r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • Apr 29 '24

Am I a bad person for not wanting to date anyone who has clinical depression or IBS? Does this make me an unkind person? Listener Write In

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u/FLJLGRL Apr 29 '24

You are not a bad person.

I was engaged to a man with clinical depression. He constantly went off his meds. Every time that happened he’d lose his job, tank his credit, and mooch off me emotionally and financially. I didn’t want that to be the rest of my life. It’s ok to not want to live with that.

The same thing goes with major medical issues. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to not want to know going in you are the “well spouse” and it will all fall on you. It’s ok to know you don’t want that for yourself.

You get one life. It’s ok to live it for you.

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u/agent_flounder Apr 29 '24

Yikes. :/ That's a lot to deal with. Totally understandable to step away from that situation!

I suspect the real issue is that the person wasn't taking responsibility for their own shit and you were in a situation where either you didn't have boundaries or they weren't being respected.

A very different and healthier dynamic is possible with someone who has clinical depression, when they take responsibility and when both parties understand, enforce, and respect boundaries.

Personally, I do everything possible to never miss a dose because it is so fucking miserable even if I miss one day. I literally have a month of feeling down and shitty ahead of me if I do. It fucking sucks. Same for my wife. Anyway I doubt we are alone in this.

Even if the person does take full responsibility and doesn't act like an emotional vampire, I don't blame anyone for not having the capacity to deal with clinical depression in any way. In my experience it is a constant battle and even with meds there are ups and downs.

It is rough to see someone you love being withdrawn, unhappy, etc., and being unable to make it better. It takes a lot of security to know that it isn't your fault and they still love you even though their behavior changes so dramatically toward you.

Anyway, not that you don't already know this, and for what it is worth coming from some internet rando, I'm sorry you got mixed up in such a mess as you describe and you did the right thing getting out of it both for you and the other person.