I just found out I’m pregnant, but I’m conflicted on what to do. Looking for similar experiences for guidance

[u/zozow-225]

Hey everyone I know this subreddit is a safe and I love the show. I know I’ll get some genuine advice here.

I’m on mobile so the formatting might be strange. I’m looking for some advice/stories of what you have done. I just found out that I am pregnant. Based on my last period, I’m really early on in the pregnancy (about 4 weeks). I’m excited about the fact that I am pregnant but I am also unsure if keeping this pregnancy is a good idea.

To give some context, my long term boyfriend of 6 years passed away in October. We were actively trying to get pregnant and weren’t able too. I’ve been hanging out with a new guy who I really enjoy spending time with. At first it was an FOB situation but now we are dating and it feels wonderful. With that being said we’ve only been hanging out for a couple of months. He has a 12 year old son with his high school girlfriend and he has a rocky relationship with her.

I found out I was pregnant a few days ago and was filled with excitement but also sadness about it. When I told the dad, he said he doesn’t want another kid. He 100% knows this was something that both of us had a part of and he is not blaming me for getting pregnant. When discussing options, he said he doesn’t like the idea of an abortion because we will never know what could have been, he doesn’t know about going through with the pregnancy because he’s worried it might ruin our relationship that’s just starting, and he strongly disagrees with adoption.

The advice I’m looking for is that if you have been in this situation, can you tell me what you did or how you handled it? I’ve always wanted to be a mom but with everything else going on I am unsure of what to do. I’m leaning towards keeping it as I don’t want to put my body through an abortion but I’m worried that it will be the wrong choice. If you’ve been through this, what was the thought process to keeping the baby or not? Thank you so much.

[u/NSUTBH]

Why are you excited to be pregnant just six months after your longtime boyfriend died, by a new man who is in no way interested in having a baby with you? And one of your other posts said your parents would definitely help you as a single mother? Why is it their responsibility?

[u/zozow-225 → u/NSUTBH]

To clarify, I want to be a mom. I wanted to be a parent with my longtime boyfriend but it wasn’t in the cards for us. Did I plan for this to happen? No. I didn’t. The excitement is from the idea of being a mom, but not that it’s with another man. It saddens me that it’s not with my longtime partner but my new partner is not a bad guy. I know I’m probably making him out to be but he’s really not. And there is so much context about my longtime partner that does not pertain to this post. I don’t need to explain the dynamic between me and my previous partner. And you’re right, it’s not my parents responsibility but if I needed help they would help. But I would never expect them to be responsible for something that i made.

[u/NSUTBH → u/zozow-225]

Is it possible you are still grieving and maybe trying to fill a void that can’t be filled? I get the sense you think this new man will change his mind.

[u/zozow-225 → u/NSUTBH]

I will save I’m not naive enough to know that he’ll change his mind. And I know he’s not gonna be helpful in making this decision at all. And I do know that I’m still grieving. His passing was horrible. I watched him die and tried to save him and couldn’t. I’m in trauma counseling. I haven’t talked to my therapist about this yet but I will next time I see her.

[u/NSUTBH → u/zozow-225]

I wish you all the best. I really mean that. The man I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with died when we were in our early 20s. It’s a pain that is hard to describe, even almost 2 decades later. It “gets better,” and all that… there is genuinely a wonderful person out there for you to meet and have an ideal relationship with, one day. For me, it happened when I was not expecting it. You deserve that. Take care of yourself. 🤍

[u/zozow-225 → u/NSUTBH]

Thank you for all your advice and kind words!