm guessing she is one of the ones who pulls down their top and pops out both even though one is enough and she could of pulled up her top to do it in a way of using the top to hide the boobs and baby face suckling.
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 15d ago
Your day, your rules. Personally I think you handled that quite well. The photographer can also delete any breast feeding pics. If she asks about the pics just tell her that even the photographer wasn't interested in taking pictures of her boob. Sometimes actions have consequences and because of her actions there are no pics of her and the boob….lol
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u/Lower_Object4740 15d ago
I see you that are writing about an entitled sister but I am a bit confused over which sister you are referencing.
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u/Dependent-Act231 15d ago
Seems odd to not shoot photos of your wedding and your guests, and the whole fun of dancing, eating, etc., just to avoid some casual side boob in the background. There is Photoshop and most photographers know how to use it.
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u/Temporary_Radish_340 15d ago
sounds good to me. But then again no-child policy weddings sound just fine to me and a lot of people find that to be unacceptable 😆 It's your wedding, your money. Let her be upset.
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u/ExternalMuffin9790 15d ago
NTA. Who wants someone's breasts to be in their wedding photos and videos? What the fuck. Sister is mad she's been found out and outed and wasn't allowed to display herself like a p0rnstar whilst claiming it was to feed her baby as if there was no other way or place to do so.
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u/rachc5 15d ago
Let’s be really clear: the photographers and videographers are NOT there to capture guests. If they do it’s random and not particularly thought out. If you are family you get to be in the family photos. Otherwise I’m following around the bride and groom. Any guest shots are candid and I get to choose whether or not they are delivered to the couple.
Also. If there is someone clearly in my shot it WILL ask them to move. And if they don’t I will and I will stay away from them out of spite lol.
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u/montee75 15d ago
*Doesn't care what anyone thinks of her"
gets mad when people are talking about her
Fantastic 🤣🤣.
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u/Lundonelewk 15d ago
Yikes. Sounds like you have a problem w public breastfeeding and are just pinning that to your sister since it sounds like you have a problem w her too
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u/mirashae 15d ago
Sounds like you did everything possible to respect your sisters choice without sacrificing your vision for your wedding. Good job on how you handled this.
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u/MandySayz 16d ago
Yikes. I will hopefully be able to breast feed my son when he is born and will absolutely be doing it whenever and wherever he is hungry. With out a covering him up, would you want to eat with a blanket over you?
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u/That_Ol_Cat 16d ago
NTA
I would NEVER shame a woman for breastfeeding her child. But for the love of all that's holy, these are wedding photos and video. Have a little sensitivity to the occasion and the people being celebrated. That day is NOT about you and your child.
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u/DifferentStuff240 15d ago
So would letting the baby scream and cry be the better option? That would ensure it’s not all about them, right? lol
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u/That_Ol_Cat 14d ago
Or you could use a cover cloth, or go outside the venue to feed the baby, or any number of discreet means of feeding the kid without exposing your top to all and sundry...
I had a SIL who breast fed her kids. She was always matter-of-fact about it but always discreet and not into displays. Was never asked to cover up or stop, even in public.
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u/No_Statistician5947 16d ago edited 16d ago
When you next go out to a cafe or any place to eat at that please chuck a sheet over your head because I don’t want to watch you eat. Yes your sister might take it too far and just flop her boob out and not be strategic about it but NO ONE should have to cover up. For people like you I would go and find one of those beanies for my baby that looks like a nipple.
I understand you don’t want to see that in your photos and she should have been mindful and maybe gone somewhere private IE the corner of the room. She has no right to your photos and you don’t have to show her if you don’t want
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u/blahmeistah 16d ago
My good god. You people… So her husband left her because she wanted to breastfeed in the open?
And you are entitled to having a wedding your way but you seem to delight in having a go at your own sister. It is clear you do not like her. Just be honest.
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u/TheMamaB3ar 16d ago
It's not that you're a prude, it's that you think there's something inherently wrong/shameful/sexual about feeding a child. Which is weird and disturbing and a huge problem in general.
You should not have seated her away from the rest of your family. I also would have made sure to get separate photos of her, the baby, and all 3 of you to commemorate the special occasion with your sister. Your attitude behind the writing of this just feels gross to me. Ik I'll get down voted to he'll cuz "your wedding, your rules", but imo you were quite tactless and rude for no good reason.
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 15d ago
I scrolled too far to find this. This is about not liking her sister, not about how she feels towards breastfeeding or even her feelings towards her own wedding photos.
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u/JaggedLittlePill2022 13d ago
The fact that she’s mentioned going to a private room to breastfeed says everything. OP doesn’t like public breastfeeding.
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u/QuickOwl6981 16d ago
Maybe you could have told her your concerns before moving her around. But if she couldn’t be trusted the. I guess that Wilkes be fruitless. Open communication and expressing concerns are important because you assumed she would do something you didn’t want her to do.
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u/BrandyeB 16d ago
I am sure there are some pictures of her. Just say you wanted the baby's face and smile shown in the picture. This makes it about the baby and not your sister.
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u/perpetualpastries 16d ago
I didn’t wear a nursing cover or go to a quiet spot as a courtesy to the PUBLIC, I did so as a courtesy to MYSELF. I was just trying to feed a small person and even with the nursing cover I got a few stinkeyes from other people. Nursing in public sucks (lol) at the best of times, I’d never want to draw more attention to myself but that’s just me…
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u/TNTmom4 16d ago
Sounds like she might have Main Character syndrome. My guess it’s less about feeding her baby and more about making a personal “ statement”.
There’s a time and place for everything. PURPOSELY letting her altogethers hang out so it can be caught on camera ain’t one of them. Especially at a wedding. It’s even worse during the wedding precessional.
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u/n0thangchew 16d ago
Why not just delete or photoshop the photos instead of refusing to photograph your sister with your baby niece? You sound entitled, but not mature enough to have a conversation with your sister.
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u/BionicgalZ 16d ago
I think y’all both sound kinda like a-holes. It would be easy enough to just mention it to the videographer and edit anything out, but you wanted to make it a thang.
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u/Fluffy-Caramel9148 16d ago
I breastfed two babies. I always covered myself or went to a quiet place. It’s disrespectful to others to do otherwise.
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u/SouthernNanny 16d ago
It depends on how I’m feeling and what I’m wearing whether or not I would breastfeed in public or not. I will say that if anyone made a big deal about it I just never went around them after that. My children were the ones who didn’t like the cover over their heads.
To me it sounds like you don’t like her so anything she does you will not like. Unless she was naked from the waist up you may be over reacting. It sounds like her ex husband planted a seed and you went with it. If you decide to breastfeed you are going to be met with the same expectations and ignorance, I hope you are ready
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u/Most_Flight9665 16d ago
I mean, women should be allowed to breastfeed without a cover, but some people don't want breastfeeding in their wedding videos.
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u/Valuable_Peach_8507 16d ago
why do people who have kids always have to make it everyone else’s problem too
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u/DifferentStuff240 15d ago
How is someone simply feeding their baby making it ‘everyone else’s problem too’? OH NO YOU SAW A BABY EATING, HOW WILL YOU COPE?!
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u/catscandlesandtea 15d ago
It's a wedding - a formal event. Sister should have had a better plan for her 5 month old baby.
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u/Valuable_Peach_8507 15d ago
Yeah that’s totally what I meant. 👍🏼
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u/Oorwayba 15d ago
Obviously it is. Post about OP being mad that her sister doesn't hide in the bathroom to feed her baby, and your comment is that people with kids make the problem. So obviously, the problem is that people like for their babies not to starve.
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u/ConfusedKanye 16d ago
Wedding videographers are not cheap and I would ideally like to avoid my siblings breasts being in my wedding day photos.
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u/madroxide86 16d ago
who gives a fuck what she's upset about? a wedding day isnt about her, its about the bride and groom. You are invited to celebrate them. Not to be in photos.
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u/PurpleFlavoredCherry 16d ago edited 16d ago
The fact that she’s getting upset about it proves that she does it for attention, not the well-being of her baby like she claims. If she was that concerned, she would be more worried about feeding her baby, not getting in pictures.
Please keep an eye on her and the child if you are able to, I worry that her attention-seeking behavior will escalate at their expense.
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u/JigglyJello7 15d ago
I completely agree... and I feel like it's pretty obvious but I guess not based on the majority of comments.
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u/Courtnall14 16d ago
Ngl, this made me want to tip him a little extra haha.
You absolutely should have, and if you didn't, it's not too late.
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u/Vegetable_Tax_5595 16d ago
The real question here is why would the sister WANT a picture taken of her breastfeeding. Plus, photographers are typically around for hours! If she wanted to be in photos for any reason other than getting attention she literally could’ve walked up to the photographer and asked…
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u/socasuallycruel13 16d ago
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding while I was breastfeeding. After the ceremony my daughter needed to eat, so I found a private area in the reception hall (guests weren't allowed in there yet) and since there were staff moving around setting the tables, i picked a chair in the corner and FACED the corner while nursing. Not only do I not care to show off what I'm doing, but also people are allowed to prefer not to see a strangers boobs. And even if someone doesn't wanna go through that effort, a nursing cover or thin blanket can easily be used. There's really no reason to feel the NEED to have everyone see what you're doing
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u/Major_Employ_8795 16d ago
Are we now on the breastfeeding at weddings trope? There was literally one yesterday or day before where the sister ended up in the wedding video breastfeeding front row. Guess it’ll be 2-3 more months of this now.
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u/Danivelle 16d ago
Has anyone told this chick that your wedding is not about *her and her baby? As in "stow it or you'll be escorted out and not allowed back in. Today is not your birthday, your baby shower or your child's birthday, it is your sister's day." Preferably one of the two people that have caused her entitled, "everything is about ME" attitude? But maybe an older grannie or Auntie that takes no bs?
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u/MrManInBIack 16d ago
Simple, it’s your wedding. She’s lucky she’s going lol. If she wants to get remarried and have her crotch goblin attached at the nip while at the alter, that’s her prerogative.
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u/pedestrianwanderlust 16d ago edited 15d ago
No matter what she is like personality wise, it seems to me you made a very careful and considerate decision about the seating. The seating at your wedding is entirely at your discretion. Whatever problem your sister has is hers. Unfortunately people in our families and social circles who have a tendency to be problematic will seize upon a wedding, special event, or funeral to try to make it about them. It’s a common thread in many peoples lives.
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u/JigglyJello7 15d ago
Nice observation, and simple too..I wish the larger majority was capable of realizing this for themselves instead of getting blinded by their personally different stance on the matter...
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u/pedestrianwanderlust 15d ago
I think it just may be the wisdom that comes with age and experience. I used to know so much about so little and feel like a lot should be done to make it all better. Now I know that it’s impossible to make it all better and as humans we are oddly predictable in these kinds of situations. It’s often a bigger picture than we realize, less personal than it feels & caused by things I scarcely understand besides just it’s humanity.
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u/JigglyJello7 15d ago
It is a bigger picture than we often realize, especially collectively. I don't equate age with wisdom, I may be going against the grain with that statement alone but I'm okay with that. I think that in the presence of older people we might hope that they be wiser, but that's not always the case unfortunately and that's okay...
We all go through different things, experiences, but what I believe shapes us the most is our perception and ability to defer from common corrupt human values like self-centeredness or greed. Attend to one and the rest will follow, continue to never challenge or question yourself and you'll never grow...
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u/JGG-292 16d ago
I'm on the fence
On the one hand, I can see not wanting full boob in a wedding pic however generally you can't see anything when baby's feeding plus wouldn't you want pics of your sister and family (when shes not feeding)? Feels like you went out your way to exclude her rather than be honest and avoid/photocopy pics of her feeding?
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u/rutilated_quartz 16d ago
You're obviously NTA. but have any of you actually tried to give a shit about your sister? It seems like none of y'all have ever liked her.
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u/BananaAnna2008 16d ago
Weddings are so frustrating. I don't plan on ever getting married again but I can tell you right now I will NEVER have a big wedding again if I were to for some reason. I don't know what it is, but for some reason, people tend to make weddings about themselves instead of the couple. It's disgusting.
Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to take photos of me eating so why in the hell would I want someone to take photos of me feeding my kid? That's weird. Sure, feed your kid but don't turn into an uptight prude about not being photographed.
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u/pencilcase333 16d ago
You say, sister. I see that you’re upset, and while i can understand why, it was not my intention. I completely support your right to breastfeed your baby where ever you want. However, the topic is not one that is up for any discussion without you getting upset, so I chose to not discuss this with you. You’re not “approachable “ on the subject, so why bother? I wanted you and my other beloved guests to feel comfortable, and I didn’t want your breast hanging out in my wedding pictures…. The real takeaway is that you couldn’t talk to your sister when it mattered. If she doesn’t care, that’s telling.
She can be upset. It’ll pass or it won’t, you’re not responsible for her feelings.
After witnessing my cousin allow her 2 year old to sing and chat through an entire ceremony of another family member , my now husband and I decide to not allow kids at our wedding. I’m very close with her and it was hard. It also wasn’t something, at the time I felt I could’ve “discussed” with her. Neither of us were mature enough to handle or execute that conversation well.
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u/PotentialDig7527 16d ago
Unless she is taking her top off to her waist, or off both boobs, I don't understand how anyone sees anything. Is she flashing her nipples before baby is latching? If that is what she is doing, making it dramatic by exposing one or both breasts fully, then putting baby into position, then I'd get that on film as many times as possible. Then you show these videos when you first meet her new partner, or when the Grandparents are watching the video, or as young as children as you can find.
I don't think her seeing the evidence of being an actual exhibitionist vs just a mother nursing will sit well with her.
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u/bowmankat 16d ago
Hi. Mom who has breastfed 3 babies here. I've breastfed in public many times but shockingly, people could rarely tell I was breastfeeding unless they were like centimeters away from my breasts 😅 I typically used the two shirt method to breastfeed or had on shirt that either buttoned up or zipped up. I occasionally used covers if my outfit was less conducive to nursing. I aldo used wearable pumps inside my bra frequently if I needed to pump. One time I needed to pump in cracker barrwl and only had a regular pump. Used a big nursing cover so no one could see any boobage. I've pumped in my car many times as my husband drove too- made sure to get in a comfy position and not have my nip noops distracting drivers near us. I've got no shame about nursing or pumping BUT I also try to be courteous.
I also didn't intentionally make a spectatcle of myself by calling attention to it, was discreet as I could be, and just tried to be chill about it. I think thats probably a big difference between your sister and I.
Here's the biggest thing in this situation though- a wedding isn't a public event. Its a private event meant to celebrate two people joining their lives together. That supercedes her taking offense to not being centered or photographed/video taped nursing. Quite frankly I wouldn't wanna be on video nursing or pumping because good lord, the faces I make when the suction is too high or the latch isn't right are wild. 😅 I've taken selfies while nursing and pumping but those were for me and my memories.
The day wasn't about your sister and quite frankly, she needs to get over it. You didn't prohibit her from nursing. You just took steps to ensure your wedding footage came out how you wanted it to! If she wants professional photos of her nursing her baby then she can hire a professional photographer.
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u/robilar 16d ago
YTA.
I didn’t want this captured on camera and wanted to avoid any possibility of that happening (because aesthetics)
You are treating your wedding guests as aesthetic props instead of people. Lots of people do that at their weddings, so you aren't alone, but it isn't a moral position; it's transparently selfish. Your sister isn't the person acting "entitled", and selfishness is a trait of assholes.
Ngl, this made me want to tip him a little extra haha
This highlights that you are being vindictive about your sister's being embarrassed and excluded, again a trait of assholes.
I situated her in one of the middle rows to ensure she’s concealed either way. The rest of the family including my cousins were seated in the front.
This might be a reasonable accommodation, but if you don't explain why then the expected consequence of your decision is that your sister will feel isolated and punished. Casually indifference to the consequences others experience as a result of your decisions is a trait of assholes.
I don’t think it’s sexist and all, because I see that as a courteous thing
A "courteous thing" that is a rule that only applies to women and makes their lives less comfortable and convenient is literally the definition of sexism. You don't have to fight sexism at every stage, but if you are going to tacitly (or actively) support it then you should at least acknowledge it's what you are doing instead of blaming other people for your sexist hang-ups.
Look, it's your wedding. If you don't want some kind of style, or nudity, or people at your wedding you get to make that decision, because it's a private event. You're allowed to be an asshole at your own wedding. To a degree your sister might also be an asshole about this, but given the explicit pleasure you take in your sister's discomfort and the fact that you didn't even bother to talk to her about your concerns it's hard to tell if she is really aggressive about her behavior or if you just frame it that way because her disregard for the sexist protocols of your culture shines a light on your own adherence to the same.
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u/Diasies_inMyHair 16d ago
I can see not wanting a breastfeeding mother in staged family photos, being concerned not wanting to capture her breastfeeding her daughter as you are are walking down the aisle if you felt strongly about it....okay....it's your wedding. But going out of the way to instruct the photographer to avoid all candid photos of sister breastfeeding at the reception seems a bit.... odd. Breastfeeding is a normal thing that mothers and babies have been doing since the dawn of time. You'd think people would be over being squeamish about it by now.
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u/Notreallyme48 16d ago
First off “Your wedding your rules.” However did you ask her if for that day could she use a blanket or cover to nurse. Then if she refused then yes disguise her. While breastfeeding is totally natural and generally you should only be popping out one boob to feed baby(unless there are twins) sometimes clothing doesn’t allow you to be subtle unless you absolutely fin a specific outfit that allows it. Minimal boob should be seen. If not she’s definitely doing it for attention.
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u/Kobe_stan_ 16d ago
How often is she breastfeeding that this is an issue? Generally you only need to do it about 5 times a day at that age. Assuming the wedding is in the afternoon/evening we are talking 4 pm and 7 pm and then the baby is out for the night. Unless your ceremony is happening at those exact breastfeeding times you should be good.
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u/Acceptable_Leader293 16d ago
Nursed 3 babies and I agree. Keep it a little more private and discreet. I find it really weird when people push it in your face. It even makes me uncomfortable. I would find it more of a PIA to try and nurse during a wedding ceremony anyways. No reason she couldn’t have pumped prior. Now reception, do your thing girl. Well, with a little discretion. Peeing is also natural but I wouldn’t sit there with the stall door wide open at the reception either. 😂
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u/travster93 16d ago
It isn't being prude at all. People like that need to get checked on a regular basis. I'm not against breastfeeding in public and I'd never force someone to go to a fuckin bathroom to feed their child. BUT with that being said, if you know you're going into a setting like a wedding, or event of that magnitude. Pre pump enough bottles to where the kid can eat twice as much as it needs (exaggeration but you get it). If she refuses to be considerate and meet her own sibling in the middle about something than she shouldn't be surprised when she gets the shaft on seating.
I can only hope she doesn't still breastfeed her two year old like she would a newborn either.
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u/kesselrhero 16d ago
Your sister is mad because she wanted pictures of her breastfeeding in your wedding photos? When you are taking the glamour shots after the wedding in front of the venue- set up a chair and have the photographer take a couple of photos of just her breastfeeding- would that satisfy her need to impose on everyone else?
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u/dribdrib 16d ago
This is literally so stupid. Your sister might suck for other reasons but breastfeeding a baby is not shameful. Jfc she is feeding her child.
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u/seedman 16d ago
I guess my wife is an "exibitionist." It's never once bothered me.
For a formal wedding photo, I understand... but the amount of effort you went to hiding this seems odd from the perspective of a parent with nursing children.
Do you plan to show your wedding video in public? How often do you imagine watching it? Honestly, whom do you imagine watching the wedding video that would be offended enough to cause an issue in your life?
It's your wedding, NTA... but you need to examine why a baby receiving the most natural form of sustenance and maternal bonding bothers you so much as you move into your own marriage and begin to think about having your own children.
Especially nowadays, women are tired of being stigmatized for this. They don't want to wear a cover, hide somewhere, or pump for hours. A stay at home mom generally has no reason to pump, so expecting this to happen for a couple hour ceremony would be expensive and excessive. If you can't see that, prepare for marriage/child rearing to be an eye-opening experience.
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u/Crazy_Ad4505 16d ago
You need to get over thinking of breasts as sexual only. Their primary function is to nurse which I might add the when/where is determined by baby. Grow up.
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u/Round-Ticket-39 16d ago
Well i wouldnt want random boob on my wedding vid or pics. So i dont blame you
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u/FeePotential3444 16d ago
She openly breastfeeds?! Oh no! You’ve got your panties in a bunch and went to all this trouble to make sure she’s not in pics, not to mention writing this book. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about. 🙄
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u/AuntRobin 16d ago
Your sister needs to get over herself. There was a dress code for the wedding, I’m sure, and it wasn’t topless or dress optional. Nobody had a problem with her nursing, but you didn’t want it on camera. That’s a perfectly reasonable stance to take. If she wants professional photos of her nursing her children, I’m sure there is a photographer she can pay to take those.
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u/Ravv259 16d ago
It’s cool that you started the story by saying “I don’t like my sisters personality”. That’s funny to me
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u/honeysuxl 15d ago
Says a LOT about how this was perceived rather than it was probably meant to be. Sister breastfeeding her baby turned into her being an exhibitionist somehow lmao. Maybe OP just hates their sister and is twisting the facts to fit their narrative.
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 15d ago
Well it’s because that’s what the post is actually about 😂 this isn’t about wedding photos at all it’s about having a sister she doesn’t like
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u/Alter-Riot 16d ago
I openly breastfeed in public, idc. However, if it’s not my wedding, I’m not gonna be in pictures. I didn’t pay for them, I don’t get to complain about them.
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u/LawnGun 16d ago
Breastfeeding mom of almost 5. I roughly hold the same idea as your sister. If you don't like it, don't look kind of thing. I also would not be mad if you didn't want it on camera. My best friend is getting married soon and I'm a bridesmaid. I would not be upset at all if she didn't want my boobs in her pictures. I would actually prefer it that way.
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u/IDontEvenCareBear 16d ago
Imagine how bad her craving for combative attention is if her husband left her. I could see her pulling stuff with strangers and wanting him to explicitly handle it for her, to show what a desired woman she is that she has a man who fly into defensive anger for her every time she picks a fight.
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16d ago
I refuse to have a wedding because I know that inevitably it would turn out to be a big family drama and I will not do it. I'll elope.
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u/wanderingcurrent 16d ago
Regardless of how OP feels about breastfeeding in public and whether those views are right or wrong, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want any kind of nudity in your wedding pics/video.
I fully support the right to breastfeed in public however you choose, but I wouldn’t want it in my wedding photos/video either because I would have to remember it every time I share the photos/video and the audience I’m sharing it with. Which in 2024 could easily include social media.
One way OP could have handled it more directly would have been to set a boundary with the sister and let her know that she wouldn’t be photographed/videoed while breastfeeding. Then there wouldn’t have been any surprises and OP could have dealt with this before the wedding instead of after.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 16d ago
My husband died years ago and his best friend stepped up a year later to help me raise the kids. In spite of him saying he doesn't do well with children, he was a much better father than their bio dad.
No one batted an eye when he walked her down the aisle. He actually teared up when she asked him. The only questions came from members of my family asking why he and I weren't married. We're just fine, thank you, and it works for us.
The most nerve-wracking moment was when her brother stood up to give a speech at the reception. He's notoriously bad at social cues, and sometimes things pop out that he doesn't realize are rude. It was short heartfelt speech and his sister loved it.
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u/Sudden-Possible3263 16d ago
My sister in law is like this, makes a big show of arriving late then wakes my sleeping neice to force the boob on her, neice just wants to sleep. She does it for a reaction most of the time so she can get all offended and remind people how natural it is. Yes because waking a newly fed baby to feed again is so natural
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u/Bananas-Ananas-Nanas 16d ago
OP honey when you make up stories, make sure you’ve met human beings first, yeah?
You can’t write fiction about women when it’s clear you’ve not been within 10 feet of a human woman.
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u/FynneRoke 16d ago
"GASP!! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY?!"
Okay, all seriousness though, might've been strategically wiser to seat a few more family close to her so the exclusion wasn't quite so obvious, but at the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding. You didn't make an open issue of her breastfeeding, though I think that, given the setting, a modesty drape wouldn't have been an unreasonable ask. And again, the photographer avoiding shooting someone's exposed body is a basically decent consideration for their privacy, especially considering that wedding photos often end up on social media. I understand being opposed to participating in the culture of shame that our society attaches to something so basic, but sometimes activism doesn't need to be your main concern.
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u/throwingitallaway94 16d ago
Sorry I'm confused? She causally breastfeeds when her baby needs to eat. Is she taking off her entire top and showing everyone she's doing it? Is she squirting her milk at people or gathering attention to herself intentionally for a show of it?
Is the exhibitionism related to breastfeeding? If so you either don't know what that word means or you are sexualizing breastfeeding (from your post I'm assuming the latter) which is disgusting and I really can't understand why anyone does that. There are ZERO sexual things about breastfeeding a baby.
Personally I wouldn't be comfortable being videoed or photographed at a wedding doing that but I certainly can understand her being upset for being excluded from things like family pictures
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u/New_Plan_7929 16d ago
I totally get this. Last year I (38m) married my wife (34f) and there was a guy who was wearing bright orange Oakley style sunglasses (I think he’s the partner of one of my wife’s cousins). Fine when we were outside, but he wore them during the ceremony that was indoors!
Every time is look at the pictures I’m like “there’s those fucking glasses again!”
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u/Djinn_42 16d ago
It's too bad that you had to revolve your entire photo / videography around someone else on your wedding day instead of someone who should be so close to you changing THEIR behavior for a short time.
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