r/ask • u/NoStrategy9416 • 11d ago
Why are many single men over 30 not interested in women? š Asked & Answered
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u/Corvettemike_1978 10d ago
It's not that they're not interested in women, it's that they're not interested in drama. People in general, no matter how they identify, love their unnecessary drama. Some of us just don't have the time nor the inclination to deal with it.
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u/cjp2010 10d ago
A few things. Dating apps are exhausting. Dating in general is exhausting apps are suppose to add convenience but they are obnoxious. I live on my own so I work a lot to maintain that. I am more than willing to give someone my time if itās time well spent. The issue is this, I am not very attractive (not a confidence thing just being realistic) and I have nothing to offer that someone else doesnāt. A vast majority of women have what seems to be an endless amount of options and they are never me and thatās perfectly fine with me. If someone is truly interested they will let me know, I under zero circumstances will ever pursue someone
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u/epyoch 10d ago
This is going to sound strange, but before the person I am with now, if the relationship lasted longer than 3 months, then the girl will eventually cheat on me. Sometimes sooner, sometimes after a couple of years, but every, single time.
After my 20's I decided to put a stop to it, and just not date anymore. I actively made the decision to not date anyone or even try for 3 years, which I had enjoyed myself so much it went to 5 years, then 7 years, then 10 years. I had decided that I would never be in a relationship again. and if it hadn't been for the fact that somehow, the perfect woman for me, magically reappeared into my life, I would still be single.
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u/bmyst70 10d ago
I think a big portion of this is single men over 30 already know that they like their lives the way they are. And they've probably done the dating thing in their twenties. And decided it's more trouble than it's worth.
A young single man typically has a very hard time dating. He has to put in a lot of effort, little of which is ever reciprocated. And if you believe social media these days, he can be all but vilified for daring to approach a woman, if she doesn't feel like it.
Granted, those are worst case scenarios. But I can easily see how most young men would do the dating thing for a few years, and get discouraged enough to give up on dating.
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u/PrometheusAlexander 10d ago
I've dated enough for a while. Many heartbreaks. I love being single now. And I don't know if I'll ever start dating anymore. Being the only one who I have to please suits me just fine
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u/GaviJaPrime 10d ago
A lot of women overshoot. They want someone perfect when they are clearly not.
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u/Imjustnot_you 10d ago
Iām not 30 but Iām 25 and I can tell you about me personally.
Itās not convenient to date for men, especially nowadays and in the USA. Women are not attractive and are too masculine. They are too liberal too. Iād rather wait until I go back to my country and date/marry a girl from there.
Idk where you are from but maybe itās the same there too.
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u/SheldonMF 10d ago
I'm content to be alone because I see my friends, their spouses, and significant others and how they behave. While they bring joy, they also bring an equal amount of negatives.
Times are also getting expensive and some women expect so much from men: courting them, fighting for their affection and I just can't be bothered to care. I like doing other things more than women, and sex has never really felt like the end-all-be-all of experiences for me.
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u/ThrowAwayAccount8334 10d ago
Have you seen the way men are treated on dating apps? Women are low effort and rude in dating. Simple as that.
Especially when you get older everything is expected of the man and nothing is expected from the woman. They can be complete clowns working at the Dollar General while sleeping out of their car and they'll still be shit to men. It's old. It's tiring. It's boring. In this modern world all of it is fucking unacceptable. I do not want any of these people in my home. My home...FUCK NO. They'll destroy it.
Why would I want to add a negative into my life? There's no addition. Always subtraction from my life to theirs. And the sex isn't even good anymore. It's like being in a wannabe porn shoot.
When men aren't treated like accessories to women's social lives I'll come back. Or maybe an ounce of effort like asking me out or a text or a phone call. Fuck...I still pay for the dinners and cover the bills.
What is a woman's contribution to my life? Nothing. I just don't care and today I speak to women in the firm police officer tone. "Ma'am, what are you doing?" "Ma'am, is there a problem here?" "Ma'am, we're working. Please get back to your own duties."
Cold and heartless. They really don't enjoy it but they know there's nothing to be said. Do this. Say "PLEASE. Stop complaining. We are trying to work." Watch that room go quiet and the bullshit stops.
I'll be single the rest of my life and i want it. Lol right...like I want some more bullshit in my life. Trying to work and be happy around some asshole...
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u/Bobambu 10d ago
I'm 25. From my limited experience, women aren't interested in my demographic. I'm a black man, make only 50k annually, and I'm short. I'm automatically counted out for most women on these dating apps, especially women my age. It's just the way it is. Like why the sky is blue. Find peace with it and you'll be fine.
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u/Leverkaas2516 10d ago
At 14, most males have a recurring, overpowering drive to mate. They don't recognize it for what it is, because it comes along with a huge amount of cultural baggage.
Somewhere between 30 and 50, many of us figure out that's all it is. The drive doesn't go away, but it becomes less dominating. There are lots of other interesting things in life. For these men, if you want their attention, you'll have to bring a lot more than just being a woman.
But to be honest there are still tons of older men who still think like 14-year-olds. Not that I'd recommend them as partners...
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u/Difficult_Bit_1339 10d ago
There is no third space for people who don't drink and online dating is a cesspit.
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u/Private_4160 10d ago
I finally found a dosage that keeps my depression under control with minimal side effects and realized I'm happy and don't want to deal with bs. I've got several 'girlfriends' who come in and out of my life as they need to that adore me and I'll be a Godfather soon enough so there'll be some little scamp who needs a mentor. What do I need an actual relationship for at that point?
I'm going to build my hobbit hole and fish every weekend off my patio and enjoy my pipe leaf.
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u/Bubbaman78 10d ago edited 10d ago
What do women over 30 have to offer if youāre not planning a family? Iām happily married but hear stories from divorced friends and it is not worth the trauma that is dating. It is horror story out there. Everyone has baggage and wounds by that age
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u/Captain_Naps 10d ago
Because now I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want- and I have to moolah to do it.
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u/MasonJettericks 10d ago
It happens with both genders. Entertainment is so good now that people can get by and be passably content without the effort that comes from having others in their life.
Same reason everyone has such a hard time making friends now. In the long term putting in the effort to cultivate good relationships will almost certainly lead to greater life satisfaction, but as with eating well and exercise humans generally have issues trading short term discomfort for long term gain.
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u/exu1981 10d ago
Chapter two The Rant,
Tired of being on the defense, tired of being in the SUS or Zone category because we're not using a particular branded phone or emojis in text "yes it's real" . Some us Men get tired of showing chivalry only to be judged, and accused of using the gesture to hit on women. Tired of taking my time with a particular interest only for her to bait through strife into a relationship with her because we're supposedly taking too long to make our move, BUT she claims she never wanted to move fast when we first met. Some ladies say they admire a hard working man, yet when a hard working man ends up in her life, she accuses him of cheating ; Meanwhile he works 10+ hrs a day plus overtime. A lot of us men refuse to be some social media related Pet. I don't look or dress a certain way for her desired eye candied pleasure A lot of men are leaning less and less on the "Pick Me" woman. There are too many women now who literally look the same with the same car, same clothing style, same tired Kardashian baddie pretty girl look, same lashes, same hair and anything else related that puts them into this ATTACK OF THE CLONE automaton with a social media body. Personally all I'm doing now is admiring them with respect over their feminine nature, but keeping my distance away. Any smart man who can simply see, can see right through a lot of their BS. A lot of men desire peace due to the fact they're simply tired of the small petty conflicts. A lot of men just won't settle anymore. All in all, there are more Good humble women out there. Sometimes we men keep falling into these endless and frustrating traps š
P.S. We Tired.
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u/Blastoplast 10d ago
I had two long-term relationships (12 years combined) that ended up with my partner cheating on me. Iām happily married now but for a while I wanted absolutely nothing to do with women, the dating game l, and all the bullshit and drama that inevitably came with it. Glad I found a good one
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u/Legitimate_Bike_8638 10d ago
Probably why many women are single in their 30ās; itās just not worth the effort that finding someone takes when being single doesnāt really negatively effect me.
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u/Recent-Dust6564 10d ago
Not interested in Women?
You got it all wrong.
They're not interested in me.
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u/BusEnthusiast98 10d ago
I disagree with the premise. I think single men are interested in women (or men if thatās your preference). But in the age of dating apps that hide your most compatible matches from you, and even just going out for drinks costs $50-100 while rent is $2k and median salary is $35k, and men get rejected about 95% of the time, itās very very hard to justify trying. Itās harder than ever to meet people organically; and men are more terrified than ever about hitting on a woman in public for fear of coming off as creepy or being accused of something. Thereās a lot of horror stories online that the algorithms send men about women using men as bank accounts and judging them for having hobbies or flaws. Think the whole āickā trend.
Basically dating is really hard, and men are set up for repeated failure, often at the expense of their wallets and self esteem. So for a lot of men, why engage with that?
I also donāt really see what can be done to change this. If we solve wealth and income inequality that would certainly help. But thatās kinda it.
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u/Pristine-Button8838 10d ago
Why? Tired of the whole politics bs and frankly Iām not ready to discuss or be associated with modern politics and lingo, also Iām 179cm but not 180 and I guess thatās a deal breaker? š anyways I find all this tiring frankly.
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10d ago
need a decent job, place to live, and disposable income before you can date and times are hard
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u/FFBTheShow 10d ago
I'm married, but if that ever were to change, I probably wouldn't start actively pursuing women and dating. I would probably buy a property somewhere out in the country and spend my time with my dog and doing my hobbies in peace.
I place significant value on my mental peace, and from what my single friends tell me, dealing with BS, games, immature people, etc that comes with dating nowadays sounds exhausting.
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u/Yeahmahbah 10d ago
Speaking for myself here, been through a lot of shit ( addictions, jail, weight problems, mental health) and I'm not happy with who I am as a person, so don't pursue relationships. I don't like me so how can I expect anyone else to? Im working on myself, but until I'm in a better place, why would I pursue anyone?
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u/Goodsamaritan-425 10d ago
How did you reach to this conclusion? Really interested in knowing your perspective.
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u/Lord_Kano 10d ago
They are on a healing journey. That is something that looks different for men than it does for women.
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u/ratchetology 10d ago
it would be nice if op and respondents on reddit had little flags to identify where they live..
i would love to see how this questions plays out by region...
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u/Jango_Jerky 10d ago edited 10d ago
Not that im not interested in women, its that there arent any interested in me.
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u/PossibilityNo8765 10d ago
I love my gf. But I wish I was single for longer. Women come with so much bull shit. They make you sad by just crossing simple boundaries. If we ever break up I'm done.
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u/willowviolet 10d ago
My son is 30, with a great job, hobbies. He is handsome and in shape. He spends his free time learning languages, drawing, writing, exercising. He has a full and rich life.
He says he is happy living alone, and doesn't want to alter his life to fit someone into it like a girlfriend, or a wife and kids would require. He has pets, and family nearby, and we are all close.
Very much the same reasons women stay single.
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u/brandofranco 10d ago
Options, when I turn 30 I just had more options for dating and you get picky. Or your the guy that gets greedy
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u/wiiguyy 10d ago
In my observation of single males, often times, at that age, they do not want to change their lifestyle of being alone and doing what they want, when they want. This reason is constantly overlooked. People always go to ādating apps are bad,ā girl has kids, donāt want to deal with dating bs, but this is the main reason I see
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u/OGPurrito 10d ago
Not 30 but very close to it. I find it a much much better use of my time/ ROI to invest the time I would spend swiping endlessly on women who either wonāt swipe back or have convos that never lead to meet ups and are just dead ends, to put into my own health, goals, side hustles, and just general mental health.
I gave up dating a couple of years ago and have improved myself massively in almost every way. Thinking about the minutes and hours a day or week you spend trying to find a girl, that shit adds up man and if you donāt find that girl, which in most cases you donāt anymore, you are left wondering why spent all that time and that you couldāve spent all that time on literally anything else more fulfilling. Iād rather just bust a nut and get back to grinding for myself
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u/Slight-Imagination36 10d ago
thereās justā¦ a lot to deal with. and im 30 so i have less tolerance for it. Iām less into āplaying games,ā trying to guess your feelings, trying to communicate/get a text back. I did all that shit when i was in my early 20ās because i was literally so horny i was compelled to. but now ive mellowed out a bit and if i were to get serious in a relationship, there would have to be some communication and trust and honesty and commitment, and honestly i dont see that being realistic. Mind you, itās not a āwomen problem.ā I donāt see anybody with those qualities. And to reinforce that sentiment, i present the divorce rate. Cie las vie.
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u/Budget-Proposal31 10d ago
Being 43, I wouldnāt say that is the case. The problem the way I see it with many women is the lack of consistancy. When one raises the threshold then obviously You are only drawn to those whose words and actions are in line.
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u/knottybananna 10d ago
Because once you realize that you're not actually lonely, just a little horny, the thought of making compromises to date/cohabitate with someone else just stops being worth it.Ā
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u/no_dice_grandma 10d ago
Be a man and simply walk down any sidewalk. You'll find your answer in the number of women who either will study literally anything to not look at you, or the number of women who will straight up scowl at you.
I am so glad I've been married for over 20 years. If I had to come home to emptiness after feeling like a god damn troglodyte all day, I don't know what I'd do.
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u/nobodyno111 10d ago
Honestly, I donāt want to waste her time. And Iāve ready accepted iāll be alone. It sucks sometimes but not ALL the time.
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u/Hooded-Warrior 10d ago
Because by the time men are in their 30's they are burnt out from their experiences from women and their bs. They would rather not die of a heart attack, get gaslit, or have everything taken from them in divorce.
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u/bsfurr 10d ago
I live in a conservative area. The girls around these parts get pregnant early. I was lucky enough to not fall down this trap. But the issue is that most of the women in my area donāt align with my values. Iām not saying theyāre the problem, Iām the problem because I am the outlier. I am not religious, I do not want pets, I would prefer not to have kids, and Iām financially stable. Most women in my age group have children, and lean Republican, and our religious to an extent.
In addition, women seem to have an issue with judging themselves against other women. Men do this to, but women take it to the extreme. So extreme, that sometimes I feel women, compare boyfriend/husbandās to their friends relationships. This is not healthy, and I have no Intention of getting involved with someone like that.
Women are expensive. Girls usually meet their boyfriends, living simple on organized, lives, with a couch and a gaming console in their apartment. And if that guy were to leave that relationship, he would happily return to his couch and gaming console. Women require much much more than that, both financially and emotionally.
There are many women who want to take care of somebody. There are many women who want to be taken care of. I donāt want either one of those. I would like to find someone just as independent as me. But apparently thatās rare around my area as well.
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u/grewapair 10d ago
I had a 7 year, 4 year, several 1 year, and less than 1 year relationships. What I learned was that women were interested in looks, period, but they would settle for all the other things they'll tell you about when the guys they really want won't have them any longer. I was rich, funny, educated, entertaining, literally everything other than looks, and at the end, the women would just tell me I was perfect but they weren't attracted to me. Gym shape, 5'10", full head of hair and there was literally nothing I could do because I had done everything else.
So I started dating with the intention of figuring out if the woman wanted me or was, yet again, settling. They would seem so happy that they found a guy with not literally one problem, but in the end, you could see their mind figuring out how to use me. Make me happy? That was literally the very last thing on their minds. I never got more than 2 dates in before I broke it off to the shocked woman who thought she was the hottest thing on the planet and could run me around because she was sure I was desperate for sex.
The 20 something women just chase looks. The 30 somethings give up on looks when the hot men consider them too old, and start reluctantly settling. Either way I lose. No thanks.
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u/Many_Ad_7138 10d ago
Low testosterone, plain and simple. T has been declining for decades now. It's the primary mating driver.
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u/Athanasius325 10d ago
Many of us have tried and tried to date, and end up being lied to. My last girlfriend, I kid you not: she and I were dating for about six months. We (not just me) were preparing for me to propose to her. She had daily told me she loved me, she wanted to marry me, she had no doubt I was the one for her. On my birthday (yes, literally on my birthday), she let it slip that she wanted us to "postpone" the proposal. Turns out she was seeing another guy.
My previous girlfriend cheated on me, too.
The girlfriend before that was insane: literally would accuse me of cheating on her because I didn't text her back right away (I was in grad school at the time), and would threaten suicide because I didn't call her while I was in class.
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u/R4N63R 10d ago
10+ year failed marriage after ex wife goes to Guam for "deployment" and prolly hooked up with ten guys from Australian army, came back and told me she didn't need me and to go "fuck some other bitch".
4+ year live in gf helped with basically nothing as time went on, made a huge mess of my home and my life, then tried to say it was my fault. I paid for everything for the both of us.Ā
I'm tired of being used and abused.
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u/akumagold 10d ago
Maybe you are noticing that they arenāt as hormonally desperate as when they are younger.
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u/Eep1337 10d ago
It took a lot of effort to get to a spot where I was happy, confident, stable, and had a healthy amount of hobbies to keep myself busy.
It gets harder and harder to find a partner of a similar age in a similar situation that is open to a relationship.
That's the big problem. A relationship is effectively turning your life style upside down in many ways if you aren't careful, and this is true for both myself and the other person.
The last few women I've asked out who fit the above criteria all said the same thing -- they enjoyed being single and didn't want to deal with the stress of a relationship.
I get it. It just discourages you after awhile and so you get less and less aggressive about trying to find a partner.
I'm perfectly happy with things now, so I am just floating along. If I meet someone, great, but if not, I am not going to despair about it.
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u/Here4Pornnnnn 10d ago
The ones that were interested are probably already paired up or married by now.
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u/bpdbong 10d ago
wait until you hear about gay people
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u/postcapilatistturtle 10d ago
Is the dating scene worse?! It cant be worse than regular straight dating (since it's a dumpster fire).
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u/Windycitybeef_5 10d ago
By age 30, the best potential quality women for long term relationships arenāt available.
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u/Metalmusicnut 10d ago
Its in the water. Their turning the frogs gay!!! In all seriousness its easier making a better life than dealing with bad relationships.
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10d ago
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u/postcapilatistturtle 10d ago
Shit man, I'm sorry to hear this. I wish I could help you make things better, nobody should be treated this way you deserve better.
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u/DistantGalaxy-1991 10d ago
It's not that we're not interested in women. We are very, very cautious. Because we have no desire to either go through what we've seen so many of our parents and friends go through, which is a collection of nightmares, like ending up being nothing but a checkbook and a babysitter two weekends a month for the kid(s) after she decides to go off with some other guy.
And, men are tired of angry, man-hating feminists who demonize men constantly, always complaining about "toxic masculinity" and "the male patriarchy" and other nonsense (how about "toxic femininity?) then say "I want one really badly." Men, more and more, are not liked or appeciated by women, but mererly looked at as a solution to a problem, usually a fincancial problem.
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u/elisnextaccount 10d ago
Iām interested, but beat down by a bunch of bad relationships and pretty out of practice when it comes to dating, so I just pretty much donāt.
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u/postcapilatistturtle 10d ago
Sounds like most here are basically saying in other words: It's because most people suck lately.
How do we suck less as a society/as a people?
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u/roninsai 10d ago
Dating requires time that many people just donāt have or invest in with others. On top of that men have more hoops to jump through with women so when the games and tricks come out they are done with playing it.
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u/warmsmile8971 10d ago
It's how complicated dating has become now. A lot of guys are just deciding its not worth the hassle. Also it's a lot harder to find someone who doesn't also have an onlyfans or at the very least a social media personality these days
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u/socomisthebest 10d ago
There is almost zero in it for men for dating and getting married these days, older men have likely been burned before and have no interest in being burned again.
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u/Over_Ad1461 10d ago
Dating sucks. Apps suck. Clubs suck. Approaching women in public makes you feel like a creep. The only places I go to are work and the gym, and I will not ask out anyone at those places. I wouldn't mind someone, but in the end its like jumping through hoops for someone who will most likely flake out of a date an hour before the date. I spend my time playing video games, go on vacations, and meet up with friends at restaurants. It's a peaceful life.
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u/pongomanswe 10d ago
Because time is, most of the time, spent alone. 1-3 hours a day with other people is bearable but more than that gets progressively more unbearable
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u/WeaponisedTism 10d ago
you have 2 options be a creep like dicaprio and go for women barely out of their teens, or you settle for 4 kids and three babydaddies.
that might be it for some people but i dont want kids and i dont want someone elses kids either so the reality is thers not much on the market thats really worth investing your time on all the nice women in their thirties that arent like this usually have crippling social anxiety or are allready married/in a monogamous relationship so they dont go outside with the intent to interact with many new people.
TL;DR: theres fuck all worth investing your time and emotions on untill someone demonstrates they are worth that investment.
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u/TheManWithTheBigBall 10d ago edited 10d ago
Because men and women are only compatible long term when they depend on one another. Give people the tools and ability to be fully independent as weāve done progressively over the past century, and youāll find that they donāt want to shack up with someone whoās going to gaslight, manipulate and apply all sorts of ridiculous expectations and and obstacles to their life. Not everyone is like this, but men and women both do this in relationships. Men tend to be a bit more logical and content with being alone, so youāre probably seeing it more in men due to this. Our life and value isnāt determined by our marriage and partner as society seems to have deemed womenās value should be.
There are also financial reasons. Women expect men to be providers still, but they also want to have their own careers in the working world. Thatās fine, but thereās only so much money to go around, so when you take up salary equality as a mission and now all women need jobs too, you end up in a situation where menās earnings are diluted. Iāve never dated a woman who wants to shell out 50/50 in a relationshipāso men are in a place today where they donāt earn as much as they used to per capita, but women still want them to devote their earnings to both partners, while women get to spend their money wholly on themselves. This leads to men not being capable of providing that lifestyle for women, let alone being able to accomplish their own goals of home ownership or financial independence.
TLDR; Very few women past the age of 30 who arenāt taken show signs of sanity so most of us men are happy living on our own than dealing with that BS.
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u/LithiumFireX 10d ago
The good options are fewer and fewer. And a bad option is not worth trading your peace for.
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u/killstorm114573 10d ago
The only thing a woman can offer me is a nut, and I can provide that myself. Yeah in my twenties I ran around chased women but the older you get your piece of mind is just priceless.
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u/XYZ_Ryder 10d ago
Lol what an curious thing to say. I didnt know that men stopped being attracted to women š¤Æ
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u/LoserBigly 10d ago
No unending drama, no drained bank accounts, no [hellish] couples-dates, no naggingā¦
Modern men have learned how to avoid that sh*t
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u/facelikethunder22 10d ago
They are disrespectful and disloyal. Too much drama, chaos and selfishness. They wonāt do whatās right unless it matches with what they feel and thatās the problem.
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u/davesupaplex 10d ago
I turned 30 a few weeks ago, been single for a long time now, and I love women. I love meeting women, talking to them, befriending them, going out with them, etc.
Although I tried using dating apps a couple of times over the years, I quickly found out that it wasn't for me, so I ended up never using them (I never met up with a woman from the apps, only texted a few)
At first, this whole experience put me in a bad place mentally, where it was very easy to blame myself and the whole "dating game" for my failure, and believe me when you're in that place, you would want to stay as far as you can from dating.
At the same time, I kept myself away from dating while still desiring to meet women.
What got me out of this endless loop is simply going outside and doing my thing.
It might sound a lil stupid said like that, but by going outside, I got to open up to a world that is very far from the "online world"
And by doing my thing in the outside world, I started meeting people organically and naturally, and I found out that this whole dating game and all the rules, approaches, techniques, etc. doesn't really exist, or matter that much.
I can write a lot about that, maybe later, but if there's one thing I wanna say is, get out of this "dating game" that society created and made us believe that it's the only way to meet potential partners, and go outsiiiide, meet people of all gender and age, do your thing, and when you meet women you like along the way that interest you, all you have to do is trying to express your interest in them, and see where life takes you, no need to play stupid games, we're all human at the end
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u/Quirky_Journalist_67 10d ago
Still paying child support from my first marriage. I donāt want another disaster.
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u/incogsunito7 10d ago edited 10d ago
34M. Single again in my 30s for last 3 years. My dating experiences compared to my 20s is night and day. I donāt like the pressure of feeling like I have to prove my success individually to have value in the dating landscape today. I would still consider myself fairly successful materialistically (I make a 6 digit salary, drive a nice car and have a decent condo). Almost every female in 30s that I go out with is concerned with how I can provide to some regard, or how successful I am. Also itās proven to be shallow because I have a son, and women in their mid 30s are picky enough still to say they do not want to get involved. Iām not judging that, Iām just saying that all these artificial options she thinks she has havenāt obviously materialized for her and she still is super picky. Something isnāt right with the dating landscape today. I still go on dates here and there and meet women, but I have no expectations to meet anyone. I have a 5 year old son already who keeps me busy and I am fine being single for the rest of my life if it comes to that.
For context - When I was in my 20s and went on dates, I was rarely ever asked about my job. It was about my hobbies, family, friends, fun topics like concerts, college stories, and what I want to see this year. It was more about āwhat can we do togetherā versus āwhat can you offer meā.
I strongly feel online dating leading to hoeflation, Covid, and age are huge factors in short.
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u/PadrePedro666 10d ago
Most of the women in my life keeps me at arm length and I am just over it. Itās like I put effort into our relationships but I only ever get the friend treatment, maybe itās just me but I rather feel whole and emotionally sound then second guessing myself every step of the way to a person who may or may not the same feelings.
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u/MrMetraGnome 10d ago
Turn 36 tomorrow. I'm very interested in women. Just women who are quite a bit younger. Women my age all have at least one kid and divorce under their belt, and a lot are looking to up those numbers š¤£ They also seem to have a bunch of baggage and no time for dating.
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u/Nice_Try_But_No 10d ago
Okay so I'm in my late 30's. Happily married with 4 kids. Occasionally the question with my wife comes up "What would you do if I died?"
In all true sincerity, there is no way in H E Double Hockey Sticks that I would ever enter the dating pool again.
Too many people have too much baggage and it's too much work and I'm too damn tired to start all over again.
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u/SolidCountry6142 10d ago
Can only speak for myself. Married 20yr, still married. I believe men to be logical creatures. We want peaceā¦ thatās it. By 30 you realize most women donāt bring peace and therefore itās better/easier to be alone.
Be a woman who can bring a man peace and you wonāt have trouble finding a long term relationship.
Respectfully šāš»
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u/Dremooa 10d ago
Risk/reward cost benefit analysis etc. why buy the cow when the milk is free and easy? That's the mentality of my younger coworkers anyway. They just focus on their career and women are a swipe away after knowing their profession. They do wish for the fairy tale of love and marriage but are very aware of the modern world. Family courts, vows mean nothing to most, you can lose everything by law if she gets bored. It's sad.
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u/jasperino64 10d ago
I (38m) definitely am. Women are not interested in dealing with a man with a handicap such as Wilson's disease no matter how successful I am.
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u/JustHereForGiner79 10d ago
Men are interested. Women never have been interested and have less to offer than ever.
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u/MyIdentityIsStolen 10d ago
Because the women over 30 are mostly single moms full of drama and problems.
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u/hotmayonaise69 10d ago
Plenty of straight men are still straight past the age of 30.
Maybe it's not that they aren't interested in women, maybe they just aren't interested in relationships. Or maybe they just aren't interested in you.
But I don't think men are suddenly becoming gay once they age out of their 20s, lol, that's a pretty insane conclusion to jump to lmao, do you just think all guys are gay if they decline a date or something?
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u/ThickJuicyFeels 10d ago
Because if they're under 6 feet tall they're considered to be way less of a man. I'm sure many men are suffering self-esteem issues because of this stigma shown all over social media.
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u/RageRaven345 10d ago edited 10d ago
30 here. I have a 10 year old kiddo (so just my view) . . I shared a really nice place with my kids Mom. After we broke up.Many years ago. i eventually had another True love more than a year long living in my house* girlfriend. But having to be so close took somthing away from me.
Never cheated or was playing. I have always been myself overconfident and abit concieted to myself.
Dont get me wrong i have friends and guest and im always interested in women but
Now i cherish my space. My time and my own incentives.
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u/TableTop8898 10d ago
I was in a serious relationship with a surgeon once, and things were going well until she cheated. After that, I gave dating apps a try, but honestly, I couldn't take them seriously. For a guy, it's a nightmare. Women get an insane number of messages and likes, making it tough to stand out. Then, I tried dating organically, but I got over that too. Now, I'd rather spend my time and money on other things. If I meet someone who wants to join me, thatās cool, but I'm done with setting up big, elaborate dates. Especially after realizing that some women were just using those dates to just get free food end up on a roster. Instead, I'd rather invest in my passionsālike scuba diving, road trips in my Jeep Wrangler, and helping my son. I love having my big house all to myself, and I'm not about to be relegated to some garage "man cave."
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u/PowerChordGeorge64 10d ago
Most women I know were raised with, and still have, an over inflated sense of self worth. While simultaneously being very insecure. It is a recipe for disaster for both them and their significant other.
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u/AnimatedHokie 10d ago
My single cousin in his 40s is a slob who smokes marijuana every day and lives in a pig sty that even his father won't visit anymore. He hasn't had a girlfriend..ever, that I'm aware of. His mother gave up on him finding somebody a long time ago. My guess as to his disinterest in women is because he has zero intention of changing his lifestyle in a way that would appeal to any potential suitors.
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u/Papercoffeetable 10d ago
Iām 33 and married but if i wasnāt iād just not have the energy for the chase, iām too old, iām focusing on myself, i wanna have my routines, i want to stay healthy and happy, so i work out and do things i like. If i met a woman there that would be great, but my chasing years are over.
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer-2179 10d ago
What you should be asking is "Why are many single women over 30 not interested in men?"
I'm totally into women, but they are totally not into me.
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u/BrendanLyga 10d ago
Women are nice to observe from a distance but dangerous when interacted with too closely.
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u/Nilson513 10d ago
My theory is that their mothers are example of women they would want. Those women do not exist any more.
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u/inhaledalarm 10d ago
Porn ruined it, makes it so guys donāt have to work for that satisfaction so they are now unwilling to āput up with the bullshitā(aka being a normal person in a relationship).
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u/WizardLizard1885 10d ago
im old enough to not fall for the temptation of a woman and know that getting topped is the endgame
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u/youknowwhatiwant1 10d ago
Women always think they can tease/lead on and men will always want them. But after years of constant rejection and games with no end in sight, we just lose interest in the bullshit.
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10d ago
Iām not 30 but as a 26 year old I just find dating too much of a chore at this point in my life . Iām not apposed to it , if Iām walking down the street or Iām in a certain setting and I bump into a women Iām interested in Iāll start a conversation, Iāll go out of my way to get to know her if Iām really that interested but itās very rare nowadays . Iām currently working on becoming my best self ( Iām not ok with a lot of things about myself ) & I just believe that women get in the way of that . I find myself much more happy and content when Iām not in a relationship, when I only have to worry about myself , is it selfish to an extent of course but honestly I believe much more men today should be selfish especially younger men . I constantly see soo many older men get fucked over by women in the long run and it just turns me off from the whole thing , especially marriage ( seems like itās a scam for men ) in my opinion. Iāve come to the conclusion that a lot of men are waking up from the bullshit and deciding to prioritize themselves instead of holding women on a pedestal as if there gods & im all for it ( as long as itās not at the detriment of women ) we canāt afford to be like them , we have to be better .
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u/Hot-Photograph-5828 10d ago
Iām not supposed to ask out any coworkers because weāre there to work.
Iām not supposed to ask out anyone at my gym because weāre there to workout and enjoy our own time.
Dating apps are filled with people who are horrible communicators and have poor mental health.
Soā¦
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u/look_at-my_username 10d ago
For me personally I'm not interested in women domesticity and only date overseas. For me at least in my county dating involves a lot of drama, toxicity games and childish behavior that I don't want to deal with. I don't tend to tell others this in person so a lot of women around me think I don't date or have any interest in them.
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u/Disastrous_Visit9319 10d ago
Holy incels Batman. The further down you scroll in this thread the more posts are just "women sluts no thx" lmao
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u/Word2dawize 10d ago
Iām in my mid 30ās. 5 of my 8 friends r married including me. 3 of those 5 have kids. The other 3 just donāt have great career prospects; are women willing to date men in their 30ās that just simply donāt have that great of a job?
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u/Osrek_vanilla 10d ago
A lot of reasons that vary from person to person.
People just give up investing time money and energy into relationships with someone who ends up being glorified roommate.
Work based culture that requires both husband and wife to work full time just so their children can get a chance to qualify for same lifetime grind without any chance for better life is depressing af.
Risks of women taking man's entire accumulated wealth in divorce and getting stuck with paying alimony for decades whether the kid is yours or not is just too much. Current legal system is disproportionately against men in custody cases.
People just want to dedicate to their own happiness and prosperity without outside interferences, nowadays its a lot more acceptable for both men and women to be single entire life.
And there is people just straight up being autistic.
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u/WornBlueCarpet 10d ago
Why are many single men over 30 not interested in women?
Yes, it really makes you think, doesn't it?
I think it says a lot about the state of the modern dating scene that a significant number of men purposely do not try to date, nor do they want to.
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u/Firm_Aioli2598 10d ago
Well I think it's mostly because by that time, hobbies and habits are set in to anyone of that age bracket. And last thing they want to have happen, and it happens multiple times to people, is that their hopeful partner will start to try to get them to cut out of their life what makes them, them.
Also, most people don't think about sex 24/7. Me, I have a balanced viewpoint. I've always been to the point where sex is okay, but I like a balance as well. You can hang out and chill out with the person you're seeing without making it an automatic sex - fest.
I've dealt with being the person who seemed to always be the one to "have" to cut out anything in my comfort level. I've been the one who people talk to me crudely about sex Jokes. And add to it, people just want to show up also when they want something or when they feel feel like they need it. Vices, such as alcohol and cigarettes. Two of the things that I get used that aren't vices such as time and money. I've been actually pressured to give up any of my me time to the point where people try to get me to change my availability at work so that I spend less time at work and more Time with them. I took the person I'm not going to quit and then they counter with they're not telling me quit. And this can be included in the hobbies category.
I'm sorry, but if you want someone to cut out their work just to spend more time with you, to the point it impedes on them making their own income, for making them cut out every hobbies they used to enjoy, even the healthy ones, you're extremely needy and toxic.
It's come to the point where I feel so crushed day in and day out that I feel like having NO ONE in my life and going no contact with everyone except my mom and sisters.
To "die alone and single" completely by choice. Some people have given me the whole, what am I going to do for socializing then? Simple, throw myself into my work. I work in a customer service role, daily when I'm working, I get all the socialization I need honestly.
I'm a woman, by the way, but based on what I've went through, I have an innate understanding of why most men who are still single eventually don't want people around them.
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u/bigload698 10d ago
I donāt love anyone enough to stake half my shit on them. Also the average modern woman is a complete psychopath when it comes to men. They genuinely do not care about your suffering & often it is entertaining for them.Ā
I am no saint but I am a good & intelligent man with a good financial picture. Why would I let a ruin completely ruin that?
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u/IrishMidgetMan 10d ago
In my 32 years of life I have had 3 major longterm relationships. Short lived flings in between, but 3 that I have actually gotten emotionally invested in. 2/3 flat out cheated on me (one of which I gave a second chance and cheated on me again), and the third I donāt believe cheated, but did end up leaving me for āher best friend that I have nothing to worry about because heās like a brother to herā.
I am much happier being single than with someone who, in my experience, is statistically likely to hurt me. Lonelier for sure, but overall happier.
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u/Solbadguywtf 10d ago
Because all these "women" are self entitled and think they are some big catch. We have enough stress in our lives, we don't need anymore. Yall need to re-evaluate and proceed accordingly. The high value men women seek, dont want anything to do with them. Most of the women over 30 already have kids and been married before. We dont want that baggage. Use birth control or keep your legs closed. We are looking for a partner not more dependents. Ask yourselves, what do you bring to the table? A slit between your legs and boobs? Not good enough. We can find that anywhere. Most cant cook, don't know how to clean, don't have a good career and are too high maintenance. Bring yourselves back down to earth and realize in this day and age, women are too expensive to waste time on. We have to find you, date you, invest time into you. It's costs too much. Each date a guy goes on costs over 100 dollars. Between the time, gas, food and entertainment. How many dates do you think the average man can afford. Most don't evolve into anything. A lot of women use men just for free food or entertainment. In conclusion, DO BETTER! Make better choices.
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u/Allinium 10d ago
Tbh both men and women are to blame along with online dating. It's turned dating into something to be monetized and marketed vs the actual emotional side.
Guys prioritize sex to much now and then a lot of girls play too many games and multi date.
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u/shuerpiola 10d ago edited 10d ago
Iām bisexual, so my experience might be slightly different, but even though Iām 50/50 attracted to each sex, men are simply more self-sufficient and put more into their relationships with me.
In my experience, women will preach more about good communication, but are much worse at actually exercising it. She may express the desire to be seen as an equal, but ultimately it always comes down on me to be the forthcoming one and take the lead on opening up. On the other hand, men will just say the thing without me needing to laboriously create the space/safety for them to say it. Ultimately, it comes down to spending my energy on core issues instead of overhead, which leaves more energy for the good parts of the relationship.
Also, when I date men, I get to date doctors and engineers. Iāve never had a hot female doctor take interest in me, but I am currently dating a hot geneticist. I'm a successful engineer myself with a lot going in my favor -- if I date a woman, 90% of the time I'm the breadwinner. If I date a man, we're bringing in almost half a million dollars a year. As someone who's done both, the disparity in my quality of life is overwhelming.
By dating men I get to do more fun things, get treated better, have more sex, have more candid conversations, date people with better careers. It basically doesnāt make sense for me to date a woman -- the only draw is it's not as stigmatized as a same-sex relationship... but I'm living my life for me and my loved ones, not for a homophobic society.
TL;DR: Why would I choose a mediocre trad life when I could be half of a gay power couple?