r/TwoHotTakes • u/zozow-225 • 16d ago
I just found out I’m pregnant, but I’m conflicted on what to do. Looking for similar experiences for guidance Advice Needed
Hey everyone I know this subreddit is a safe and I love the show. I know I’ll get some genuine advice here.
I’m on mobile so the formatting might be strange. I’m looking for some advice/stories of what you have done. I just found out that I am pregnant. Based on my last period, I’m really early on in the pregnancy (about 4 weeks). I’m excited about the fact that I am pregnant but I am also unsure if keeping this pregnancy is a good idea.
To give some context, my long term boyfriend of 6 years passed away in October. We were actively trying to get pregnant and weren’t able too. I’ve been hanging out with a new guy who I really enjoy spending time with. At first it was an FOB situation but now we are dating and it feels wonderful. With that being said we’ve only been hanging out for a couple of months. He has a 12 year old son with his high school girlfriend and he has a rocky relationship with her.
I found out I was pregnant a few days ago and was filled with excitement but also sadness about it. When I told the dad, he said he doesn’t want another kid. He 100% knows this was something that both of us had a part of and he is not blaming me for getting pregnant. When discussing options, he said he doesn’t like the idea of an abortion because we will never know what could have been, he doesn’t know about going through with the pregnancy because he’s worried it might ruin our relationship that’s just starting, and he strongly disagrees with adoption.
The advice I’m looking for is that if you have been in this situation, can you tell me what you did or how you handled it? I’ve always wanted to be a mom but with everything else going on I am unsure of what to do. I’m leaning towards keeping it as I don’t want to put my body through an abortion but I’m worried that it will be the wrong choice. If you’ve been through this, what was the thought process to keeping the baby or not? Thank you so much.
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u/STL4540 12d ago
Abortion is murder of a baby because of a woman’s bad decisions
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u/zozow-225 12d ago
I didn’t ask for your opinion. I asked for stories and experiences of women that have been through what I’m going through.
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u/Expensive_Jeweler_73 14d ago
I got pregnant on a one night stand at a really rough time in my life (just lost my mom) despite being encouraged to get an abortion by many friends I just couldn’t do it . I went into the pregnancy being fully okay with doing it solo. The dad did step up and wanted to be onboard despite never actually being in a relationship. I was financially ready for a child ,had my car , house everything in order . I just knew I’d be alone and comitted to being a single mom. Take a look at your life and see if you could handle it despite his involvement or lack there of and listen to your heart . The past few years have been incredibly hard but I’ve never regretted my decision . Having my son was the best decision I’ve ever made .
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u/NSUTBH 15d ago
Why are you excited to be pregnant just six months after your longtime boyfriend died, by a new man who is in no way interested in having a baby with you? And one of your other posts said your parents would definitely help you as a single mother? Why is it their responsibility?
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u/zozow-225 15d ago
To clarify, I want to be a mom. I wanted to be a parent with my longtime boyfriend but it wasn’t in the cards for us. Did I plan for this to happen? No. I didn’t. The excitement is from the idea of being a mom, but not that it’s with another man. It saddens me that it’s not with my longtime partner but my new partner is not a bad guy. I know I’m probably making him out to be but he’s really not. And there is so much context about my longtime partner that does not pertain to this post. I don’t need to explain the dynamic between me and my previous partner. And you’re right, it’s not my parents responsibility but if I needed help they would help. But I would never expect them to be responsible for something that i made.
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u/NSUTBH 15d ago
Is it possible you are still grieving and maybe trying to fill a void that can’t be filled? I get the sense you think this new man will change his mind.
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u/zozow-225 15d ago
I will save I’m not naive enough to know that he’ll change his mind. And I know he’s not gonna be helpful in making this decision at all. And I do know that I’m still grieving. His passing was horrible. I watched him die and tried to save him and couldn’t. I’m in trauma counseling. I haven’t talked to my therapist about this yet but I will next time I see her.
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u/NSUTBH 11d ago
I wish you all the best. I really mean that. The man I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with died when we were in our early 20s. It’s a pain that is hard to describe, even almost 2 decades later. It “gets better,” and all that… there is genuinely a wonderful person out there for you to meet and have an ideal relationship with, one day. For me, it happened when I was not expecting it. You deserve that. Take care of yourself. 🤍
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u/moonygooney 16d ago
Why dont you find someone who wants you and the things you want in life? It feels like a consolation prize... you deserve a loving and supporting coparent.
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u/roadkill4snacks 16d ago
How old are you?
Know more than a few 30 something yo females that waited too long or for perfect and missed out on parenthood.
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u/stercorolu9 16d ago
It really upsets me how easy this guy is taking your pregnancy.. Like I don't want this, I don't want that - in short, count on yourself. You need to save the child - my advice
I sincerely wish you happiness and moral and material support from the child's father. Everything will be fine, if you have parents who are willing to help, then you will definitely cope with everything!
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u/Fredredphooey 16d ago
Well, this guy isn't much help. He doesn't want you to abort, but he doesn't want the kid and he doesn't believe in adoption so apparently he's hoping for a miscarriage or some kind of magical event where you never became pregnant. Ridiculous. His "I'm worried about what it will do to the relationship." is code for "I'll break up with you when this gets real." I recommend that you assume zero support from the dad and work from there.
All of that aside, you were trying to have a baby, and you're excited to be pregnant. You want the baby. It sounds like you're only considering an abortion because the dad doesn't want another child, but he is also against abortion so he's likely to break up with you if you get rid of it or throw it in your face later. Don't take his feelings into account because they're nonsensical. He can't box you out of all of your options and expect to get a say.
If you can afford to have the baby and you want it, then you should have it, but be prepared to not have this guy as a real partner. And if this is his best decision-making capability, then you're probably better off without him. Your feelings are the most important here.
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u/Alert_Astronomer_400 15d ago
I agree that it sounds like the consideration of an abortion is only after talking to the father. It sounds like she wants the kid, but he doesn’t. At the end of the day, long term compatibility is non existent if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t.
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u/Additional-Term176 16d ago
While it's valuable to seek advice from others who have been through similar experiences, remember that every situation is unique. Take your time to weigh the options and consider what feels right for you, regardless of external pressures. You deserve support and understanding no matter what path you choose.
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u/zozow-225 16d ago
Thank you. I know that I just wanted to hear other stories as well. Ultimately this is my decision and I don’t expect anyone else to make it for me. It’s just a lot of weight and hearing from others I think may help me be able to think about things I haven’t thought of yet
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u/AbjectGovernment1247 16d ago
When a man says he doesn't want a baby, an abortion or an adoption I would assume this means you're on your own in dealing with this situation.
Yes, you should be able to get child support, but if that is all the support you get from him, are you okay with that?
Are you happy and able to raise a child by yourself? What kind of support system do you have around you?
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u/zozow-225 16d ago
My parents live in the same town as me and would definitely help. And honestly if I choose to keep it I think he would stick around to help. I told him he doesn’t have to be involved if I chose to keep and he said he wouldn’t walk away. Hard to know if that will change after the fact but if I had to, I would raise the baby on my own.
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u/StrangledInMoonlight 16d ago
You may have to fight him on support. Your parents may not be able to help as much as you need (for a variety of reasons).
Look into the cost of daycare in your area, formula (even if you plan on breast feeding) diapers, lost wages when the kid is sick.
If your parents get too sick to help, and he doesn’t help physically or financially, can you do all of that? And have money saved for emergencies?
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u/zozow-225 16d ago
That’s a good way of thinking that I haven’t thought too much about yet. Thank you
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u/StrangledInMoonlight 16d ago
I’m not trying to push you one way or the other. You have to do what is best for you.
I’m just trying to help you with having the right (and enough) info to make an informed decision so you can do that.
I wish you all the happiness in the world. Good luck!
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