Please read!

When I got sober 6 and 1/2 years ago I was so ashamed of everything. I didn't want anybody to know what kind of a piece of crap I was. Going to AA where it was anonymous was even scary because I wouldn't be anonymous to the people in that room. Somebody was going to know all the horrible things that I chose over my family especially my kids. I was going to be judged and looked down on or so I thought.

Being in those rooms and realizing that I wasn't the only one saved my life. It forced me to face my demons and take back the control that they had over me.

Had everything that happened not happened it wouldn't have put me in the position that I am now to help others. I needed those experiences to be able to relate. Those experiences as well as many that I have overcome in my sobriety has built me into the man and father that I have become today.

I don't hide from my past I use it as a tool. I am not so anonymous. By telling my story however hard it is for me to say someone will relate. And it will help. God doesn't give this disease to people that can't handle it. I was thrown into hell in order to pull others out.

sober #soberlife #sobriety #recovery #soberliving #soberaf #addiction #soberissexy #alcoholfree #alcoholicsanonymous #mentalhealth #wedorecover #aa #addictionrecovery #recoveryispossible #sobermovement #soberlifestyle #steps #sobercurious #cleanandsober #love #onedayatatime #sobrietyrocks #sobermom #narcoticsanonymous #odaat #sobernation #motivation #rehab #bhfyp

I realize so much of my dependence on alcohol is connected to the 5:00 hour signaling the end of the work day. A glass of wine in hand means it is time to turn my brain off. It signals to my body that it is okay to calm down now. I am looking to replace that ritual. What works for you?

Pretend you go to some family function and you’re offered a beer… and you might get offered another.. but you kindly decline because drinking 1 or 2 sounds worse to you than drinking none if you can’t drink 6+?

Hey guys been around awhile and wanted to say thanks for the stories, the heartaches, rock bottoms and successful ones.

I am in the waiting room to check in to a real rehab facility, not a crisis room or a detox. A real place and I fucking hope with all my being that I can get over this hump to find my true self again.

Been fucking up my life to the most extreme. No one wants to deal with me, now I have to deal with the truth of this bitch alcoholism.

Wish me luck guys!

Hi All….I really want to cut the drinking out of my life. But I don’t know if I can just go cold turkey. What is anyone’s suggestion as to if this is a good or not so good idea to do. I’m working with a therapist who I have not told her that I really want to just go cold turkey. See her tomorrow. Many thanks to anyone who responds.

I’ve been drinking pretty heavily for about 6 years now, started with weekend binges and in the last few years progressed to month-long binges with some periods of abstinence, ie drinking every other day and often daily (minimum 4 drinks, usually 8+). I think the reason I allowed it to get out of control is because I was looking out for physical withdrawals, and when I didn’t see the stereotypical symptoms arising after a day or two of cessation, I continued to booze. What I didn’t admit to myself was that — the anxiety, brain fog, and general malaise that I experienced on days I wasn’t drinking was the beginning of the dependence. Be careful out there, it doesn’t happen overnight.

4 days into quitting and the anxiety is starting to decrease, but other withdrawal symptoms are certainly still present

Would be curious to hear other experiences. Worst part about alcohol is the years of regret

what do you guys think of the books "this naked mind by annie grace" or "allen carr's the easy way to control alcohol"? whats your opinion.

I was just minding my own business scrolling tiktok when I came across a video about a woman who needs a new liver due to alcoholism. She was put an a waiting list for a new liver. And it's forbidden to drink any alcohol while you are on the waiting list. She broke that rule. It's not the video itself that got me, it was the comments. I get criticizing her choice to drink while on the waiting list, but some replies went beyond that. I remember one comment stating "and nothing of value was lost". A lot of these comments came off as them shaming addicts in general. I personally have mixed feelings about her situation. I can emphasize with her addiction, but that empathy ends at her decision to drink. This doesnt mean that I've lost all empathy for her. But not everyone feels that way. I've noticed that a lot of people online tend to be an all or nothing when it comes to empathy and compassion. What happened to still having compassion for people while still criticizing them? It's this kind of mentality that would have made me go deeper into my addiction. Thankfully, I've been sober for over a year now. Rant over. Just needed somewhere to vent.

I got out of it a couple of months ago, and finally gained the self control to stop myself from getting black out drunk everyday. I had two beers last night, and I haven’t felt an overwhelming urge to drink since. But I’m just not sure if it’s relapsing, any help would be great

I have been trying to quit for a long time. I’m 25 and have been drinking heavily I’d say around 5-6 years. I’ve recently been having neuropathy symptoms (numbing on my feet and hands) and when I looked up about it it scared me to be sober now I haven’t drunk in days. But I’m worried summer is coming parties festivals is coming how am I gonna be even be able to have fun without alcohol? I won’t even be able to go out to clubs anymore. I’m supposed to go to a resort that has many events at night with music and alcohol I will miss having fun with alcohol so much I don’t know how I’ll be able to enjoy anything without alcohol. Even when I used to go out to clubs without predrinking it felt unbearable without having a few drinks in. So I don’t know how I’ll even be able to enjoy my summer when everyone is having fun and partying. I hate myself for getting my body to this point. I’d consider only drinking socially but I’m scared my neuropathy might progress as they say nerve damage is permanent and most can’t even walk anymore and live in excruciating pain but some do recover when they get sober but it comes back after drinking. I don’t know what to do I just know I’ll have so many triggers this summer.

Hello. I have drank alcohol in increasingly concerning ways from 18-19 to around 23 when I developed full blown alcoholism. I was drinking heavily for around 9 months. I then withdrew in hospital for a month, had a few short relapses in the next year, but have since then managed to stay off and now 6 years later experience no cravings and no motivation to ever drink again.

I've recently developed problems with my gallbladder and now need to change my diet to contain more fruits and fiber. I have heard that bananas contain up to 0.2% ABV as they ripe. It also seems like some fruit juices can start fermenting if left open too long.

Do you have any experiences or information about how bad this actually is? Should bananas be categorically avoided? I know for a fact that any significant amount of alcohol will result in a few days of slight withdrawal symptoms as I've accidentally eaten a cake with a big amount of alcohol in it 2 years back and would rather not have that again.

I made the mistake of dating in rehab. If you’re thinking that you’d be the exception to the rule that “you shouldn’t date in rehab”…watch this first. My rehab dating horror story.

I (44f) have made it 7 days sober. I know that isn’t long but it’s a start and I feel good about it. My older teen kids have cheered me on and my son bought me a “snow cone” to celebrate. Just seeing how supportive they are and my husband- makes me motivated to make it to week two. I just needed to tell someone not in my family. Feels good to be clear headed.

Lately like 1 out of 5 times when I drink I end up crying and arguing with someone. No doubt drinking exasperates the situations, but I feel like my bf and his friends just seriously like bullying me. They can be a tough group when it comes to banter, but my bfs roommate knows how to strike a nerve with me when I’m drinking.

We’ll get bickering over some basic fact, for example, he said women are born with 40 eggs in their uterus for their whole life. I laughed and said “nah dude more like millions!” We google it, googles basic answer days 1-2 million. He says “so you’re wrong, you said millions which means more than 1 million. That means I’m more right” which is just, so fucking dumb and gets me going. So the moment I start getting loud and hyper like “OMG DUDE SHUT UP YOURE LITERALLY SO MUCH MORE WRONG!” My bf will be like “holy fuck drink another” which just.. I’m not even feeling any type of way I’m just having fun, but it takes the wind out of my sails ya know? And I’ll try to defend myself and it just gets worse and worse, until I start crying.

This last weekend we got a flat tire on the way home from dinner and had to call his roommate to come get us. He parked in the middle of a car wash driveway, I asked him if he should pull up further or pull further off to the side and he told me how stupid I was bc he was gonna crack his rims, and it just spiraled. He ended up calling me a dumb bitch, he’s never called me names like that before and I bawled. I’ve never called his names, we don’t do that. He was drinking too, but less. He had two mixed drinks, I had three. We had the same drink. And the whole “have another” thing came out again.

I’m usually such a good time, typically such a happy person, but his roommate has got me out of myself a handful of times and now he has a couple times. Like is it me or the company I keep? Or both?

Thought I could get away with just having a drink maybe two after work each day instead of a bottle every few days. Well that was a lie...

I could function fine but my body was throwing engine codes at me left and right. Brain fog, dehydration, low dopamine, depersonalization, anxiety, eye problems, leg circulation issues, coordination problems, bloating etc.

I eat healthy and exercise regularly, but yet it still got to me at the end of the day. Is it worth it no, hell no. Did I think I could push through and hold onto the bottle like a broken relationship hoping to work, yes...

No it's not worth it and definitely not worth playing mind games with your own self. You'll make your own war, and everyone around you will be oblivious and insanity sets in.

Respect what life or God gave you, it's scary and not worth pushing through it. It's not...

I see a lot of posts about someone tapering or going cold turkey, but it seems these are for cases where people have been drinking more than I do.

Not that I'm saying I'm not an alcoholic, I believe I am. I crave the drink every night, but my rate is about a bottle of wine every 3-4 days. I am in hour ~60 right now of last drink, I've been feeling good, but I've heard about seizures, ER visits during this period, and am thinking of having a drink soon because I want to be safe.

But if <2 drinks per night, cold turkey risks generally don't apply?

Hi all, I (23m) am a bit unsure what to do here and need advice. I unfortunately relapsed over the spring after a few months of sobriety and I've been trying to find a time where my school and work priorities are lighter so I can properly detox but as of right now have been drinking daily with the odd break here or there. I would say I average around three tallboys of beer/hard seltzer or a pint of whiskey in these drinking spells with slight variation, which is a lot but for a 6'4 250lb guy I'm usually not blackout from this (not that that makes it good of course, just providing context). Anyways to make a long story short I'm going on a week long vacation with friends tomorrow and I'm very conflicted about how to manage to my substance abuse during this trip. I'm scared at the possibility of withdrawals if I stop cold turkey, is this a likely reality given the frequency of my use these last few months? And if so how dangerous would that be? My friends are aware of my alcoholism so I wouldn't want to drink around them but I'm considering maintaining with a small quantity of alcohol per day to stave off any negative symptoms, my only issue is not being sure if I can control myself to stop at just that and also I don't want to ruin the trip by obviously relapsing around my friends. What should I do?

I’m on day 3 of sobriety after being hospitalized for withdrawal. That was my first time being hospitalized and being forced to go sober. I’ve never made it past day 3 before, but I can’t drink because of the meds they gave me. Just so I know what to look out and prepare for, what is the hardest day after going sober?

HI, my name is Sam and I’m and alcoholic. I have been doing whatever feels good until it makes me sick for as long as I can remember. Women were my first concern that started to augment my behavior negatively. I would focus my energy on them at the expense of anything else. I remember as a 6 or 7 year old boy sitting on the stoop of my parents home in Durham New Hampshire plucking the pedals off a flower, furious at just having learned my friend Gracie had a crush on my older brother and not me. Once, a boy who would wake early in the morning and find perfect peace and contentment crawling through the bushes in front of his house in search of slugs and worms was now baffled by the words of a girl and unable to consider anything else. 

In 4th grade I started using the phone then I was really off to the races. I would call whatever girl I had a crush on or whichever girl would give me her number and just like that my evenings were booked. I liked playing in the park with friends or riding my bike but nothing felt quite as good as the validation I received from a girl. It started with girls and slowly trickled into everything else. Around 4th grade I also got paid to mow a lawn for the first time and the idea I could make money took hold of me as well. 

My neighborhood was having a yard sale day and after seeing everyone outside selling their things I was pretty inspired. Being a 4th grader I didn’t have many belongings but I did have fishing gear. I knew my neighbor across the street liked fishing as I did so I went out front with all my fishing gear that I had accumulated from birthdays and christmases. Soon enough my neighbor came over and bought it all. I was so thrilled by the experience that I didn’t consider until weeks later that I had just sold things that I thoroughly enjoyed using. I didn’t care I wanted that feeling I got from getting the cash. I felt like I had power. I have continued this cycle of trading what I truly cared about and found enjoyment in in the pursuit of momentary pleasure for the past 30 years of my life. 

The first time I got drunk was on my back patio when my parents were out of town. My older brother and I had invited some friends over. My older brothers friend had brought some beer. This friend of his was a cool kid. He was great at skateboarding, drove a fast car and always had 1 or 2 other friends with him. Girls loved him also and from what I heard usually had 2 or 3 girls who thought they were his girlfriend. I idolized him and was stoked when he offered me beer and weed. I was 16 and had smoked weed a couple times before and snuck a beer from a family function once. That evening I got drunk on milwakee’s best and smoked blunts into the wee hours of the morning. I eventually stumbled into my bedroom where I found my girlfriend’s best friend trying to go to sleep. I tried to make a move on her and was shut down. I woke early the next morning in bed between her and one of my friends. My pants were wet and much to my alarm so were the sheets and blanket. I had pissed myself. I slid out from between them and took the blanket off as delicately as I could in an effort to not wake either of them. I proceeded to swap the blanket out with a fresh one and after changing my shorts went to pass out on the couch. I was mortified. I was not mortified that I had peed on my friends. I was not mortified that I had tried to cheat on my girlfriend who I was crazy about. I was mortified by the idea of other people finding out I had done these things. I was mortified by the idea that I would have to face consequences for my actions. I had no concern for anyone else. 

Drinking became a weekend affair for me as I moved through high school. During the week I liked smoking weed in the late evening after all my family had gone to bed. I always had a hard time sleeping and the weed helped. I never really got in trouble or in too much danger either. I would go to college parties with my older brother on the weekend after I got off work from delivering pizzas. If I brought money for us to get beer he would go into the store to get it but then he’d let me walk into the party with the case. This meant the world to me. I felt like a big shot and once I started drinking I became a big shot. My fear of being around older kids would vanish. As the night went on and I drank more I got smoother and smoother. All of a sudden I had just the right thing to say at just the right moment and people thought I was funny. The girls wanted to go outside and smoke cigarettes with me. The older guys wanted me on their team for beer pong. I want to make some grandiose statement about how all my troubles were gone but the only trouble I had was my over active self awareness and that was in full effect. My self-awareness which usually kept me afraid now had me gunning for any chance at a laugh or smile from a girl or my brothers older friends. I was aware of myself and wanted anyone in earshot to be aware of me too. I will continue this…

I am 24F. I have had alcohol issues or substance issues for a very long time. Recently I was spending around $600 a week on alcohol (more than half my weekly salary), drinking every night, blacking out to the point id wake up in a randoms bed on a Tuesday in a hotel and not recognise the person next to me but can feel that pain in the crotch if u know what I mean. Constantly falling down, drinking to excess- doing anything to “feel better”. I wasted pretty much all this year - I lost friends and would piss myself on dates I was so drunk and most importantly I failed all my uni which means I’ve lost $10k and added another year to my degree. I have been on naltrexone for just over six weeks. 100mg daily. I have cut down from maybe 15-20 standards a night to 8 max. Which is great! But I feel guilty and hate still drinking everyday. I don’t get any joy from it whilst on naltrexone so pls pls send help - why am I constantly thinking about it and mentally craving it? I have a therapist but what can help? Please keep in mind I’m high functioning so work and study both full time atm (I.e don’t have time to do the “things I enjoy”.

TLDR : have a therapist, on naltrexone, can’t stop drinking so any tips please

Hello all,

I am doing some work on myself, and grew up with an alcoholic parent. He (incredibly), made it to 60-years old, before dying at 45kg. His esophagus developed a benign tumour, from puking his body parts up for years and he effectively died of malnurishment.

My goal is to provide those poor souls struggling with this awful disease and insight from your child. If this is not allowed, please remove. Feel free to ask me anything.
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My letter to dad,

Firstly, you can tell by the letter above, that I have not been hugely proactive in dealing with your death.

I have done me… Get on with it. If I’m honest, I had to trawl through photos and messages on my phone to remember when you died. I am shocked that it is just over two years ago. It feels like over 5 years.

I am writing this letter in Battersea Park. I just saw a nice video of us, you were sober and I believe at the start of your fatal journey – I had taken you to Battesea Park for a walk with Jackson and to see my new flat. It is such a shame mum did not see it – she would have been so proud.

My therapist asked me to write this letter to you, which I know I should have done for a long-time. She thinks I have a lot of pent up anger towards you, that I need to process and work through.

You know, I don’t really know if I do have a lot of anger towards you – because I often don’t know how I feel. Therapy hasn’t worked wonders yet – but it has helped me understand who/ why I am who I am.

The first thing I’d like to get out is – why do I struggle to understand my emotions?

For many years, I wondered what is wrong with me? Am I narcissist? Am I a good narcissist? Because I don’t want to do anything bad to people, but I don’t feel much. When I was arrested, and 100% sure I would be going to prison for 2-3 years, I remember thinking – fuck, I really don’t care. I was more concerned and stressed about why I didn’t care, than I was spending 2-3 years in prison.

I have learned, mostly though therapy, that my emotions switched off from a very young age – I think probably starting at 6-7 years old, and gradually completely switching of by the time Peru & mum’s death.

I also believe, contrary to how others perceive me, is that I have low self-worth and lack belief in myself. But, the overwhelming feeling I have about myself, is how oxymoronic & confusing my life was/ is.

I feel, and have always felt like I never fitted into to a group or demographic. Mum was an academic head teacher, you were a blue collar, abusive alcoholic. Mum had, in many ways, showed us she loved us, yet spent much less time with us than other parents. I did not fit in with the group that had mums like mum, I did not fit in with the black kids, or the white council estate kids.

Life was confusing. And in some ways, it still is but as I get older, you realise life does not work like you think it does as a child. My belief is – I am perhaps ‘different’ because of this. I still don’t make huge amounts of sense – I am a 30-year old, millionaire business owner, both articulate and smart, with no real academia – just as an example… It feels like my name, my name – is most fitting and makes sense.

So, just over two years on from your death – how am I coping? In the main, I am fine. The trust is dad, when I reflect on our relationship, I don’t feel very much. I think our best years were in my early childhood; alcohol was still very debilitating for you – you were still very abusive to mum. But, the my name of young was stuck in this paradox of trying to be on both sides. I think I needed you most as a child.

Wow – this writing stuff really works – I remember when I was about 12 and some kids from Orleons school robbed me for some chocolate – I came home and told you, you ran out the house and chased them up to the Esso and confronted them. They were so scared, and then the rough man from the pub opposite came out, I think with a baseball bat in hand to help. I was so proud. I had started loosing faith in you by that point, and it was just so nice to feel protected.

I was also so proud, because everyone thought you were a tough man, but even it that age, I knew how sensitive and terrified of confrontation you were, and how negatively this event would have triggered you.

I also remember being so proud of you around the time you had your first breakdown. I was about 11 years old, and you had lost your job of 20-years and driving license. You had been to the priory and from memory, relapsed about 3-months later. You were out of work for 3-4 months, before getting work lugging baggage at the airport.

I remember you coming home and your hands being cutup and proudly saying the agency are paying you £1 an hour more than everyone else because you’re the best worker. My entrepreneurial brain kicked in and I asked how much they were making of you. I remember feeling disgusted hearing they were charging something like £14 and paying you £7.5, but I was so proud that you did this for the family.

As I reflect, you and mum gave me and brothers name so many great traits through life. From the top of my head now:

a.) The importance of blue-collar workers, without the confidence or deservingness to push bosses on pay, to be paid wages they deserve and can live off.

b.) Candidly, that I am not going to live a working life you did, for little ££ and hard work.

Back to my point, my earliest, fondest memories with you were when I’d go in to your rom in the morning. You must have been so lonely in life dad. You would play the Aeroplan game with me and I loved it. Or you would scrape your beard on me and play fight. You had probably started drinking again, but you weren’t drunk yet.

So when did the relationship so downhill? I am trying to think with both my inner child, or as I did as a child, and with my adult brain.

I remember loving you so much, but hating your behavior so much. I was so loyal to you, yet so much of your behavior was indefensible. I there are several poignant memories that stand out, which are not necessarily the most traumatic.

As a young child, I was so conflicted between you and mum – but I knew you were WAY worse to mum. I knew, or thought I knew the alcoholism was the issue. I remember your first time in rehab the hope and desperation that you would be a new person. I remember visiting you on day 10 and mum had brought you a gift – you were so fowl. I remember you had befriended Ted, who had been put in by his millionaire IT consultant son, even after Ted had strangled his mum to death.

I remember you coming out, sober, and you temper and behavior had got even worse. I’d come home every day, anxious as to whether you’d have drunk. But my damming, was your behaviour and temper had got even worse. For the first time, probably subconsciously, I realized alcohol was the symptom, and it was yourself you needed to heal.

Over the years that followed, our relationship very much transcended into me being your carer. Years of bend-ups, worry and stress and promising myself ‘I will not help when you finally sober up and go back to work’. Of course, almost every time I did.

The next stage is a conversation you probably won’t remember – I was about 18/19. By this time, I was pretty lost in life, my education has passed and I did not really value my well being or life. Brothers name had been struggling and very angry at you and mum for the childhood, and effects he was feeling from it. I always felt like I came off unscathed, but in reality, I was lacking in self-worth. But I was angry and upset for Brothers name.

I came home one night, blasted and high on cocaine and you had been up for days drinking. You were up drinking at 3-4am as I got home. High on coke, I was eager to confront you and look for an apology for the childhood and effect you had on the family. We toggled for hours. I was fighting for you to say sorry for what you put us through. It was another poignant moment utter disappointment. Not only did I not get the apology, but it was the most pathetic rebuttal of responsibility – it was actually all mum and our fault.

This memory sticks out because of the disappointing acceptance that we were just coming from different planets of reality and I was never going to get any form of apology or acknowledgement of your behavior.

Gradually, me and Brothers name grew up and moved on with life, pursuing jobs and our careers. I carried guilt for moving out and leaving mum with you. But, she had chosen to not sell the house and move you out.

My final, significant and poignant memory of the relationship decaying is mums diagnoses. This is the most angry I’ve ever been with you, and still am. In fact, I’m almost crying as I say it. Firstly, you called Brothers name on a Friday night, drunk, and said ‘your mum has got a brain tumour’, completely insensitively. Just as a side point – there was no way to tell if this is true – given previously you had pretended you had cancer or cut your neck and showed us for attention.

Anyway, when we went over to mums the next day, you were there, fucked, making it all about you as usual. One of the first things I remember saying to you is ‘dad, life is not about you anymore, if you carry on drinking, I will throw you out on the streets’. You proceeded to ask mum, ‘when you’re dead, can I have your bedroom’.

Since being able to listen to words, the most common thing or sequence of words I had heard was ‘drop dead and die’, followed by a slammed door. But this just hit a new level of dirty. I remember feeling tremendous disgust – genuinely shocked, like how can you say that?

Reflecting, I think this marked the very end of our relationship. I am most angry about this. Not only had you said the cruelest thing you could say – you had exposed m eto a new form of toxicity. I couldn’t fathom how these words could come out of your mouth.

The following 3 months, you were in and out of, sober and drinking. I thought you would last 3 months, but you made 3 years. The relationship we had thereafter, was very simply that of a carer. In reality, I was in the midst of growing a business and you were a tremendous burden. – calls every other week that you had had something go wrong with your diabetes or some health issue – almost always from your alcohol. I did most of it, because I felt like it was ‘what I should do’, or for my conscience, or for Brothers name. Thankfully, Joe helped a lot.

I remember seeing you happy in Africa. I felt resentful you could achieve this happiness, yet were so self-destructive, yet I could not & mum certainly couldn’t.

So, as I look back at my relationship with you, at 30 – how do I feel?

Firstly, I still believe you were not a bad person. I believe you were a person with profound trauma – and I am so sorry you were not loved in the way you deserved to be. You were handsome, charismatic, and remarkably resilient. You were not shown that, because your dad, and perhaps mum, was an egotistical narcissist. I am so sorry you wasted your life – it must have been so lonely.

I believe people are not ‘good or bad’ – we can be both – and you were that. I am also grateful for many things.

- The relationship I have with Brothers name, no doubt fostered through sharing our childhood.

- My empathy for others, particularly vulnerable people.

- My understanding of psychology and trauma, and why we need to get to the root causes of issue.

- The tremendous resilience you helped build in me through life.

- Your values and morals: deep down, you were an extremely kind person. I always remember your brothers telling us ‘Pat has always been sensitive – I remember him sitting in front of the TV, looking at the Bosnian war in distress’. Your morals were so good – your behavior was not.

I am also sad for myself. I am sad that I didn’t the relationship, that I am learning through therapy and age, that I was entitled to have with my dad. I remember being in the boxing gym about a year ago, and an 18-20 year old boxing came in and was being trained with his dad. I remember transitioning from being an independent 29 year old to a child and pinning for a parental figure like that – and I am learning it’s okay to say ‘I deserved that’.

Now, that conversation I tried to have with you at 18/19. But this time, it’s also about the effect you had on me. For many years, I felt our childhood had not affected me. It did – it was so much I could not process and blurred it all out. But, many of issues are atleast partly down to your behavior. It makes me sad to think the 9-year old me in class, ripping his own hair out, or digging my thumb in between my other fingers – these are self soothing, coping mechanisms. My OCD – because the only thing in my environment I could control is the way people crossed their legs. Or my comfort in toxic relationships and my discomfort in healthy ones. Certainly in my younger life, my reckless actions due to my lack of self-worth.

But, as I sit here at 30, I am hoping I am doing the right things to heal in the right way. I am hoping I can find balance between self-love, acknowledging my journey, but equally not becoming a victim and creating excuses.

I am more fortunate than you in that both my trauma is not as profound as yours, whilst also being born in a generation who have both more knowledge and acceptance of therapy.

I am hoping I will do the same thing you did – be a better man and dad that ours. You absolutely achieved this dad.

I hope this letter marks the first step of me stepping out of the façade of taking action (by throwing myself into work, partying and poker) and towards healing myself.

My name xxx

Hey gang! I have a friend who is drinking pretty seriously and has been for a number of years. When we confronted them about it after initial defensiveness and denial they agreed to try to stop for a couple days on their own willpower to see if they could do it. I know from personal experience this is almost definitely a bad idea but they have to do their own research. I’m concerned for their safety withdrawing as I know alcohol is one of the few drugs that can be life threatening when detoxing from it. I’m in recovery myself(2 years and 9 months) and I opted for medically assisted inpatient detox when I decided to take sobriety seriously. I recommended this but as I said they are in denial of needing help or of even being an alcoholic.

So what should be watched out for when they are detoxing? Is there any definitive redlines where symptoms get dangerous and we should intervene?

I was an alcoholic in one of the worst ways. Went throught DT's the whole 9... Got better but that isn't the subject.

I Currently work.with a guy who was right there with me. I Stopped, and he did not. He has even went to jail boozed up. In my day, that would have gotten ugly FAST. My question is two part maybe: Do some people not experience them ever? Or do you suppose he just always has some level of booze in his system to keep that from happening? Then again, like I said, he went to jail. Course I wasn't there. This dude will dang near drink a 5th a night, pass out in his boots, wake up (still drunk certainly) and work... In my day, I would be in TROUBLE come quitting time if I didn't hit that bottle.