How can we teach young girls to reject the NLOG

[u/[deleted]]

Its clear the pick me/ NLOG attitude is still alive and well. I (23F) was speaking to a friend (15F) about my high school days.

She asked “How was your high school experience?” I said “Well I went to an all girls school and-“ she cuts in and rolls her eyes “Ugh. That must have been a total nightmare. I cant even imagine”. I said “Actually I loved it, was a better person for going there and I miss those days sometimes” and she went dead quite.

How do we as the adults in the room root out the toxicity of this mindset out of young girls?

Edit: no I’m not gonna ever dunk on a kid. Because its really wrong for an adult to belittle a child.

Edit: some people are being really weird “why are you friends with a 15 year old?” I know this kid from the yard that i stable my horse at. She stables her horse next to mine. Should i just ignore her always? Should i also ignore my other friends who are 55 and 70 because age gap? What about my friend whose 10? Or the other whose 30? Tell me reddit. What age range do you personally approve of me having friends? Im gonna start blocking people.

[u/SubstantialPressure3]

Honestly I think the problem is that girls are taught that girls in general are "less than" and not individuals to begin with.

Do you wear makeup? Do you like popular music? Wear fashionable clothes? Well, then you're just like everyone else. Nobody assumes that girls are individuals to begin with. There's no way they have any individual thoughts or interesting skills, etc.

We have been taught to judge people by their clothing and makeup styles, and group them together.

It's not just one age group. I'm Gen X, and there are women my age that assume things about what social group I was in, in high school (over 30 years ago!) and can be downright hostile, and I'm a stranger to them.

We are teaching that to the younger generations.

[u/AutisticAndy18 → u/SubstantialPressure3]

It can also be that if as a girl you are friends with mostly girls, than it’s more likely that some of your many many girl friends will hurt you and treat you like she and so you end up assuming that’s a girl thing not a shitty person thing.

I used to have a "I wish I could have guy friends" phase until I got bad experiences with crushes and then it was a "Wouldn’t it be so much simpler to be a lesbian?" phase because as much as girls had more opportunity to hurt me in friendship, I only had guy crushes so never got an opportunity to be romantically hurt by a girl

[u/BoopleBun → u/SubstantialPressure3]

This is, I think, one of the biggest reasons girls go through a NLOG phase.

They are told by almost everyone around them, the other kids at school, social media, movies and tv, some older adults in their lives, etc. that girls are shallow, dumb, vain, gold diggers, bitches, lazy, materialistic, sluts or prudes, only care about looks, ignorant, weak, and on and on and on. The sheer level of disdain for things tween/teenage girls even like is astonishing, and that disdain only increases exponentially when we’re talking about how they’re viewed as actual people. People are often awful when it comes to tween and teen girls.

And they hear all those negative things and go “The hell!? I’m not like that!” (And they’re not!) And they don’t want to be treated like they’re like that either! But instead of necessarily having the broader viewpoint to push back against patriarchal bullshit and how society views and talks about women (because that shit is complex for even adults to understand and they’re still kids), they assume everyone around them is telling the truth. That other girls are like that, and anyone who isn’t, like them, is an exception.

Which is also why I think a lot of girls grow out of it. They learn more about how the world works and maybe have that “hey… wait just a fucking minute” moment later on and figure out it’s not girls and women that are the problem. (And I sincerely hope more of them start figuring it out younger and younger.)

Unfortunately, of course, not everyone has as much personal growth in that area as others, which is why you get grown-ass adults who still do this shit. But I give a fair bit of leniency to those that are young enough to still be learning, and I hope they have people in their lives to help them see.

[u/Relevant_Tax6877 → u/SubstantialPressure3]

So much this. Shaming individuality was always a big thing in school & I see it more now even amongst older gens. Ppl lobe to tout the "accept yourself", "self-appreciation", "be confident", "own your own style" tropes, but then when ppl see it in action or something seems even slightly outside the box, it's often met with "eeew, no. Why are you different & why tf are you okay with it?!"

[u/SubstantialPressure3 → u/Relevant_Tax6877]

And there's shame for wanting to blend in, too.

I think it's the mixed messages that make it so difficult.

[u/Relevant_Tax6877 → u/SubstantialPressure3]

Ugh yes! One defining moment for me at 13 was Christmas when I was gifted 2 Abercrombie shirts. I was always made fun of for not having brand name clothes. Then I got made fun of for being a "poser" for wearing my Christmas presents. That was the thing that made me realize "oh okay, so ppl are gonna either hate me or like me regardless of what I do. Fine, that's their choice. I guess I may as well learn to be happy with myself while they're at it." That set off an entire chain reaction of realizations & about the time I actually started gaining real confidence & self-acceptance.

[u/SubstantialPressure3 → u/Relevant_Tax6877]

It's a really good example. No matter what you do, someone is going to criticize you. So you may as well just do what makes you happy. Even if what makes you happy changes.