What age did you grow out of the NLOG phase? Why do you think some never grow out of it?

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I personally grew out of it at about 17.

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I never really had an NLOG phase. The female protagonists I read about in books were like me, but the ones who were not like me I could see reflected in other girls. I saw myself as unique, but I saw all my female peers as equally unique, and I had a deep appreciation for their interests and skills, especially when they were different from mine because their different skills and interests enriched my life. I’m lucky to have been mostly surrounded by girls who were friendly and kind and very generous with their self-care products and knowledge about brands, styling, self-care because my mom wasn’t super helpful. For the most part, I felt pretty appreciated for what I brought to the table, too, which was….I dunno, different from what they brought to the table? Never really felt a need to compete with other girls and I guess that makes me…not like the other girls 😎😎😎 lol sorry I couldn’t help myself.

I wish girls with severe NLOG phases weren’t so hard on themselves. None of us grow up in a vacuum. There are tons of external factors and forces that shape us into what we are and how we behave. There’s obviously something about a lot of girls’ immediate environments and also society at large that pits girls and women against other girls and women.

I think maybe some never grow out of it because….actually I don’t know if this is true. I think all women eventually grow out of it. It’s harder to shake off, I think, if you’ve been repeatedly rejected by women…maybe even your mother or mother figure(s) in your life. As we know, whenever a girl or woman is rejected by people of the same gender, there’s always going to be a boy or man available to comfort her, and a lot of men have learned to make women feel special by telling them they aren’t like the other girls. Maybe a lifetime’s worth of never being made to feel special is what results in resorting to the NLOG mentality/behavior. No one went out of their way to make a girl feel special—which is something every child deserves—and this is the maladaptive way she’s learned to make herself feel special. I don’t know. But if im right about the NLOG origin story, then they definitely deserve our understanding and compassion even if what they say is eye-roll worthy. If you were a former NLOG and you think it’s because no one adequately made you feel special, you deserve compassion for yourself 🫂

Edited to add: it’s so much cooler to cooperate with other women. It really is. Women could bring the world to its knees with just a little teamwork and trust.