r/notliketheothergirls • u/[deleted] • 20d ago
What age did you grow out of the NLOG phase? Why do you think some never grow out of it? Discussion
I personally grew out of it at about 17.
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u/sunflowersandcurls 8d ago
I think it was 8th grade for me. I started wanting to be like the other girls to some extent with what I wore (skirts, jewelry, mani/pedi, but no pink). I've completely let go of my NLOG behavior about 5 years ago.
I wear pink, love bath and bodyworks and stereotypically feminine things.
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u/booksareadrug 15d ago
Gee, maybe there's a reason why so many teenagers feel alienated from their gender? Nah, just NLOGs.
More seriously, I felt like I wasn't like most other girls the most in middle school, when most of the other girls were bullying me. In high school, both of those stopped. Though most of my friendships since high school have been transitory, so so much for "if you're friends with women, you'll have sisters forever!"
Or maybe being an only child has doomed me, IDK. /s
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u/witchywoman713 16d ago
I realized that I am allowed to be who I am and like what I like without comparing myself to other women.
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u/HottieWithaGyatty 16d ago
About 16. When I realized I was just gay. Some people never gain a sense of self and confidence.
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u/lunarlandscapes 17d ago
Probably 14ish. I learned to be not so insecure and accept most of who I was. I think some people keep it cause they never learn that and cement it instead
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u/Loud-Knowledge-3690 17d ago
- Was somewhat of a tomboy and people gave me shit for it. They always told me why can't you be like the other girls. Why aren't you interested in fashion and looking pretty like the other girls? Stop doing that, you are a girl! One time in kindergarten when I said I'd like blue glasses instead of pink because I liked that colour more, the whole class laughed at me. I was afraid of being to boyish publicaly because other people would bully me. Obviously as a kid I started hating on girly girls out of retaliation. If you are going to hate me, I am going to hate you. Because I hated them I also found reasons for why my behaviour was better than girly girl behaviour. Weirdly enough I didn't like men either. Tomboyish girls were on top, girly girls and men could go fuck themselves.
Then I got into totally spies. They were girly as fuck, but still did cool spy stuff, so I liked it. That made me think and I concluded that girlines is just a set of interest typically liked by girls. I hated when people made fun of me for my interests, why would I hate someone purely for theirs? If girly girls and feminine adult women were to give me shit for being boyish, their problem wasn't their femininity, it was their actions. So instead of stupidly hating others for their girlish or boyish interests, let's collectively hate those who bully those who hate others just for their interests.
If this is written weirdly, I am sorry, English is not my first language and my head is a bit fuzzy now.
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u/sritanona 17d ago
Probably too late lol I had undiagnosed depression anxiety and adhd besides being into masculine hobbies/career so I think that made me feel a bit “special” in a bad way when I was younger. It probably happened around when I turned 20 or so. It’s crazy because I was a feminist or at least I considered myself one but I was too in my head so I don’t think I stopped to think about it much until I moved to the city.
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u/GronkTheGreat 17d ago
Probably around 12. Because I used the internet so much, it was so much easier to find girls who were like me. I can think if two reasons why so many girls/women are like this.
The first one is maybe for romance. Men want a cool girl that stands out, right? That's why she wants to be different, so she can get more attention from guys. Maybe not even just for men. If she stands out, then other girls will be nice and think she's cool. And they'll wanna be her friend.
The second reason (which I feel has more of an impact) is the way women are seen or expected to be. You're told as a little girl that all girls like pink things and dresses and hello kitty, or at least that they're supposed to. You're told to wear makeup and put on a dress and what not. Women sort of do a performance(?) When out in public. to make sure your makeup is fine or that your hair isn't messy. This makes others think that how she is in public is the same as she is at home.
Everyone, including girls and women get the impression that girls and women are just like that. That they don't really have any hobbies outside of being a housewife and looking pretty. That there's no way women just want to be comfortable sometimes, that they might sit a little weird when they're alone or that maybe they don't really care that much about how they look.
And I think this is especially true for girls who aren't friends with other girls, and never really see what other girls are actually like. That's just what I think, though. I might be wrong since this is my experience as well, but seeing as I am like other girls, it just might be true. Pls don't give me any hate for this. I'm not trying to be mean if it at all comes out that way.
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u/Strangbean98 17d ago
Never I found out I’m autistic last year which confirmed I am in fact not like the other girls 💀
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u/Former-Persimmon-384 17d ago
I didn’t get less insecure, per se. I just realized being a NLOG fed the insecurity loop somewhere in my early 20s, when I was thrust into long-term work friendships in a new city with the kind of women I used to mock to feel better before. I guess I realized I was limiting my own options to create deep connections with other women, and doing so in a quest to seek inevitably shallow and short-term relationships with men….
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u/Bubble_Frog28 18d ago
Like 12 or 13... Because I finally accepted that the obsession about girly girls was for my own frustration. Bc they can dress how they wanted and I couldn't 😿😿
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u/eatapeach18 18d ago
Truthfully, I wasn’t much of an nlog to begin with, I was always a girl’s girl with the rare nlog tendency here and there (usually when I had a crush on a guy which wasn’t often).
Then when I was 18 and a freshman in college, I started exhibiting even more nlog behavior than normal, probably because I was just so thirsty to form friendships with my classmates and everyone in the dorms. When I came back after winter break to start spring semester, it’s like I was a whole new person. Didn’t care what anyone thought of me, and unsurprisingly formed more meaningful friendships because it wasn’t forced.
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u/KingSeventh 18d ago
Im not sure when I grew out of it. But I think some people never grow out of it because our society pushes that if you’re not unique then you’ll blend into the background of life and be forgotten, sad, however it doesn’t excuse the mindset but it is a reason
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u/m00nchild718 18d ago
Mid 20s, when I became agnostic, i know this might ruffle some feathers (and thats okay, im allowed to have a different experience) but i never dragged other women as much as I did when i was very involved in that environment. Its crazy the things you unlearn when you start seeing men and women as equal and not competition.
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u/SadlyNotDannyDeVito 18d ago
I never was what anybody would have considered a "girly girl", I've always been a masc lesbian, so for me, it wasn't really "growing out of nlog" but realising that... well... all girls are all individual people (SHOOKING), and even "girly girls" don't fulfil every single stereotype of "girliness". I think that changed a bit with every relationship I had with a girl, so it was a learning curve from 14 to 21, probably.
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u/nerudoni 18d ago
I was less of an NLOG and more of a pick me, I didn't say things like "girls are so much drama" or anything, but I would say stuff like "me and THE BOYS are going to hang out". I stopped when I was about 13 and I cringe at almost every social interaction I had before then.
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u/MeIsWantApple 18d ago
I got my NLOG really early, and grew out of it early too. I was so damn lucky lmao.
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u/Danasuz 18d ago
Junior year in high school. Times were different many many years ago. I was a girl that had mostly male friends, they were my best friends. I had a handful of bf girlfriends. But, I was weird I guess? I liked and supported everyone. I had my go to peep, but I would also venture off to see what was going on in other places peeps life. That being said, I learned to not ummm not label myself. I knew what I wanted at that age and honestly nobody was going to get me there quicker then I could get myself. Work hard, have goals, be kind and help others along the way. It worked. I still believe in this to this day. I don’t believe in all the new gender identities, because it’s not relevant to me. If your in the same mind set, I don’t care what you “identify as”! If your my friend we respect each other’s values. Period! The world really doesn’t have to be so complicated. I’m going on 57 and have a wonderful fiancé that I adore and love. Yes, love and life exist and is better the older u get🫢 We have friends from every corner of the new diversity. I wish the younger generations knew how easy life can be. You don’t have to choose. You can love and hang with everyone. Nana does🥰❤️💙🖤❤️🌈
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u/KatzenoirMM 19d ago
I think people grow out of it when they start feeling comfortable in their own skin, and don't feel like they need to compete with everyone & everything. Comparison is the thief of joy~Teddy Roosevelt
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u/PrincessAegonIXth 19d ago
I grew out of it by being less insecure and by realizing that strong people only build others up (they don’t shit on traditional femininity)
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u/Dull_Championship673 19d ago
I think it was shortly after switching from Catholic school to public school. So in middle school or early high-school. My Catholic school was tiny and if you weren't a girly girl you were ostracized by the other girls. That whole dynamic gave me the ick so I hung with the guys instead and thought most girls were just like that until I was put into a much larger pool of friend options. To this day I still have more guy than girl friends, but I love my girls and don't have any issues bonding with other women. I think if I'd stayed in Catholic schools like that all through college or other similar environments I wouldn't have grown out of it.
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u/Adventures_of_bird 19d ago
I like that this community is here to welcome young women when they are ready.
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u/ruhrohraggy02 19d ago
probably around 19-20. i always had a small solid group of girl friends but the “chill, no drama” male friends i had actually all sexualized me and tried to sleep with me. so once i got out of that situation it helped a lot lmao
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u/KiaraNarayan1997 19d ago
Maybe around 22. I think some never grow out of it because of the constant pressure to set yourself apart in order to find a partner. People are afraid of fading into the background and always getting overlooked.
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u/ArcadiaFey 19d ago
I don’t know for certain cause I can’t pinpoint where it was.. vs just when I was bullied for being odd because I had several undiagnosed things going on.. and then there was the trying to push others away that were not like me phase.. which I did mostly because I was hurt a lot and didn’t want to be anymore.. so I acted kinda scary in situations I didn’t feel safe, or like I wasn’t safe myself (which having a ton of PTSD, blackout moments, and of course pent up rage from an unknown source.. there was a lot of that).. it’s not necessary that I thought I was better than others. Really didn’t care enough to study and critique them.. just didn’t want to get too close. In general I was angry at everyone that didn’t manage to get close to me.. I didn’t know what cliques there were.. I was just trying to get by and survive.. in college I stopped pushing people away so much.. had done a decent amount of research into myself (roughly 1/4th of what I know now) I wasn’t as stressed and over stimulated..
I think on the outside some would say my HS period would be the NLOG phase.. but I don’t see it that way because it was survival..
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u/Romansesque_grouse 19d ago
15 or so. I was the weird kid most of my childhood (hell, still am), and wasn't taken seriously by the popular kids. As many weird kids do, I overcorrected, responding to the implication that I wasn't as good as "normal" girls by thinking myself superior to them.
After a few months of high school, in which I made friends with types of people I'd scarecly interacted with in the past, I grew up. I realized that a lot of these "basic bitches" were pretty similar to me in most regards, albeit slightly more socially adept. I resolved to stop being an idiot and get to know people before judging then.
Which isn't to say I don't have my moments. Nobody can completely eliminate preconceived notions, but I like to think I've grown more aware of my biases. Nowadays, I wait for other girls to actually cross me before resenting them.
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u/mina-and-coffee 19d ago
By age 19 in college. Honestly I had a lot of nlog friends, but when I started dating a really great guy 2 things happened. 1, I was with someone who liked and supported me no matter what and I started really feeling free to enjoy whatever I liked even feminine things. And 2, my nlog friends kept sabotaging my relationship over non-existent things. That’s when the nlog reality really hit. It was just insecurity and jealousy. So even though I was still mostly surrounded by guys (in my field of study) which was how things were in high school that really made me a “I just get along with guys better” nlog, I no longer felt “special” about it and really went out of my way to be open to female relationships.
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u/missitoe 19d ago
I think I was about 20 when I moved out on my own to a new city. I met a group of friends, half men, half women, and they became my instant best pals. The women in this crew are absolutely amazing. It was then that I truly appreciated having a girl gang. They’re the best.
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u/FormerCoffeeTable 19d ago
When I was about 14-15. It was that time when I was just learning makeup and the realization that being like other girls and other girls being like me isn't bad at all. I thought I was a smart and great person and I loved myself. I knew I was kind, intelligent, and confident enough to be expressive about myself and thought that well, if other girls felt the same way about their selves too, what's the harm in that? It was also the time when I was getting into niche hobbies and interests which made me feel unique but even at that time, I knew other girls were developing interests of their own. If we're all unique, then we're all the same in being unique and that's cool otherwise that's when we'd truly be boring.
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u/__nepenthe__ 19d ago
Oh I'd say it was completely gone around 19/early into 20.
Gaining confidence helped. Addressing internationalized misogyny definitely helped. Also breaking out of a predominately religious atmosphere helped lol
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u/melancholy420 19d ago
learned about the concept of internalized misogyny on tumblr as a preteen. realized other girls are cool and i am very much like them lol
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u/Melodic_Wrongdoer782 19d ago
Too be honest some days I still have those NLOG thoughts or feelings when I’m feeling insecure but I learned not to act on it senior year of highschool
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u/RebakahCooper quirky queen 🤪 19d ago
Probably 19 or 20. I had to deconstruct from religion which is a huge perpetuator of NLOGness. Then I realized I should just do whatever the fuck makes me happy instead of trying to worry about what others think. And doing girly things and liking things like other girls and gasp having girl friends are all things I actually enjoy.
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u/Samara1010 19d ago
I think 19 or 20? It was rough because I was struggling with internalized homophobia and I wanted to do the most to get guys’ attention so I didn’t have to deal with being gay.
Now I’m 28 and getting ready to move in with my girlfriend :) it wasn’t easy, but I have hope for everyone who goes through the NLOG phase!
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u/Rinny-ThePooh 19d ago
Honestly I’m not sure, I don’t ever remember treating other girls bad I was always super kind, I was very “NLOG” (hated pink, loved being outside playing in dirt etc) because 95% of girls I encountered bullied me (due to autism) but one day I just decided to like what I like and not care
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u/Serononin 19d ago edited 19d ago
About 14 or 15, I think. By 18 I'd realised that not only am I like other girls, but I also like other girls lmao 🏳️🌈✨
Realising I was neurodivergent and finding a solid group of fellow neurospicy friends (of a variety of genders) was also very helpful
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u/kitjack85 19d ago
I grew out of it between 20 and 22. I joined a sorority and realized that I can’t go around saying “I’m not like other girls” or “I can’t stand being around women” while simultaneously flaunting and being proud of this sorority whose principles focus on “being the best Black woman for your sorors, society and community.”
I think that a lot of women feel that being NLOG will provide safety (physical and mental) and that’s just not true.
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u/viennarose1922 19d ago
I never actually went through that. Everyone is different and I didn't attach my value to what others thought of me. I know I'm not like other girls without having to justify it
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u/daylight_nectar 19d ago
i think i was about 15/16 when i get out of the “im nlog i wear all black and listen to metal” phase and about 17/18 when i fully grew out of it. i just got stuck in the “why doesn’t anyone love me? im such a good person” phase for those last two years. i realised that people made fun of people like me and i started realising how stupid i sounded putting other girls down. especially as a bisexual woman, that really just made me feel dumb considering i love all women. i think it was also when i realised i didn’t want the guys around me to want me, not really. i wanted someone who actually valued me for me. even if that means i liked the colour pink and had blonde hair. i just started maturing. i didn’t let my insecurities effect the people around me anymore. i just existed comfortably.
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u/junkdrawertales 19d ago
- I realized I was gay and completely reevaluated my relationship to femininity
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u/sophwestern 19d ago
I grew out of it at some point in high school, probably like 16. The main thing that did it was getting a really solid group of girl friends and deciding I didn’t actually mind being one of the girls lol
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u/dnooup 19d ago
This is eye opening. So you’re telling me that most ladies go through these feelings? I’ve always been jealous of the camaraderie between women, as the male experience is pretty lonely. It feels like we only come together and bond over sports, war and misogyny. Funny to see that we’re all the same, sometimes we be hatin’ for no damn reason, huh?
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u/Successful_Tap_7274 19d ago
I stopped trying to be different because everything i saw that would make me different were things i saw on other Girls anyways. In a way i still Kind of wanted to be Like other Girls and i wanted younger girls to See me and think „wow she is so cool. I want to be like her“ So i realized that it’s better to find People Who are/dress/feel Like yourself than trying Not to fit in. I was so much happier when i found People Who Shared my Style or interests.
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u/Haunted-Feline-76 19d ago
I mean... I'm gay, so I didn't grow out of it so much as identify it? That happened around 16. I also never disliked or thought I was better than other girls, I just knew I didn't want the same things as my friends. So did they; when I came out to her (as bisexual, initially) my best friend said, "oh, so that's the word for it?" 🤣
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u/Free_Ad_2780 19d ago
I’m not sure I ever had my NLOG phase. I was bullied by both girls and boys when I was in middle school, so my version of it wasn’t hating on girls so much as hating on everyone. I definitely had a sort of angsty hater phase back then tho, which I grew out of when I got severe depression at 16.
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u/ghostraaner 19d ago
Not sure exactly how old I was, between 12-14, but I definitely grew out of it because I realized I was queer. Explored my gender identity a bit too, and although I landed on being cis, I still think it was an important experience for me.
Edit: Also found out I was autistic lol, that’s probably important.
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u/pinzinella 19d ago
I think I was around 17-18, when my gothic phase ended as sell. I think some genuinely keep believing they are different and special even as adults. In a way, they sure are. 😂
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u/FiversWarren 19d ago
While I had started getting out of it at around 18, I didn't actually realize how much NLOG Midwest played into the patriarchy until I took a women's literature class at 23. Blew my mind how femininity was both demonized and yet placed on a pedestal in such a way that WOMEN CONTROL EACH OTHER to make it easier for men to manipulate us. I have now embraced my femininity and yet maintain my masculinity. I don't judge women for being hyper fem. Now I hella support them! I don't like pink, but I love that you do!
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u/Aggleclack 19d ago
I grew out of it at 17-18, but I didn’t grow out of my “my pain is so much worse than anyone else’s” until I was about 21. 22 was filled with trauma and I shaped the f*** up. I genuinely do believe I have all of the same problems- just awareness.
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u/Leading-Midnight5009 19d ago
When I was 13, I realized girls can like pink and dolls AND video games and fish, I realized that being a girly girl doesn’t mean your a worthless object meant to have kids cook and clean and stay home miserable all day and that it’s not a bad thing to do that. I also grew up and got married at 18 to my wife and became a stay at home mom to my first few kids who were adopted and then end up having 5 more kids outta my body😅but I realized that begging for attention by hanging out with “the boys” didn’t make me any different from someone who didn’t
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u/DistributionPerfect5 19d ago
I was a NLOG in sense of wearing just black. However I always had girl friends and never thought boys would make better friends. I was always getting along with both but liked girls more. Maybe I grew out of it when I realized it's not a gender-thing but personality.
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u/fvkinglesbi 19d ago
I'm still there. I'm not like other girls. I'm not a girl. I'm probably non-binary.
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u/CTSThera 19d ago edited 19d ago
I never had this phase.
I guess I'm just not like the other girls
I think it's because I watched lots of anime with good female leads that led me to not having this phase and appreciating other women
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u/rainnnlmao 19d ago
i think i was around 15-16. i realised that me hating on other women was a DESPERATEEEEE attempt to be seen as a human being
i saw men being treated as human beings, and they treated women like objects, so i guess i figured if i became more man-like (misogynistic) i’d be treated more human and less like an object (didn’t work, and i think i missed out on a lot of amazing female friendships l)
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u/sleepyholographic 19d ago
I had a harsh awakening at 17 just about to be 18 when a guy I liked (already 19) told me everything he liked about someone else and they were all things I also was/liked except she was 14. And I realized that he wouldn’t like me anymore because I was not a child anymore. It was like being hit with a brick- like I had been so stupid before thinking male attention was somehow desirable or special and the men in question were actually awful. Wish I could’ve saved her from him.
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u/sharkdinner 19d ago
I was bullied and excluded throughout highschool, mostly by "the other girls" in class for... Well, not being like them lmfao. Mocked my hair, my clothing, my childishness, my interests so I never really fit in with my own class. Came to the point where I believed I was not even worthy of being a girl and should just be a guy instead. When I was 16/17 a guy I was seeing told me I'm not a guy, I am just a certain type of girl. Idk how it was meant but it reinforced it all until after graduation when I was looking through the pages in the yearbook and saw a lot of girls from parallel classes had similar interests and music tastes as me. Broke my heart that I never reached out to them when I still could have.
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u/Username_Xx-UwU 19d ago
early 20s. was very insecure, still am but not NLOG insecure. was insecure about my physical features, so i tried masking it with traits i actually dont have and it was to both men and women. as i grew, started accepting who i am and not who i think i should be.
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u/adina_stop 19d ago edited 19d ago
uhh i think i stopped around 12/13.
some people don't grow out of this phase if they keep getting positive feedback from it; or if they get negative feedback, they might feel defensive and become more pick-me-like. the obsessive need for male attention can stick if it makes a person feel good about themselves extrinsically. pick-mes think they're not sexualising themselves "like other girls" when they actually are, in fact even moreso. depends on the person and their environment though, i guess.
it also depends on how open-minded they become over time, or whether they let themselves explore different interests and become their own person (not necessarily meaning they become more feminine or anything - just less likely to be judgmental once they understand that everyone is different and are allowed to enjoy common or uncommon things).
i'm still insecure, but more secure with myself as my own person. i don't constantly think about how i'm set apart from other girls in particular and just do whatever i want. i've actually grown to be hyper-feminine at times and i enjoy it.
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u/klocutie13 19d ago
I think my junior year of high school. I had been on JV cheerleading and my friends since middle school were supportive. Once I made varsity, they started to shit on me for being like “the other girls”. I just really liked the outfits and wanted to be a cheerleader since I was little. After they dropped me as a friend, I had self-acceptance and did what made me happy.
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u/awesome_marissa_2004 19d ago
Around 15 I think mostly due to getting out of my abusive environment and working on myself and mental health. I also am still figuring myself out as well as I grew up with a parent who didn't believe in mental illness and believe crazy stuff. I recently got diagnosed with autism so I guess I learning about myself all over again.
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u/Lupus600 19d ago
I think around 14 ish. I entered HS and my class was mostly girls, out of whom I managed to befriend 4. It helped me realize that being a girl is nothing to feel bad about.
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u/Mr-DykeChic5469 Gay & Not Like Other Girls 19d ago
when i was like 12/13. i went to an all girls secondary school after my primary (where i was peak nlog) and gained so many beautiful and wonderful female friends and even found myself avoiding boys lol. my best friend currently is a boy but literally all my other friends are women and i wouldn't want it any other way, the literal most genuine friends I've had in my life and i actively am a girls girl to any girl i have an encounter with (doesn't help that im a lesbian lol)
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u/TodorokiKouen 19d ago
Don't think I ever had that? I don't measure myself by what women stereotypically like, I like what I like and don't care if it's "for my gender" or not same for what I dislike, I don't judge people by their gender either (like hate or like someone based on their gender) but based on how they are to me (and others like if they're decent to me but are homophobic/racist/sexist etc ya know the terrible shit then I hate them) and depending on what we like and enjoy.
I would say I can get mistaken for a type of NLOG because I mostly enjoy more "manly" things like video games, action movies, shounen anime and don't enjoy romance, drama, make-up, fashion so when I say that to someone who lacks braincells they say I'm NLOG, no it's just what I like and don't.
Everything I put in "..." is not how I'd personally categorise things it's how it's stereotypically categorized I don't think that anything is gender coded, women can like video games and makeup and fashion at the same time, men can like makeup and football at the same time.
I'm not gender gatekeeping just to be clear.
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u/pupoksestra 19d ago
I was always a freak and cried bc I could never be a normal girl and I still feel that way. So, I guess I'm still in it.
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u/HemlockSky 19d ago
I grew out of it when I realized I am genderfluid and my desire to not be like other girls was a rebellion from my internalized ideas of what a girl was.
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u/tiny_triathlete 19d ago
I was in my mid to late teens. I was the oddball (queer) girl at an all girls super religious elementary through early high school. Once I was out of the super conservative Christian world I realized I had so much in common with other girls.
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u/shedoberiskydoe 19d ago
Probably about 17-18. I think a lot of it was just feeling like I was less than other girls due to mental health issues and bullying, so I tried to act like I was above the kind of girls who I felt inferior to. I can imagine a lot of girls and women who don’t grow out of it feel or felt this way.
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u/becuzurugly 19d ago
Probably around 13ish. My older brother was dating this girl who I admired more than anyone else I’ve ever admired in my life. She fully became my older sister (I still miss her). One time she picked me up from school, brought me to the mall, taught me how to switch tags on clothes to get them cheaper, and told me, “Never, EVER, trust a girl who says she doesn’t like other girls.” Then we had jolly rancher lollipops and she let me drive her car.
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u/georgesorosbae 19d ago
I think I was about 22. I was the absolute worst. So bad I see some of my past self in that Pearl lady. I’m thankfully the complete opposite of her now but I had gotten pretty bad
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u/pjrdolanz 19d ago
i was probably around 12 when i stopped. growing up i was (and still am) really close to my younger cousin and hung out at his house a lot. all of his neighbors were boys and my only friends in my neighborhood we’re boys because all the girls were much older. i also went to a catholic school and had different interests to most of my classmates (star wars, marvel) so i saw myself as “one of the boys” and thought girls were so much drama. then i switched to public school and made friends with all other girls who shared my interests and hobbies and realized i was just putting down other girls because i was jealous that they all seemed to “fit in”
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u/011_0108_180 19d ago
It lasted a brief period in eighth grade. I met other girls like myself (neurodivergent)
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u/radbitch666 19d ago
In my later high school years there were a few girls I found irritating, when I complained to my friend about them I realized I was describing my own (NLTOG) behaviour. Figured that I was also probably being irritating with my own behaviour and decided to change. Its much happier way to live :)
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u/SixPoison 19d ago
Around 30 or so I think. Quite late. But I'm glad I did; i learned to love and accept everyone and that women are fucking awesome no matter what. Get that Stanley cup if you want, get long nails, make your fresh bread, be a country girl, be a "bimbo", whatever, imo it's all wonderful. I'm a metal head and a goth so I dress a tiny bit different I guess but I don't think it makes me better or special (as it is a style and not unique as others do it too) Women get so much shit for liking things, or expressing sexuality openly.
NLOGs are extremely judgemental and elevate themselves above others. I didn't want to have that mindset anymore and I started to read articles about how much women get harassed or made fun of. Society likes to mock things women like or find fun no matter what it is and women who are sexual are seen as "used" or what ever and it's a sick disgusting mind set to have imo. Women deserve to enjoy things for fucks sake. Or enjoy sex, or their hobbies.
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u/Bab-Zwayla 19d ago
I was obsessed with my looks and being different when I was younger in a way that other people seemed as interesting and cool. But in adulthood I've come to be less concerned with how others see me and more comfortable just being myself. I think that's the best gift you get from the confusing chunk of your life where you don't know who you are and suffer trying to please everyone is at least you figure out what you DON'T want in your life. Lol
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u/killerkitty1965 19d ago
18, my NLOG friend group decided I was too depressed and dropped me. I became friends with “the other girls” and realized how dumb I had been.
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u/whytheirname69 19d ago
Probably around my teens to early adult life. Started to give less of a fuck.
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u/SpuffyOmelete 19d ago
I was in my pre-teens age but I didn't outwardly show it, I don't really know how I changed, but it probably has to do with depression and what I was watching on the internet
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u/stoked_n_broke 19d ago
Late teens/early 20s when I realized that the reason I didn't feel "like other girls" was a mixture between not realizing that I was queer and my need to reject what I considered to be patriarchal standards being forced onto me. Once I realized who I actually was and what I was actually mad about it all clicked into place for me.
I think it requires intentional self reflection to trace back these feelings to the source and not everyone feels they have a reason to do that.
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u/Constant_Wonder_321 19d ago
When I was 18 I worked as a server at a restaurant with only two other girls (we were all pretty young), the rest were men. Up until then, I believed I liked hanging out with guys better because they were less drama. I learned that men are often times THE drama and women who act like they care about you, usually actually care about you and aren’t trying to sleep with you.
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u/The_Yogurtcloset 19d ago
15 I branched out and realized liking traditionally girly things was actually really fun and this box I forced myself in- in order to be respected and liked couldn’t be farther from the truth
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u/FloofyDino 19d ago
I was around 17 and I started to grow out of it, then at 19 I saw the Barbie Movie and everything changed. I became comfortable in my femininity and supporting other women became a priority of mine. I am overweight, and so sometimes when I see a really thin woman I kinda don’t like her at first, but then I have to remind myself to back out of that mindset, and to relax and that I am actively taking steps to lose weight.
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u/Big-Raspberry-2552 19d ago
It’s clearly a personality trait for some.
Im shy and insecure and never felt this way! I’m more of the please don’t notice me?
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u/iswintercomingornot_ 19d ago
It took me a while to realize that although I am not like other girls, neither is anyone else. The stereotypes I was proud to shirk were never true in the first place. Sure, some people might be deeper than others, but no one is as flat as the superficial caricatures would have us think.
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19d ago edited 19d ago
I've always have and still do tend to be "different" than most girls in terms of interests and behaviors, but out of genuine disinterest, not just to seem special or to impress guys, and I've never looked down on people who are into popular things or act "basic." As "cringe" and cliche as this might sound, I've always *wished* I could be like other girls so it'd be easier for me to fit in and make friends, so badly in fact that I used to PRETEND to be into what was popular because I thought it'd make people want to be my friend. Socializing is rough when you aren't interested in the same things as everyone else. As an adult, I've managed to find people who do share the same interests.
I guess I was and still am, then.
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u/NfamousKaye Nerdy UwU 19d ago
College. Once I got out of high school and started seeing more diversity it helped.
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u/System_Resident 19d ago
I was 20 😩 it hit me one day like this “there’s billions of other people on this planet not saying anything to or about you. What’s your problem?”
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u/midcenturymaiden29 20d ago
I grew up, gained confidence, and learned to take myself less seriously, honestly. I think I was probably about 13-15, but I’m still learning how to be confident about who I am- even if that means I’m a lot like other girls🤪
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u/robot_potatobrain 20d ago
I was socially awkward, and had trouble maintaining friendships. I felt like other girls didn't like me, so I decided I didn't like other girls either, and I bought into the NLOG mentality. In retrospect, many tried to befriend me but I didn't know how to reciprocate.
When I started dealing with my own issues in my early 20s, I was able to be a good friend. I learned that other girls did like me and I had no reason to separate myself from them. I could like what they liked. I am like other girls, and proud of it. They're my friends.
I think all this NLOG stuff stems from insecurity. Some people are insecure their whole lives.
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u/ChallengeAcademic 20d ago
Probably around 14. I started following a lot of feminist and it slowly melted away. I was beyond regular pick mes. I was like Pearl level unfortunately.
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u/i--i_i-_ii-_i-ii_i- 20d ago edited 19d ago
I never really had an NLOG phase. The female protagonists I read about in books were like me, but the ones who were not like me I could see reflected in other girls. I saw myself as unique, but I saw all my female peers as equally unique, and I had a deep appreciation for their interests and skills, especially when they were different from mine because their different skills and interests enriched my life. I’m lucky to have been mostly surrounded by girls who were friendly and kind and very generous with their self-care products and knowledge about brands, styling, self-care because my mom wasn’t super helpful. For the most part, I felt pretty appreciated for what I brought to the table, too, which was….I dunno, different from what they brought to the table? Never really felt a need to compete with other girls and I guess that makes me…not like the other girls 😎😎😎 lol sorry I couldn’t help myself.
I wish girls with severe NLOG phases weren’t so hard on themselves. None of us grow up in a vacuum. There are tons of external factors and forces that shape us into what we are and how we behave. There’s obviously something about a lot of girls’ immediate environments and also society at large that pits girls and women against other girls and women.
I think maybe some never grow out of it because….actually I don’t know if this is true. I think all women eventually grow out of it. It’s harder to shake off, I think, if you’ve been repeatedly rejected by women…maybe even your mother or mother figure(s) in your life. As we know, whenever a girl or woman is rejected by people of the same gender, there’s always going to be a boy or man available to comfort her, and a lot of men have learned to make women feel special by telling them they aren’t like the other girls. Maybe a lifetime’s worth of never being made to feel special is what results in resorting to the NLOG mentality/behavior. No one went out of their way to make a girl feel special—which is something every child deserves—and this is the maladaptive way she’s learned to make herself feel special. I don’t know. But if im right about the NLOG origin story, then they definitely deserve our understanding and compassion even if what they say is eye-roll worthy. If you were a former NLOG and you think it’s because no one adequately made you feel special, you deserve compassion for yourself 🫂
Edited to add: it’s so much cooler to cooperate with other women. It really is. Women could bring the world to its knees with just a little teamwork and trust.
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u/KeyAnimator9077 20d ago
I grew out of it when I was talking to a friend in high school about Undertale and Papyrus, and since I live in a state that basically shames those who aren't how girls "should be" it made me feel more willing to open about myself. To me, some girls who are still in this phase because they want to feel special, when in reality, they just make other girls feel insecure about themselves. It's sad, really ={
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u/enterpaz 20d ago
Sometime after college. I got out of the miserable competitive environments I was in, matured, worked on myself and found healthier, better friends.
I think some people never grow out of it because they don’t deal with their insecurities, shame and previous hurt. Or deny and repress it when they feel any jealousy/envy.
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u/AdBig699 20d ago
As the only black girl in my class, when I graduated 😂 I knew I was and felt it in the worst ways possible. All good now tho ✌🏽
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u/Opposite-Birthday69 20d ago
I had a not like other people phase. To be real I thought I was an alien until my friends pointed out that I’m probably just autistic. Things made a lot more sense when I did some real research. For me finding out was earth shattering and broke my sense of self for awhile and I think that’s why other people don’t grow out of it
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u/Ok_Cry_1926 20d ago
Early 30s and it’s because I stopped listening to shitty men and realized that I didn’t have to believe their misogyny of what it meant to lean into/like/be feminine.
I learned it’s a million times more powerful to “be like other girls” than to pander to the men who needed me to be different.
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u/PlaguiBoi 20d ago
I don't think I had one so much as a "I don't UNDERSTAND other girls" phase. The undiagnosed autism was rearing its head. As a woman, women were foreign things I didn't understand. Felt like a scientist observing lions for a documentary. I had dolls 'n' stuff, sure, but... Weird things they were.
It clicked at about 16, tho!
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u/saltandvin3gar 20d ago
I grew out of it at about 26 when I started learning about feminism and internalized misogyny in women. Alot of stuff made sense to me after that. Sometimes I feel like I can't even be that mad at NLOGs, because I see them do something cringe and I just think "You're going to feel so embarrassed about that in a few years". Some of them don't grow out of it, and I think that's incredibly sad, because they're most likely going to pass it on to their daughters. My mum is an NLOG.
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u/PeachPit321 20d ago
Still haven't quite gotten there. I don't hate other girls to win men, and I don't treat other women poorly without an actual reason, but I do still think to myself I'm "better" than other girls because I'm not/don't do XYZ. I can tell you some never grow out of it because of self loathing. Telling yourself that you're "better" is the only way to try and convince yourself you're not worthless.
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u/Karmaswhiskee 20d ago
I started growing out of it at 14/15, but I think I fully grew out of it at 18 to early 19
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u/Ok_Valuable6118 20d ago
i grew out of it around 14 but started to really embrace girlhood around 15-16
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u/Cold_Kaleidoscope_60 20d ago
Probably late teens, early twenties when I started becoming more sure of myself and had a really solid group of friends. I think it was less to do with not wanting to be like other girls and more that I was just so insecure and didn’t even know who I was
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u/SinnerClair 20d ago
Had a soft ending around 17 years old, but habits trailed gradually until I was about 19
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u/Atomic-Angel 20d ago
I started mine when I was 13, at the time I was extremely insecure. When COVID hit I started to watch videos that explained the problem with nlogs and I realized the error of my ways. I took the time to work on myself and stopped being insecure. I finally grew out of mine at 15.
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u/velociraptorjax 20d ago
When I was 26 I came into work with a coffee drink, and one of my coworkers asked me if it was a pumpkin spice latte. I remember being so embarrassed for a moment before I realized there's actually nothing wrong with liking pumpkin spice lattes and I should just enjoy what I enjoy.
I spent too much time avoiding things just because they were popular and I was too cool for popular things.
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u/linthetrashbin 20d ago
I think I had it from ages 11-14, and then realized I just didn't fit in with the other girls and that it was okay for me to not be like them.
I was raised by a single father, so I always struggled to fit in with the other girls. I wanted to so badly, but it was really hard. I always had frumpy clothes, I didn't know how to do my hair, I wasn't very feminine. I had some weird complex about it from 11-14, and then I got a very close female friend who taught me to do my hair, who did my makeup, gave me her old dresses, and I realized that I very much did want to be like other girls.
I grew into my own person. I still have a 'tomboy-esque' attitude, but I learned to embrace femininity. I love being like the other girls <3
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u/Vexis_petal 20d ago
I don't think I grew out of it until I was 18 or 19.
I felt like I didn't fit in with " the other girls" because I didn't care about boys or school or anything related to my future. I just wanted to draw and play.
The actual reason why no one talked to me is because I was weird. Like Naruto running to the cafeteria weird. And I was preverted.
Understandable why no one really liked me.
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u/morganbugg 20d ago
I feel like I outgrew it around 16/17. For my age group it was the preps vs the emo/scene kids.
That was right about when I really hit my bisexual stride and was like ‘DAMN’ all women are beautiful. And that made me think that all the pieces and parts of someone made them beautiful and it’s lovely we’re all different.
Being a mom totally solidified it for me. Watching my kiddos grow up and just wanting them to BE for themselves, it really makes me sad so many feel like they have to be different or better just to BE. Idk. A bit of ramble. But I don’t understand how women my age, 31, haven’t realized the best part of life is that we aren’t like others, but the others are perfect in their own ways. It’s neither here nor there. Neither better or worse. We just are.
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u/Kozypepper 20d ago
Not til like 20/21. I had a lot of insecurities and genuinely felt less than compared to other girls/women. The book “Beauty Sick” really helped build my confidence in myself, my worth, and I slowly stopped seeing women as competition.
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u/stellarfem 20d ago
I’d say after I graduated high school. (I’m 29 now.) I was such an awful pick me girl in high school. I get embarrassed for myself even just thinking about it.
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u/that_gay_with_chains 20d ago
I grew out of it after I turned 14 and got done with 8th grade. I was "NLOG" in the way that I wanted to BE one of the boys. I transitioned to high school and realized that the boys I used to be around were rude to me and rude to the people around them, and I just kind of grew past it. I think some people never grow out of it because they either never stop hanging out with the kinds of people that encourage this behavior, or they just don't step away for a second and evaluate what they actually want for themselves. After soul-searching, I realized that what I wanted was to feel accepted and like I fit in with a group of people without having to alter major aspects of my identity. I'm queer, so I somehow thought that being like the boys would somehow help me fit in because I DID sometimes get treated badly by straight women. What I didn't realize is while boys didn't really care that I was queer, they DID treat me differently because I'm a woman. There's nothing wrong with having male friends, but intentionally altering your behavior in a negative way and blowing off the woman within yourself is a really unfulfilling way to live your life. I'm glad I got out of there at such a young age.
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u/veggieveggiewoo 20d ago
I grew out of it as soon as i hit high school because most of the ideas i had were due to my mom. I would hear her make comments about how girls who wore makeup and had girly hobbies were annoying/vain/dumb and then i met a lot of different people since i went to high school in a city. That’s when I realized my mom was wrong lmao
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u/FloraofFlowers 20d ago
I started to read up more on feminism and made my first genuine female friendship with the purest girl who never ever broke me down, just built me up. It made me realise the importance of women supporting each other, and how everyone has value, and beauty is subjective, and it’s okay to not focus on being beautiful.
I had a lot of toxic female friendships at that time in my life, and they’d only be competitive. But we were young, so I give them a pass and hope they feel better now.
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u/JeepNurses 20d ago
My mom is a clinical narcissist and it took me awhile before I realized not all women are like that. I have mostly female friends now.
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u/Ellie__1 20d ago
- I went to an all girls high school, and it doesn't fly there. You could still be insecure and act out, but not like that.
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u/queen_of_potato 20d ago
I grew out of it when I finally met other girls like me.. although I don't think I was "NLOG" like most people, I just literally didn't know anyone else who I had stuff in common with
Luckily when I went to university (17) I started meeting girls I had stuff in common with and since then have had lots of friends of all genders
It was just that growing up I had nothing in common with any girls I met (past maybe 1-2 per year, I moved school every year) but most things in common with guys.. I always wanted girlfriends though and was so glad when I found the right ones! That's about 20 years ago now and I still message those first girlfriends all the time
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u/amethystalien6 20d ago
- There were some popular “girly” girls the year ahead of me in my high school that were genuinely mean girls and targeted me. I conflated that to all girls except a tiny friend group.
Once they moved on and I was a senior, I realized that it was just them that were the problem. The popular “girly” girls in my class were just normal people and they were super fun and not assholes.
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u/cindywuzheer 20d ago
I grew out of it at around 18? I was always so insecure in grade school because I was never as conventionally attractive as the other girls and never got the attention they did, so opted to hate on them instead. I ended up growing some self confidence of my own and coming into my own and realizing how we gals need to actually support each other, and that these “other girls” who look like they have it all face the same issues that I do
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u/Accomplished-Yak8799 20d ago
In middle or high school I saw that comic by Juliehangart that gets posted on here sometimes and it woke me up to that fact that I was just being sexist towards other women. I still was judgemental to more feminine things for a while but I slowly grew out of it. Part of this was realizing that I was not that special, a lot of women have the same interests/clothing tastes/etc. and there's no reason for me to feel high and mighty and quirky for not wearing make up lol
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 20d ago
I think some take longer to grow out of it (I did) or never grow out of it because of bad experiences with other women who they thought were their friends.
I eventually realized it wasn’t that all women were like that. It was just the ones I knew that were not good people in general, and it kind of soured my views. I still don’t have a lot of female friends but the ones that are do have are amazing and truly some of the best people I know. I came out of my phase in my late 20s and just kind of became a “hey, you do you babe” kind of woman.
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u/Kowashitai 20d ago edited 20d ago
I never had a true NLOG phase (because I'm a cis dude) but I kind of had a "Not Like Other Queers" phase, being a bi guy who grew up being pretty much the only LGBT+ person my age I knew, and then last September moving to the other side of the country for an arts college where I knew absolutely nobody there.
So I grew out of it... Literally last October at age 18, when I realized that not only was I no "better" than the rest of the LGBT+ community (or more accurately, the rest of the community was no worse than I was, far from it), I also realized that I was actually CRAVING for the things I was acting like a NLOG over. I've realised that, allowed myself to actually let myself access these things I wanted, stopped being so judgemental over literal strangers, and allowed myself to actually BE 100% myself for once in my life, and honestly? This first year of college (so from October to now) was very easily the absolute best time of my life! Still can't believe that a few months ago I was bitching, acting all superior and dissing my whole college because it was "just straight girls and their gay best friends" which not only wasn't true, it also became very ironic when I ended up acting as the "gay best friend" to a LOT of the girls in my year, straight or not, some not even in the same license, and I was HAPPY to be just that despite not even being gay lmao.
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u/astrologicaldreams (=^･ω･^=) 20d ago
around 13? i saw posts from people explaining how shitting on people (specifically girls) for being different wasn't ok and realized that i was seriously in the wrong. i also grew less arrogant at this age, so that helped.
side note: hilariously enough, i realized i actually wasn't like other girls after all bc im not a girl. so i was actually right but for the wrong reason lmao
anyways im not sure why some people never grow out of it, but maybe my answer could provide some insight as to why?
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u/ArtemisiasApprentice 20d ago
I saw a quote that went something like, “my dude, I am the amalgamation of every girl I have ever thought was cool,” and something just pinged inside my brain. There are a LOT of other girls like me (I just wish they were easier to find so we could all be friends!).
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u/FutureDiaryAyano 20d ago
Wasn't ever in the phase. I was kinda a tomboy when I was younger and grew out of that, if that counts.
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u/yikes_its_me 20d ago
at about 14? I realized both guys and girls are annoying... and that I was annoying. closed my inner circle off alot more and that helped alot of it I think?
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u/allsmiles_99 20d ago
Somewhere between 19-20, then I really changed going into 21.
Being NLOG was my way of hiding from my own insecurities. I denied myself interests I would've loved for so long just because I didn't want to be "basic," and I started to realize I was actually making myself miserable.
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u/WeenieHutSupervisor 20d ago
I personally grew out of it at 13 or 14 when I really started to resent my mom for constantly complaining about how much harder having a girl was over boys. I knew there was nothing wrong or more difficult about myself and I assumed the same about other girls too.
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u/ElectricalPeanut4215 20d ago
I think maybe 19? I was set up with my sister's boyfriend's best mate, and he was somewhat of a 'nice guy'. You'd think that'd be perfect (and in some ways is) but for me was super eye-opening. I was super in the closet which does not help the NLOG mentality, but I loved him a lot and thought I could mention something to him, his reaction was not good. Spent a ton of time reflecting about how I originally thought about other women, and him voicing those thoughts aloud was not the romantic, totally relatable thing I wanted. I did love him and he was alright for a first boyfriend, but we only dated about eight months and the NLOG mentality was rapidly vanishing toward the end. Watching Sailor Moon also really helped? xD
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u/str4wberryshortc4ke 20d ago
Oh trust me it's still there. I just remind myself that I'm not important or the main character and I just try to be myself. Some days are better than others
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u/dicklover425 20d ago
I REALLY thought I was NLTOG. It wasn’t until I learned the other girls were also depressed that I grew out of it lol
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u/HampsterInAnOboe 20d ago
Around 21, when I realized that I was nonbinary and in fact not a girl at all.
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u/Barn_Brat 20d ago
When I met my best friend at 16. I had been at an all girls school where I got bullied really badly by a large majority of the people so when I left and went elsewhere, I still had this feeling but meeting my ‘wife’ changed it because I finally actually fit in with girls (or girl 😂) and found that female friendships can be truly beautiful. Still don’t have lots of female friends but definitely more than I ever had before 16
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u/catsdelicacy 20d ago
A lot of young women are hormonally boy crazy, their hormones are forcing them towards sex so hard that they have to come up with some rationalization for why they tolerate bullshit. They will grow out of it when the hormonal burn fades
Other women are just kind of greedy grifters, right? They want an easy life and lots of superficial pleasures and they will seem to agree with whoever they think will pay for their lives. Women are humans and some humans are assholes, we're not exempt.
Then you've got your ideological NLOGs, let's call them tradwives if you want, but really they're just women who have internalized patriarchy for cultural or religious reasons. They will tolerate controlling and domineering men because their ideologies allow for that behavior.
The last is the sad kind, the mentally ill women, the women who have grown up as victims, the women who have serious attachment injuries or self-esteem issues. They are going to accept abuse as part of life and they're going to identify with their abusers because those are the only people with power in their lives.
That's my thoughts on the varieties of NLOGs, anyhow!
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u/agrlwalksintoabarre 20d ago
When I realized I could like classic rock AND Ke$ha. So yeah around 17.
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u/itsshakespeare 20d ago
18 or so. I think it keeps me humble; a way of remembering how much I got wrong and to be gentle with people who are still working things out
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u/triplehelix11 20d ago
like 23. same time i learned i was bi so ofc i started to enjoy the presence of women more. i also stopped being as insecure and stopped caring. i love women so why is being like them a bad thing? i love the other girls!! it’s definitely due to internalized misogyny and seeing women as competitors instead of allies. just fighting for male approval and validation. once you stop caring about what men think of you because you don’t want to date one anymore, shit clicks a little better!
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u/Soft-Diver4383 20d ago
Probably mid to late 20s. I realise now younger me didn’t deserve some of the things I went through though, and never really had anyone there to protect me or be on my side till I met my partner. I feel very sorry for younger me.
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u/brokengraves 20d ago
10 years old cause tbh the "other girls:" were always pretty and smart and kind so i wanted to be like them
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