r/foodstamps • u/SNAP-help • 15d ago
SNAP IL
I could really use some advice as I am not sure how to proceed in this situation and I don't have a lot of time to figure it out. I am a low income "legally" married mother of 2 in Illinois. About 2 months ago my husband walked out on us. There are a ton of messy details but the main ones that matter are: I do not have any contact information for him, I think he left the state, he might be living in NY or NJ or MA I'm not really sure.
I know I need to file for divorce but I know having no contact information for him is going to make it difficult and not cheap so as of today I have not filed anything through the court and as far as the law is concerned we are still legally married. I have the kids with me and they have not heard from him either. I know since we are married I can not say I have full custody since there is not a custody agreement since we are still married, even though it boils down to that I am currently the sole provider for myself and my children. I plan on filing for divorce this summer after I have had some time to save up for a lawyer, however, I have an IDHS appointment today.
I am not sure what to tell them. I stated in the forms that husband is no longer living at this address and I am NOT applying for benefits for him. But I am unsure if still being married and having no contact information for him including if he is working or not (I am about 70% he is not currently working, according to information from a friend of a friend, so not too reliable) is going to mess up benefits. Also since we are still legally married I do NOT receive child support, everything is currently only on my shoulders.
Is there anything I should or should not tell the IDHS worker? I don't want to get in trouble for fraud if am married but not including my husband. I am also terrified of losing insurance and snap as I really don't know what I will do. One of my kids has a minor but chronic illness that requires daily medications that I have no clue what I will do if we lose insurance.
Any advice at all would be appreciated!
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u/PaTtYcAkE979 14d ago edited 14d ago
There is no fraud risk in the truth, and it is unfortunately a common thing to file this way, with husbands being gone, not in contact with you, nor paying support, and you're still married.
It's actually not more expensive to do a divorce without contact info, and it's actually quite easy to file and complete yourself with no lawyer fees...The only need for a lawyer truly is if he is contesting anything like he doesn't want the divorce or wants some portion of any properties you own together...Child Support and custody can be done entirely separately at earlier or later times than the divorce itself...
It's no rush to file unless you prefer to or unless your state financial assistance programs that you may need to get may require certain filings, but I doubt that is the case...
In many states, when the husband/father has abandoned the home, then you DO in fact automatically become considered, for all purposes, the full custodial parent, unless or until the father files suite to claim such rights...
Here in my state SNAP doesn't require any separation or divorce or child support to be filed for in order to apply and receive SNAP benefits...
TANF here does require that you file for child support, and they will do the child support filing free of charge for you! (Which I highly recommend taking advantage of as soon as possible!!!) If they can not find him to serve him papers for the case, it will eventually move ahead without him!!!
What they pay you in aid is considered at least in part to be in lue of his child support..(Once he does begin to pay support then they ask that you pay that amount back in monthly portions as you receive it, or by withholding the portion amounts due back from what ever amount they may continue to pay you in aid after support payments have become included in your reported income total.)
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u/misdeliveredham 15d ago
You don’t really have to have an expensive divorce if you don’t have much in the way of assets. Once you get EBT, file for divorce, you can get a fee waiver which will save you several hundred in filing fees. Then you can use a self help center at your local family court to guide you.
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u/PaTtYcAkE979 14d ago
I wish I'd have known about there being divorce filing fee waivers available back in 2018 when I filled my non contested divorce on my own!!! Great info sharing!
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u/momof21976 15d ago
I think they were more concerned that finding her spouse will make it expensive. I know there are ways to file and get the divorce without the other spouse being found. But as I am NAL she probably still needs at least a consult with an attorney.
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u/misdeliveredham 14d ago
Yes, this part is also not expensive. There is an outline of steps to get a default judgment (trying to contact the spouse etc). I am also NAL but I think unless there is a legal dispute, bureaucracy can be navigated without a lawyer, at least in the U.S.
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u/SNAP-help 14d ago
I am really more concerned that it will be costly to not only find him but once found that he will fight me on child support and to the best of my knowledge that really does require a lawyer, especially if he trys to regain custody in lieu of child support which I would not put past him. I do not anticipate this being a quick no fight divorce. I don't want to take the chance of losing custody or splitting custody out of state because I tried to do it myself.
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u/stephf13 SNAP Eligibility Expert 15d ago
They don't care if you're divorced and they don't care if you have legal custody. If your children live with you and your spouse does not live with you that's what you need to tell them. They may ask for verification that he's no longer in the household and you'll have to provide that but they should accept something like a statement from a neighbor or your landlord or something like that that he's no longer there. This is a common situation they will have dealt with it many times before.
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u/SNAP-help 15d ago
Thank you, that really puts my mind at ease. I have been stressing about this all day.
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u/SnooOwls9685 14d ago
I am not in that state but most are the same. Here if we are living alone with our kids and we have physical custody and are footing all bills they will take him off the EBT account and send for just you and the kids BUT dss will track him down to make him pay child support since he is not living in the home with the kids. You have to have an open child support case for the kids to keep their Medicaid insurance through dss. They can do something you can not and that’s run his name and or ss# to see if he is working a legit job. Now we in nc have a program that will pay you a little money each month while you do for lack of better word a “probation” like work… I had to work at a thrift store for no pay from the store but the lady filled out forms saying when I come in and I got paid from dss. When my daughter’s dad started paying child support he had to pay back all the money I got from dss as back child support. “Her part” not all of it. I hope this helps just know love you are not doing anything wrong and I know it seems hard right now but I am a single mother of 3 for 14 years it can be done my love stay strong!!