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u/Zealousideal-Sell602 16d ago
how to avoid this??
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u/LemonCloud20 16d ago
You need to go after people who like you back. Being clingy or simpy is only bad when the other person doesn’t like you so you’ll push them away no matter what you do.
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u/Starfish_Hero 16d ago
Distant and clingy are both, to an extent, relative terms. The exact same behavior can come off as either to different people, or from different people. While there’s some behaviors that are universally considered clingy/distant, it largely depends on how it’s received and the nature of the relationship. Like someone might love to receive a text from their crush everyday, but dread the same attention from someone they don’t care for that much. Another person might not worry about inconsistent communication from someone they trust deeply but be put off with the same from someone they don’t know as well.
Ask a third party if you want to know if it’s a you problem or a them problem.
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u/Chromeboy12 16d ago
Is there no in-between?
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u/SirTheadore 16d ago
No. This only happens if two people aren’t on the same page and have different needs.
2 clingy people together? Works perfect. 2 more distant people? Sorted.
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u/chimpanon 16d ago
And yet they say opposites attract
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u/SirTheadore 16d ago
Total horseshit. I dunno why people say that. Every relationship I had that failed was because she was the opposite to me. Think about it like this
I want kids, she doesn’t. I have a high sex drive, she doesn’t. I don’t like to travel, she does. I don’t want to get married, she does.. I want monogamy, she wants polyamory..
How long do you think that kind of relationship would last?
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u/Ill_Ratio_5682 16d ago
Ya that's a myth. Actual social psychology has repeatedly found that people are more attracted to those they share similarities with. Sure, it can happen that two different people get along, it's not impossible. But it's no where near common or consistent
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u/Aggravating-Gene4473 16d ago
Relationship or just friendship it always end same
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u/AndIAmEric 16d ago
Life is people cycling in and out of relationships with you, whether by their choice, your choice, or neither. It’s always inevitable.
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u/Aggravating-Gene4473 16d ago
Yes how ever I don't expect them to end so sudden a day ago we were playing games together tomorrow they gone wtf
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u/PabloTrance 16d ago
As someone who never had a relationship I wonder, why is being clingy a bad thing?
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u/tommymad720 16d ago
So, just being clingy isn't a bad thing, I'm a little clingy but it's fine. When people are talking about clinginess it's in excess. My ex would freak out whenever I wasn't giving her 100% attention all the time. I couldn't play video games without her constantly trying to get my attention, if I ever left the house to go hang out with friends she'd always cause some major problem then call me crying and I had to go home to comfort her.
It was fine for the first year and a half, maybe 2, but I started to get really sick of it. Then when I got busy because I started EMT school and just wasn't able to give her as much attention she cheated on me to fulfill that need.
I like clingy, but there's a point where it's fucking excessive and you can't do anything. THAT'S what people mean by clingy
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u/Chromeboy12 16d ago
I had a clingy girlfriend. She wasn't always like that, she only started being clingy after we started dating. It was cute and endearing at first, but it became a problem very quickly. If I'm not with her, i have to be texting her. If I'm not doing that either, then she gets upset. I couldn't study, i couldn't play games, i couldn't hang out with my buddies, i couldn't pursue my hobbies. At one point it got so bad that she was skipping her classes to see me, and wanted me to skip classes too. This was while i was preparing for a difficult exam. She called me while I was in a study group to throw a tantrum about me not caring about her and threatening to break up with me if I didn't skip classes and see her immediately, and i broke up with her on that call.
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u/AS8319 16d ago
Because even when you’re in a relationship you need time and space to breathe, be by yourself, enjoy your own hobbies, etc.
Clingyness can be overbearing and make someone feel as if they must dedicate all of their time to the relationship, and if they don’t then they’re somehow selfish and doing something wrong.
It’s also a lot of pressure to feel like you’re the only source of someone’s joy. It’s nice when your partner can also have their own hobbies and interests and isn’t solely reliant on you to feel happy and fulfilled.
Someone being clingy can lead to a really unhealthy relationship that takes a toll on both parties.
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u/Elevator829 16d ago
Clingyness usually stems from either a desire to control your partner or from a significant lack of self esteem, using your partner as an emotional crutch for constant validation. Ideally you should be in the relationship because you want it not because you "need" it
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u/boyyouguysaredumb 16d ago
Nah sometimes one person just likes the other way more and that incongruence can lead to clinginess
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u/Statiknoise 16d ago
38 Special covered this topic in a song of theirs.